"You ran into a pole?" Rose deadpanned, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, wasn't fun." Jack shrugged and gestured at his bruise, which now extended across his whole cheekbone. Rose eyed it skeptically.

The Doctor popped his head out from behind the TARDIS like a prairie dog, his eyes sparkling mischievously and his hair at funny angles. "Really? That's odd. I didn't see many poles on the ship."

"That's because they were only on the top floor, Sherlock," Jack said, shooting Doctor a glare before turning back to Rose. "And I wouldn't have ran into it had I not been so focused on the mission. Let me tell you, these people were no joke. Security guards were on every corner. But they were no match for the best con man in the world!"

"Would that be you, per say?" Rose asked, smirking and tilting her head back slightly.

"The one and only." Jack grinned. "No one bests Captain Jack Harkniss."

"Unless you're a pole," Doctor sang, turning around to beam shamelessly at Jack and his sizable bruise. Rose snorted loudly and doubled over, laughing.

"Oh, be quiet," Jack said, scowling. Doctor grinned again and ducked behind the TARDIS, continuing his work.

"I'm actually quite impressed. You had quite a bit more luck than I did," Rose shrugged.

"Oh?"

She made a face, scrunching up her nose and shaking her head. "I'd take running into a pole over one of those awful psychological examinations any day."

The Doctor's head appeared again, this time looking quite concerned. "Psychological examination? What psychological examination? They didn't suspect you, did they?"

"No, I don't think so. The head doctor probably thought I was a bit daft, that's all," Rose said. "I think he made a complaint."

"Oh no! Not a complaint!" Jack gasped and put a hand over his heart in mock horror. "Next thing you know they'll put you on probation!"

Rose laughed. "Hopefully they'll just fire me. If they don't, I'll quit!"

"There!" Doctor stood up, clapped his hands together, and carefully inspected the TARDIS. Rose peered over his shoulder. The TARDIS' wall looked like it had never been damaged in the first place.

Maybe all the trouble she had been through had been worth it after all.

"She'll be ready to fly in an hour," Doctor said cheerfully, patting the blue box lovingly. Jack sighed audibly, hanging his head back and rolling his eyes.

"An hour? Come on!" Jack whined. "I have places I need to be.".

"Oh really, you have places to be?' Doctor scoffed, not taking his eyes off the newly-fixed TARDIS. "And where might those places be?"

"You know, around," Jack shrugged, gesturing at the air with his hands. Rose raised her eyebrow at him again, and he pursed his lips and sighed.

"Around where?" Doctor asked.

"Look, you know what? It doesn't matter. What does matter is that we're stuck on this stupid ship with nothing to do," Jack cried. "What are we going to do for the next hour? 'Cause I don't plan on just sitting around."

At that moment a bell chimed overhead, and a female voice drifted through the ships speakers.

"Ensign Jack Harkniss, Nurse Tyler, and Ensign John Smith of Engineering: please report to the transportation room immediately to assist with the supply drop on Centuria III."

"Well, would you look at that. Looks like we found something to do," Doctor said cheerfully, straightening his red shirt and dashing for the door.

"Doctor, wait," Rose said anxiously, and Doctor paused. "Don't you think it's suspicious that they're calling for us specifically?"

"Absolutely!"

"And you're not at all nervous?" Jack asked.

"Course not!" Doctor whipped the supply door open, a wild grin upon his face. "Allons-Y!"

Rose shrugged her shoulders and quickly followed the Doctor.

"We're gonna get caught!" Jack yelled to their retreating backs.

"Almost getting caught is a part of the fun!" Doctor yelled back, his voice distant.

Jack muttered angrily under his breath before reluctantly following them.

Jim Kirk rubbed his hands together slowly, glancing over the urgent medical supplies. The mission was of importance, of course, otherwise the Enterprise would not be transporting it, but it was an easy mission overall. All that really needed to be done was to beam the supplies down and then warp away, but these strangers made him nervous, and he wanted to watch them try to do something as simple as cargo transportation.

The strangers awkwardly lined themselves against the wall. The girl, Rose, fiddled with her sleeves, bounced on her feet, and looked nervously from side to side, as if looking for routes for escape. The slightly older man right next to her, John Smith, was strangely giddy, with grins too big for his face and wide eyes, which―along with his out-of-control hair―gave him the impression of a psychiatric patient. The third stranger, Jack Harkniss, was the only one who was doing a passable imitation of a Starfleet officer, but the large purple and black bruise on his face reminded Jim of earlier, when the fake ensign was slapped by Lieutenant Uhura.

Scotty flipped a few switches and readied the transporter, giving Jim an odd look. "Really, Captain. It's just a wee supply drop. There's no need to be goin' with. I'm sure you have plenty of other things to be doin'."

