Ch 21
The Doctor went back inside with the medicine from Maalok, putting it on the bedroom table next to the things the children had brought. The little ones were currently glued to River's side, utterly engaged in the story she was telling about a dig on an old Qwerbian planet.
The children stayed for another hour before realizing that they had to be home, running off reluctantly.
The Doctor saw them out, sitting with River when he returned. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm alright." She breathed, reaching for his hand, "We have to put the cream on now."
He nodded, fetching the cream and the pills Maalok had given him.
"What are those?" She asked, frowning slightly at the pills.
"Maalok gave them to me, said they were a peace offering. They're to help with the baby."
"I don't want them." She shook her head.
"Why not?" He asked though he knew the answer.
"I don't trust him." She whispered.
"So you think these won't do what he says they'll do?" He clarified.
"I don't know. I don't want to take the risk." She looked up at him.
"It doesn't have to be a risk. I can figure out what's in them and see if it's safe." He offered. On the possibility that the pills could be beneficial, he wanted River and this baby to have the best chance they could have.
She thought about it for a moment, nodding slowly. "Okay. But put the cream on now and we can work on the pills later."
"Of course." He picked up the jar of the cream. "Lift your shirt." She pushed back the blankets and lifted her shirt. "You've got some bruising." He murmured as he gently spread the paste-like cream over her skin.
"It's probably from Maalok." She muttered.
"I don't mean to play devil's advocate, but he's grieving from a loss. I know it doesn't excuse him, he used to be a very kind man."
She shot the Doctor a look, "He could have killed our child."
He nodded silently, capping the jar. "Shall we see what the kids brought us?"
She nodded, taking in a deep breath. He went to look at the food the children brought. "Looks like a roast. Hungry?"
"Mmm, yes, very." She nodded again.
"I'll heat this up." He murmured, taking the food to the kitchen. Soon, the house was smelling like seasoned meat, and the Doctor brought two plates back to the bedroom.
"Mmm, that smells amazing." She smiled, reaching out to take the plate from him.
He handed it to her with a noise of agreement, sitting on the bed with her. She ate slowly, watching him. He looked up at her, "Something on your mind?"
"Are you upset?" She asked.
"About what?" He asked back.
"About the baby."
"No," He shook his head, "I'm not upset. Maybe a little that you didn't tell me sooner, but if anything, it's something to be happy about through all," He gestured to their general surroundings, "this."
She nodded, looking down at her food.
"...How do you feel about it?"
She shrugged, pushing around her food, "I wasn't terribly happy at first... It's not something that we ever planned for, but..."
"But?" He encouraged.
"But..." She hesitated again, "Then you came back, and you were different." He nodded to show he was listening. She wasn't looking at him, watching her food, "It felt like this baby… it was that last bit of Him that I had."
He tensed. "I see."
She saw him tense out of the corner of her eyes, "I'm sorry." She whispered, "I shouldn't have said that."
"No, no I'm... glad you're being honest with me. I just..." He tried to think of the wording. "I wish I hadn't died the way I did. I wish I hadn't been alone, and I wish I hadn't made you and the kids feel alone. I wish it didn't make you feel like Bowtie and I are different people-I mean, we are sort of, but just on the outside. It hurts to see any of you hurt by my own mistakes, but I have to own up to them even so. "
She bit her lip, "But you're not the same person. You're not just different on the outside. I know you still love us in the same way, and most things are still the same, but your personality, the little things. They're there and they're different and it's not fair to you to not acknowledge that."
"I suppose it's not." He murmured, taking her hand. He put it to his cheek, holding it there, and looked at her with hearts patent. "Tell me about the little things, River."
She hesitated, not knowing if she really wanted to do this, especially now. At her silence, he lowered her hand and changed the subject. "What did you think of the kids?"
"They were lovely." She breathed.
"They reminded me of Terra and Arthur." He said.
