Jack strolled onto the bridge, shifting the ship report in his hands and keeping his walking pace level. The bridge was alive with noise; with beeping alarms and quiet conversations and the pulsing whir of the engine. Hands flew over screened panels in the wall, chairs turned as people moved from station to station, and the turbolift would occasionally hiss open with the arrival of an ensign with a report.

A persona he was attempting to emulate.

"Your report, Captain," Jack said confidently, handing the report to the blond man in the middle of the room, hoping it was the right person.

Jack breathed a silent sigh of relief when he took it without looking and quickly scribbled a signature. Jack glanced at the signature. Captain James Tiberius Kirk.

Hmm.

Captain Jack Harkniss sounds a lot better.

"Thank you, Ensign. Here," Captain Kirk handed him the signed report, his eyes barely glancing at him. Jack nodded and gave him a respectful thank you, sir.

The Captain paused, doing a double take at Jack. His face morphed into a baffled expression, his brows knitting together tightly and his eyes narrowing considerably. His eyes ran over Jack's face, and his eyebrows slid even closer together.

Jack's blood ran cold.

"Is there a problem, sir?" Jack asked, forcing his most innocent and charming smile onto his face.

"Problem? No. No problem. Not at all," Kirk shook his head as if he was clearing it, turning back towards the screens, but his befuddled expression remained.

Jack nodded and slowly backed up. Since the bridge was set up like a large semi-circle, he was easily able to creep around towards the communications desk, even though it was on the opposite side of the room. He sauntered around the back of the bridge and headed towards the communication section.

Jack knew they needed a wireless receiver so they can tap into the frequency of their dimension, and therefore change the frequency of the TARDIS to correctly match its readings.

In other words, it was a glorified compass.

Reaching the desk, he grabbed the unused earpiece as casually as possible, glancing at it as though he was wondering if it was working properly. He slowly slid it in his pocket and looked around the room nervously, seeing if anyone happened to observe his small robbery.

Everyone else was way too focused on their work to notice an ensign by the communications desk.

Now all he needed to do was get back to the TARDIS. No fuss, no mess, easy peasy. He began to turn around his heel, smiling triumphantly.

There isn't any room for mistakes when the universe's best con man, Captain Jack Harkness, is on the case.

Hopefully those too bumbling idiots hadn't done anything to mess this up. He thought smugly, imagining Rose and the Doctor trying to impersonate crewman on a starship. He covered his mouth to cover a snort.

They probably already messed up. He could feel it.

It's not that they're bad at conning people, per say, it's just that….

Oh, who was he kidding? They really were terrible at impersonation. He was sure the Doctor never told a believable lie in his life, and Rose never could keep her emotions off her face completely. She was like an open book.

Jack, on the other hand, had this in the bag. All he needs to do is get back to the TARDIS and they're home free.

He was right by the turbolift door, and he was about to go in, but he smiled and surveyed the bridge once more, admiring the architecture and their lack of security. How easily he was able to steal the communications earpiece!

A flash of red caught his peripheral vision, and he turned his head to look back over at the engineering section, where a young woman with dark skin had her back to him. Her shining black hair was up in a tight, intricate hairdo, and golden hoop earrings hung from her ears.

That is a very beautiful woman.

Jack froze midstep.

The woman turned, and she was absolutely breathtaking. Her dark hair was accompanied with dark eyes that shone with the brightness of starlight. Her neck sloped gently and was tall and regal, just like royalty from thousands of years ago. Her eyes were laced with harsh makeup that make her seem less soft and more formidable, and her lips were perfectly symmetrical.

And she was headed straight towards him.

Well, Doctor and Rose could wait a little longer. He had time, surely.

The woman reached the communications desk, looking at Jack—who had been following her—with an eyebrow raised. "Can I help you?"

Jack smiled alluringly and leaned on the computer. He rested his chin on his fist and offered his other hand to her. "Hi. Jack Harkniss."

"Uhura," she said, shaking his hand firmly. Jack brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them lightly. She scowled and pulled her hand away and tried to sit down at her station, but Jack held her back gently.

"What a beautiful name. Where are you from?" Jack asked.

"I don't see how that's any of your business," she said coldly. "Now, how can I help you?"

"Sure can, gorgeous. You can let me buy you a drink sometime," Jack said, winking. "When's your next break?"

"Excuse me?"

"I'm more of a whiskey man myself." Jack shrugged, smirking slightly. "But you… let me guess. Champagne? You seem like you'd like those fruity girl drinks."

"No," Uhura said shortly. She pushed past him and sat down, ignoring him. Frowning suddenly, she ran her fingers over the desk before opening a drawer and digging through it as if she was looking for something. "Where-"

"I see. I see. Playing hard to get, huh?" Jack asked. She looked up and shot him an icy glare. "Or did I guess the wrong drink? No to the champagne. Hey, that's fine. I'm not judging. How about this: I guess your favourite drink, and you let me buy you a glass."

