After they arrived in Era and Natsu recovered from his motion sickness, there was no stopping him. He stormed off toward the Magic Council without checking if Gray and Happy followed.
Lydia waited amidst the flower meadow that surrounded the expansive building of the Magic Council. Natsu would've missed her if it wasn't for her calling his name. She smiled at Natsu, and as soon as he got into her close vicinity, a warm and happy feeling settled in his gut.
"You heard my call. Thank you for coming. I want to talk to you in private, so let us wait to tell your two friends where we will be and then go into my office. We do not want to worry them."
Natsu nearly asked how she knew that he was accompanied by two friends, but caught himself at the last second. She could see the future, after all.
A moment later, her grin widened as she waved eagerly at Gray and Happy approaching.
"Welcome, Gray Fullbuster and Happy. I am Lydia, one of the three oracles of the Magic Council."
Gray opened his mouth, but Lydia was quicker.
"You do not need to introduce yourselves. I already know who you are. I have to ask you two to wait here. I need to talk with Natsu Dragneel in private."
Happy lifted his paw and took a step closer. "Why can't we come, too? He'll tell us anyway."
"He can do whatever he thinks is best afterward, but first, I need you to respect my wish."
After a second of hesitation, Happy nodded. "But why here? Aren't we allowed to enter the Magic Council?"
Lydia shook her head, her smile never fading. "You can go wherever you want besides my office. However, the waiting area of your choice will always be this garden. You do not like the inside of the Magic Council and you think the colors of the flowers are beautiful. There is also a pond with fish just around the corner. You may eat them."
Happy's eyes glistened. "All of them? But aren't they like your pets?"
She winked at him. "Please do not worry about that."
In excitement, Happy tugged at Natsu's clothes, shouting what a beautiful day this was, and that he was sure it would end well.
Gray let out a contented sigh and folded his hands behind his head, looking up at the sky. "Well, it's rather nice out, so we'll just wait here."
Natsu couldn't tear his eyes away from Gray's relaxed face, even as Happy continued to tout for his attention. Why Natsu was suddenly drawn to Gray's lips, he had no idea. Maybe it was the warm summer sun making them shine as if he'd just licked them a second before. Whatever it was, the desire was impossible to resist.
Natsu found himself reaching out for Gray's chin, tilting his head down. Gray jerked in surprise, but when he noticed what Natsu was up to, he pulled him into a tight embrace, pressing their lips together.
The kiss was chaste and short, interrupted by Lydia's giggle.
"Fear not: you will see each other again."
Was that what compelled Natsu? The fear of not being able to see Gray again? Possibly. He couldn't feel fear while being close to Lydia, after all.
"Come with me now. If we do not arrive at my office within the next ten minutes, you will run out of time today."
The threat was enough to make Natsu and Gray let go of each other immediately, albeit reluctantly.
As soon as the door to Lydia's office clicked shut, Natsu positioned himself on the rim of the magic circle without being instructed. Lydia nodded in approval and stepped onto the opposite rim, facing him.
When Lydia's eyes fluttered shut, Natsu followed her example. The feeling of wind and water running through his veins was there again, just this time it felt much more pleasant than last time. Breathing didn't become difficult as the minutes ticked by.
For a very long time, nothing seemed to happen. A tingling feeling here, a twitch of a muscle there, but nothing else. About ten minutes into the procedure, there still wasn't any change. Natsu was starting to grow impatient when he suddenly found himself in that strange black room again, only this time it wasn't completely empty. There was a crumbled wall right in front of him, and Lydia was at his side, nearly touching shoulders with him.
"I have already seen what lays behind it. If you take a step forward, you can see snippets of it... It would not endanger the future, but please... think twice. It is truly painful."
She swallowed heavily, and Natsu saw her biting her bottom lip out of the corner of his eye.
Painful, huh? What could be more painful than death? Natsu was ready to die for Gray—had already died once—so surely there couldn't be anything that could shake him anymore, right?
He took a small step forward, careful not to stumble over rubble. Nothing changed, so he took another step, bigger this time.