"No, no, Scotty. I need to keep an eye on a few things," Jim assured him, patting the engineer's shoulder, and tipping his head at the three behind him. Scotty's eyes flicked over at the fidgeting group and nodded, understanding what the Captain meant to do.

Jim turned to the three strangers. "Crewmen. You know your roles?"

"Well, um," Ensign Smith said, nodding, "it's a supply drop, right? So we will be… dropping... supplies..."

"More specifically?"

"Of course… we will be dropping urgent supplies," Smith drawled, raising his eyebrows and beaming blithely. He looked over to Nurse Tyler and gave her an enthusiastic thumbs up.

"I knew this was a bad idea," Nurse Tyler muttered, sighing and crossing her arms.

"You knew what was a bad idea, Nurse?" Jim asked, stepping so he was directly in front of her. He narrowed his eyes.

"Nothing!" she squeaked.

"Permission to speak, Captain?" Ensign Harkniss asked smoothly, his dark eyes meeting the Captain's with deep respect. Jim paused in front of Rose for a moment more before walking over to the ensign.

"Permission granted."

"I believe what my colleagues are meaning to say is each supply drop is different, so it is difficult to know what their roles will consist of," Harkniss informed him. "But the basic protocol is to make sure the supplies get to the recipient safely."

"Good," Jim said after a moment. He nodded and walked towards the transporter. "Prepare to beam us down, Mr. Scott. Send the supplies from the cargo bay down after us."

"Yes, Captain," Scotty's hand flew around the controls, typing in the coordinates and preparing the system to transport four people.

Jim turned when he got on the teleporter, only to realize that Harkniss was the only one who had followed him. Tyler and Smith stayed still, looking rather confused.

"I'm sorry, beam us down?" Ensign Smith asked, his brow scrunched together. He eyed the transporter with significant suspicion.

"Yes…" Jim said slowly. Surely these people know what transporters are!

"Ha ha, they're kidding Captain," Ensign Harniss said, giving the other two a significant look that border-lined on a glare. "You have to excuse them, they can be a bit slow sometimes, as you'll find out; it takes a while for their minds to catch up. They obviously don't want to be caught not knowing what they're doing."

The blonde nodded quickly. "Right! What he said!"

She and Smith quickly stood on the teleporter, though obviously they had no idea what they were doing; for they were standing in the wrong spots and shuffling around.

Ensign Harkniss put his fist by his mouth, "cough cough- stand on the circles- cough cough."

Jim raised his eyebrows, sighed, and nodded towards the dumbfounded scotsman as the other two adjusted their footing. "Beam us down, Mr. Scott."

"I, uh… right away, Captain." Scotty nodded, flipping a few more switches before sliding a lever forward, initiating the transport.

Instantly Jim felt weightless as they were teleported down to the planet below. The feeling started as a faint buzz all over his body, but then intensified into a tremulous vibrating. His heart dropped as his molecules separated, and he felt a moment of darkness as he traveled through empty space.

Being used to the feeling of teleportation, Jim was unfazed.

The others did not seem to share this feeling.

Ensign Harkniss shook violently his head―a little disoriented maybe―but quickly gathered his bearings and stood tall, clasping his arms behind his back and looking to the Captain for instruction.

Nurse Tyler stumbled and pressed her hand against a nearby wall for support, looking like she was going to be sick.

Ensign Smith, on the other hand, was turning around in a tight circle, hugging his waist, looking at his hands, pulling his pants up to look at his feet, and looking rather dumbfounded.

"My molecules!" John gasped, grasping his waist again. "What… I… we… Molecules!" Smith jerked around to face Kirk, his eyes ablaze and excited. "Our molecules were just completely deconstructed, and then teleported through the air, and reconstructed in a different location! Oh that's brilliant! Bloody brilliant! It's just like that one movie… I can't remember the name… Rose!" he leapt over to Nurse Tyler, whose face was as white as clouds. "What movie am I thinking of? It starred Johnny Depp! Came out in the late 1900's…"

The 1900's? Seriously? Jim looked at the man concernedly. He was starting to be worried for his sanity.

"I think I'm gonna be sick," Nurse Tyler muttered, pressing a hand against her mouth and sliding down the wall. Ensign Harkniss stared straight ahead, his mouth set and his eyes dead and pained.

"No, that's not it," Smith disagreed with Nurse Tyler. He ran his fingers through his hair and rocked back and forth on his feet, looking like a mad man. "1970 something. Or 1980 something. I can't remember… It was good. Well, I mean, the original was better. I think it was a reboot. It was based off a book, right? Right? I watched it one of the last times I visited Earth. They teleported that small child through the air exactly the way we just did, but it went wrong and he got sucked into a T.V.… what was it called…"

"We should focus on the mission," Harkniss said firmly through his teeth, his face impassive, but Jim could see a hint of murderous rage in his eyes.

"Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory!" Smith shouted suddenly, throwing his hands in the air in triumph. Jim jumped back in surprise, hand instinctively traveling to his phaser.

This man was not in his right mind.

"Jack! Jack! Wasn't that completely and absolutely incredible?" Smith said excitedly. "I mean, come on! Even someone like you can appreciate the brilliance of- ow! Hey!"

Ensign Harkniss was grinding his foot into Ensign Smith's.

"Would you like us run a perimeter check, Captain?" Ensign Harkniss asked, ignoring the whimpering Ensign next to him, who was holding his foot, pinching his face in pain, and hopping up and down.

"Uh… yes. Yes. Go ahead."

Harkniss nodded respectfully, before not-so-subtly grabbing both Smith and Tyler by their upper arms and leading them away.

"Wait, not you, Ensign Smith," Jim said, jerking his head towards the containers that had been transported nearby. "I need you to start unboxing some of this medical equipment."

Harkniss gave Smith another significant look before he and Tyler disappeared around the corner. Ensign Smith hobbled over towards the Captain, mumbling darkly about his sore foot.

Jim crossed his arms, glancing around the room before his eyes landed on Ensign Smith once again, who was staring at the engraved wall in front of him, squinting at it and feeling the designs.

"So, you know each other." Jim nodded his head towards the direction the duo disappeared to.

Ensign Smith looked at him doubtfully. "What would give you that impression?"

Jim raised his eyebrows. "You're kidding, right?"

"I've never met them before in my life," Smith claimed, and his gaze shifted again, this time to the ceilings, which were also engraved in geometric designs.

"Really?"

"Yep," Smith replied, popping the 'p' and smiling preposterously at the Captain for a single second before returning his attention to the ceilings, his mouth ajar.

"I see," Jim said slowly, his eyebrows raised. "Well, you can go on and unload the supplies. I need to make a quick call to the Enterprise."

Smith nodded.

Once out of earshot Jim flipped open his communicator. "This is Captain Kirk to the Enterprise. Come in, Enterprise."

"I'm reading you loud and clear, Captain."

"Mr. Spock," Jim said. "Is there any update on the special task I assigned you?"

"Affirmative Captain. I can confirm that the three individuals known as John Smith, Rose Tyler, and Jack Harkniss have no documents assigning them to the Enterprise, nor are they in any way, shape or form affiliated with Starfleet."

Jim nodded his head solemnly. "I thought so. Who are they?"

"No one, Captain."

"That's not an answer, Spock. Who are they?"

"I just said Captain, they are no one."

Jim sighed. "You didn't find anything of importance?"

"Negative, Captain. I did not discover anything at all."

Jim's brow furrowed. "Mr. Spock, you better stop playing games right now-"

"I assure you Captain, Vulcans do not 'play games', as you put it," Spock answered, his emotionless voice affirming his claim.

"Then explain," Jim ordered, eyeing Smith suspiciously as the ensign rapped the side of the container sharply and jumped back as if the medical supplies were about to attack him.

"None of the individuals have any recorded documents of any kind. Its as if they simply materialized onto the Enterprise without a hint to their origins. According to our databases, they simply do not exist."

"That's… impossible, right?"

"Obviously not, Captain."

Jim rubbed his mouth, going quiet and staring at the fake ensign, who was attempting to simply drag the medical supplies away instead of using the grav-lifters.

Whoever these people are, they are not very good con men. You would think that any spy or intruder would know how to use our technology. Nurse Tyler couldn't identify any of the medical supplies. Ensign Harkniss flirted with Uhura―which everyone knows not to do―and then he couldn't provide a good backstory when I asked. Ensign Smith didn't know about anything, apparently; he didn't even know how to operate a turbolift. They were all acting very suspicious, and they absolutely weren't in Starfleet, and none of them seem to exist in any database at all.

What should I do with these intruders?

"Captain?" Spock asked, dispersing Jim's thoughts.

"Alert Mr. Scott and prepare a security team to be transported to the planet's surface. I want a holding cell to be readied immediately," Jim said, lowering his voice even more and cupping his other hand around the communicator. "These three individuals are going to be held in the brig until further notice."

"Right away, Captain."

"Kirk out." Jim flipped off his communicator and stuck it to his belt and looked back at John Smith, who was now halfway across the room, leaning his back against the containers and pushing them inch by inch across the floor. Upon seeing the Captain's attention upon him, the fake ensign waved vigorously.

Jim Kirk sighed deeply and walked over to the imposter.

"Ensign Smith."

Smith looked up, a lopsided grin on his face. "Yes?"

"Unfortunately, I-"

A bloodcurdling, female shriek pierced the air.

