DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything from the Naruto universe.

Thinking (+ flashbacks, "Naruto speaking to Kurama in her mindscape," etc.)

Emphasis

Bijuu, etc. speaking

Bijuu, etc. thinking

"Were you followed, Uchiha?"

Sasuke sighed deeply, almost in disbelief that "The Super Pervert," as his former teammate called "The Great Jiraiya-sama," would ask such a stupid question to someone that held the Sharingan. "No."

"Good!" Jiraiya put down a seal and dropped his henge.

His eyes were yellow with orange highlights, and his nose looked ridiculous, Sasuke thought. Sasuke watched with interest as something akin to a veil seemed to go up around him. He activated his Sharingan and got smacked in the head for it.

"No copying seals on my watch, brat. There's too much you don't know about them, and they're far too dangerous to mess around with until you do."

"Hn."

"Damn Uchiha," Jiraiya once again mumbled reflexively. "So! Today you'll learn about coding messages: are you ready to learn, my not-cute not-little not-student?" he asked, wiggling his eyebrows.

Sasuke's face began to twitch in what he felt might become a tic since the involuntary muscle spasm continued throughout his "lesson." It wasn't in any way difficult to learn the alternative code Jiraiya could use (there was no way he was writing perverted prose as was Jiraiya's first option) when one had the Sharingan to immediately record it to memory.

"You're no fun," Jiraiya said, pouting like a child. Figuring that he could convince Sasuke with one thing, from what his granddaughter had told him, he tried to get what was sure to be a hilarious reaction out of him. "You know: your brother knows and uses my primary code." It was true.

Sasuke's eyebrows shot up, betraying him. But what was he supposed to think?! Itachi actually used disgustingly perverted messages to send to the toad sage? Impossible. "Hn."

"What a disappointment," Jiraiya sighed. "Alright. Tell me what you've gotten so far."

Shouldn't he have asked me that first? Sasuke crossed his arms over his chest, first giving Jiraiya the coordinates of the base he was staying at. "Uzumaki Karin mentioned that there is a fight for power between the two primary targets," meaning Orochimaru and Kabuto. She had been trying to seduce him at the time, something a "Super Pervert" would probably be interested in but he wasn't. "She, however, desires to help me overthrow them both and become the 'Otokage,'" Sasuke continued, using finger quotes. Jiraiya scoffed, so in this, they most likely agreed. One: only the five great nations' shinobi villages deserved to call their leader a Kage, and two: a newbie or Uzumaki Karin as a leader seemed ridiculous.

"Guren, the women that lead me to the base, can use crystal release."

Jiraiya didn't seem surprised to him, which was slightly interesting. But if he did know this about her, shouldn't he have told him before he left Konoha?

"If you get in the middle of one of her jutsus, expel chakra from all over your body to protect yourself," Jiraiya said, basically quoting what Naruto had told him about a lone kunoichi crystal-user she'd met in her past life. He just hoped that someone who wasn't a Hyuuga could do it so as to protect themself effectively. "Don't rely on that working, though: it's far better not to be hit. You could get… Hmm: fossilized, yeah. Forever encapsulated in one of those crystals and break into bits when the crystal's broken."

Sasuke slowly nodded: that was extremely helpful (and frightening) information. He hadn't seen Guren create anything large enough to do that but now assumed that she could.

"Orochimaru's forcing you to kill each other?" Jiraiya asked, knowing how his traitorous teammate was. "And how's your eyesight?"

Sasuke shrugged: his eyesight was the best it had ever been, for now. "Sparring only. Karin has been directing us, saying that the orders come from Orochimaru. There is… dissension in the ranks."

"Of course there is," Jiraiya muttered, sighing yet again. "Orochimaru's a shit leader - but he's a hell of a fighter and an utter bastard to be under. …If he's still alive." He pulled at his chin, wondering how the boy and man that was his best friend had fallen so low (and wanting to refuse to allow his heart to carry the weight of it anymore.) "I wouldn't doubt that he is alive. His goals include living forever and learning every jutsu, and Orochi always - ALWAYS - has a series of backup plans."