Suddenly, everything around him was gone, and Natsu fell endlessly. He passed the head of a roaring black dragon. Then a young man with black hair, his back turned toward Natsu, holding out his hands in a protective gesture. Then there was Gray's face, oversized, glaring at him.
"Traitor."
Natsu wanted to scream that no, he wasn't going to betray anyone, but he couldn't utter a word.
"Liar," Gray spat out, and Natsu wasn't sure if he'd meant it as a stand-alone statement or as a reaction to Natsu's thoughts. Either way, it hurt.
Gray opened his mouth again, but before anything could come out, Natsu was yanked backward. He stumbled over rubble and dropped to the floor. Lydia was right beside him, biting her bottom lip and looking at the floor.
"This is enough. I cannot show you too much of your future or else it will change."
"Is this my future? To be hated by Gray?"
She lowered her head even more until a curtain of blond hair hid her face from Natsu's sight entirely. "I... I am truly sorry... but I can only tell you what you have to do next."
"Go ahead."
The dark room vanished, and with a jolt Natsu came to, noticing belatedly that he was falling yet again. He absorbed the impact with his hands and pushed himself right back into a standing position. They were back in Lydia's office. She sat on the floor, sobbing.
A pang of guilt surged through Natsu's body. He was beside her in no time at all, kneeling next to her and patting her shoulder. He let out shushing sounds, but she was inconsolable.
"I... I d-did n-n-not s-see this c-coming, I am s-so sorr-sorry... Y-you do n-not deserve wh-what is awaiting y-you... You h-have already s-su-suffered enough."
Not knowing what else to do, Natsu pulled her into a half hug, running his hands soothingly up and down her back. "It's not your fault."
Another wave of sobs overcame her, heavier this time. It rendered her unable to talk, and calming her down to the point where she could articulate herself again took some minutes. When her sobbing ceased, she pushed Natsu away and looked at him, her eyes red-rimmed and glassy.
"You are ready to sacrifice your life to save the one you love."
Was he supposed to answer? She stared at him, unmoving. A few seconds ticked by silently before Natsu decided to give a careful nod.
"But you are not aware that this does not mean death. I have seen that you are going to do it, but I want to enlighten you before he does. You have to live on. Live in order to save your beloved one, but you will not be allowed to be together with him."
"That's... indeed not what I expected. But I'll do it. I'll do whatever it takes to save his life."
She gulped. "Are you prepared to stay away from him?"
"S-stay away? Y-you mean—"
"Far away. Very far."
"Does that mean—"
"Yes. Far away from your guild and everyone you call your friend."
Natsu gulped. There was still this soothing aura, but it couldn't completely suppress the uneasiness Natsu felt. He was sure a strong wave of negative emotions would crash over him as soon as he got away from her, but he pushed the thought away for now. He straightened himself.
"If he's going to hate me, then staying away would make it easier. Being around him while not being able to be with him would be torture. Especially if he were to choose anyone else."
The thought should be unbearably painful, but the aura surrounding Lydia dulled the pain.
"Yes, I think so. Well then, what you need to do today is go to the island that has a strong connection to your guild's history. I advise you do not take your lover. He could ruin it."
"Ruin what?"
"Everything. Your plans. The odds are very low, but I can see one possible future in which he causes the time loop to end today without being saved."
"Then tell me what I need to do to prevent this and it's gonna be okay, right?"
She sighed. "If I tell you, the possible futures will change."
"Just a tip?"
"I... Give me a moment."
She closed her eyes, titled her head back and stretched her palms toward the ceiling. A warm blue light encompassed her, making her hair float. Natsu sat back on his heels and waited patiently. After a while, the light vanished abruptly as Lydia opened her eyes wide.
"I will tell you. You must not defend Zeref's past actions. That is all. If your lover thinks you do not blame Zeref for the death of his parents, he will cause an uproar, possibly destroy all the progress you made and throw the world into darkness with his actions."
Why would Natsu do such a thing in the first place? It was Zeref's demon who killed Gray's parents, thus it was clearly his fault.
"Okay."
"You have to prevent them from fighting, but please choose your strategy wisely. I can see you already have a good idea. Please use it."
"The one where I say that if he kills Zeref, I'll die as well?"