She shifted, "Can we not talk about them, please?" He nodded, quieting himself. "It's just safer if we don't." She murmured, fiddling with her wedding ring.
"I know. You're right. I just miss them." He sighed.
"So do I." She tried not to let her mind wander to the thought of not ever getting to see them again.
They were quiet for a moment as they continued eating until the Doctor filled the air with telling her what he knew about this town. He talked about how Milva had been a mother figure when he was eight and first entering the Academy. He told her about the colleagues and classmates he knew who lived in this town and that the guards who'd captured them yesterday had fought by his side in the Time War. She listened intently, not saying much.
"Do you want any more?" He asked when her plate was empty.
She shook her head, "I'm alright."
"I'll go wash up." He murmured, taking their plates.
Outside, the sky had gotten dark. Houses around them had windows lit up with candles or electricity (or both) and families inside spending time together. An orange, bright moon was rising and a few stars were visible. River slowly got up out of the bed, going to stand by the window, staring out at the scene.
Rai and Theon were just a few houses down, visible to River. They were jumping around an older woman, their mother probably, and pointing at the door, wanting to play outside. River smiled weakly, thinking of Terra and Arthur with her parents in New York. She could picture them running around Rory's legs as he made dinner, begging him to come play with them instead.
The Doctor came up behind her after some time, resting his chin on her shoulder. She leaned back against him, tilting her head so it touched his. He wrapped his arms around her. "Beautiful moon."
"It's certainly is." She kissed his temple, "Everything is beautiful here."
He smiled weakly. "Wait until all the stars come out. There's not a dark point in the sky."
Her eyes drifted along the streets, the back up to the sky. It wasn't yet dark enough for the stars to be as abundant as the Doctor said-the town would have to have their lights off for that. She gave him another soft peck on the cheek.
They stood there until there was a knock at the door, the Healers coming to check on the baby. The Doctor told River to lie back down as he answered the door and invited the Healers into the cottage.
River lay back down on the bed, the Healers coming into the bedroom carrying bags filled with supplies.
"Is all that really necessary?" The Doctor asked.
"It's just in case, we didn't want to waste time running back and forth to retrieve supplies." One of them answered.
He nodded, taking his place by River's head. River was a bit nervous as the four healers came forward to begin their examination, not fully trusting anyone besides the Doctor with the safety of her child. He took her hand when he saw her expression and gave it an assuring squeeze. She squeezed back, looking up at him. He offered a small smile as the Healers exposed her middle and started their probing.
She squeezed his hand again, eyes shifting to watch the healers work. Their fingertips were glowing again. One prodded around her lower belly while another's hands were wandering more up towards her ribs and murmuring to the others.
She frowned trying to make out what they were saying. The Doctor was about to translate when one of them did it for him. "The medicine seems to be working..."
River let out a sigh of relief, "Good, that's wonderful."
The Doctor's hand was still tight around hers, sensing a 'but' coming.
"But," Another Healer added, "It is not working quite how we expected."
Her face paled, alarm immediately spreading across her features, "What do you mean?"
The Healer thought about the English phrasing before speaking, "The medications were to draw out compounds from your body specific to regeneration energy as to encourage such regenerative pathways in the child. Unexpectedly, the needed compounds being withdrawn specifically from your nervous system."
She looked up at the Doctor, not knowing if she still fully understood what that meant.
"It's taking what I gave to heal you yesterday and slowly undoing it." He whispered.
Her grip on his hand tightened, "So...it's going to help the baby, but it might kill me. That's what you're saying."
"There is no way of knowing if it will do the extreme of killing, but perhaps highly negative effects."
"But if it's undoing what you fixed..." She sighed, "Is there anything we can do?"
"Perhaps." The Healers looked through the supplies they'd brought, pulling out a jar with dark liquid.
"What is that?" She asked, wanting them to tell her everything that they were doing.
"Extract from saniut agate. It will reverse the effects of the cream."
