My dear little broccolis💚💚💚

💚 From Duty To Love 💚

💚 1. The Duty Of Marriage 💚

"I have married this man without ever expecting much from this union. But can I expect anything from him now that I am his wife?"

‼️Rated M - {Out Of Characters/All Human/Alternate Universe}‼️

‼️Romance/Family/Drama/Lemons‼️

‼️Bellward/Alice Williams/Tanya Denali/The Cullens/The Swans/Original Characters‼️

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Chapter 18: The Deathly Wings Of An Angel (4.5K)

Edward's PoV

‼️TRIGGER WARNING‼️

This chapter will have the mention of miscarriage.

I can't concentrate. All I can think of is Isabella and the way I have failed her. She swore again and again that she has been faithful, and I let my imagination run wild. When she announced that she was pregnant, for a brief second, I was the happiest man on this good Earth. For a brief moment, I had it all.

But then I remembered that I haven't been in her bed in over a month, and before that I did everything to prevent that very situation, diminishing my pleasure to make sure I would not grow a child in her. And she had this Mr Hunter coming into our house and spending time with her in our guest room.

And the thing is, James Hunter looks like a gentleman, not like a carpenter. What kind of carpenter dresses in a suit and owns a top hat? And he obviously knew his way around the house, which means he came more than once.

I don't mind that she employed someone. In fact, it proves that she finally feels home, that she finally feels comfortable enough. And for a while, I thought she had turned the room into a nursery, and I didn't want to have this conversation again. I know I can't keep delaying it, but I kept hoping to have it all.

But James Hunter does not look like a regular employee. He dresses as well as Eamon Hale and … I just don't like the way he looked at my wife. I have seen this look on a few other men's faces. I have seen this look on Alice the first time she saw Isabella's photograph. And instead of listening to my wife, I let my imagination run wild.

I had refused Isabella the one thing I knew she wanted. Everything I had gotten her over the past few months, she had gracefully accepted, but she never asked for any of those. She only asked for children and I kept refusing her because I wanted things my way. So seeing this man with lust in his eyes for my wife coming out of a room I thought was changed into a nursery …

I swallow and close my eyes. I should have listened to her and opened the door as soon as she gave me the possibility. Instead, I let myself think that she was so determined to have a child that any would do. That, the same way Abram and Sarai had to ask for Hagar to carry their child, Bella asked that man to give her his seed. And because I refused to talk to her, I called her names, accusing her of being unfaithful and of having another man's child.

With a sigh, I look at my injured hand, shame washing over me as I remember too vividly the cut I made on her face when I let my anger get the better of myself. This was definitely not the behaviour of a gentleman. I wanted to get Joseph Cassidy to pay her a visit, but Mrs Cooper said that Isabella refused to go to the hospital and claimed that she would heal naturally.

But according to Mrs Cooper, it will leave a scar, and it's something that I will see every day of my life. Every day, I will be reminded that I have scarred my wife. Every single day, I will have this proof in front of me that I failed as a husband and as a gentleman.

My father raised us with a very strict education, especially me since I was the first. I was not allowed to do anything wrong. I had to do things right from the first. In fact, I have always thought that he was a bit too controlling, though ever since I have gotten married, he has given me more control over things and I actually rarely see him at work anymore.

But no matter how strict he was, he never raised a hand against my mother. Jeremiah actually had to swear to never hit Angela when he asked for her hand. My father has seen his own father beat his mother so often that she died as a result of that. And it had a big impact on my father. He raised Emmett and me with the idea that hitting a woman was wrong.

If he knew, he would certainly be disappointed. Not only did I scar my wife for life, but she fell off the stairs because of me. And when she did, I just stood frozen. I am her husband, I am supposed to be the one she relies on, but when she was literally on the floor, I couldn't move a muscle.

I am sure that something went wrong that night. It's the first time I found myself paralysed in front of a situation, and I'll have to ask Alice about it. I know Joseph doesn't think much of anything that goes beyond the physical. Maybe I am sick and I need medicine. I can't keep being suddenly paralysed when something like that happens. Especially when it's my fault.