Her lips pulled into a small smile. "Yes. I do not know whose idea it was, but it is a good one. Another thing: You cannot save your lover today. What you must do requires preparation."
"What? How long?"
"That is up to you. You can do it within two days or you can choose to spend some more time with your lover and postpone it. Now, we do not have much time left. May I ask you for one last promise?"
The promises he made with her until this point had turned out to be very helpful, so he didn't hesitate to nod.
"Do not blame yourself for what will happen and what already has happened. It is not your fault. Nothing is. As soon as you have made your decision, you have next to no control over the situation. Your decisions will be the correct ones. What happened two days before was fated to happen. It had to happen. The same goes for the future. You will not endanger the future if you do not promise this, but you will be better off if you do and keep it. I am worried about you."
Now that was a lot to ask. Natsu didn't feel any less guilty because of what she said, and if she said something like this, then he was surely going to do something else that would elicit an equally strong feeling of guilt. If it was something he believed to be his fault, how could he shake it off?
"I know it is difficult, but please, at least try. You had to feel responsible for your lover's death and give up your life. Otherwise, you would not have been ready for this. So, please, try not to blame yourself."
"O-okay. I promise to try."
She nodded in approval and then shooed him away, saying that if he didn't hurry, time would run out. She instructed him to go straight to their guild master once they arrived at the guild. Natsu thanked her and then ran outside, trying his best to fight down the fear creeping up his spine as soon as Lydia's soothing aura didn't affect him anymore.
He sniffed the air to locate Gray and Happy and then took off in their direction. He didn't want to give himself time to imagine all the horrible things that could—would—happen. Next thing he knew, he bumped into Gray, sending him flying to the soft grass with Natsu landing right on top of him.
"He-hey, be careful! Did you miss me that much?"
Gray's expression was totally different from the one Natsu had just seen. Soft eyes, a teasing smile on his lips, a faint blush on his cheeks. If it could just stay like this... Him and Gray, in happily in love. Natsu was about to reason that he didn't deserve it because he killed Gray, but the promise he made to Lydia resounded in his mind.
'It is not your fault. Nothing is.'
"Natsu? What's wrong? You look unhappy."
There was no point keeping secrets from Gray now, right? Lydia said time would turn back at least once more, so Gray would forget. Although he had to be careful because of the Zeref-issue. Natsu knew from experience how strongly Gray reacted to his name alone.
"She showed me pieces of my future... One of them was... y-you called me 'traitor' and 'liar'. Your expression was... really angry."
Gray furrowed his eyebrows. "Why would I say such a thing? You're going to save my life. Calling you a 'traitor' and a 'liar'... That would be very ungrateful of me. What exactly do you need to do to save me?"
"Sh-she didn't tell me. She just said we need to go to an island that has a strong connection to our guild's past." It wasn't exactly a lie, but there was no way he'd make things worse by saying Zeref's name.
Gray cocked his head and pursed his lips as if he was thinking hard.
Suddenly Lydia's voice spoke in his head, 'Hurry.'
Natsu pushed himself upright and held out his hand for Gray. When Gray didn't react right away, Natsu made an impatient gesture and said, "We don't have time to waste. We have to leave. Come on!"
The warning spurred on Gray and Happy, who had been sitting on the edge of the pond with a fish in his mouth, and they took off running in the direction of the train station.
The future that lay before him scared Natsu, but he tried his best to push the thought away and focus on the here and now. It was the first time in his life that he was happy about being motion sick on the train, since it banished all thoughts beside 'I want this ride to end!'
When they arrived at Magnolia station, Natsu didn't give himself time to recover from the ride. He made a run for their guild the second he stepped out of the train car, urging Gray and Happy on to follow him.
Whenever dark thoughts threatened to overwhelm him, he sped up so that he had to focus more on his surroundings in order not to trip. Gray and Happy were only a few steps behind him all the time.
Natsu burst through the door of their guild hall without bothering to open it, breaking it and its frame in the process. People shouted at him, but he didn't much care. All he wanted was to talk to Makarov. He left the door to his office intact in case their master wanted to talk to him in private, but he didn't knock before storming in. Makarov jumped so high he nearly hit his head on the ceiling. Natsu caught him and gently set him down in his chair again.
