Ch 38
The rest of the journal seemed more linear to the Rai's life. After the opening letter came some accounts of her childhood including Theon's birth and of course River and the Doctor's visit.
Rai's words discussed much of the aftermath after the the Doctor had destroyed the Capital; Other central cities around Gallifrey found themselves facing a similar revolt to the one in the Capital, which would destroy the reign of the Council completely but not for another decade or so. It was the start of a global polarization; there were those who the allied with the Council and thus clung to the power of fear, and those who tried to move on.
Many of the displaced citizens came to her village for sanctuary. Many people from the Capital who had fled set up permanent residence in her village and in turn gave their hosts more advanced technology and communication. One could never be too sure of them. She'd been told there were spies among the Capital dwellers.
Rai met many new people through this colonization, including Venic and the guards and nurses who had tried to help River and the Doctor. One of the guards, who's name was Salvi'Chya, explained what he knew of the Capital's destruction and that Rassilon was dead, which was recorded with much detail in the journal.
From Venic, Rai discovered that River's baby was most likely dead. Venic, Rai observed, was proud of her plan, knowing that if harm came to River and the child, the Doctor would be driven to do what he did and destroy the Capital thereby freeing all in its shadow.
At the same time Rai's village was gaining new members, the Council's followers were trying to rebuild their shattered empire. She was fourteen when she heard news of renewed censuses, and fifteen when they came to the village. This was how Theon was taken, she wrote. It was like the Council had risen out of the very walls of their homes- like they had never left. Theon was plucked as easily from her as a fruit is plucked off a vine.
The Council, someone had informed her, was on a mission to avenge Rassilon and somehow had gained the information about all who had been associated with the Doctor at the time of Rassilon's death. The guards, nurses, old villagers, and healers had been taken that night was well.
The story went on to describe Rai's decision to go after her brother even with others telling her that he was probably killed already. The hope she was going on was that they needed Theon's information about River and the Doctor before they did anything to him and would keep him alive until they got it. The Council may have had power enough to take Theon away, but they didn't have the recourses to waste on killing him. The council wasn't as powerful as it once was, so she and Salvi'Chya-who had managed to avoid capture with her- set off to find the others.
There were a few pages ripped out after that, then just the leather of the back cover of the journal.
River didn't say anything, but her hands tightened around the book and her expression twitched. She frowned, running her finger along the jagged remains of the missing pages.
After a moment, she closed the book, throwing it across the library.
The Doctor flinched at the suddenness of the action then exhaled slowly. "Do you think... do you think the Council got their information?"
"I don't know." She whispered, putting her head in her hands, "I don't know, but I hope they killed Venic because if they didn't..." She stopped, "She sacrificed our child for nothing. Nothing changed. We're not even safe from them, they could still be after us." River was furious, almost to the point of shaking with anger. She stood up, pacing.
"We have to do something." He whispered.
"What? What do you want us to do?" She snapped. "There's nothing we can do!"
"We can help them." He said more calmly. "It's our... it's my fault, all of this. I should help them."
"No." She said firmly, "We're not doing that. I'm sorry, but we can't help everyone."
"I'm not suggesting we help everyone, just the ones who helped us when we needed it."
"And I'm saying no!" She stared at him in disbelief, "Have you already forgotten what they did the last time we were there?! Do I need to remind you of what happened?!"
"I remember it, River. Very clearly." He muttered, glancing at the floor, then back up at her, scrubbing a hand down his face. "What do you suggest? That we just sit here and wait for them to find us again?"
"I don't know." She whispered, turning her back to him.
"Look," he said more softly, "we're safe tonight so maybe... let's just have some time to think about it."
She said nothing. He moved around her so she was facing him. "We're safe tonight." He repeated.
She avoided his eyes, trying to hide how scared and upset she was. "You should get some rest." She whispered.
"You, too."
She nodded but didn't move. He reached for her hand but she pulled away. In the corner, the TARDIS made the journal disappear.
"I'm... going to check on the kids." He said.
"Okay." She nodded.
He left, checking on his youngest first. Terra was still fast asleep, the dog sleeping next to her on the bed. He smiled weakly at them. His main concern lay with his eldests, but it still brought him comfort to see Terra content.
Arthur and the girls were also asleep, though Freya's sleep was restless. The Doctor came up beside Freya's bed, silently touching her temple to give her a better dream. Once he did so, she started to relax, hugging her pillow.
He smiled weakly. "Sorry about the journal." He whispered. "Your mum's just scared. We both are." Of course, she didn't respond, still fast asleep. He kissed her forehead, then went to his and River's room.
River wasn't in the room.
He frowned, glancing around. "Riv?"
There was no response. She had gone to the console room while he was checking on the children. He quietly went looking for her.