Yesterday, when Isabella didn't come for breakfast, I immediately worried. I have heard enough tales of soldiers being sick after a heavy blow to their heads. Mrs Cooper took her sweet time to make a tray and bring it to Isabella all the while glaring at me. In fact, I am sure that if I weren't a grown man, she would have put me across her knee and spanked me like she did when I was misbehaving as a child. Though I got much less spanking than Angela and Emmett.

And of course, instead of worrying about my wife's health, Mrs Cooper was all about the baby, and I said some hurtful things just so she would stop talking about it. I didn't want to think of this child that Isabella shared with another man and … I was an idiot.

I realised that after coming back from church, telling people that my wife was not feeling well. No one questioned it because at this season, many people are ill with the flu. The Reverend did ask if I was not coming down with the illness myself, but since sleep has evaded me even more than usual this past week, I know that I must look very tired.

So when I came home yesterday, I decided to visit her cursed room. I'm not sure what I wanted to do then. I still thought it was a nursery. I was torn between dismantling it and leaving it as it was. But when I got in, I understood the words on the note that accompanied the key.

Dear Edward

I wanted to give you this for our first Christmas together

But it seems that this surprise was a misjudgement from my part

I hope that you will take it as proof of my affection for you

And not as anything else

Your devoted wife, Isabella

And yes, it is the best proof of affection I could have asked for. A photography room. My own family doesn't know about this passion of mine. Except for our first day, I don't recall Isabella asking any more about my secret hobby and I was grateful for that. I didn't have time to do what she did.

Everything is in this room. The camera lens and the material to hold it steady. The developing liquid and the special paper. Frames for my future photographs. Even a few books made by famous photographers. And standing against the wall, a large painting of our wedding. She painted us closer than we stood in our wedding picture, with her arm on my arm and the both of us smiling whilst her hair is wild and resting on her shoulders.

As she wrote, this is proof of her affection, and this painting definitely has no place in this room. I will have it move to my bedroom tonight. Just like the small framed picture of her in her wedding dress with her hair undone is now on my desk, looking at me.

I stayed in that room all Sunday, and the night, cursing myself for not accepting her offer to see the room earlier. I was so sure that I would see a nursery, the nursery where she would have conceived her child with another man. And instead, Isabella catered to my most secret desire and put it in that room for me.

And I thanked her by insulting her, calling her names and telling her that she was the worst mistake of my life because she is carrying my child.

With anger, I open back the catalogue I have been looking through throughout the morning and I sigh. I know all these pieces by heart, and I know that none of them is going to help me. Just like no flowers will be able to express my chagrin.

In fact, I have no idea what to say to her. I saw the hurt in her eyes. I heard the coldness in her tone when she called me Mr Cullen. Even when we got married, her Mr Cullens were warmer. How can I take back what I said? Maybe I should go home and surprise her for lunch? Or maybe I should go by the hospital and make Joseph pay her a visit as Mrs Cooper said, using this as an excuse to see her.

I am torn out of my plans by someone curtly knocking on the door, and I have the brief hope that it is Isabella. But Alice's hat pops in before her whole body follows and she pouts when she sees me,

"Oh. It's just you."

I glare at her as she comes in and closes the door. "What do you want?"

"Well, I came back this morning and I wanted to take Bella out for lunch, but she's not home. So I thought that maybe she came to have lunch with you."

"She's … ill," I say, though there is this sensation growing inside of me. Bella wouldn't refuse a visit from Alice. She's her friend, and she's a doctor. Alice shakes her head, her eyes falling on the bandages of my hand.

"Mrs Cooper said she wasn't home, not that she was indisposed. Why would I be here, otherwise? What happened to your hand?"

I pale, my heart racing. Isabella was too unwell yesterday to go to church, and I know that no matter how she feels about me, she would put her faith before that. And yet, she is out today. Mrs Cooper would never have let her go outside on her own when she was so worried about her just yesterday, which means Isabella snuck out on my housekeeper. Is she leaving?

