Ch 31
The days of healing were slow and at times painful. Some hours were easy, others hard.
Goods days were filled with quiet walks and quiet conversations, some of them about nothing important and some of them about everything important. Harder days, there was hardly any talking at all and they only left the TARDIS to walk to dog.
They were understanding of each other's needs for space and needs for company, balancing both.
One morning, River was sitting on the floor of the library, a bunch of pictures spread out in front of her. The Doctor had only just got up, having gone to the kitchen to make tea before finding her. "What's all this?"
"Pictures." She murmured.
"I can see that." He handed her one of the mugs and peered over her shoulder to see what exactly the pictures were of. It was a mix of photos, some from the days when it was just River and the Doctor, others from when the children were babies. "Where'd you get these?" He asked, sitting beside her. "I thought you gave Terra your picture box."
"I did. The TARDIS made copies of some of my favorite ones." She murmured.
He nodded his understanding. "Just looking, then?"
She nodded.
He picked up one of the two of them, (his old face, of course,) sitting in some park in France. Whatever pose they'd been keeping for the picture had been interrupted by him looking off camera at something with an unflattering, ridiculous expression. "This is one of your favorites?"
She smiled weakly, "Well, it's not so much the picture but more of the memory that goes with it."
"If I recall, I saw someone selling bird feed and insisted on buying some."
"You made us sit and feed the birds for hours."
"They were eating right out of our hands, I couldn't resist." He grinned.
She smiled softly, "It was rather entertaining."
He made a noise of agreement. "And the music. There was a man playing mandolin for coins, wasn't there?"
"Yes, there was."
"A warm day, too." He murmured, now understanding her point in keeping the picture as a favorite.
They spent some time there drinking tea and recalling memories.
"I want to get the kids back." She whispered after a while, looking down at the picture of their family. It had been taken on the day that Terra was born. Amelia was holding Terra while Arthur and Freya watched, smiles all around.
"Today?" He clarified.
She nodded.
He stared at the picture she was looking at, lingering longingly at the faces of their children. "Me too."
"I miss them." She whispered.
"Me, too." He repeated.
"We need to start planning then."
"We'll need some money for bus fares and their address."
"I have the address if you want to get the money." She murmured.
He nodded. "Change into something warmer, it'll be cold."
-x-
River arrived in the console room bundled up in her trench coat. She looked better than she had in days, the prospect of seeing her children lifting her spirits. The Doctor met her in the console room, ready with his pockets full of what they needed, which was mostly just cash.
They were both still on edge about trusting others, and cash transactions would mean that none of their spendings would have their names attached.
River had the address of Amy and Rory's clutched tightly in her hands, "Ready?"
"Yeah." He nodded. They would have to go to the meeting point in Pennsylvania, so it would probably take all day to go back and forth.
"Did you put all the safety measures on?" She asked, handing him a perception filter.
He took it and put it on. Their faces would be completely unrecognizable until they took them off. "I'll cloak the old girl before we land."
She nodded, taking a deep breath. They started piloting the TARDIS to where they needed to be, making sure she landed undetected.
"What if they're not there?" River whispered as they landed.
He took her hand. "Why wouldn't they be there?"
"I don't know. There are a million reasons, a million things that could have gone wrong."
"Well... let's take it as it comes, yeah? First, we get there, and if they aren't there then we'll figure it out."
She nodded, "Ready?"
"As I'll ever be." He gave her hand a squeeze.
They stepped out the doors, heading in the direction of the nearest bus station. It was snowing out, though not aggressively since there wasn't much wind. They were in the middle of some nondescript small town, right on the edge of a park. Manhattan would be about three hours east-ish by bus provided they didn't have to transfer.
River hugged her coat tighter, walking alongside the Doctor to their bus stop. It was inside a small building. Today being a Sunday, there was a line of other ticket buyers that had to wait in before they could make their purchase.
Nobody paid any attention to them as they waited in the line, nor did they when the couple boarded their bus. They sat near the back, ghost-like in their movements.
"You can sleep. I'll wake you when we get there." River offered.
"Are you sure?" He didn't want to miss anything.
"Positive." She nodded.
He glanced at the other people on the bus, noting that it would appear perfectly normal to sleep through a bus ride. He put his head down on River's shoulder and closed his eyes. Even if he didn't sleep, the rest would be nice.
She leaned her head against his, holding his hand. The bus was cold and dreary, the sky gray as the snow fell outside the window.