"I don't drink," she said sharply, her glare intensified. Jack backed up a few paces and held his hand up in mock surrender.

"Hey, no hints!" Jack teased.

She slammed the drawer shut harshly, causing Jack to jump back and drawing the attention of a few on the bridge.

"I think you should return to your post, Ensign," she growled, her hands frozen.

"Hey, there's no need to be so harsh," Jack said placatingly. He smiled and winked again.

She was unamused.

"You are distracting me from my work. You asked me a question, and I gave you my answer. Return to your post now, and leave me alone. Last warning." She shot him one last venomous glare before turning and opening another drawer. "Now where's my wireless receiver…"

"Hey, come on. You don't have to—" Jack softly grabbed her arm and tried to turn her back towards him.

She rose from her seat slowly, dangerously, spun on her heel, faster than light, and slapped him across the face.

Jacks head jerked to the side in cartoon fashion and a red welt appeared on his cheek, as violently red as Uhura's dress.

And it hurt.

Who was this lady? She had the strength of large man.

Jack muttered some choice words under his breath and rubbed his cheek tenderly.

That was ... kinda hot. Not gonna lie, Jack thought. He was even more attracted to her now, to be honest.

"Is there a problem here?"

Jack looked up. The captain was standing right in front of them; his arms were crossed, and he was attempting to be stoic, but his eyes were laughing.

Jack instantly dropped his hand from his cheek. He could already feel a bruise forming.

Oh, man. Blondie was never going to let him live this down.

"Uh…" Jack stuttered, realizing Kirk was still waiting for an answer.

"Not anymore, Captain," Uhura said cooly, once again taking her seat and turning gracefully around, but Jack swore he saw a hint of a smile on her lips.

Kirk grabbed Jack's arm and started walking him towards the turbolift, rolling his eyes; Jack could tell the Captain was struggling to fight back a laugh.

A pointy eared man's eyes from the science station followed Jack, a single eyebrow raised. Jack pursed his lips and turned his gaze to the floor.

His excursion to the bridge was going downhill.

"Bit of advice: steer clear of Uhura," Kirk said, pausing before the turbolift, and a smile finally broke through the Captain's mask, bright and charismatic.

"Uhh, yeah. I got that impression…" Jack muttered, rubbing his bruise.

Kirk tilted his head, his laughing expression gone. Instead he raised his eyebrows and skeptically studied Jack. "Have we formally met?"

"Uh… no. No, I don't think so. I'm new. I was just transferred here," Jack lied easily, smiling at the Captain with one eye squeezed shut from the sizable bruise forming on his cheek.

Kirk held out his hand. "Welcome aboard the Enterprise. I'm Captain Kirk."

Jack shook his hand. "Thanks, I—"
"But just because you're new doesn't excuse that kind of behaviour," Kirk said, dropping his hand. "You're expected to treat all members of The Enterprise with the top most respect. And that means no flirting while on duty."

"Right, sorry. Things were different on the last ship I worked on. Guess I'm still adjusting." Jack shrugged, grinning slyly.

Kirk crossed his arms over his chest and regarded him carefully. "Where did you say you were transferred from? I don't recall ever signing any transferral documents."

"Oh, obviously ... the Santa Maria! The pride of Starfleet!" Jack said cheerfully, forcing another over-enthusiastic smile.

"The Santa Maria? Never heard of her."

"Yeah, well, you wouldn't have. Its new. They just made it. It's only been flying for a month. Corporate hasn't sent out an official memo yet."

"It's only been flying a month and you've already been transferred?"

"Yep! I guess they really hated me!" Jack said quickly, frantically trying to think of a good cover story and feeling rather like a cornered animal. Kirk raised an eyebrow, and looked quite a bit like the alien at the science station with the pointed ears.

"It usually takes six months at minimum to transfer someone to another ship," Kirk commented.

"Um, well… they, uh.. they really, really hated me—"

"And I think Starfleet would have told me if they were planning on building another starship…"

"The paperwork must have been lost," Jack shrugged nonchalantly.

Kirk raised both eyebrows and nodded slowly, glancing back at the science station with a significant look. "Lost, you say…"

Before Jack could think of another comeback he was—quite literally—saved by the bell. The hydrolift bell chimed and small angry Russian boy stormed out, shoving Jack out of his way and muttering something under his breath about incompetence.

Jack hopped into the hydrolift, rapidly and repeatedly pressing a button to close the door. "Sorry, my ride's here! I gotta go!"

"I—"

"It's my break time! Bye! Nice talking to you!" Jack winked and gave the Captain finger guns as the doors slid to a close.

Sighing, Jack leaned back and pulled the lever on the ceiling. "Floor two."

The turbolift slowly begun sinking to the lower levels.

He was going to have to think of some awesome story to explain to Blondie and Doctor how he got this bruise.