Sasuke nodded again, believing that living forever was a ridiculous and painful goal, but learning every jutsu? That was something he could understand and get behind. "Hn."

"Itachi's back in the village, by the way!"

Sasuke's knees suddenly felt weak, and he almost fell down when Jiraiya clamped a giant hand onto his shoulder.

"Chill out, Uchiha. He's in a safe house - and that's all I'm going to tell you." After everything Itachi had to go through, plus his illness, THAT was a promise he could keep to the Uchiha heir: he would only tell Itachi's beloved little brother that he was "fine." Itachi wasn't fine, but he was hanging on. Seeing that Sasuke looked like he wanted to kill him, he leaned back and popped his back. "Yare, yare. I'll see if I can get more info out of him for ya, brat."

Sasuke took a deep breath. So it's Itachi wishing to keep me in the dark again and not this idiot? He was going to show his brother the Great Fireball Jutsu, quite up close and personal when he met him again. And there were so many things he didn't understand or believe! "Hn. Anything else?"

"You tell me! I need the numbers and abilities of anyone you've encountered or heard about. Start with those dunderheads that we captured when they tried to take you. And have they given you shit about your cats?"

Sasuke shook his head, drawing his fingers through his hair. Nearly everyone at his current base adored his cats (more than he did, really.) He then continued his report, knowing he wouldn't see Jiraiya for quite some time if he was successful in achieving his goals and completing his mission.

Obito sneered from behind his mask, grabbing Minato-sensei's daughter's slender neck and slamming her into the tree. He dug his nails into her flesh. "I have some questions for you, Ninetails."

He'd have to give it up to the girl: he had NOT expected a burst of shadow clones to begin attacking him from all directions while he used his Mokuton to tie her wrists together. She had performed the A-rank jutsu with no hands. He had also not expected to be immediately kneed in the groin from behind as he tried to allow multiple Rasengans to pass through his head and body. "Bitch!"

Shit: her hands were too close together. Could she still make seals? But he'd confined her to the tree!

"Fuck you," Naruto hissed: at least landing a hurl of spit on his stupid mask. One of her clones substituted with her and with the others, she continued trying to beat on (and keep her real self from getting too close to him.) Naru had a feeling - one that she absolutely TRUSTED, oddly enough - that she needed to hit him in the same area twice. She felt her clones dispelling in some kind of an alternate reality as they passed through him and believed she was right.

Once inside wherever the clones were, they could hit him.

Obito teleported back to his Kamui dimension before reappearing behind her. "You fucking crazy person," he yelled as another Rasengan and clone passed through him. Namikaze Naruto was completely reckless! She had hit herself or her clones God only knew how many times as her they attacked and went straight through him. "You remember, don't you?!" He returned to his Kamui dimension for a few seconds to dispel all of the attacking clones again.

Sensor: she's a sensor… She knew where to turn to hit him every time he reappeared!

"I remember you killed my parents," she said hoarsely as soon as he was back.

Obito almost stopped for a moment in surprise, (and barely teleported away from some kind of seal that she threw out WITHOUT PAPER: just like her damn father,) guessing that one of his many seals on the girl's mind had slipped. He was in no way a seal master, and neither had Madara been: that's why he had stuck everything he knew on the girl when she was little, trying to either kill or at least hinder her when he had the chance.

Uzumaki had been Trouble in either a past life or what was his repeated nightmare. Of everyone, he had to stop her to achieve his goals.

And why hadn't Zetsu mentioned more about her shadow clones? He knew that she was good with them, but this was ridiculous! "Ow! You bitch, I just want to talk!" But the Ninetails looked like it was taking over!

"Augh!" Shit: another arm lost to a Namikaze's Rasengan!

"And I just want to kill you," Naruto hissed.