There wasn't much so see as the bus traveled. None of the cities they knew were very big at this point in time. Even New York seemed small in comparison to what it would become.
All of it was unusually ordinary: the people on the bus, the towns and forests they passed at they traveled, even the two of them just sitting there like an old married couple, even though they were the most extraordinary things here. They knew how the forests would shrink and the towns would grow. They knew how many of the men sitting with them would go off to fight in the second World War in just a matter of a couple years. It made ordinary things seem that much odder. It made the unknown that much more terrifying.
River's mind was on her children, her hearts aching for them to be with her again. This only made the time pass more slowly.
Finally, after what felt like years, they arrived in Manhattan. The bus terminal was at the opposite end of the island that they needed to be on, so they would have to take the train or a taxi. They decided to stick to public transportation, catching the next train they could get.
It was snowing harder now, so the trains were more packed than the bus had been. The Doctor said that it was always this packed because New York was, well, New York, but that didn't make standing more comfortable. At least the packed train was a bit warmer than the bus.
River held her husband's hand tightly, willing the ride to be over quickly so they could see their kids. They got off on 96th street, stepping back out in the cold air. "What's the address, again?" He asked.
River shook her head, still too paranoid to say it out loud, just in case. She took his hand, leading the way. He followed obediently.
They walked fast, both because of their anxiety and the cold. She led him into a building, climbing the stairs to the fourth floor, stopping in front of a door marked 4D.
"You sure this is it?"
She nodded, afraid to knock on the door. After a moment of hesitation, the Doctor braved tapping his knuckles against the door.
There was some shuffling from behind the door, footsteps approaching. Suddenly the door swung open revealing a sharp-nosed man with an equally sharp sword. "Who the hell are you?"
River let out a sigh of relief, removing her perception filter, "It's me. It's River." She assured.
His eyes widened and he quickly put down the weapon. "Melody!"
She jumped up to hug Rory. The Doctor took off his perception filter as Rory hugged his daughter tightly. "I missed you."
"I missed you too." She whispered, holding him as tightly as she could.
It was a good few minutes before he released her, eyeing the Doctor. "He really did change, didn't he?"
River looked back at the Doctor, having momentarily forgotten he was there, "Yes, he did."
"The kids said he'd gotten older... is he still treating you alright?" He asked protectively.
"Of course." She nodded, "Of course he is. He's still the same person overall, he just looks a bit different." She took the Doctor's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. The Doctor squeezed back.
It was strange seeing Rory young again. Their communications with the candles would be when the Ponds had wrinkles. They didn't even have Anthony at this point.
"Where're the kids?"
"They've gone out with Amy, actually. Wanted to play in the snow."
"How have they been? Are they all alright?" River asked.
Rory gestured for them to come inside as he answered the question. "They miss you, but they've been putting on a brave face."
She smiled weakly, walking inside the apartment, "I'm sure they have. They're all so incredibly brave."
They arrived in the kitchen where Rory had been making hot chocolate for the kids' return. He resumed his task and went on explaining to the Time Lords all that had happened in the past few months: how they'd had Christmas together, and how he and Amy were trying to pick up as much sign as they could so they could talk with Terra. He mentioned how they'd went ice skating and the twins refused to get on the ice until they were told that there was no water underneath the rink and how Arthur insisted on watering the window plants every morning because he liked looking out the window at the impossibly tall city. He also mentioned how the kids hadn't been sleeping too well since there was no point in keeping that to himself. He suspected they were worried about their parents.
River listened intently, wanting to know every little detail about what the children had been up to. She asked dozens of questions, asking about any nightmares the kids had, any new foods they liked, and even if they had grown even the slightest bit taller. Understanding, Rory patiently answered of her inquiries and asking a few of his own mostly about what the danger had been and if they were alright.
River and the Doctor chose not to mention the baby telling a bit about what they had faced. It was still hard to talk about, so the didn't go into too much detail. Even so, Rory expressed his sympathy, giving his daughter another hug.
She hugged him back, glancing at the clock. As much as she loved to see her father again, she was eager to make sure her children were alright.
"I'm sure they'll be back soon," Rory assured.
It was half an hour before the front door finally opened. River practically jumped out of her seat when she heard the door open.
"Rory?" It was Amy's voice calling. "Do you have the cocoa ready? We're freezing!"
"Yeah, and I've got a surprise, too." He called back, River already walking towards the entry way. There was a lot of shuffling from entry way and voices younger and less Scottish than Amy's muttering about what the surprise might be.