"Do you have another plan in mind?" She pressed, "Because I don't want the cream's effects removed unless you have another way to help the baby."
"The pills from Maalok?" The Doctor suggested. "We can analyze them now and see."
She nodded, "I want to try anything and everything."
He stood and handed one of the bottles of pills over to the Healers for them to examine.
One of the Healers examined each different pill, using the same probing method to break down the contents for the Doctor. After they told him what was in it, he nodded to River. "They're safe."
"Do you know what they're going to do?" She asked, holding her hand out to take them.
"A similar function to the cream, though it already has the compounds in the pills and doesn't need to take them from your systems."
"Okay, I'll take them."
He handed her two and went to get a glass of water for her. The Healers began reversing the effects of the cream while he went to get the water. He returned quickly, sitting by River again. "Here."
She took the pills, swallowing them with the water. She set the glass aside, taking his hand again. He brought her hand up and kissed her knuckles. She gave him a weak smile, trying to pretend that everything was alright.
After a while, the Healers left, telling the pair to find them if anything went wrong. Of course, they agreed.
River stayed on the bed, very tense and quiet.
"Are you alright?" The Doctor asked after seeing the Healers out.
She nodded, "I'm just worried about the baby." She answered honestly.
"Me too." He murmured, sitting back down.
She studied his face, taking it in, "You're more serious than he was."
He hummed to show his acknowledgment of her words. "Arth- some people didn't like that." He corrected, remembering that they had to be careful about their words.
She nodded, "He was almost like a child. So much energy...always willing to play with children." She closed her eyes.
"And now?"
"And now..." She was getting a bit upset, though she hid it, "You don't play with the kids anymore, not like you used to. You don't goof around with them, you don't get up and join in on their games like before."
"And you're worried I won't be dad-like enough for this baby." He added.
"Well...I don't know." She whispered, "It's just...I know he- you loved it so much before, it came so naturally. And now I don't know..."
"I won't deny that I need practice, granted I've only been home about a week before we came here." He murmured. "But I quite think I still love being a dad."
"I know." She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut.
"We can take that as it comes, yeah?" He wouldn't be able to work on that until they got back to the kids, but they had to survive this first.
"Of course." She gave him a weak smile and then winced.
He frowned. "What is it?"
"I don't know." She breathed, putting a hand to her side.
"You're in pain... I should get the Healers back."
She was shaking her head. "It's fine…."
"River-" he began.
"I don't want you to leave me here alone." She looked a bit panicked at the thought of staying in the cottage by herself.
"I'll only be a second." He assured.
She opened her mouth to protest, then closed it, "Okay..."
He kissed her temple then left, hurrying to find the Healers.
Most of the lights in the windows of the town were going out now, many families headed off to bed. The Doctor ran to the Healers' house, bursting in without knocking. One of the Healers who was sitting in the main room jumped, "Doctor? Is there something wrong?"
"River's in pain. I don't know what's wrong." He said quickly.
The Healer nodded, gathering the others immediately. They grabbed their bags, following the Doctor quickly back to the cottage.
He brought them back to the bedroom. River was clutching onto the bed, a faint glow emitting from her abdomen.
"You've got to do something." He ran over to his wife. She took his hand immediately, pulling him close to her.
The Healers were quick to unpack things, surrounding River and getting to work. She tried to keep calm, knowing that stress wasn't going to do anything but add to the problem.
He was sitting in a way that he was partially blocking her view of the Healers, providing a distraction. He stroked her hair back. "It's going to be alright, Riv."
She nodded, squeezing his hand, "You haven't called me that in a while." She murmured, trying to go along with the distraction, "I was beginning to think this regeneration wasn't going to use that nickname."
He smiled weakly. "I could never be rid of it if I tried." She tried to smile back but only winced. "Try to breathe, darling." He urged.
She nodded, breathing in and out, eyes drifting past him to the healers.
