Ch 3

The Doctor twitched his eyes open. River stared at him, her expression stone and unchanging. He frowned- quite an impressive expression when worn on this face. He started sniffing the air before he realized there were scanners on him and took them off.

"What do you think you're doing?" River asked, her tone as icy as her expression.

His eyes shot up to hers, looking genuinely surprised that there was another person there. "Don't want these."

"I don't care. You need to keep them on." She frowned.

"Why?"

"Because we need to monitor your hearts."

"My hearts are fine." He frowned some more, though this time is was at his newly Scottish accent. "I don't need a doctor."

"I don't care what you think you need. I'm telling you what you need." She glared daggers at him.

"Are you my doctor?" He asked, genuinely not knowing the answer to that.

Her expression wavered when she realized that he didn't know who she was. Painful memories filled her mind, "No...not exactly."

He responded with a huff and sat up completely, swinging his legs over the examination table. He stood and looked around. "I know this place..."

"It's the Hub. Jack runs Torchwood from here." She explained, now looking everywhere but him.

"Jack." He muttered. "The flirty one... annoyingly prideful one..."

She almost managed a smile, "I should get him. He'll want to know that you're awake."

"Not his business. He's too nosey." He sniffed the air again and spotted the plate with one last biscuit on it. He went over and took it.

"Are you hungry?" She asked.

"I think I am. Not the easiest thing to know." He started eating the pastry. She nodded slowly, letting him eat in silence. It only took him a moment to consume it.

When his mouth was empty again, he continued pondering. "Jack. He kissed me once, you know. And Rose. In the same minute actually. I think. How long ago was that? Rose... over a thousand years ago. Yes, she's been gone for a long time."

"Yes, she has." River confirmed though a thousand years was an overestimate, "What else do you remember?"

"I've got 2000 years of life lived. You'll have to be more specific."

She knew he wasn't two thousand, though dismissed his mistake, "Do you remember Amy and Rory?" She asked.

"The nose and the legs." He smiled weakly. "Always loyal to each other, brave until the end."

"Do you remember Amelia and Freya?"

He was quiet for a moment as the cogs turned in his head. "They played used to play 'pirate' when they were little. The old girl would make them holographic enemies to fight over treasure with."

"Do you remember who they are to you?"

"My children." He was quiet again starting to look a little worried. "They haven't gone and grew up without me, have they?"

"Unless you count thirteen as grown up then no, they haven't." She paused, "What about Terra and Arthur?"

"What about them?"

"Do you remember who they are?"

"My children. The younger ones."

She nodded, not daring to ask if he remembered her.

"Terra... she's going to be devastated at my new face. What do I look like?"

"I'll get you a mirror." She murmured, turning away from him. He didn't say anything watching her intensely.

She rummaged through a few drawers before finally finding a mirror, bringing it back over to him. He his gaze shifted to his reflection, expression not changing. "It's got lines on it."

"Does that bother you?"

He looked like he might answer her question when he exclaimed instead, "I've got sodding caterpillars above my eyes! Where did those come from?"

"Yes, it would seem that you're trying to make up for the lack of eyebrows from your last regeneration."

"Bloody attack eyebrows." He muttered. She didn't respond, watching him examine his new face, now feeling more hurt than angry, though the anger was still there.

"All gray." He poked suspiciously at his hair. "Was that on purpose? ...I think someone told me to do that."

"Do you remember who?" She asked quietly. He took a breath and thought. After a minute a started snapping as if it would help him remember. "The flirty one... no, not Jack." He snapped some more. "She's... she's the clever one." Another snap. "Big hair. Has a habit of shooting my hats."

"Does she have a name?" River raised an eyebrow, wondering if he was even realizing that she was the person he was describing.

"Everyone has a name," He huffed like it was obvious, but defeatedly did have to think about it again. "...River." He smiled warmly and sadly all at the same time. "Likes to prove me wrong. Marvelous dancer. She's my…" He hesitated and his face fell. "I'm late, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are." Her frown and eyes hardened.