In the console room, both scanner screens were on. One of them displayed a sonogram image of their lost child. The other, the one River was staring at, was scanning for any threats, especially anything that would indicate Time Lord activity.
The Doctor's stomach tightened when he came in, the sonogram being the first thing he saw. "What are you doing?"
"Just...looking." She murmured, eyes not leaving the scanner, nothing was coming up, but that didn't make her feel any better.
"It's almost midnight." Reading the journal had taken a while. "We should sleep."
"You go, I don't think I'll be able to sleep."
"Why don't you bring a scanner to the bedroom with you? You don't have to sleep just... rest."
She hesitated, then nodded slowly. Trying to be helpful, the TARDIS materialized a scanner for River to have which was keeping track of the same data at the monitor was. She took the scanner, standing slowly.
"We'll figure this out, Riv." He murmured.
"I hope so." She whispered, her eyes falling on the other scanner with the sonogram.
He followed her gaze, shoulders starting to feel heavier with the grief of seeing their lost baby. After a long moment, which could have been minutes for all they knew, the screen shut off and image disappeared with it.
The Doctor silently urged River to come to bed. She slowly moved towards their bedroom, carrying the scanner.
They settled into bed and the Doctor turned out the light. The light from the scanner's screen illuminated River's face. "If you get tired of staring at that, wake me up and I'll watch it so you can sleep."
"Okay, thanks." She murmured, still not really looking at him.
He had a worrying sense, as he fell to sleep, that she was longing for his former face and looking at the sonogram had made it worse. All of their children were fathered by Bowtie, so they held the same connection, but then again, they weren't lost.
After several hours, despite trying to fight it, River fell asleep. Unfortunately, she didn't get much rest. Night terrors were quick to take her and she wake up in a cold sweat, shouting.
The Doctor was startled awake by the shout. "River? Are you alright?" She was clutching her abdomen, shaking and unable to answer. "What's wrong? What happened?" He was touching her shoulder, trying to refocus her to reality.
She flinched away from his hand, stumbling out of bed. She looked over her body, checking for any signs of blood and injury, especially around her abdomen. "Rassilon..." She breathed.
"He'd dead." He murmured, realizing he'd been having a night terror. "He's gone, he's not here." She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to slow her breathing. "Are you alright?"
She took a minute to respond, nodding. "...Are you sure?"
"Yes." She murmured.
"Do you... want to talk about it?"
"Not really." She walked back towards the scanner.
"Still nothing?" He asked quietly.
She nodded, "Nothing."
"Will you be able to sleep again?"
She shook her head, "I'll be fine. You sleep." She left the room without waiting for a response, taking the scanner with her.
Tiber caught up with her in the hall, following her. She sat with the cat in a sitting room, the scanner resting on tarm of the sofa she sat on. Tiber jumped on the sofa, curiously pawing at the scanner. She shooed him away, not wanting him to mess with it. He jumped on her lap instead, purring with the expectation of being pet. She did so, finding the action rather comforting.
It was soon that the cat fell asleep in her lap. She watched him and the scanner, staying up for the rest of the night. The scanner continued to show no danger.
Terra found her mother in the morning, padding into the sitting room with her blankie and Toby.
"Hello, my sweet." River murmured, turning off the scanner.
"[What are you doing?]" She yawned.
"[Just watching something. What are you doing up so early?]"
"[Toby was having a wiggly dream and he woke me up.]"
She smiled softly, "[Would you like to come cuddle with me?]"
Terra nodded happily. River made room for the little girl, helping her climb onto the sofa. Terra gladly snuggled up with her mum, sticking her thumb in her mouth. River stroked her hair soothingly, humming softly. Toby lay at River's feet.
They stayed like that for a while until Terra announced that she was hungry.
"[I'll make you something to eat.]" River encouraged her up. Toby got up, following the pair to the kitchen.
"[You look tired, Mummy.]"
"[I'm a bit tired, but don't you worry about it.]" She kissed the girl's forehead.
"[What was that tablet thing you were looking at?]" Terra asked, climbing up on a chair.
"[Just running some tests on the TARDIS.]" She lied.
"[Can I help make breakfast?]"
"[Of course! What do you want to have?]"
"[Um... Eggs and crumpets.]"
Terra helped pull out ingredients. River let her crack the eggs, helping her through the process. Arthur peered into the kitchen at some point, hesitant to enter. River was humming softly, helping Terra whisk the eggs.
It was Terra who noticed her brother, pointing him out to River. River looked to the door, seeing the boy, "Would you like to come help us, Arthur?"
He nodded slowly, worried she might yell again.
"Do you want to help Terra whisk the eggs?"
