Ch 27

The escape TARDIS's conscious was quite different than their own TARDIS's conscious. It was younger, more energetic and curious, especially with its new visitor. It cradled River's mind like she was breakable; this TARDIS having never linked with anyone who wasn't fully Gallifreyan before. It explored with caution into her mind for the person resting within.

River's mind had been put in a dream state since she's taken the drug. She was dreaming about her children and the Doctor- the face that she missed so much. She dreamed about the baby that they would be having, her mind resting pleasantly oblivious.

The TARDIS watched the dream with fixation. Everything about River's mind was new and new was intriguing. New was exciting. The TARDIS wanted to ask about the miniature Gallifreyans and why they seemed to give River so much joy.

River's mind grew especially warm and happy when a bow-tie wearing man appeared, the thoughts that swirled around him loving, but slightly sad.

Why sadness, child? The TARDIS couldn't help but ask.

River's mind was not focused enough to question the new voice, I miss him...

Where is he? The ship inquired.

He's gone. He regenerated and now he's someone else.

This confused the TARDIS. New cases, the children always get new cases, but inside is unchanged.

But he acts differently. It's not just the outside, there are inside parts that are different too.

The ship looked at her memories of the eleventh doctor, then at the new memories of the twelfth. I'm sorry for loss. You tell new joy-man kind words. Love words. Why?

Because I still love him. Those feelings didn't change when he changed.

Joy-man causes such confusing emotions. The TARDIS concluded, somewhat, but not fully understanding River's thoughts. Joy-man gives you small joy-people.

Yes, our children... Her mind hummed warmly.

Small.

Yes, our kids... River mind repeated.

The TARDIS wasn't sure why the children looked under-grown and not like the adults, but let the matter go as a loud, distant sound of an explosion echoed through the Capital. Joy-man is angry...

Doctor... Her mind reached out for him. There was no one but the TARDIS close enough to reach.

He has gone with my sister to be angry.

I want him to come back, he doesn't think when he's angry. He'll get hurt…

He is angry because you are hurt.

No, no...I'm not hurt...It's the medicine

You are hurt. The TARDIS repeated, trying to convey images of stab wounds.

No. No. River's mind started to shut the TARDIS out, trying to protect itself.

The TARDIS retreated like a startled cat, not all the way, but enough that River's conscience was distanced. River's mind drew forth happy images again, trying to suppress and protect her from the new information.

Not knowing what else to do, the TARDIS tried to do what River's defenses were doing and pretend the Capital wasn't being destroyed. It thought of the capital during the days it was looked up to, so very long ago. It started to tell River a story about her old pilot, hoping she was listening. It was mostly in pictures since words were getting too complicated, but it occupied the time for the next two hours as the sky fell.

River's mind was becoming more aware of herself during this time, now reaching out and trying to find the Doctor more often. It was a long time, but eventually, the Doctor reached back.

Doctor…

His thoughts were chaotic, but he managed a messy reply of her name as he approached the ship.

Need you...come back…

I'm here. He knelt my her body.

Where did you go? The next words sounded weary.

To give Rassilon a talking to.

Something's not right. Something hurts. She was starting to wake up now. The medicine that had been preventing her pain receptors from working was now wearing off.

I know, don't panic. He tried to sooth. I'll get us out of here and then I can make the pain stop.

Okay... Despite his words, the panic was evident in her thoughts. He moved over to the controls and started to bring them out of the burning city.

It took effort for this TARDIS to take flight as it hadn't flown in years and was falling apart. It was a bit like the TARDIS he'd once made out of a scrap yard on House. The flight was certainly as bumpy. This worsened pain worse and brought River out of her sleepy state more.

Just hang in there, River. He tried to keep focused on her mind as he piloted.

What's happening?

We're going home. Just focus on that, we're going home.

Home...okay...home.

The TARDIS jerked roughly, not handling the vortex very well. A few panels were ripped off the side, getting eaten away by the time winds. River groaned in pain. One hard jolt had her wounds starting to reopening.