"Which island has a strong connection to our guild's history?"
Makarov stared at Natsu in disbelief, his mouth wide open. Gray and Happy entered the office and closed the door behind them, but neither said a word.
Natsu grabbed Makarov by the collar. "Come on, gramps! We don't have much time!"
"Wh-why do you want to know such a thing?"
"I don't have time to explain. It's to save Gray. Please."
"Tenrou Island. But you can't just take a normal ship. It has to be the Fairy Tail ship."
Natsu lifted him from his seat and shook him, trying to convey urgency. "I have to go there! How long does it take?"
Beads of sweat formed on Makarov's forehead. "Our ship is in Hargeon Port. We could reach Tenrou Island by late afternoon if we go now."
Natsu put their master down and urged the three of them on to get going. This meant another train ride, then a boat trip, thus more nausea for Natsu, but he could take it.
If it meant that Gray could live on, he would take anything, even Gray's hatred. No matter how much it hurt, he would rather be separated from Gray and incur his wrath than let him die again.
Natsu grabbed Gray's and Makarov's wrists and made for the door, not giving them time to explain anything to their guild mates. Mirajane followed them until the train station, where they needed to wait several minutes for the next train. It didn't really matter who came, or did it? Lydia hadn't said anything about his other guild mates. She'd only advised him not to take Gray.
However, Mirajane didn't want to come with them. She just asked where they were going and why. Natsu didn't see any reason to keep their destination and his meeting with Lydia a secret, but he still didn't mention Zeref.
When the train arrived, Mirajane seemed to be content with the answers and wished them good luck. Jellal wasn't hiding himself very well. He didn't even wait for them to be inside before he entered the train a car behind them, but Natsu didn't comment. Jellal would either have to show himself if he wanted to get on the ship or do a better job at hiding and sneaking aboard.
Gray didn't leave Natsu's side on the trip, always appearing worried about his health, both mental and physical. He tried cooling down Natsu's forehead to help his nausea, but that made matters worse. He talked with Natsu even when he wasn't able to give a coherent answer.
On the one hand, Natsu was happy that Gray was this worried about him, but on the other he wished Gray would just stop promising stuff he didn't know he could keep. How could he say that he wasn't going to hate Natsu when he didn't even know what was going to happen? He most likely wouldn't be able to keep it if what Lydia had showed and told Natsu was true, and he didn't want to get false hope.
So, on their way from the train station to Hargeon's port, Natsu grabbed Gray's hand and slowed down, making them drop behind. They had a bit time anyway since Makarov needed to fetch their ship first. Gray lifted his eyebrows when he noticed what Natsu was up to, but Natsu refused to say anything until they were out of earshot. Happy looked back in confusion once, but Natsu shook his head, gesturing him to follow Makarov. Jellal would always be close, but there was just no helping it. He had already seen and heard them do worse things.
As soon as the port was in sight, Natsu stopped dead and turned to face Gray. "Please stop promising stuff you can't possibly control. I'll end up believing you and get hurt even worse."
Gray took a step back, removing his hand from Natsu's. His eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. "But I'm telling you, I won't let that happen. We know what the future is supposed to be like, so we can change it, right? I don't think I could hate you anyway, no matter wh—"
"Shut up! You don't know that! What if I have to betray your trust? What if I need to wipe out our whole guild just to save you? Can you still say you won't hate me, huh?"
Gray retreated another step, his eyes wide in shock. "Wh-what? You wouldn't do such a thing, right? Killing our family to save me."
Natsu's throat constricted. This wasn't meant to be considered seriously. He didn't have a clue as to what he'd need to do, but for all he knew, it could be something cruel like that. Would he be able to take other people's lives to save Gray? Natsu didn't want to think about it.
"I don't know. I would prefer to wait until we know what's on the line and then think about what I would and wouldn't do. All I'm saying is, you don't know the future. Of course we can try to change it, but I'm inclined to believe Lydia when she says that certain things have to happen the way they are supposed to. I don't want to destroy what's possibly our last day together by fighting."
