Ch 4

"Do you know where our TARDIS is?" River asked the Doctor once the kids were out of earshot. Out of their small family, she was the only one who hadn't at least touched his face.

He shook his head. "No."

She sighed, "Right… Well, I'm going to go find it then."

He looked alarmed, "Don't!"

"Why not?" She frowned, "We need it back, it's our home."

"Because I know who took it and if they see you they'll kill you on sight."

It was getting harder to control her anger with him, "Then what do you suggest we do about it?"

He sighed. "I think she'll come back to us on her own."

She closed her eyes, leaning against the wall. "Okay..."

"We should borrow Jack's vortex manipulator." He said after a moment.

"I already have." She murmured.

"Oh." He fell silent.

She sighed again, staying silent for a minute, "Do you think you're well enough to walk back?"

"I'm not sure. I can't really remember what the house looks like."

"I'll go with you, I meant do you think you're able to walk a few blocks?"

He nodded. "Probably."

More silence.

"...You did well with the kids." She complimented.

"Thanks." He smiled weakly.

She nodded, going to help him up. He accepted her help, taking personal note of how his new hands didn't fit as well with hers now. She noticed as well, immediately letting go of his hand once he was standing because of it.

He tried not to dwell on the loss of it. "What day is it?"

"Friday." She whispered.

"Is it the morning?"

"No, the evening."

"Oh." He breathed, eyes searching the room like he was trying to remember something.

"Something wrong?"

"I-" He frowned, finding the memory but clearly wishing he hadn't. "Are you sure I've only been gone a month?"

"Yes.. .why?" She frowned.

"Doesn't matter." He wasn't meeting her eyes. "We should get home."

"Not until you tell me." She shook her head, tired of being lied to.

He bit his tongue. "...It's shorter."

"What's shorter?"

"The time. That I was away for. It's shorter for you."

Her frown deepened, "How long was it for you?"

He shook his head, trying to dismiss it. "It was fine."

"How long?" She asked again.

"...I was trapped somewhere... not good. They wanted me to tell them where you lot were, but I didn't. So they kept me there. A while."

She swallowed, a small part of her anger dissolving. "How long is a while?"

His throat felt dry trying to get the words out. "Um, a couple hundred years... maybe?" She closed her eyes, going silent again, trying to hide the hurt and anger she felt both towards and for him. He watched her for a long minute. "Say something. Please."

"What do you want me to say?" She whispered, shaking her head.

"Just be honest. As long as we're putting everything on the table, you way as well have a thought or two about this." He searched her face. "You've nearly said a word about your feelings."

"My feelings aren't important right now." She whispered.

"Self-derivation doesn't suit you, dear. You know they're important to me."

She scoffed, "If that's true then why did you lie to me about what you were doing? Why didn't you talk to me and hear my feelings then?" Her volume was rising with each word.

"It was a different situation." He murmured.

"It didn't have to be." She stared at him, the ice in her gaze returning.

"Well, it happened and I can't change it now. What I can do is listen now." He didn't care if she was going to scream at him or not. He just wanted to hear her after so much time spent in silence.

She sat down on the steps, putting her head in her hands, trying to calm down, "I thought that we were past lying to each other." She whispered after a few minutes. "And then when you didn't come back..." She trailed off, shaking her head, "I'm so foolish for thinking that could ever be true. So as angry as I am with you, I'm even angrier with myself."

"How can you be mad at yourself for my own mistake?"

"I'm mad at myself because I thought that you had stopped lying to me. After all these years, I should have known that that would never stop. It's rule one."

"River, that was the first lie I've told you in a very, very long time. I breached your trust, I get that, but there's only one reason I did it and I know you'd do the same given the circumstance."

"Doctor, I don't think you understand our circumstances. We have children now. We have responsibilities. What if you weren't able to regenerate? Then you would have been dead while we were here waiting for you, never knowing what happened to you. I spent most of my life waiting for the next time you would show up, I don't want my children to have to go through that too."

"I'd rather that then have you all die the way I did." He muttered.

She shook her head, "You just don't understand."

He closed his eyes. "Maybe you should explain it again when my brain is actually working."

"Maybe." She muttered.