"How late?"

"Almost a month."

He winced at his own mistake. "That's crashing TARDISes for you. Hard to steer."

She rolled her eyes, "You lied to me."

"Yes, I did." He murmured.

"Where did you go?" She stared at him, her expression showing her anger but her eyes giving away the pain and hurt that she felt inside.

He hesitated. "...Gallifrey."

Her breathing stopped for a moment, "Why didn't you just tell me? We could have talked about it."

"A lot of reasons, River." He sighed, knowing he was in the wrong. "Things didn't exactly go as planned."

"Obviously." She looked away from him, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I didn't go out of my way to die." He huffed.

"I never said that you did." She whispered she turned so her back was to him, her shoulders slumping ever so slightly.

"You're acting like it." He scrubbed a hand over his face. "I went out of my way to protect you and the kids."

She wanted to snap at him and tell him just how much he had hurt her, but she didn't. Instead, she bit back her tears, swallowed her tongue and forced the most genuine smile she could manage, "You're right, I'm sorry. It's been a stressful few weeks not knowing where you were."

He looked a bit surprised at her reaction. "It shows."

"I'm sorry." She repeated.

"It's not you who should be apologizing."

She looked away from him, not in the mood for an apology, "I think we should work out what we're going to tell the children." She quickly tried to change the subject.

He swallowed. His mind was full of trying to tell River what had happened, not the kids yet. "I don't want them to know where I went."

"Okay." She whispered, "I think that I should go see them first and… break the news to them."

"That might be best." He agreed.

"I'll go soon. There's no sense in keeping them in suspense."

"Where are they?"

"The twins slept over at Matty's house and Arthur and Terra are at Clara's."

He looked at the floor. "They'll be so upset." After being away for so long-longer than River knew-all he wanted was to hold his family again and see them happy. That certainly hadn't been the case so far and he knew wouldn't be anytime soon.

"They'll get used to it."

"They shouldn't have to." He muttered.

"It's better than not having a father at all." She shot back, her tone a bit sharper than she meant it to be. He said nothing, Vastra coming returning to the hub. River sighed, "I should go talk to the children."

"Yeah." He nodded. She left the room, needing a minute to compose herself.

Vastra had all four kids waiting at the door with her, Terra looking excited. River looked at her children, her hearts breaking all over again, "Let's go talk over here." She murmured, bringing them further away from the medical bay.

They went up to Jack's office where he greeted the kids asked River if she needed any help with this part. She shook her head, "Do you all know about regeneration?"

The twins nodded. Their younger siblings shook their heads. River sighed, explaining, "When someone like us, a Gallifreyan, is badly hurt and dying, they have a way of… cheating death. It's called regeneration and it causes the hurt person to release a large amount of healing energy, but it also causes them to change their face."

They grew more concerned as River spoke, not understanding why she was telling them this.

"When your father went away, something happened and he had to...regenerate. So, he looks different now and he may act a bit different, but I want you to know that he's still your Daddy and he still loves you."

"[Daddy got hurt]?" Terra looked terrified.

"[Yes but he's okay now.]"

She didn't believe her mother, making a run for downstairs. River let her go, closing her eyes and sighing. Terra sprinted as fast as her little legs could go towards the med bay in complete denial of what was happening.

"Would you like to go down as well?" River asked the three others. They nodded.

Arthur jumped when he heard his younger sister scream from downstairs.

River ran down to the sound of the scream, the three other children following. Terra was fleeing from the med bay in tears. "[That's not Daddy!]"

River caught the girl in her arms, holding her tightly, "[It is, my love. It is. I told you he was going to look different, remember? I know it's scary to see someone that looks very different, but it's still him.]"

"[It's not Daddy!]" She sobbed. [It's not him! I want my daddy! Where's Daddy?]"