"Doctor..." She moaned, her communications becoming vocal and less telepathic now.

He swore under his breath. This TARDIS was too unstable for him to let go of the controls which he was already having trouble with. He wasn't sure if this ship would make it all the way to where they needed to get.

The blood was starting to spill out of River's reopened wound, pooling onto the floor. Another section of the TARDIS was torn away, and the Doctor could see right into the vortex they were traveling in. Time energy came dangerously close to them, whipping the air around. The TARDIS was doing it's best to try and hold together, moving as fast as possible.

Suddenly, in the vortex coming up next to them was a familiar blue box. The doors to the blue box next to them opened up relieving Ohila. "Doctor!" The woman called.

"Ohila!" He didn't have time to ask how she'd found them. "This TARDIS isn't going to hold together for much longer!"

"You're going to have to jump!"

He looked between her and his wife who was still bleeding on the floor. "If I let go of the controls, we'll crash."

"That's going to happen whether you let go of the controls or not. Perhaps I can strengthen the TARDIS's gravity to pull you in long enough for you to jump.

"Yes, do that, but hurry! River's hurt and I need to get her help!"

The woman ran back to the controls, working as quickly as she could, "I think I've got it!" The blue TARDIS started to release a gravity corridor, partially stabilizing the broken one.

The Doctor locked the controls and ran to River's side, lifting her. She groaned at the movement, the blood seeping out of her wound. "I'm so sorry." He whispered, bringing her to the edge of the broken ship.

The jump looked longer than it ought to have been and he almost wanted to ask for Ohila to try to get the ships closer, but then the broken TARDIS jolted alarmingly and he knew there was no time. He backed up a bit for a running start and leaped for it. Their TARDIS, of its own will, moved just close enough for him to make the jump, protecting its child and thief.

The gravity corridor fell away behind them, the other TARDIS falling behind as well with bits flying off it. The Doctor tried to land with River on top of him, not under him as to cushion the fall. He ended up skidding on his back, still holding tightly to his wife.

Despite the cushion, the force was enough to break the wound completely open again. Blood was immediately soaking her shirt and his. Before Ohila could say a word of greeting or concern, the Doctor was scrambling to his feet with River. "Medbay, now!"

The woman ran ahead of him, holding open the doors and helping set up machines. The Doctor put River on the bed. "Can you hear me, River?" Her fingers twitched, but that was about all the response he got. "Hand me an anesthetic. I'm going to give her one just in case." Knowing she'd been awake earlier and complaining about the pain, he didn't want her to wake up and feel all this. It was enough that they had lost their child today. He hadn't been told that, but it was obvious that the baby hadn't made it this far.

Ohila hooked River up to a few units of blood, "We have to fix this wound."

"Really, I would've never guessed," he snapped. He hadn't meant that, but he was much too stressed to filter or think very rationally. He took a breath and explained exactly what they had to. They had his regeneration energy as a safeguard, he knew it, but River hated when he used it on her and he knew that, too. She would already be disappointed in him for what he did and he was convinced that she would blame him for the baby, too. He certainly blamed himself. So for now, they were going to do this the way River would want: without regeneration energy.

Ohila didn't speak after he snapped at her, working quietly on what he told her to do. Slowly, the bleeding began to slow. A number of River's organs had been nicked by the knife including her uterus and small intestine, so they ended up having to put a large number up stitches in her. Cauterize this, sew that, not enough thread... it took them hours before they were done.

Once they had finished, Ohila used the ultrasound to search for any remaining internal bleeding. Although she didn't find any, she could see evidence of River's pregnancy, though the lack of heartbeat told her everything she needed to know. "I am sorry for your loss, Doctor." She confirmed what he already knew.

The remains of the pregnancy would still be passing all week. It wouldn't harm River, but there was no doubt that it would be both emotionally and physically painful.

He glared at Ohila, though no defensive remark came. He was too exhausted, sinking into a nearby chair. His clothes and hands were still stained with River's blood.

