Ch 11

Terra clung to River's hand as they left the shop. River gave her daughter's hand a squeeze in tight assurance. Though Toby was being walked by the Doctor, the dog opted to be close the grieving pair.

The family walked Ben back to his house, neither River nor Terra saying much at the time. Carol and Nigel thanked River and "Basil" for everything and Ben invited Freya to sit at his lunch table on Monday.

Freya was probably the only member of the Song family smiling as they walked home, still floating from her 'date.'

When they got home Amelia declared rights to the shower while Arthur and Freya went to poke around the kitchen. Terra still stayed with her mother.

River let Terra cling to her legs, deciding to occupy her, "Would you like to come read a story with me?"

Terra nodded quickly at that. The Doctor swallowed and went to help Arthur and Freya get snacks.

River went to sit with her daughter on the couch, reading a few books with her to occupy her mind. Terra was feeling better by the end of the books, if not by the distraction then by the comfort her mother was offering by reading them.

"[Have you ever changed your face, Mummy?]"

"[Yes, but it was a very long time ago, before Daddy and I were even married.]"

"[How'd you get hurt?]"

"[Well, the second time I regenerated, I got shot by Adolf Hitler.]"

She wrinkled her nose. "[Who's that?]"

"[You'll learn more about him when you're older.]" She stroked Terra's hair.

"[Did you shoot him back?]"

"[I think this is all a story for another time.]" She sighed, "[Why don't you go see what Arthur.]"

"[But I want to know what you used to look like.]" Terra insisted.

"[I'll find some pictures you can look at later, my love.]" River assured.

Terra looked satisfied at that. "[Do you have pictures of all of Daddy's faces? I want to see those, too.]"

She nodded, "[I'll find those too.]"

Terra smiled, then went to go find Arthur. River stood, looking around for her husband.

He was in their bedroom, puttering over things on the desk. River knocked lightly on the doorframe to alert him that she was there. He turned around, holding a little, sculpted paperweight shaped like an octopus.

"Are you alright?" She asked, coming into the room and closing the door.

"I bought this for you, didn't I?" He asked.

She nodded, "It was from a market on Glasto."

"I can't remember why I did."

"I don't remember why either. I think it was just because you wanted to give me a gift."

"Ah." He nodded. "How was story time?"

River shrugged, "I think Terra's calmed down a bit now."

"That's good." He murmured.

"Are you alright?" She repeated, watching him closely.

"Bit frustrated." He admitted, replacing the paperweight on the desk.

"In what way?"

"At my brain mostly." He sighed, though both of them knew he was really just discomforted by Terra's apprehension to him. "It still feels foggy."

"Is there anything I can help with?" She asked softly.

He looked up at her, then the desk. "This one?" He picked up a bracelet.

"A birthday gift from you." She murmured.

He looked at it for a moment, smiled weakly, and put it down. "I took you dancing."

She nodded, "It's a rather common theme with us."

He started humming, managing an off-key version of the song they'd danced to at their second wedding. She smiled weakly, taking a few steps closer to him so she was in arm's reach.

"I can remember the song, but can't remember the dance." He said.

"I would show you, but it's a bit complicated." She murmured.

Just then the phone by the bed rang. River went over to the phone, picking it up, "Hello?"

"Rivah?" It was the Doctor.

Her hearts stopped and she grabbed onto the bed frame to steady herself. This wasn't the voice of the Scottish man in front of her. "Doctor?"

"Yeah, it's me." He sounded out of breath and was talking quickly. "Listen, River, I may have gotten myself into a bad situation."

"I-" She breathed, closing her eyes trying to focus, "It's alright, just calm down."

"Not exactly a good time for being calm." He said. "They're going to lock me away, I think. In a very bad place. If- when they find me. This isn't me asking for a rescue, by the way, I rather think I just wanted to hear your voice before all that happens, because I suspect I'm going to be there for... a very long time."