Gray stepped forward and grabbed Natsu by his scarf, glowering. Oops. That shouldn't have come out.
"What do you mean, 'possibly our last day together'? Do you know something you haven't told me?"
'Careful. Don't mention Zeref. Stay vague. He's already angry enough as it is.'
"She... uh, implied that... th-that..."
A sharp pain originating in his heart surged through his body, leaving him unable to speak. Why was this so difficult? Natsu had already come to terms with losing everything, including that he'd have to leave Gray, so it shouldn't be a problem to say it out loud. Yet he couldn't utter a word.
Natsu averted his eyes. Looking at Gray's face was just too painful, even though his expression softened considerably after Natsu's speech died down. Maybe it was for the best if he really did leave Gray behind. The farewell certainly wouldn't become easier the more time he spent with Gray. More time with Gray meant their bond would grow stronger, at least on Natsu's side.
There was a lump in Natsu's throat that wouldn't go away no matter how many times he swallowed. A warm hand brushed over Natsu's cheek, prompting him to look back up. Gray had his bottom lip pulled between his teeth.
"I... I'm sorry. I have no right to judge you." Gray pulled Natsu into his arms and patted his head. "It's you who's suffering the most, you who has to bear all the pain and heartache. If there's something you feel you need to hide from me for whatever reason, that's all right. Maybe you're keeping secrets to spare yourself more pain, or you're trying to spare me. I just—" Gray's grip tightened. "—want to help you. I may not know what will happen, but I know that I don't want to lose you."
Was Natsu imagining things, or was Gray having trouble keeping his voice even? When he heard a muffled sniffle, he knew for sure: Gray was crying. And Natsu wasn't that far off, either.
He didn't want to be separated from Gray—not now, not ever. Gray was his whole world, the reason he was looking forward to each new day. Even after all the horrible things started happening, Gray was his only light in the darkness. How could he carry on when his light was gone? He would succumb to darkness, lose his will to live. It was just a matter of time, given his current mental state. No matter how much he'd tried to ignore it thus far, he wasn't the same anymore. Seeing Gray die countless times had taken its toll on him and his mental condition. Where he'd always seen a colorful world full of possibilities, now it was a world full of possible threats to Gray's life and their future, a world full of sorrow, pain, and heartache.
"N-Natsu... d-don't cry..."
The lump in his throat made it impossible to answer. He hadn't even noticed that he'd started crying, but his tears had already soaked Gray's shirt. Natsu swallowed and tightened his grip on Gray. He spoke with difficulty: "Y-y-you're one t-to talk... idiot."
Gray's wailing only intensified, as did his grip on Natsu. They stood there for a while, both crying and clinging to the other, neither of them saying anything.
Lydia had mentioned that it was up to Natsu how often time would still loop. He could do it within two loops or delay it as long as he wanted. If it really meant farewell, would he have the heart to end it within one more day?
"Natsuuuuuuuu!" Happy shouted from the distance, prompting Natsu and Gray to jump apart.
Natsu wiped his eyes frantically, not wanting to worry Happy any further. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Gray doing the same. Happy came closer at a rapid pace. In the distance, Natsu saw a sail with the Fairy Tail emblem, meaning they were ready to take off. On closer inspection, the ship had its bow to the sea, already sailing away.
"Natsuuuuuu, Graaaaaaay, hurry! Run to the port, I'll carry you on board! Master said this is the best solution if we don't want to waste time."
They didn't need to be told twice. Upon reaching the port, Natsu told Happy to take Gray first. As soon as they were out of earshot, Natsu called for Jellal to show himself. He didn't have to wait long until Jellal emerged from the shadows of a nearby alley, body stiff and his brows furrowed in worry.
"Are you okay being carried by Happy? Or do you want to... dunno, use your... err, Motor magic?"
Jellal rolled his eyes. "Meteor."
"Yeah, that."
"I'd much rather not waste my magic. Who knows what awaits us there. Is your cat reliable?"
"He's not my cat; he's my friend. Of course he's reliable."
"Then I'll take him. Is there something you know and haven't shared with Gray yet? You can tell me, I won't reveal it."