Are space ninjas too unbelievable?

Back in his private chambers, Jim Kirk frowned. His eyes scanned the computer in front of him.

Bones had made a complaint today.

That wasn't out of the ordinary, no. On the contrary; the good doctor probably made more complaints and resignation letters then anyone else in the history of Starfleet.

Normally he didn't give these much attention—if he even read them at all—instead letting all of them be sent straight into the ships database, but this…

This was different.

The complaint was of a young girl, who couldn't be more than nineteen or twenty, who wore a medical officer's uniform but acted like she had never seen a starship before. Bones complained that she impeded his work on a patient because apparently, she didn't know what a bone regenerator was, nor what a medical tricorder was.

Rewatching the security tapes from earlier today, along with Bone's written complaint, it was quite obvious that girl had no idea what she was doing. She seemed to be in a panicked haze, squinting at labels and pressing buttons in random order.

Jim had never met her before.

He chewed his lip, leaning back in his chair, thinking. He had checked the entire Starfleet database for anyone who had been transferred to the Enterprise recently.

No one had.

This girl, the one whose knowledge of medical science was abhorrent, wasn't supposed to be here.

She was not a member of Starfleet.

She was not a member of the Enterprise.

Jim usually wouldn't read this much into not knowing someone's name — though he prided himself in having memorized the name of every crew member on his ship — but paired with the strangely-acting ensign from earlier, it was awfully suspicious.

The ensign who had talked to―and had been slapped by―Uhura a while before looked very suspicious when Kirk had asked about his background and his name. He had seemed nervous as well, just like the girl in medbay.

He didn't belong on the Enterprise either.

It didn't take much digging for Jim to get two accounts of another, similar man who went down to engineering.

One account was from Scotty, who had been passive aggressive towards Jim when he called him to make sure the transporters will be ready for a supply drop of urgent medical supplies. When Jim asked, Scotty explained he was annoyed because Jim "didn't even bother to give him a wee warnin' about the new transfer comin' down. This is the Enterprise, after all. You can't just throw a bunch of wild lobsters in a tank without telling the cook and call it Christmas, now can yee?"

By the time it took Jim to decode what that meant, Scotty had already left, but he still left a digital report for the Captain to find. Apparently the man had disappeared along with a very delicate piece of equipment, which Scotty was not particularly happy about losing.

The other account was from Chekov, who had been irritable the whole morning. And by irritable, Jim meant more irritable than normal.

Chekov had spat out a long angry speech about an ensign in a red shirt that was "compweety imcompetant ". He spoke so angrily and so quickly that Jim was only able to catch certain phrases and words, such as 'zee new twansfer deednt even know Meester Scott's name!" or "coulndt eeven use the torboleeft! Deednt even know what one looked like!" or "Compweety lost! Figuratively, and leeterally!"

Something here isn't adding up.

Those three people whose names turned out to be Jack Harkniss, Rose Tyler, and John Smith must be the worst con men either. John Smith? Really? Jim couldn't find any files on them in the Enterprise database, nor could he find any of their transfer papers. The mystery was getting stranger and stranger, and Jim was beginning to worry that the three might be a danger to the ship.

The door to his quarters hissed open, and the Captain's second officer peered into the room with interest.

"You called for me, Captain?"

"Mr. Spock," Jim said, not looking up from the screen. "I need you to do me a favour."

"Of course, Captain." Spock nodded, stepped into the room, and peered at the Captain's viewscreen.

"Run a background on these three people: Jack Harkness. Rose Tyler. John Smith," Jim said, leaning back in his chair. "I want to know how long they've been working for Starfleet, if they're working for Starfleet, that is, I want to see their transfer papers, I want to know their grades they graduated with at Starfleet, I want to know where they're from, I want to know their full names, if they have any siblings, what they like to do for fun, if they have any allergies, whether they prefer cats or dogs, or if they prefer neither and would rather have a goldfish or a hamster. Everything you can find! Got it, Mr Spock?"

"Understood."

Spock nodded again and headed for the door.

"And Mr. Spock," Jim said suddenly. Spock turned. "Have you heard of the Santa Maria, by chance?"

"It is best known as the largest of the three ships used by the explorer Christopher Columbus when he discovered the Earthen continent known as America; though whether or not he was the first to find it is disputed by many." Spock answered. "But may I ask for what reason this has captured your attention?"

"No particular reason. You are dismissed."

Spock nodded for the third time, raised an eyebrow, and left. His arms were clasped behind his back, and his gait was steady.

Jim turned back to the screen, the blue light illuminating his face as he searched around the Starfleet database. He closed the Starfleet database and started to search the Earth's files, using his status as an entry key.

He needed to find out if he was right, if these people could be a potential threat to the Enterprise or even to the Federation.

And if he was right, if they weren't with Starfleet, then who were they?

What were they doing on the Enterprise?

And what did they want?