Tenzo had one order he had to follow above all others. If the Akatsuki showed up, he had to throw the kunai the Hokage had given him. The problem was avoiding being hit with Hoshigaki's chakra-eating sword as the thing went through his Mokuton almost like a serrated knife through steak so that he could do it.

"The name's Hoshigake Kisame," the shark-like man said rather pleasantly as he swung his sword (which kept getting larger) repeatedly and ran around.

Tenzo noted that his opponent was smiling.

Kisame wasn't going to kill the wood user; he just needed to wear the Jonin out completely so that they could take him. "Although you're known by many names, you are Tenzo. No surname, and Orochimaru-sama's experiment!" He laughed as he avoided an earth attack. The wood-user apparently didn't like being reminded of Orochimaru. – Neither did he, really. "His gift allowed you to wield the Mokuton. You are the sole person to have such an ability in the Elemental Nations. However, you are nowhere near the level of Senju Hashirama."

"I can't say it's a pleasure," Tenzo replied as he shot another jutsu at Kisame's hands.

"Would you two dumbasses get over yourselves?" a couple of Naruto's clones yelled at the same time.

"I like her," Kisame laughed. "Too bad she has to die." He targeted a few of the blondes with Samehada (it was humorous that she and her enraged shadow clones were really giving Obito a run for his money: the one-eyed Uchiha had already lost the arm White Zetsu had gifted him) and moved only a step when Tenzo threw a weapon, missing him completely.

Samehada seemed to really like the kunoichi's chakra, so he tossed him at her, allowing him to do his thing while he aimed a water prison at two of the remaining blondes who were close together before quickly dropping it when they dispelled. "Kuchiyose no Jutsu," he sneered when he caught Tenzo in another one. Or rather, somehow Obito first tripped him with his (weaker version of) Mokuton.

As long as the wood user is caught, he's caught. His sharks were fighting well with Tenzo in his water prison, regardless.

Samehada approached Naruto, almost as if it was one of Kakashi's ninken. She wasn't going to pull a Bee, though, and let him chew up her chakra like Bee did when they were on Turtle Island. "Good boy, Samehada," she tried to say. "Can you get Tobi for me—eek!"

Samehada seemed to somehow know which one was really her!

"Stop it, you damn sword," she tried to order. Her throat hurt. Tobi grabbed her by the neck again and propelled her to the ground. Mokuton went up all around her, and it was obviously coming from Tobi and not Tenzo. The giant sword at her ankle was slowly sucking her chakra away - almost like it was nibbling at it! "Fuck."

At least the sword wasn't as immediately draining as it had been in her last life.

"I'm going to be careful of where I imprison your hands THIS time, Na-ru-to," Obito purred, his mask directly on the Namikaze's face.

Naruto tried to bite his mask and spurred more clones. That seemed to really piss him off. She barely noticed that her father and Kakashi appeared out of nowhere. One of her last clones substituted with her (the clone stuck her tongue out at the masked man that had gone completely still over her.)

"What?" the clone asked. Her original was plowing a Rasengan into one of Kisame's sharks, releasing Tenzo who had gotten pretty chewed up.

"Impossible," Obito whispered.

"Get your filthy hands off my wife," Kakashi snarled. He and his Chidori went straight through the masked, unmoving Akatsuki. Naruto or her clone seemed fine being encased in Mokuton, and Kakashi was immensely relieved when his wife's copy popped.

"I think it's time to retrea-eat," Kisame sang out - a little desperately. What the fuck is the dead Yondaime doing here? And he's here with the Copy Ninja! Kisame had heard Obito ranting with half-insane threats to and talking to himself about Hatake Kakashi several times.

The white half of Zetsu snickered from behind a nearby tree. He had been keeping all of this interesting news from Konoha a secret: he couldn't help himself! And Obito needs to be forced to become stronger, his black counterpart whispered to him. They both gasped when wind-enhanced weapons came flying at them, as did Sharingan no Kakashi. They needed to avoid that Chidori: it could mean bad news! He quickly sank into the ground, and Black Zetsu forced his white half to take the Chidori's hit.