"Doctor..." She whispered, "I love you. I love you so much and I need you to know that and remember that." She was scared and angry, all those emotions still remained, but she didn't know how to communicate that with him. It would probably be the last time she ever talked to this Doctor and she could feel a lump forming in her throat. "I don't want you to go… Please, let me help you. There has to be a way..."

"No, Riv, if you come here I promise they'll kill you on sight." The was a pause where he fumbled with whatever communication device was in his hands. He sounded significantly more scared when he spoke again. "I've made it out of worse, you know. Just with less motivation. This is going to be a whopper."

He took an audibly shaky breath. "River, the man you are with right now, the man I sincerely hope has made it back to you, believe me, he is more grateful than anything you can imagine to be back with you and not here. I have a feeling you might be a tad livid with him for... well never mind that now. You'll find out, hopefully. I love you. So, so much. And if I do make it out, that love is what has- will get me through."

She looked back at her husband, the new one. Her hearts were still refusing to beat properly and she could feel her eyes stinging, "You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Not just you as the Doctor, this specific incarnation of you. You've given me so much, and I don't know what I'm going to do without you, I really don't. I-I love you so much." She repeated.

There was shouting in the background as the Doctor repeated those three words to her in English, Gallifreyan, then Estonian since it was the closest Earth language to Gallifreyan. Then the line went flat. She stood frozen, her ear still to the phone, half expecting him to come back.

Finally, after several minutes, she set the phone back down on the receiver, sinking onto the bed and putting her head in her hands.

"Was that the Doctor?" The Doctor asked quietly.

She nodded, not looking up.

"He meant what he said." He offered.

She shook her head, "I don't see why it matters. He's gone."

He shut his eyes. "He's not gone, River. I'm not gone. That was me talking." He looked at her with as much ache as she was feeling from the loss. "...You can't see me, can you? You look at me, and you just can't see me. I'm not on the phone, I'm right here, standing in front of you. I'm not asking you to forgive me for anything. I'm not asking you not to be hurt, but please, just, just see me."

She looked at him, watching his face. "What do you want me to do? I do see you, but at the same time, I see the lies that you told me. I see the trust that you betrayed when I look at your face. I see the guilt that I feel for not being able to help you." The call had only been salt on her wounds. "I never asked for you to protect me. I can do that on my own. And the fact that you went off and died to save me like I'm some sort of damsel in distress does not sit well with me, especially without getting any input from me about my own safety. So yes, I do see you, but I see a lot more than I want to."

He held his breath and shifted his feet. "That's not what happened, River. I didn't even know about the bloody Matrix Prophesy until after-." He stopped himself, realizing this wasn't the time to explain himself. He may have had different intentions, but the reality was that he'd hurt her so what he'd meant didn't matter. "No, I'm sorry. I want to make up for what I did. I want us both to be able to heal from this eventually. To answer your question... I want is for you to tell me what I need to do to help you heal. And if that means I need to sleep on the couch or leave you alone, that's fine."

"I don't know. I don't know how to fix this. I don't want the kids to not trust you and not see you as their father. And I don't know how to fix that." She squeezed her eyes shut.

"Do you still see me as your husband?" He asked slowly.

"Of course." She breathed, "But you're different...You can't tell me that you're the exact same person you were before."

"No one is ever the exact same person that they were the day before. We'd all be as dull as the pudding brains if we were."

"I do hope you haven't forgotten that I'm half human." She muttered.

"I haven't, but you aren't half pudding brain. You're half Pond."

She didn't appreciate the reference, "Still. I don't want the children picking up insults like that from you."

He nodded. "Alright. I'll try not to say that around them."

She stared at the floor, "I was thinking about taking the kids to Vastra's for the rest of the weekend."

"...Is that a hint you don't want me to come?"

"No." She shook her head, "It was a suggestion that I wanted your input on."

"I think that might be nice." He murmured.