Smith's face immediately went white, as if he had seen a ghost. "Rose," he breathed. He dropped the medical bin, the expensive medical equipment rattling inside, and darted off towards the sound.

Jim followed him.

This John Smith, he seems to know Miss Tyler very well. Jim pursed his lips as he ran and made a mental note to ask Smith about his relationship with the others later.
They quickly found the other two; Harkniss was on the floor, clutching his leg against his chest, cursing softly with his phaser discarded nearby. Nurse Tyler was red faced and furious and held a long metal pipe in her hands, her phaser still on her belt. She was beating another man with it frantically, who was attempting to dodge her blows with exceptional dexterity.

"Rose!" Smith yelled, his eyes flying wide.

Nurse Tyler looked up for a moment, giving the other man just enough time to shove her to the ground, the pipe flying across the floor, landing with a heavy metal clang.

Smith rushed to her aid, but Jim was focused on the other man, who was searching his waist for something, most likely a weapon. He was tall, heavy-set and had long dark hair, his clothes were made of iron and tough cloth and were criss-crossed in intricate designs. He was bearded and his forehead was long and had ridges that formed various symmetrical patterns.

They made brief eye contact, the man's eyes flashed with recognition, and his hands froze on his waist. Jim froze as well, anger and precaution filling his mind.

He would recognize one of them anywhere.

A Klingon.

Jim whipped out his phaser, aiming it at the Klingon's chest. The other man fell into a ready position: his legs apart and bent, his hands up and defensive. "Freeze! This planet is under the jurisdiction of Starfleet. You are trespassing under the treaty agreed upon by our peoples."

The Klingon was frozen to the spot for a moment, indecisive as he looked about. He turned on his heel and ran the other direction, down a long hall.

Jim fired his weapon, hitting the Klingon square in the shoulder, causing him to stumble and grunt, but Klingons are hardy creatures. He leapt up and kept going at the same speed. Before Jim could fire again, the man leapt out of a nearby window.

Jim rushed to the window and peered out; the Klingon had disappeared. Kirk pocketed his phaser and punched the window sill. Pain flared in his knuckles.

He cursed softly. Klingons! Why does it always have to be Klingons? Klingons have to be the most disagreeable creatures alive, and they don't care about treaties and they all hate humans. I already have those three imposters to take care of, and then Klingons show up; can this get any worse than it already is?

He turned back to the other three. Smith was helping Tyler to her feet, fretting over her and panicking, but she had minimal injuries. Harkniss was also trying to get up, the color in his face drained and a decent sized burn on his leg.

Jim gritted his teeth and leveled his phaser at Ensign Smith.

Tyler was the first to notice it, her eyes going wide and a small gasp escaping her. "Doctor! Look out!"

Smith's head whipped up, his eyebrows raising at Jim's phaser. He held his hands up in surrender, the lazy smile that always seemed to be on his face gone.

"Are you crazy?" Smith asked incredulously. "Don't point that at me. Point it at the other guy!"

"The 'other guy's' not here," Jim growled. "You are."

"That man just attacked us! He's the enemy, not us! We're on the same side!"

"Cut the act," Jim said darkly, his phaser still pointing threateningly at Smith.

"The… the act?" Smith asked meekly, trying the look innocent and failing greatly. Harkniss gave a heavy sigh from the ground, and Miss Tyler pursed her lips in exasperation.

"You're under arrest for posing as Starfleet Officers and for possibly conspiring with a Klingon."

"Come on now, we can talk about this. Be reasonable," Smith said cautiously, his hands slowly lowering to his phaser on his belt, but Jim held his phaser closer to him, and he raised his hands again with a hard sigh.

"You threw away your chance to talk when you illegally boarded my ship," Jim snapped.

At that moment, the whir of someone being transported rang through Jim's ears. Eight security officers rounded the corner, all their phasers drawn and their stances alert and ready.

"Captain?" one questioned.

"Arrest them."

"Hey, hold the phone!" Smith said, holding both hands out in front of him. He and Tyler were backed into a corner as four security officers circled them. Two more lifted Harkniss up by his forearms and transported up to the ship to give him medical assistance.

"Ensign," Jim said, nodding at another officer who was standing nearby and placing his phaser at his belt.

"Yes Captain?"

"Set up a perimeter. There was a Klingon spotted in the area."

The man's mouth dropped slightly, his posture stiffened, and his hands were gripping his phaser in an almost military fashion. "Yes, Captain."

"As for them," Jim waved his hand at the two other prisoners. "Take them to the brig."

Hello. Thank you again for reading our crossover! We apologize for not posting in a while; we are very busy and our chapters are long; especially this one. Please tell us what you think!

Thank you!

-LogicalVulcan and IdenticalSnowflakes