His counterpart's scream was annoying.

"Wife?" Obito exclaimed angrily as he ran (rather than teleporting) after Bakashi - who was even quicker than he remembered. "You have a- Nar- the Ninetails is your wife?" Minato appeared in front of Obito, making him gasp before he allowed a paper seal to pass through his chest before using his Kamui again to allow the rest of his former sensei to move through him.

"Kuchiyose no Jutsu," Naruto whispered as soon as she had a second to rub her thumb through her blood and use hand seals again. "The only targets are wearing the red clouds! Anyone in robes you see like that, go for it! Don't let the big sword touch you!"

The blonde fox took off after Obito, who was after her husband.

"No!" Minato yelled, teleporting and pulling his other former student out of the fox's reach in the nick of time. "Obito, I need to speak with you," his former sensei whispered desperately as he grabbed his remaining arm, teleporting away.

Obito then Kamui-ed away from him and over to Kisame, grabbing him and disappearing. He was BEYOND FURIOUS and completely freaking out!

Just as furious was Naruto. "What the hell was that about?" she tried to shout but bent over, coughing and struggling.

And now she had an angry fox to contend with! She move to calm it down, her eyes rarely leaving her father, wondering why the hell he stopped it from eating Tobi. He stopped Kakashi from getting to her, and right now, Naru didn't care what in the world her father/village leader was frantically whispering to her husband. Did he not understand how dangerous the Akatsuki was to not only both of them but to the entire shinobi world?! Did he not care that THAT MAN had killed her mother and taken Kurama? And killed all those people?!

"What's your name?" she eventually asked the fox in a broken whisper.

"I will consider telling you later, but you are injured."

"I am?" Naruto half-asked, but was already beginning to stagger. The fox gave one quick nod, glaring at the others that remained, before dispelling. She limped over to pat Tenzo's (soaked) back as she held onto his bicep. Kisame's sharks had eaten through Tenzo's Jonin vest and his shoulder was a mess. "Don't… tell," she choked out in a whisper to him before beginning to heal him.

Kurama had a fit; finally unable to remain sullenly silent anymore as his wounded partner again healed a MOKUTON-USER of all people with his chakra! It was almost as detestable as her healing an Uchiha, (which he would straight-out kill her for. Their partnership could only go so far!)

"Well that was something," Naruto whispered to herself before Kakashi grabbed her, helping her to stand, and began checking her injuries. She had gotten really banged up, (mainly from her especially vicious clones,) but she was alright. She didn't regret it at all. Although it was hard to breathe.

Had it been hard to breathe the whole time? She felt a little weak… Was it getting darker?

"He touched you," Kakashi growled as he ran his fingers down her neck. Naruto's knees went weak. "Koi?"

She gave him a shaky thumbs-up, but it was her father who really helped her by running iryo-ninjutsu over the area.

"That was… intense," she eventually said in a quiet voice. Talking didn't seem advisable. "It happened so fast."

Whoa: adrenaline (and Kurama's chakra) had really been keeping her going!

"Gomennasai, Naruto."

"And we need to move, quickly," Minato added, having heard his part of Kurama apologize to his daughter. Judging by the shocked look on Naru's face, she heard him, too. Gritting his teeth, he Hiraishined her to the hospital and turned her over to Tsunade. "I'll be right back." He flashed back to his son-in-law and Tenzo.

"I'm fine, Baa-"

Tsunade scoffed and began running a diagnostic on her granddaughter's neck since it still had visible handprints on it. "You're fine when I say you're fine, brat."

Naruto huffed and ran her hand gingerly over her neck again after her grandmother did something to it. She was pushed onto a stretcher that someone brought into her office.

She didn't think Tobi had really wanted to take her - just like last time as that inn - but if he had been, he definitely could've broken her neck. Actually, I was lucky he didn't break my neck when he smacked me to the ground. She needed to become as fast as he was - and was not looking forward to reporting all of this. More tired than she realized, she let herself relax and fell asleep until she recognized a chakra signature that she hadn't felt in so long. "Sa- Sakura-chan!"