"I'll leave you be." She murmured, turning off the ultrasound and leaving the room. He shut his eyes against the sorrow, taking River's hand, and putting his head down on the bed.

After another hour, River started waking up, squeezing his hand, "Doctor..."

He lifted his head, eyes red. "Riv?"

"Doctor?" She whispered hoarsely, eyes opening.

"Hey," he murmured weakly. "How're you feeling?"

"Sore." She breathed, lifting her free hand to touch the source of the pain, still unaware of what had happened.

"You've got stitches." He swallowed. "I wouldn't press too hard."

Confusion passed over her face first, "What?"

He took a shaky breath. "You were hurt..."

"Is the baby okay?" She asked, eyes wide.

Any response he had caught in his throat when he tried to speak so he shut his mouth, blinking hard when his eyes started to water again. He looked at the ceiling, then at the floor, then slowly shook his head.

She stared at him, her stomach knotting, "...No...no, no..."

He squeezed her hand tightly, not meeting her eye. She pulled her hand away from his, using it to cover her face. His stomach dropped to his toes, feeling awful for breaking this news to her. "I'm sorry... Rassilon he-the damage..." He stopped talking again.

Her shoulders shook as she was unable to hold back her tears, the hand that wasn't covering her face curled around her abdomen, trembling.

"...Is there anything I can do?" He wondered if she wanted him to leave or hold her or tell her whatever she needed to hear.

"Not unless you can bring it back." She whispered. They both knew he wasn't capable of doing that so he said nothing, putting his elbows on his knees and head in his hands.

"He shouldn't have been able to see its heartbeats. The medicine was supposed to work on both of you."

"We should have tested it..." She looked away from him.

"We did the night before," He whispered."I'm sorry."

She shook her head, in denial, "There has to be something we can do. There's always something."

"There's no heart beats. There hasn't been for a while." He said painfully.

"Please, you always think of something." She begged, "I can't do this again..."

"I-I..." He didn't want to disappoint her, not after all that had happened today that he felt was his fault.

"Please." She whispered, eyes shining.

"I can't." His hearts were tight in his chest and his voice broke saying those words. She bit her lip, burying her hand in her hands again.

The TARDIS hummed in a soothing manner, neither of them speaking.

"I'm sorry." She murmured in between quiet sobs.

"This isn't your fault." He said groggily.

"I promised you I'd protect it..." She whispered, "It was my plan, it's my fault. William, this baby...they're my fault."

"I should have listened to Milva, I should have double checked the medicine. I lead you right to the capital... that's my fault."

"The baby was my responsibility. It was my job to protect it."

"It was both of our responsibilities… I understand if you're angry with me..."

"I'm not angry." She whispered.

"I screwed this all up. The capital is destroyed and let everyone down."

"The TARDIS said you were angry." She murmured.

"Our TARDIS?"

"No, the other TARDIS."

He nodded his understanding. "The guard brought you to me and... I didn't know what to do I-" He sighed. "I reacted so quickly."

"What did you do?" She asked quietly, staring at the floor.

"What I told the guard I would do if you got hurt, what Milva wanted me to do. ...I removed the Council."

River said nothing.

He slowly dared to reach for her hand again. She just watched him, the light in her eyes was gone and she looked defeated. He rested his hand on hers and they were both silent again.

"I hate it in here." River whispered after a while of just sitting in silence.

"We can move if you like." He offered quietly.

She nodded. He slowly rose and brought a wheelchair over, offering a hand to help her shift over. She moved onto the wheelchair with his help, freezing when she saw the blood between her legs.

He hesitated before explaining. "Things will be... passing now."

She squeezed her eyes shut, holding onto the arms of the wheelchair in a death grip from pure emotional pain.

He started pushing the chair forwards. "Do you want a pad?"

"I can take care of it if you bring me to the bathroom." She whispered.

They headed to their bedroom and he wheeled her over to the bathroom.

"Can you give me a minute alone?" She asked quietly.

He nodded, leaving to change out of his bloody clothes.