I've heard tales of wives running away from their husbands. Is she going back to her parents? Or Rosalie's maybe? Emmett is definitely going to tell on me to father.

"Edward?" Alice insists, sitting on the chair in from of me and waving her hand before my eyes. I shake my head to focus on the present moment, trying to reassure myself. Isabella wouldn't do that. She wouldn't run. it's not proper.

"Nothing."

Alice rolls her eyes and grabs my hand, examining it by slightly touching the bandages and watching my reactions. When I remain speechless to her silent question, she smirks at me and reminds me, "It seems that you forget I grew up with you, Cullen. Did you have a fight with Bella?"

I sigh, doing my best to ignore the way it has always annoyed me that everyone around me seems to call my wife Bella, everyone but me. Alice, my family, her family, the Reverend, and yet, she is still to tell me to call her Bella.

"She's pregnant."

Alice eyes the bottle of whiskey on my desk and knowingly smirks before brightly smiling at me, "Oh, congratulations! You've been waiting to be a father for so long. I do expect a little Alice down the line, though. I know Bella will agree."

I don't say anything and just pour myself another glass of whiskey. This has been my diet as of late. Whiskey and lack of sleep. Alice is definitely not going to be happy when I tell her how I behaved. And she isn't Mrs Cooper, I know for a fact that she is going to spill my misdemeanours to my father.

She frowns, pouring herself a glass when I don't propose her one, and she asks, "What's wrong? I thought you wanted children? Didn't you exchange your sweet words of love, already?"

"I accused her of being unfaithful," I blurt out and Alice snorts, almost spilling her drink.

"Bella? The person who can't say the word improper without blushing and faints at the mere notion of nakedness, is having an affair? Do we know the same Bella?"

"I had grounds. She has been seeing a gentleman in my house in one of our guest rooms."

Alice raises an eyebrow at me, unimpressed as she waits for me to say more as if this isn't shocking enough. Any other wife and Alice would already be drawing conclusions, but since she loves Bella, she can't see how wrong that is.

"So? What did the gentleman work on? I'm assuming a nice surprise. Did she learn French since you like the language so much?"

I glare at her, hating that my friend has more faith in my wife than I did. In fact, I don't need her snide comments. I already feel guilty enough. For the way I have behaved, for the fall, for the fact that she missed church because of me.

I clear my throat, and look at the corner of my desk, refusing to look Alice in the eye as I ask her, "I have a question. As a doctor … How bad can a fall be to a pregnant woman? I mean … she can't lose the baby, right? Women have been pregnant for generations, and here we are."

Slowly, she puts her glass down, her green eyes going to my bandaged hand again. For a moment, she doesn't say anything, and when she finally speaks, it's not to ease my conscience, "How did you injure your hand Edward?"

"Answer my question, Alice!"

We silently battle. "Did you hit your wife, pregnant nonetheless, Edward?"

Even though she didn't say it, I can hear the words 'what is your father going to say?' I glare at her, annoyed that she still doesn't answer my simple question, and insulted she'd think I'd go this far. I just pray to God she never learns about the other Friday night when I scared my wife in bed to the point of tears.

"I did not hit her. We had an argument and she fell down the stairs."

She raises her left eyebrow, challenging my word but I did not push Isabella. I know that despite my anger, I wouldn't have purposely pushed her. If there is one thing I can be sure of, it's that.

"If the baby dies, it will be your fault, Edward."

"Don't say that," I plead. I didn't want to hear that. Isabella would never forgive me. I would never forgive myself. I would have killed my own child, calling it a bastard and its mother a whore.

"You asked for my opinion, Edward. As a doctor, babies are fragile and weak. And that is from the womb all the way until they walk and are weaned. Some adults don't survive a fall from the stairs…

As a friend, how can you think she would ever be unfaithful? I know she can be … rigid but that's exactly the reason why you can't accuse her. Bella is too proper to do something like that…"

She stops and looks at me as if it's the first time she is seeing me. "Edward … I know your temper. Please, tell me you didn't yell at her and you didn't let your foul mouth run for you."