She nodded, "Or maybe just the kids can go while you and I can try to work things out here."

He looked surprised at that offer but nodded again. "Even better."

"I think that we need to be on the same page before we try and help the children." She explained.

"Do you think we can make that much progress in one day?"

"I think you're forgetting we have a time machine." She murmured.

"Ah, right." He nodded.

She stared at the ground again, emotionally exhausted from the phone call.

"Em, thank you. For telling be about the things on the desk." At her silence, he said, "...I'll go call Vastra." He moved to go.

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Why?" He asked, turning around.

"I shouldn't have snapped at you." She murmured.

"It's alright. I'm sorry about the call. I didn't realize when I was calling."

She shifted, watching him from the bed, arms tucked around herself.

"Do you need anything?"

"I just...I need you." She murmured.

He silently approached and sat beside her on the bed, offering his hand. She took it, holding tightly. He felt warmth rush to where their skin touched, just as he had every time she'd allowed him close since he returned. He wondered briefly what magic he might feel kissing her again, though dismissed the thought since he was sure she wouldn't let him.

"You're not very affectionate." She murmured, looking at their hands. She didn't mean it as a bad thing, it was just the conclusion she had drawn based on their recent interactions.

"Oh... Am I? It's not on purpose..."

She nodded, "When we're together you seem so...different."

"Different bad?" He worried.

"I don't know, you just...you act so differently around me. Like you're walking on eggshells and I don't like it. "

"Do you want me to be more aggressive? Spontaneous?"

"Well, you do know that I like things a bit rougher." She teased weakly.

He blushed a bit, barely noticeable, and thought for a second before leaning into her space to kiss her. He'd wanted to do so since he woke from his healing coma, but wasn't sure he'd had permission. He still wasn't one hundred percent sure and had the worry in the back of his head that this might make her madder at him, but focused on the hope that she might kiss him back.

His stomach jumped when his hopes were met and she leaned into the kiss, moving closer to deepen it. He could feel a huge amount of tension leave him at her willingness, more than he knew he'd been carrying. That relief was quickly overrun by the weight of having her close like this. After so long trapped in the confession chamber customized to his fears, it was like being able to breathe again.

She melted into his arms, the kiss becoming more passionate and aggressive. He gladly followed her lead, letting his hands rediscover her, allowing them to wander her back and get lost in her hair.

She moved so she was straddling his hips, cupping his face as she continued to snog him. He took in the smell of her, holding her securely. She smelled new and familiar all at once, like honey and grass and time.

Her body was pressed against his and she clung to him just as tightly as he held her. He pulled them down until the mattress of the bed met his back, lips never moving away from hers.

Her lips were swollen and her chest was heaving once she finally pulled back. He stared up at her, eyes dark. She watched him, biting her lip.

"River?" He said after a moment. "...If you don't want to, we can stop."

"I don't want to stop." She breathed.

He couldn't help but smile a bit. "Neither do I."

She didn't smile, just studied his face, still breathing heavily. She was waiting for him to make the first move. It took him a moment to realize this, propping himself up on his elbows so he could kiss her again.

She was a bit hesitant this time, pulling away a bit. He frowned. "Is something wrong?"

"No." She murmured, "I want to do this..." She watched him, "I've never been with another version of you before."

"Oh." He said in quiet understanding. "...Do you remember my first time with you?"

She nodded almost smiling at the memory of his unsure, gangly limbs.

"It feels a bit like that, for me at least. A bit new, a bit messy, with you knowing what you're doing a bit more than I do, and just a tad competitive against Bowtie." He sat them up again, his face close to hers. "I have no idea what this body likes yet, but I know it likes you quite a lot. I want to learn it with you. I want to re-learn what you like, too."

She smiled softly, his words obviously making her feel better. He kissed her softly this time, taking his time to just feel her with him both physically and mentally. She didn't pull away now, relishing in his touch like they had all the time in the world.