River hummed to calm her, nuzzling the top of her head, "[Why don't you give him a test? Ask him a question only Daddy would know the answer to.]"

She sniffled and looked back at the old man in the med bay, not wanting to let go of her mother's hand.

"[I'll be right here the whole time.]" River assured.

Terra nodded slowly and approached the Doctor, clinging to River's hand. River walked over with her daughter, giving her husband an if-you're-not-gentle-with-her-I'll-shoot-your-eyebrows-off look.

He took a breath. "[Hello, Terra]"

Terra got straight down to business, asking her first question, "[How old am I?]" It obviously wasn't the hardest and most personal question in the world, but then again the girl was only 5, so her interrogation skills could still use some work.

"[You're five. You turned five over the summer.]" He replied.

Her face scrunched as she tried to think of a harder question, "[What's my favorite bedtime story?]"

"[Anything from Mummy's diary.]"

"[What did you promise to get me for my next birthday?]"

"[A stuffed horse and a pretty dress to match the one Mummy wore to the equinox festival.]" He answered readily.

Her next question was a trick, "[Which do I like better: manaphants or squirgents?]"

He thought for a moment."[ Aren't Varqrid your favorite?]"

She nodded.

He nearly smiled. "[Do you believe Mummy now?]"

She nodded again, though she still clutched onto River's hand. He kneeled down to her level. "[I've very sorry I'm late, sweetheart. I came home as soon as I could.]"

"[Why did you have to change? I liked they way you were.]"

"[My body was hurt. In order to get better, I had to change my face.]"

"[You look like Emma's granddad.]" Emma was her school friend.

"[Do I? I haven't seen very much of myself.]" He had to admit that he felt that he'd seen this face before.

She nodded, reaching out to touch his face. He let her trace over the creases of his new skin, over frown and smile lines alike. The others watched from the steps, silent.

Terra turned to her siblings. "[It's Daddy.]"

They cautiously drew closer, though they stopped once at River's side, refusing to go past the safety of their mother. The Doctor watched them all, his hearts dropping to his toes at their expressions. In any other circumstance they might've been jumping to hug him, but as it was, Terra's was the only kind touch he'd felt from anyone in a long time. "Hello, my loves."

It took them several minutes, but finally, they drew closer to examine his new face. Like their sister had they touched his cheeks and eyebrows and forehead. He closed his eyes.

"Why do you look so old?" Arthur asked, breaking the silence.

"Ah, well, regeneration is always a lottery. You never quite know what you're going to look like."

"What are we going to tell our friends?" Amelia asked, by now used to keeping secrets about anything unordinary that went on with their family.

"I'm not sure yet. Your mother and I will figure it out."

River nodded in silent agreement. He tried to offer the children a comforting expression. "Now I know this is all a lot to take in, but I'd like you to know that I still love you all very much." He looked at River. "It's okay to be upset about this and it's okay to be angry if you need to be. I'm never going to stop loving any of you for it."

River looked away when he said this, though Terra felt brave enough to give him a tentative hug. He was taken back by the action, gently hugging her back. Arthur followed the little girl's lead, though the older girls were more hesitant.

Amelia looked up at her mum. "When is he going to change back?"

"He's not going to change back, my love. This is what he's going to be like from now on."

"But there must be a way to make him go back." Freya frowned.

River shook her head, "No, there isn't."

"I thought he couldn't do this anymore." Amelia murmured. "When Arthur was born and you... he didn't have any regeneration energy left."

"That's what I thought." She sighed, "You'll have to ask him."

"I want to go home," Freya whispered.

"We can go home, but we're going to have to walk." She didn't know where the Doctor's TARDIS was at the moment.

"Why?" Arthur complained.

"We don't have the TARDIS right now." River murmured.

"Where did it go?"

"I don't know. Your father had it last. Would you mind going back with Auntie Vastra so your father and I can talk?"

"Okay." The kids nodded and followed Vastra to the other room.