Natsu quickly checked where Happy was, noting that he'd just reached the ship and was about to set Gray down. There was nothing wrong with letting Jellal in on what was awaiting them, right? Natsu was nervous as hell about the fact that they were supposed to meet the greatest dark mage, who was supposed to be dead. Like this, he could share his sorrow with somebody.
He clenched his fists and looked Jellal in the eye. "Zeref."
Jellal's eyes widened in horror, and he took a step back. "Th-that's... H-holy shit! You're kidding, right?"
Natsu shook his head in defeat. "I wish I was. But it seems like he's not our enemy. Lydia said I have to prevent a fight."
Before Natsu had the chance to react, Jellal was right there, grabbing him by the scarf, glowering. "You are kidding me! There's no way—"
Natsu grabbed Jellal's wrist and squeezed it as tightly as he could. "If you refuse to believe me, I'll fight you right here and take your communication lacrima. I don't need you to be with us. You want to come? Then promise not to lay a finger on Zeref unless he's posing a threat to us."
Jellal gritted his teeth. "He's posing a threat to humanity merely by existing."
Natsu let out a snarl. "Let me rephrase that. Promise not to lay a finger on Zeref unless he's attacking us."
They stared at each other for a long while, neither of them budging. Only when they heard Happy shout Natsu's name did they avert their eyes.
"Natsuuuu! What's wrong? We don't have time or I'll get too tired to use my wings. Can't you postpone your fight? And why is he even here?"
Natsu turned sharply back to Jellal. "So?"
Jellal glared at him for a second, but then let out a resigned sigh. "Fine. I accept your condition."
Pleased with the outcome, Natsu asked Happy to carry Jellal to the ship first, but his friend was confused. Natsu gave a brief explanation that Jellal was needed for this, that he would help. Happy accepted the explanation, but still insisted that Jellal would be the last one. He grabbed Natsu and flew off with him, not caring about his protests.
The ship was fast, fueled by Makarov's magic, and Happy just barely managed to carry Jellal to the ship before exhaustion overtook him. Having Jellal on the ship caused some questions, but Natsu was in no condition to answer them. Happy repeated Natsu's brief explanation, and that seemed to be enough.
Despite Natsu's nausea, Gray never let go of him during the whole ride.
A/N:
Did anyone think that things are looking up for Natsu from now on?
Important announcement! Please read!
I won't be able to maintain the weekly updates anymore. I pushed myself too much and it worked just fine for a couple of months, but now I've reached a point at which writing is not fun anymore. I obsessed over this story and pressured myself to keep the promise I made, instead of taking a step back and admitting that it wasn't the right thing to do (but I'm doing it now, so now it's fine). It wasn't good for my mental health and I also didn't allow myself to do anything else in my free time anymore. Whenever I found something that I wanted to do (like reading a book / reading another one's fanfic / playing a game / etc.), I immediately thought 'no, you don't have time for that, you have to write, you have a deadline to meet, you aren't allowed to indulge in anything else'. Just writing this makes me so sad.
It wouldn't be a problem if I were a faster writer, but currently, my average writing speed is like 100-200 words per hour (and with a daily word goal of one thousand, you can do the maths), and I have the feeling that I get slower the more pressure I put myself under. There were times when I wrote 6k words in one day (that was a Saturday where I wrote from morning until late evening with few breaks, but still), and it was so much fun! I want to go back to these times. I didn't have pressure at all.
I'm not saying I'll abandon this fic (because I never will), just that the updates will come irregularly in the future. Chapter length may vary between a few hundred words to ten thousand or even more, depending on what makes sense (there'll be no more dividing a day into parts etc.)
Chapter 21 will still be published next Sunday (that chapter is already written, just needs to be edited), and Chapter 22 will maybe be published the Sunday after that (I'm like halfway through), but from then on, I'll need more time.
I won't discontinue this fic. I love it too much for that.
I know I spoiled you with the weekly updates, and I know you might be sad and frustrated, but I never want to put other people's expectations over my hapiness & health anymore. I hope you'll still continue reading this fic~
Have a nice day!