His hands gripped her hips and played with the hem of her shirt. "We can't forget the kids are here." She murmured, pulling away just slightly.

"Arthur and Freya are glued to the telly. I wouldn't be surprised if our other two have joined them by now."

She raised an eyebrow, "Well, alright. If you're not worried they're going to walk in on us..." She was used to his former self's constant fear of one of the children figuring out what they were doing.

"It will be fine." He hummed.

"If you insist, though I think you've forgotten how loud I can get."

He chuckled at the memory. "Well, think of it as a challenge."

"Alright, but if one of them finds us, I'm leaving it up to you to explain." She murmured, leaning in again.

"Fair enough" He whispered, words lost against her lips.

She rolled her hips against his, wrapping her arms around his neck. His arousal for her was growing more obvious, hands skittering over the skin beneath her shirt.

She kissed down his neck, and along his collar, her movements possessive enough to leave marks. He cupped her bum, stifling a groan. He pulled her down to the bed again, this time turning them so she was pinned beneath him.

She watched him, chest heaving. He echoed her previous actions, kissing and sucking down her neck. Her eyes fluttered shut and she tilted her head.

He explored lower, disappointed when he ran into the cotton fabric of her shirt. He muttered something about it being in the way before shifting to remove it.

She wriggled out of the shirt, smiling in amusement. He unconsciously made a triumphant face at seeing the offending article of clothing tossed aside, focusing back on River.

He reached up to push one of her bra straps from her shoulder, then the other. She shivered at the feeling of his fingers against her skin. He inquired with his hands first, curiously feeling and caressing the soft, supple flesh of her breasts. He ran his thumbs over the dusky points of her nipples, pleased when they became perter.

He lowered his head, kissing her sternum. Her breathing was growing heavier, her back arching to meet with his touch. He let his mouth roam her chest, leaving a fiery trail. Her skin was flushed with excitement and she was biting her lip.

His hands were everywhere, rediscovering her curves and the feel of her skin.

"I guess you missed me?" She breathed.

"You have no idea." He kissed his way back to her mouth.

She cupped his face in her hands, kissing him softly, pressing her forehead to his once she was done.

"Am I doing alright?" He asked.

She nodded, "You're doing wonderfully."

He turned his head to kiss her palm. "Missed you."

She watched him, a shadow of guilt crossing over her face. He looked back at her with nothing but adoration.

"Don't you hate me?" She whispered, "You spent centuries in confinement to try and protect me, but as soon as you come back I yell at you."

"Don't you hate me?" He whispered back. "I lied to you about where I was and very well couldn't have survived."

"I do hate you." She smiled weakly, "Have you not been able to tell?"

"Is that what relentless snogging means? I must have forgotten that." He teased back.

"It wasn't relentless snogging." She laughed softly, "I was just being aggressive, marking my territory. You've been away for so long, I don't want you to forget that you're mine."

"What happened to replacing me with one of Jack's picks?"

"Who ever said I can't have more than one?" She teased, "You did mention something about having an open relationship yesterday."

"I thought you turned that down." He chuckled.

"I've changed my mind." She murmured, "I think you're rather cute when you're jealous."

He snorted, "Who said I'm jealous?"

"Would you not be jealous if I started going out with other people?" She raised an eyebrow, "Fancy dinners, interesting dates..." She teased.

"I can do fancy dinners and dates." He said a possessively.

"What's that? Am I hearing a bit of jealousy in your voice?" She teased.

"Absolutely not." He insisted. "I'm just pointing out a fact."

"Well, if you're sure you're not jealous then I'll keep going. I think there are plenty of people out there who could make me scream, don't you?" She was egging him on now.

He huffed. "I could make you scream louder, and that, dear, is another fact."

"Prove it." She murmured.

He grinned and leaned in to kiss her again, rough and bruising. She moaned into the kiss, eyes fluttering shut. He got to work on the rest of their clothing, undoing zippers and buttons.