Ch 7

The kitchen remained quiet save for Toby's snores and the hum of the refrigerator. Moonlight filtered thinly through the windows and door to the backyard. River began to fall asleep until a noise from the stairs got her attention. Little feet were making their way down one step at a time, a blanket dragging behind them.

She looked up once the small figure stood in the doorway, "[Terra? My love why are you up?]"

"[Bad dream.]" The girl signed slowly, hugging her blankie close.

River beckoned her daughter over, pulling her into her lap. Terra gladly curled up against her mother. "[You weren't in your room.]"

"[I just needed some space away from Daddy tonight.]"

"[Why?]" She fretted.

"[Because sometimes we need space away from each other.]" She rubbed the girl's back.

"[But for how long?]" Terra looked up at her mum with round eyes.

"[I don't know, my love.]" She kissed the top of her head. "[Why didn't you stay with Daddy in my room?]"

"[I wanted you.]" While she would've stayed with him otherwise, she was still adjusting to his new face. "[He was sleeping.]"

"[Well, I'm afraid I won't be able to carry you back upstairs. I hurt my foot while I was out, so we're going to have to call him to carry you back up if you don't want to walk.]" Terra usually liked to be carried back to bed.

Terra held onto River tighter, not wanting to go to bed until she understood what was going on and got consoled about her nightmare. "[What happened?]"

"[I used my vortex manipulator to get home, but I fell when I was landing and I hurt myself which is why you always need to be careful with the vortex manipulator.]" River explained, rocking her back and forth, "[What was your nightmare about?]"

She stuck her thumb in her mouth. "[There was a giant spider and it ate you and Toby and everyone and it was trying to eat me.]"

"[Oh dear. Well I'm happy to say there are no giant spiders here and nobody has been eaten.]"

"[What about little spiders? I don't want any spiders.]"

"[Well, I promise that there are absolutely, positively no spiders.]"

Terra relaxed with a small sigh that she probably didn't know she made. "[Are you and Daddy fighting?]"

"[Yes, but I don't want to talk about it, my love. Don't worry, it'll work out soon.]"

"[Promise?]"

"[Promise. Do you want me to call him so he can carry you back up?]"

Terra nodded. River called for her husband, continuing to rock the little girl. It wasn't actually very long before he came down the stairs and to the kitchen.

"Terra had a nightmare, would you mind carrying her back to bed?" River asked, making as little eye contact as possible.

He nodded silently and moved towards them, but paused. He looked at Terra, then River, then Toby and rerouted himself to go to the freezer instead. He took out an ice pack, wrapped in it a cloth, and put it on the table before moving to take Terra out of River's arms.

"Thanks." She murmured, giving Terra one last kiss on the cheek, then using the ice pack to ice her ankle.

Terra's eyes were drooping already, the Doctor rubbing her back. "Tell me when you need a new one."

River nodded, though she didn't really plan on following through. He looked like he wanted to talk about what had happened that day, but stopped himself and took Terra back to bed. "Goodnight, River."

"Goodnight..." She murmured.

As the Doctor walked back up stirred Toby stirred a bit, crawling out from beneath the table. The dog knocked into River's foot in the process, causing her to wince in pain. He stretched and yawned, looking up at her and putting his head on her leg.

"Hello, Toby." She smiled weakly, stroking his head. He made a content noise at her, wagging his tail slowly. She scratched behind his ears for a few minutes, enjoying the quiet company of the large dog.

A short while later, there were footsteps on the stairs again. She looked up, half expecting to see another one of the kids coming downstairs. Instead, it was the Doctor.

"I thought you were going to bed." River murmured after watching him for a moment.

"I thought maybe we should talk." He murmured.

"About?" She hardly blinked.

"This afternoon."

She nodded slowly, "Okay."

He took a breath. "I'm... sorry for snapping at you."

"Which time?" She wasn't going to make this easy for him.

"When we were trying to discuss what to tell everyone about my re- my changing."

She nodded, "I'm sorry too."

He glanced at the chair across from her, wondering if he should sit or if she didn't want this conversation to last very long. "It was a knee-jerk reaction that didn't really get across what I meant."

She tensed, frowning at the confession that his first instinct was to yell at her, "So I guess I shouldn't expect that to be the last time it happens then."

"No, that's not what you should expect. That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I meant that it's my own responsibility to not jump to defense mechanisms. First day around people in a long time... I'll be needing practice."

She nodded, watching the ground. She may have been more forgiving about his dying, but she wasn't going to forget what he had said about bottling up her feelings. That's what had hurt the most and she had trouble looking past that painful truth, even with his excuse.

He finally moved to sit down. Toby didn't give him much acknowledgment, content by River's side. "So, erm, since I do happen to need work on social interactions... I would actually be thankful if you pointed out when I'm doing something wrong."