I look down, shame taking me over once again. Alice has seen a few of my tantrums at work, and as she said, I can have quite a foul mouth when I'm angry. And just like I did with Isabella, I can yell rather loud as well. Without a word, Alice gets up and walk around the desk before tilting my face up and strongly bringing her hand to my cheek.

The slap echoes in my office as my head snap the other way, my cheek stinging where she hit me. Then she quietly goes back to her sit, glaring at me as she states a truth, "That's because Bella will never do that. She's too proper to do what's right. And if it wasn't for her, I would have hit somewhere else."

I lock my jaw, refusing for Alice to completely take Bella's side. I was entitled to my suspicions. "What was I supposed to think? This man comes to my house, and then I learn she is pregnant when I withdrew each and every time? Don't you think I wouldn't have rather finish inside my wife?"

"And I told you that Cassidy is not always right. I told you to talk to her, explain your views and ask her to take the medicine. And even then, God will always have the ultimate decision.

And besides that? Did you talk to her and your assumptions, or did you just do what you resented her for doing and assumed? Bella heard you moan in your office where she knew another woman was, in the middle of the night. As soon as you explained to her, she accepted your explanation. Did you return the courtesy? Did you let her explain?"

I don't respond anything, glaring at an empty spot on my desk. Isabella explained from the start that James Hunter was an employee. She said from the start that he helped her make a surprise. And … she doesn't know how to lie. So why didn't I take her word for it? Because that man would have definitely courted her if she hadn't been proper, married or not. I saw it in his eyes.

"He wants her. That's all I could think of. I saw it in his eyes, Alice. He wants her!"

She rolls her eyes. "You think everyone wants her."

"You would want to be with her if she wasn't with me." I remind her.

"Probably. She is beautiful, sweet, kind and faithful. Do you have any idea how much she subtly talks about you? Every time someone mentions you, her face lights up and she praises you as if you were the baby Jesus.

I told you already Edward, Bella will never confess feelings for you that you wouldn't have confessed first. She respects you too much for that. She will never put you in a situation where you would feel cornered by her feelings. Forget about your ego and tell her how you feel."

I close my eyes and swallow with difficulty. Alice will never understand. Besides the fact that she is single and unmarried, she is not a man. She can't understand that men are not supposed to be ruled by their emotions. And ever since I have met Isabella, I have done nothing but being ruled by them. Of course, lust was the first. But quickly after came care, friendship, love and lately, hurt and anger. What kind of men am I if I can't control myself?

I am spared from answering by Eamon knocking and entering the office, tilting his head to Alice before he tells me, "There is a messenger for you, Edward. I think it's Joseph's ward."

I frown signalling Eamon to let the young boy come in as Alice's face slightly drops. Joseph and she have a less than friendly relationship, and I am perfectly aware that Joseph only tolerates her because he is under my payroll and he knows the place Alice holds in my family. I wish he would just forget about her condition as a woman and would simply take her opinion as a doctor, but I am also aware that it is not easy to accept a woman doctor.

Billy, Joseph's ward, comes in, bowing his head nervously. He is an orphan of barely thirteen and has been working for Joseph for the past year, not that I think Billy is learning anything. He is mostly Joseph's errand boy, fetching things or delivering messages for the doctor.

"Mr Cullen, sir. The doctor said to tell ya that your missus is at the hospital."

As soon as the words are out of his mouth, I am on my feet, swiftly followed by Alice. Did Isabella decide to go to the hospital after all? Was she not feeling well? Did she walk all the way there? It is a long walk for someone unwell.

I reach for my coat, ignoring Eamon's curious eyes and suddenly stop. I can't leave everything without someone to supervise. And Eamon only knows how to take care of the bank, but Mondays are usually the days I look down on our offshore investments. I look at Billy and take out of my coat pocket my pouch to give him a shining silver dollar. His eyes light up, this is what he makes in a month.

"Do you know were Mr Cullen Sr lives?"