While the Doctor had thought for a long time he was doing right by his family, the conversation had him questioning his morals. He had hurt River, that much was obvious -and while he was glad to have kept them out of danger, he wasn't sure how he was going to bridge the apparent gap he'd made.

She sighed, putting her head in her hands again, taking a minute to collect herself. "We should get back home."

"Yeah." He nodded.

They gathered the kids up, bid Jack and Vastra goodbye, and started the walk home. River held Terra's hand as they walked, most of the walk home silent.

The Doctor kept looking around at the buildings, trying to recognize anything he could, which was not much. Once they were home, River let them into the flat. Toby came limping over to greet them, though he barked when he saw the Doctor.

The Doctor looked startled. "River there's a dog in our house."

"That's Toby. We've had him for almost ten years." She murmured.

"Oh." He frowned, not quite remembering. She didn't say anything, giving the dog a scratch behind the ear.

Toby gladly greeted the others in the family, but he was apprehensive towards the stranger.

"It's alright, Toby," River said.

Terra looked up at her father and gestured for him to hold out his hand for the dog. He hesitantly followed his daughter's directions, holding his hand out.

The dog sniffed his hand, recognizing the Doctor from the scent. He barked happily, licking his hand. The Doctor stared at the dog for a long moment. "...I know you."

Toby's tail was wagging and he watched the Doctor with what could have been called a smile. He finally pet the dog with more merriment, glad that at least someone was a happy to see him.

"I have to go make a call. You can walk around the house if you don't remember where everything is." River told him, "Amelia would you mind feeding Toby? I believe it's your turn tonight."

Amelia nodded. Freya and Arthur went upstairs. Terra stayed with her father, offering to show him around the house. She took his hand and pulled him to each room, telling him what it was and her favorite part about each of them.

They started on the first floor and made their way up, ending right outside River and the Doctor's shared bedroom where River was still on the phone behind the closed door.

"[Do you know who Mummy's calling?]" The Doctor asked.

Terra shook her head, "[Ask her.]"

"[Well... I wouldn't want to interrupt her.]" River was irritated enough with him as it was.

Terra opened the door, peering into the room. "[Mummy, are you done with the phone?]" She asked.

River shook her head, "[Not yet, I'm on the phone with work. I'll be with you in a minute.]"

"[Why are you talking to your work?]"

"[Not now, Terra.]" River shooed her out.

"[What did Mummy say?]" Asked the Doctor.

"[She said she's talking to work.]"

"[Maybe she's going to take some time off.]" He thought aloud.

"Yes, yes I know, but I can't do that right now." River's voice could be heard from inside the room", "I appreciate the offer but..."

"[I would like that.]" Terra smiled, "[Then we could play all the time.]"

"[Yeah...]" He agreed, but was more focused on trying to figure out what River was talking about. Was she turning down an expedition offer? Why would she do that?

"So I'm afraid it's a no on both accounts." She laughed weakly, "And a no to dinner as well." There was a pause as she listened to the response of the person on the other line, "It's not that I don't want to, it truly is hard to turn down your offer, but the timing isn't right. There's been an unexpected change in my life and I need to deal with that before I do anything else."

The Doctor's hearts quickened. Dinner? Dinner with who? He tried very hard not to jump to any conclusions as making assumptions lately didn't work out well for him. Surely it was just a work thing. That's what he tried to tell himself at least. Maybe he ought to just ask, but how could he be sure she'd tell him the truth when she was so hurt about him lying to her? Maybe he was over complicating things.

River laughed again, "I'll talk to you very soon." Another pause, "I promise I won't...Goodbye." There was some shuffling from inside the room before the door opened.

Terra and the Doctor looked up at River. "[Are you going to stay home for work so we can play?]" Terra asked hopefully.

River hesitated, "[Yes, but only for one week.]"

"[Oh.]" She nodded. "[I was gonna show Daddy your room.]" River stepped aside so they could enter the room.

"[This part I believe I remember, dear.]" The Doctor said, looking at River. "Who was on the phone?"

"It was just a work thing." She murmured, changing the subject, "You remember our room?"

"Yes. Very fondly in fact." He nodded.

River looked at the picture of them that was on her nightstand, "Well I'm glad your memory is coming back."

"I ought to get some non-burnt clothes on." He murmured.

