Jane woke up holding Maura. A few months ago, she'd woken up like this, but they'd both been fully dressed because they hadn't admitted that they were sleeping together back then, and Jane had guiltily withdrawn before Maura could wake up and catch her wrapped around her like a baby opossum. She'd make the coffee Maura liked, because it was early enough that she'd have the time before work, or whatever they'd planned that day. She'd try not to think about the way she'd slept with Dean - poorly, on her own side of the bed, waking up to slap his hand away from her body, and she'd try not to compare it to the way she slept with Maura - well, on Maura's side of the bed, Maura's hands resting gently on her back.

But once the panic had faded, once the coffee was brewing, Jane would think about how Maura had felt in her arms.

And behind the guilt, behind the repressed sexuality, behind the worry that Maura would wake up first one of these days and catch Jane in her neediness, Jane always felt calmed and safe. Usually at least one of Maura's hands would have settled somewhere on Jane's torso and Jane had felt the warmth from that hand carry her through the day. Her nightmares stayed away, scared away by Maura and Jane had felt lighter, stronger, better.

But below that she felt guilty, using her friend as a safety blanket, creeping in on her sleeping body to gain even a small measure of comfort from her presence. At first Jane had woken up, having moved against Maura in her sleep. But as the years wore on, Jane's brain knew something was going on, she knew she was crossing a line but she couldn't stop herself from pulling Maura against her, the physical comfort the only thing getting her through her time with Hoyt, her time after being shot, after watching cars explode, after her brother, partner and nephew were trapped in a basement. After Jane was kidnapped. Korsak had gone to hug her, but Jane had pulled away, only to let Maura wrap her in her safe arms at the hospital, to let Maura take her home, tuck her under a blanket and hand her a beer. Jane knew if she wanted to talk about it, Maura would listen, but she also knew that if she wanted to brush it off, Maura would trust her to know what she needed.

And what Jane had needed, what Jane had really needed, was to have Maura fall asleep next to her on the couch, Jane shaking her half awake and leading her to bed, tucking her in, hesitating before slipping in next to her. That night, Maura had rolled over and slung her arm over Jane, still half asleep.

"You're safe," Maura had mumbled as she pulled Jane closer, and Jane, pinned under Maura's arm, knew it was true.

And now Jane had woken up, holding Maura, no clothing between them, no guise to get them into the same bed, no subterfuge or pretending, just a mutual decision to acknowledge and accept this part of their lives. Jane smoothed her hands over Maura's bare back, the way she'd always wanted to in the morning.

"Good morning," Maura mumbled against Jane's chest.

"I always felt bad about holding you in your sleep," Jane said. "Like I was taking something you hadn't offered. I'm sorry about that."

"I knew about it," Maura said. "I wouldn't have stayed over if I hadn't enjoyed it. And I was inviting myself over, if anyone was taking something unoffered it must have been me."

"I felt bad about it, but you were right about how much better I slept with you."

"You're very good at sleeping with me," Maura said, with no trace of irony.

"I couldn't have stopped without you getting suspicious, and I never thought I'd be ready to talk about it."

"But you're glad we did?" Maura asked, and Jane kissed her forehead, hand still trailing softly over Maura's bare back.

"I'm glad you waited so long. I was scared, but it was such a long time that I'd processed a lot of it by then. A year ago, I don't know that I'd have been ready for this."

"I'm glad you are," Maura said, humming in pleasure as Jane's fingers wound their way into her hair, rubbing at her scalp.

"And you're enjoying this?"

"I very much enjoyed this," Mara said propping herself up on one elbow, grasping Jane's jaw with her other hand, letting her thumb brush over Jane's lips. "All of this," Maura said, her hand slipping under the sheets.

Notes:

I just binged all of Brooklyn 99 and this is what I have today.