"Well, it's going to have to wait until I get everyone's snow suits off. It'd be faster if you helped." Amy called.
Rory motioned for River to stay in the kitchen, going to help the children with their snowsuits.
The Doctor tapped his foot nervously as they waited. "Do you think they'll want to see me? Before we left Arthur thought I wasn't his dad..."
"Well, they've had some time to think." River murmured, taking his hand, "But I don't know for sure." As much as she wanted to tell him that they would be happy, she didn't want to get his hopes up.
He gave her hand a squeeze, trying to prepare himself for rejection.
Footsteps drew closer, the children, free of their snow clothes, running to see their surprise. The Doctor stood with River, holding his breath.
All four kids ran in at roughly the same time. The look of shock that flew onto their faces was just as quickly overridden with the most joy a child could possibly express in one's face. "Mum! Dad!"
River beamed, "Hello, my loves." She opened her arms to embrace them.
Terra squealed, practically flinging herself into River's arms. Her siblings followed with equal excitement. She wrapped her arms around her children, falling backward with the force that they all jumped at her with. She was laughing, holding them tightly, "We've missed you so much."
They all tried to talk at once (except Terra whose hands were preoccupied with hugging). The Ponds had come in the watch the scene.
"Okay, okay, slow down." River smiled, arms still around the smallest of the four, "I can't understand you if you all talk at once."
"I thought you'd never come back!" Arthur spoke before his sisters could get another word in.
"Of course we can back! Didn't I promise we'd come get you?"
"But you were gone for months!" Amelia added.
"I know." She whispered, "We got back as soon as we could."
"What happened?" Freya worried. "Did you get hurt? Is everything okay?"
"Everything is perfectly fine." She smiled, "Don't you worry."
"Did you get daddy back?" Arthur asked.
River's smile faltered, "Arthur...we talked about this..."
He frowned. "Daddy's... stuck in an old man body."
"Well, not stuck, but something like that."
"If he's not stuck then why can't you fix him? He looks scary like this..."
"He's not stuck, he's changed. We can fix him because we can't reverse a regeneration." She murmured, "And I promise he's not scary. He's still the same person he was before."
While the twins didn't jump to agree, they didn't defend their father either. Terra was not aware of the conversation going on around her still just holding on to her mum.
Arthur had let go of River. "How can he be the same if he doesn't even look the same."
"Have you ever heard the saying that it's what's on the inside that counts?" She asked.
He shook his head, looking like he might cry.
"Well, there is a saying like that, and it means that you shouldn't judge a person by what they look like. Instead, you should look at them based on their actions." She murmured, speaking gently.
He wiped his nose on the back of his sleeve, thinking for a moment. The Doctor may have looked scary, but the man hadn't actually done anything that wasn't an effort to fix what he'd done. River glanced between her son and her husband, hoping that this was a good turning point.
The Doctor finally spoke, slowly and gently. "I suppose there are some things that are different about me, Arthur, even on the inside." It wasn't fair to him to deny the fact, even River had noticed it when they were on Gallifrey. "But only little things. The bigs things, the ones that really matter, that's all the same I promise. I still love you just the same and I'm so proud to be your dad just the same."
The boy looked at him, hesitating a bit before nodding his understanding. Terra adjusted herself in River's arms to observe the interactions of her brother and father. River stroked her daughter's hair, holding her securely.
"It's okay to feel like this. It's okay to be upset and angry and scared." The Doctor thought about River's first reaction to his face. While he was sure there those feelings were still present for her, but he also knew she had a better understanding of regeneration than the kids did and knew he still loved her. "You know something? I'm scared, too."
Arthur wiped at his eyes, "It's not fair that you had to be different."
"No," he agreed. "It's not. But I'm afraid all we can do about it is learn to adjust."
"How?" He still didn't understand how things would ever feel normal again.
The Doctor thought. "Well... how did you adjust to having a little sister after being the youngest for three years?"
Arthur shrugged, "I helped Mummy take care of her and I played with her all the time."
"And now you love her just as much as your other sisters because you got to know her so well. Perhaps you just have to give me the same chance, and I'll meet you halfway and try to be the best dad I can be for you."
Arthur nodded slowly, finally starting to get the idea.
Terra, still not sure why the Doctor wasn't getting any hugs because no one was translating the conversation for her, wiggled her way from River's arms and went to hug her father. She hugged him as tightly as she could, conveying her relief that he was back. The other children slowly followed her lead.
The Doctor found himself smiling widely and filling with relief. River beamed, happy to see her family together again.