River tensed slightly, "Right...I don't know if there's anything much different style wise in our wardrobe so you'll have to wait for the TARDIS to get back."

"Of course." He turned to his daughter. "[Why don't you go find your siblings and play?]"

She nodded, running down the hall to find her brother and sisters.

He moved to the open the closet, peering at the clothing choices. "Any suggestions, River?"

"I'll let you choose on your own." She murmured, staying by the door.

He shrugged, wishing she'd at least come in the room. "I really hope I have at least a bit of coat variety."

"I can take you shopping downtown if the selection really bothers you that much." She offered.

"Shopping? That might be nice. The girls would love to join in on that."

"Actually, I was thinking it would be just us, but we can bring the kids if you want."

He poked his head out of the closet. "Just us is nice, too."

"Are you sure you don't mind?" She took a few steps closer.

He looked hopeful. "Of course not."

She nodded, "I should ask Clara to come over then."

"Yes, that would be good."

"I'll call her." She whispered. He nodded, going to change into jeans and a t-shirt. It wasn't his first choice, but it wasn't burnt tweed.

River got on the phone with Clara, who said she would come over to watch the kids. Terra and Arthur were very excited to see her again, even though they'd slept at her house the day prior. They ran to her and gave her huge hugs when she arrived.

River warned Clara about the Doctor's changed appearance, not wanting to frighten her. Terra was eager to show Clara what her dad looked like now, dragging her to the kitchen where he was making coffee.

"Doctor?" Clara stared when her eyes fell on the Doctor's form.

He looked up at her. "Yes?"

"...Hi." She gave him an uneasy smile, "You like...great!"

He scoffed. "I look like I'm fresh out of the Time War."

She gave him a more relaxed smile, "Jeans and a t-shirt. That's certainly a look, no bowtie?"

"Bow ties were bit embarrassing. And the look is temporary." He replied, sipping his drink. River, who had been standing in the doorway, left at that moment.

"Well, I'm here so you can go and figure out your new look." Clara ruffled Terra's hair.

"That's the plan." He nodded. "Shouldn't take more than a few hours."

Clara nodded, "Well, have fun. Don't make any fashion decisions I wouldn't make."

"That's why I've got..." He frowned as he realized River has left. "...my wife."

"I'm sure she'll watch out for you." Clara turned, now seeing that River was gone as well.

"Yeah... I'd best find her so we can go." He left the room.

River had gone back to their bedroom, retrieving the singed clothes from where they had been discarded. He knocked on the doorframe when he found her. "What are you doing?"

"Just...putting this away." She whispered, holding tightly onto the strip of fabric that was his bowtie.

He swallowed. It wasn't the bow tie from their first wedding, but they'd been wed enough times that all of his bow ties may as well be symbols of their union. At that thought, he realized what he'd said that might've upset her. "Can I see my jacket?"

She nodded, handing it over to him avoiding his eyes. He dug shoulder deep into the pocket until he found what he was looking for, pulling out his wedding ring.

She let out a shaky sigh, "Almost forgot about that?"

"Not quite." The stones on the ring had dulled greatly in color and the metal was quite scratched and aged. He slipped it back on his finger. "Didn't want to lose it in the crash."

"You should get it cleaned." She murmured.

He nodded. "Not many opportunities to do that lately."

"We can drop it off at the jewelers in town if you want." She still wasn't looking at him, holding the coat and the bowtie close to her chest.

He frowned. "I don't think I trust this in the hands of those pudding brains. They'll mess something up."

"Pudding brains?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, pudding brains. 'Cos they're idiots."

She smiled softly, "I see."

He looked at the way she was clinging to his old garments. "River, can I ask you something?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think that because my face has changed, my feelings about you have changed as well?"

"Of course not." She shook her head, "But I do think that you'll show your feelings in a different way and that will take some getting used to."

He nodded. "Looks like you're an expert."

"Well, I wouldn't say that." She smiled weakly.

"Well you have seen at least three of my faces now, haven't you?"

"At least." She shrugged, "Maybe a few more than that..."

"Wouldn't I have remembered that?" He asked.

"Not necessarily." She looked back down at the clothes in her hands, folding them and placing them on the bed, "We should go."

"Yeah, alright." He nodded. She led him down the stairs, saying goodbye to the kids.