"Well, aside from your interactions with me, you've been doing everything right." She pointed out, "The children, the store clerks, our friends..."

He frowned as he processed what she'd said. His interactions with her were the one place he really wanted to get it right. "Oh..."

"So maybe the problem isn't where you think it is." She whispered.

He nodded silently. He knew on some level already that there was more than one problem, as there so often was. He had betrayed River's trust by lying to her about Gallifrey and there was no easy was to amend that. "Are you happy in this marriage, River?"

"Are you?" She looked at him.

"Yes. I am." He nodded. "But that wasn't my question."

"I was..." She murmured.

He swallowed hard. "Would an open marriage make you feel better?"

"Like we had before?" Before the kids, before living together, that's what their marriage had been like. "I don't see what that would solve."

"Your date tonight..." He started, then realized that was an assumption. "Was it a date?"

She laughed bitterly, not because of him but at the memory of the earlier events of the evening, "It wasn't supposed to be." Her letter of resignation was still sitting on the table in front of her.

He glanced down at it with confusion. "Right... well, your not-date, it just had me thinking that perhaps you want more sometimes. I don't pretend to be the perfect husband, I'm far from it, and it's- I don't know. I thought maybe it would be something you wanted to do again."

"Will you be upset if I say yes to having an open relationship? Is that something you really want to do again?" She watched him carefully.

"I think I would be fine with it... well, along as it's not just a tool to avoid me. Because I don't want you to feel trapped in a monogamous commitment, but I don't want to eradicate that commitment. I want to be able to work on fixing what I broke."

She sighed, "Well, I'm afraid it wouldn't work anyway. It's too complicated with the children."

"Why is that?"

"They wouldn't understand. I think it would only confuse and upset them. They'd be afraid that we didn't care about each other anymore and I don't want to put them through that. They've been through enough already."

"Do we? Not care about each other anymore, I mean?"

She swallowed, "I still care about you. Do you feel the same?" She couldn't help but remember that his hands no longer fit with hers. Perhaps that was a subconscious sign.

"Yes. Always." He nodded.

"Are you sure? Because..." She trailed off.

He frowned. "Because what?"

"Sometimes it just feels like you don't..." She whispered.

"Sometimes as in all the time you've known me or sometimes as in since I came back?"

"Since you've come back I suppose."

"Well, my answer remains the same. I care."

"Then I'll specify my question. Do you still love me? Or do you only care for me?"

"I still love you." He was almost surprised that she doubted it, though remembered he hadn't exactly been doing a good job of showing it. She looked at his hands, not speaking. "...Do you still love me?"

"Of course I do." She whispered.

He clasped his hands together and rested his elbows on the table. "I have quite a bit of making up to do."

She swallowed, "Yes, you do." There was a pause, "Our hands, they don't..."

He looked down at her hands and then at his. "They don't?"

"Fit together. Did you not notice?"

He did a bit more looking. "No. I didn't."

"Oh, well now you know."

"That can't be right." He frowned. He remembered her pulling away from his hand back at the Hub, but he'd thought that was just because she didn't want his touch.

She held her hand out for him. He tentatively reached out to meet her hand with his own. Her fingers wrapped around his, watching him closely. He stared intensely at their junction, partially distracted by being able to touch her skin. "I'm not sure I see what you mean."

"Well, if it doesn't bother you then it doesn't matter." She shook her head, moving to pull her hand away.

He instinctively held on to her, then loosened his grip when he realized he'd tightened it. She froze when his hand tightened around hers, not moving once his grip had loosened.

"Em, sorry." He took his hand back, worried that that had been the wrong thing. She shook her head, slowly taking her own hand back.

There was silence again before, "I'm going to resign from Luna."

His eyes fell back on the paper. "I thought you loved it there."

"I do and I was offered the position of Head of the History Department. Unfortunately my years of experience, numerous awards and devotion to Luna University doesn't qualify me as much as sleeping as my boss would." She sighed.

He started. "He tried to...?"

She nodded, "You would think that the Head of the University Board would have more respect for me, but apparently not."

"Can he not get fired for that?"

"Yes, he could, but he's very popular among the staff, and I don't really have any proof that he did anything." She pinched the bridge of her nose.

"That's terrible." He murmured.

She nodded again, "Do you think I'm doing the right thing by leaving?"

"Well, um... I don't know… I think leaving guarantees you won't see that bastard again, but staying means you will. Staying would take more work, but it could mean pushing back."

"I guess you're right." She whispered, "I'd hate to leave, I do love that job."

"Then perhaps you should fight for it."

She nodded, "I think I will."

He smiled weakly. "How's your ankle?"

"Sore." She murmured, looking down at it, "And probably sprained."

"Do you want me to wrap it? We've got ACE bandages somewhere."

She nodded, "That would be nice."

He rose, going to find them.