"Don't pay mind to them, Riv. Just look at me, hmm?" She nodded, dragging her eyes away from the Healers, though it was hard to ignore them as they prodded her and repositioned her legs so they could examine her further.
He squeezed her hands. "Is there anything I can say to you now that might help?"
"I just need you to distract me." She whispered, needing something other than the Healer's prodding hands to focus on.
He hesitated. "Look there, at the window." She looked out at the window. The sky and town were dark enough to let the sky take the stage with thousands of bright stars. Even from the window, the light was bright and clear and breathtaking. "I used to run under that sky. When Milva thought I was sleeping in my bed, I'd sneak out and I'd just run."
"It's amazing." She whispered, "I don't think I've ever seen anything like it."
"Not even on Calderon Beta?"
"Well, yes I suppose that's similar, but this...it's better than Calderon Beta." She squeezed his hands again, trying to ignore the pain.
"In what way?" He hummed curiously.
"On Calderon Beta, it's almost too bright, but here the darkness and the light from the stars seems to balance out perfectly. It's the perfect mix." She murmured.
"A balancing act." He echoed. She nodded, squeezing her eyes shut, her grip on his hand tightening. He told her to breathe again, continuing to talk to her as soothingly as he could.
"What are they doing?" She asked, trying to see past him again.
"I don't know." He admitted. "They're trying to help."
She shut her eyes again, holding his hands tightly. He pressed his forehead to hers. She pressed her nose against his her lips ghosting over his. He finished the action, kissing her softly, where his other self might have been a bit embarrassed to do so in front of guests. She was grateful for the kiss, feeling a bit better. She nuzzled her nose against his.
For a while they were quiet, just holding each other and listening to the murmurings in an ancient language of the Healers. She relaxed in his arms, feeling safer and more comfortable with him so close to her.
It must have been an hour or two before the Healers took their hands off River. River was in less pain now, looking up at the Healers, hoping for good news.
"All is under control for now." Said one of them. "Venic Mazyl will stay with you tonight should you find any more trouble."
"Thank you." River murmured.
They saw themselves out, wishing the pair luck. Venic went to put the kettle on.
"Can you lay with me?" River murmured to her husband. He nodded, slipping his shoes off. She was shivering, moving close to him once he was in the bed. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.
"I'm sorry." She breathed.
"It's not your fault." He murmured.
"It feels like it is."
"Well, it's alright now."
She tucked her head beneath his chin, trailing her fingers along his chest. He closed his eyes, capturing her hand and pressing it against his hearts. She let her hand rest there, feeling his hearts beating.
"Do you want to talk to the baby?" She asked softly after a few minutes, "You said you needed some practice being a father..."
He smiled. "I'd love to."
She turned so she was laying on her back again, rolling her shirt back for him. He lowered his head to her middle, careful not to put any weight on her skin. She ran her hands through his hair. He started murmuring to her belly.
They both knew that the baby wasn't nearly developed enough to hear yet, but there was something comforting about the action. It felt to him like making a wish on a penny that all three of them may make it off this planet alive.
River was relaxing more and more the more he talked to her, her muscles less tense and her expression calmer.
He eventually started to hum a lullaby, one about the stars he'd sung to all of their other children. She smiled weakly at him, reaching to take his hand. He willingly waved his fingers with hers, his thumb brushing over her wedding ring.
She squeezed his hand, "I love that song."
He smiled. "As do I."
She brought his hand to her lips, kissing the back of it softly. He moved back up the bed, curling up to her. "We ought to try and sleep."
She nodded, fixing her shirt, "You need rest."
"So do you." He murmured.
She nuzzled his cheek, closing her eyes. He pulled the blanket over them, wrapped his arms around her, and closed his eyes as well. She fell asleep quickly, exhausted from the events of the day.
When Venic returned with cups of tea for them to find hem asleep, she left them on the bedside table, seeing herself to another bedroom to get her own rest.