"Hello, Naruto-hime," Sakura said sadly as her eyes turned away from her new shishou. HOW she had 95% lucked out to be apprenticed to someone as impressive (and terrifying: thus the other 5%) as Senju Tsunade she guessed she'd never know.

"Naruto's been worried about you, Sakura. You two can talk after you Naru gets some sleep: doctor's orders."

"I'm giving you a field promotion," Minato said a week later, treating Naruto to what she'd probably think was bad news (this was one way he used to deal with a violent Kushina.) "Congratulations, Tokubetsu Jonin Hatake." Naruto looked so shocked; he hoped that she wouldn't hate him for his next words. Their relationship had just taken a turn for the better before her last mission although she hadn't spoken to him since. A heartbreaking smile crept up her pretty face. "I'm confining you to the village."

Naruto almost dropped the new dog tags her father was handing her. "Do WHAT now?"

Minato frowned and tented his hands over a request that had come in from Kumo. The mission request from the Raikage was specifically for "Uzumaki Naruto" so he assumed it had something to do with Bee. "I'm sorry, Naruto, but it's too dangerous for you to be out there."

Naruto couldn't believe that her FATHER was doing something that she'd been warned DANZO wanted to do with her in her past life! "Do YOU plan to keep leaving the village?" Tsunade had mentioned his outside missions several nights ago when they discussed why she had been pseudo-pretending to be the Godaime Hokage.

"I am the Hokage."

"Yeah, no shit! And - and… This is a mistake! Me being HERE puts the village in danger. That's why Ero-sennin took me on that training trip!"

Naruto also had a really bad feeling after that whole "meeting" with Tobi.

"I have a responsibility, Naruto." While Naruto really went off on him, he held up his hand and unlike her mother, she shut up although she looked hurt. "So you're saying that by being here, I put the village in jeopardy?"

Naruto pressed her lips into a thin line, reminding herself that this was the military commander that she was trying to reason with. Who was imprisoning me! And being a dumbass! …And Kakashi's here so there's only so much stuff from my past I can counter with! "Yes! Yes, you do," she finally answered. "And with me here, too: that's just double trouble."

"My decision is final, Naruto."

"Your decision is stupid," she said under her breath. Her eyes began to tear up but she wouldn't let him see. She jumped out the window and went to Ichirakus.

"That went well," Minato said sarcastically to his student. "Can I leave you to clean up my mess?"

"Permission to speak as your son-in-law and not a Jonin of this village?"

"Denied."

"Maa, that sucks, sensei," he remarked and moved to jump out the window to follow his wife.

"Kakashi-kun, wait." When his student paused before leaving the wrong way again, he fixed him with a serious gaze. "Tonight we are going to be going to begin training your Mangeyko Sharingan."

While his student gave him a slow nod before leaving, Minato sat and stewed. Gods help him, but he thought that Obito finding out that not only was he alive - something he had previously assumed Obito already knew - but more importantly that Kakashi had "moved on" from Rin with Naruto, (not that Kakashi had ever been romantically interested in his deceased teammate,) it was going to cause more hardship.

Obito was a revenge-obsessed baka that was being manipulated. He wanted to help him.

First priority was the village, as it always was, however. It was past time to put the entire village on a war footing.

Naruto stopped short of Ichirakus. It was a popular enough spot, but the crowd right now was almost ridiculous. Weaving her way through the people there, she took more notice of how quiet the place was, unnervingly quiet. Gai was behind the counter (the one person being loud) with Ayame and Teuchi, trying to handle all of the customers. When she was closer to the bar, she looked around more and felt a chill. More than half of these men were reading Icha-Icha in public.

314/Leaf was one of them, so when she met his blank but curious eyes, she moved to him and smiled. "Yo, Leaf-san. Yo, Ayame-nee, Gai-san, Teuchi-ojii: God of Ramen… Quite a crowd you've got."