"By the fountain?"

"Yes. Tell Mr Cullen I told him to come over and take care of things."

He nods, taking the dollar before running out of the bank to deliver his message. I am out of the building shortly after him, Alice by my side and Mr Banner takes us to the hospital, just fifteen minutes away.

As soon as I get there, a nurse greets me and she takes me to a secluded bed where Joseph is standing. Isabella is laying there, her eyes closed and her face tumfied. I can see from the corner of my eyes Alice glaring at me as she rushes to Isabella, but I remain frozen.

I know for a fact that Isabella was not so injured Saturday night. Her dress is muddy and I pale, my heart beating when it looks like it's bloody as well. I am so grateful for Alice and her questions, because right now, once again, I am paralysed and can't do or say a thing.

"What happened?"

"Horses turning wild. It seems that Mrs Cullen tried to save a child from being trampled when she saw the car coming. Obviously, she did not leave the crazed horses path in time."

I watch Alice remove her hat and lift Isabella's eyelids as she keeps asking, "Any vomiting, or has she been unconscious since she was brought here?"

"Mrs Cullen is my patient, Miss Williams. I know how to take care of her. You might do well with the peasants around, but Mrs Cullen needs a … doctor with experience."

Alice glares at Joseph, ignoring the taunt of calling her Miss instead of Doctor. I have noticed that a few people started calling Alice Dr Alice or Dr Williams after Isabella systematically talked about her good friend as Dr Williams. But I doubt Joseph will ever do that.

"Was she bleeding when she came in?" She asked, and I swallow down the nausea growing inside of me. I don't want an answer to that question.

Joseph glances at me and curtly answers, "I don't think Mr Cullen needs to hear about his wife's cycle more than necessary."

I look at Alice who is already moving to be at the foot of Isabella's bed, her face letting me know that this was not the answer she was hoping for. "She is pregnant," She informs him, and Joseph's face immediately mirrors her own.

"How do you know? Maybe she was just late."

"When was her last cycle, Edward?"

I try to think. I have had Joseph and auscultate her every time she had her cycle. She was always feeling so unwell. And she looked terrible. It was frightening. I have never seen Angela like that, nor Alice. But Joseph only came twice. I should have realised earlier.

"The last time Joseph came."

He shakes his head, closing the partition and blinding me from the sight of my wife as he says, more to Alice than to me, "So three to four months. And there I thought he finally realised that his wife was just being a woman, weak by nature."

I don't know what happens behind this partition, only seeing their shadows fuss over my wife and angry whispers between the two doctors. Joseph is clearly unhappy that Alice is here, questioning his authority and Alice is contesting his diagnosis.

Apparently one of the horses have left a hoof print on Isabella's stomach, and to Joseph, this is what caused the miscarriage. But Alice refutes that it could have been triggered by her fall of Saturday. When they open the curtain, Alice is wiping her hands off the blood, and Joseph tells me,

"I am sorry, Mr Cullen, but though we could confirm the pregnancy, the infant did not survive the trampling of horses," He glares at Alice, forbidding her from arguing. "Mrs Cullen clearly suffered from the hysteria of pregnant women, going into town unaccompanied with no one to help her out of this situation. I will have some medicine ready for her to make sure she is clear of the miscarriage."

He walks away and I look back at Isabella, feeling Alice's eyes on me with her lips pursed together so tightly that they are just a thin white line.

"I want her transferred home. I don't want her to stay here amongst strangers."

Alice doesn't say a thing and when I finally look at her, she throws the bloody cloth at my face, telling me what I already knew but didn't want to hear, "Congratulations, Mr Cullen. You have killed your unborn child."

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💚 Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed 💚

💚 I am curious about your feelings toward Edward and Alice? Especially now that you had his POV

💚Well, let me know what you thought of this chapter. What was your favourite part? What do you think will happen next?

‼️ Anyway, Stephanie Meyer owns the names of the characters from the Twilight franchise, everything else is mine (including the mistakes and grammar errors)‼️

Love, Mina 💚💚💚