"Naruto! Good to see you. It's going to take a while!"

"That's fine: I… have time," she laughed - or tried to. It was kind of interesting watching Teuchi observe Gai and his daughter while he worked, at least.

"RIVAL!" Gai soon yelled. He had on a white apron and hat like Teuchi's over his no-longer-styled hair. ALL of the attention in the little restaurant turned to Kakashi who had made his way over to her, naturally making Kakashi lift his book to his face.

"Yo!"

Naruto looked back and forth between her husband and his… fan base? "Are these your..?"

"Minions. Yes," Kakashi sighed, giving his little wife a look that told her to drop it. "Followers... Cultists: call them what you will."

"Ah," Naruto said in acceptance. "Hey! Were you guys in ROOT?"

"Hai," came a strong chorus of voices. Sai popped up seemingly out of nowhere, having made himself a bowl of plain noodles which Teuchi scolded him for. He eventually began chatting with Kakashi about an upcoming mission they had, and Naru tried to keep her emotions in check.

It took almost an hour for the ramen bar to clear out, and she and Kakashi had just left, when Naruto pulled him into the nearby alleyway.

"Really?" Kakashi asked. "Naruto: I've turned you into an exhibitionist!"

"Oh, be quiet," she whispered, watching something surprising. Anko was walking toward the ramen bar in a dress - a NORMAL but exceptionally tight dress - with a dark-haired man who was wearing his modified hitae-ate just like Kakashi did. And he had his arm around a straight-out giggling Anko and he was NOT Iruka-sensei! "Do you know who that is? Is that… another one of your fans?" she asked regarding the man with the eye-covering.

"Maa, maa. That's Anko: she's scary," Kakashi replied, knowing Naruto already knew that. He held up a single finger to his masked lips, hoping that she wouldn't shout when he told her who was with her. "And she's with Uchiha Shisui." Naruto looked like she was beginning to have an existential crisis, so he ran his hand through her hair, fisting and pulling on the ends of it before glancing around the corner. "I didn't think he'd take her to Ichirakus."

He didn't realize that he'd denigrated Naruto's favorite place to eat out loud - and potentially condemned himself to sleep alone that night - until he felt the KI she was directing at him. So he ran.

Sadly for him, (and eventually Minato who would have to sort them out,) Kakashi's route home took him right into Iruka's path.

Naruto shook her head at her fleeing husband, mourning his soon-passing as she planned divine vengeance on behalf of the Ramen Gods. What better place to take a date than the wonderful, warm atmosphere of Ichirakus?!

But what was Anko doing? She glanced around the corner again after henging herself into a redhead with no whisker marks. She'd spotted Konohamaru in the bushes.

"What are you doing?" Kono shrieked and nearly jumped out of his skin. "You have seriously got to work on your awareness!" With surprising strength, Konohamaru pulled her down the street.

"Boss?"

"Yeeeeeeees," Naru drawled. "What's up?"

"I'm on a mission!"

"Oh?" Naru asked. "Do tell." Had she missed something at Ichirakus? Had someone made away with Teuchi-ojii's delicious recipe or special technique? Was it one of her clones? –That would be a dream come true - but no one else was allowed to have it. She'd only use it for good and not for profit…

"I told Iruka-sensei that your weird husband set his beloved Anko-nee-chan up on a date with that other one-eyed scarface!"

Naruto gave her favorite little brother a dangerous look. "Scars can be very sexy, little man." Maybe she was still mad at Iruka-sensei, but she was only interested in the date she might have observed in an… Ino-sort-of-way, she supposed. Plus she was still blown away that Uchiha Shisui was REALLY still alive. Deciding to simply ask Anko about it when she was alone, she put her arm around Konohamaru's shoulder and walked toward Ichiraku's, deciding to treat him to a bowl much like Iruka-sensei used to treat her a lifetime ago. She needed to talk to him about manners and nicknames.

That's when, from down the street, she heard the sound of one of Kakashi's nastier jutsus as the area lit up. "Oh, no."