He nodded again, approaching the counter. River held the whisk out for him, getting a stool so he could reach. He took the whisk, helping his sister finish up. River supervised them, helping them pour the beaten eggs into the pan.
Arthur started to relax slightly as they continued with no scolding. Breakfast was finished soon enough, River being gentle with the kids. Terra ate happily, oblivious to the leftover tension.
The Doctor came in while they were eating.
"Do you want breakfast?" River asked, standing up.
"If there's enough." She got a plate for him. "Thank you," he smiled weakly, turning to his children, "and how are you two this morning?"
"Good." Arthur shrugged.
He sat down, "Did you and Mummy talk about what happened?"
Arthur shook his head.
"I think you ought to." The Doctor murmured.
Both Arthur and River frowned at the Doctor, not looking to pleased.
"[What is everyone saying?]" Terra asked.
"[Dumb stuff.]" Arthur answered.
This earned a frown from the Doctor and Terra.
"[Why's it dumb?]" She asked.
"[Because it is.]"
"It's not," the Doctor said slightly more strict, "Though I'd appreciate a simple 'I'd rather not' if you didn't want to."
"I'd rather not because talking is dumb." Arthur scowled at the Doctor.
"Talking is a form of communication and communication is the most important thing when it comes to... well almost anything."
"I don't care. I think it's stupid." He put emphasis on the last word, knowing it was definitely one he wasn't allowed to say.
"Then sign if you don't want to talk, but you will do it respectfully."
"This is stupid." He muttered under his breath, crossing his arms.
The Doctor was giving Arthur a look now and had quite a lot more eyebrow that he couldn't have achieved in his last regeneration. "Respectfully."
"Shut up!" He shouted, pushing the boundaries. Terra gasped, having to lip-read what her brother said.
The Doctor raised his voice slightly. "Arthur, you are not allowed to talk like that and you know it."
"I don't care! It's not like you'll do anything about it."
"And what makes you so sure about that?" The Doctor said menacingly.
"Because Mummy is the only one that yells." He wasn't used to the Doctor being the bad cop.
"I don't need to yell." He stood. "With me, Arthur. We're going to have a talk." Arthur scowled, but got up. The two left the room, Terra much less happy than before.
"[Arthur's in trouble... what happened?]"
River was frowning, not really knowing what was about to happen with the Doctor and Arthur. This was new territory and neither River nor the children knew what to expect from him. "[Nothing important, my love. Don't worry about it.]"
"[But Daddy doesn't do this. What's he doing?]"
"[I don't know.]" She rubbed the girl's arm, "[Let's finish eating and then we can color. That would be nice, yeah?]"
Terra nodded, thought couldn't help but look worriedly at the Doctor's and Arthur's half eaten plates. "[Why aren't Amelia and Freya up yet?]"
"[They're probably sleeping in, it's still a bit early. Now, eat up.]"
She finished up, the went with River to do coloring. River checked the scanner while Terra got the coloring books, not seeing anything alarming. Toby sat with them again, the coloring providing a good distraction for about an hour.
Terra's attention shifted from coloring to the dog, finding it more entertaining to place the crayons on his back. Toby shook them off occasionally, amusing her more.
Arthur reentered the room after a while. Both River and Terra looked up when he came back into the room. He was glancing awkwardly from his feet to the dog. "Um, Mummy?"
"Yes, Arthur?" River watched him.
"...Sorry for calling talking stupid." He murmured.
"It's alright. I'm sorry for shouting last night."
He shifted his feet. "I won't look in the book again. I promise I won't."
"Okay. Thank you." She murmured. He looked at her in the eyes, then went to set next to Terra. "Where's your father?" River asked.
"He said he had to check something."
River nodded, standing up, going to find him. The TARDIS led River purposefully, allowing the twins' room to appear. River hesitated when she got to the room. There were other rooms in the hall, of course: a hologram room, shooting range, swimming pool; All rather unimportant.
"Doctor?" River called softly. There was no answer from him, though Amelia's eyes appeared in the crack of the door.
River saw her, smiling softly, "Good morning."
Amelia said nothing, worriedly stepping out of sight.
"Amelia?" She frowned, walking closer to the door.
There was silence for a moment, then her response when she realized it was no use pretending she wasn't there. "Um... yeah?"
River gently pushed the door open. Amelia was stood alone in the middle of the room in her pajamas. "Are you alright?" River asked softly.
"Yeah." She nodded quickly. "I'm good."
"I'm sorry for what happened last night."
"Oh... why didn't you want us to read it?"
"It has things about Gallifrey that I didn't want you to know about. Things about...your father and me."
"Why can't we know them?"
"Because it's not important, it's just sad and I don't want you to be sad."
"You're sad," Amelia said in the way of realizing that that was what had been off about her mother since she'd returned.
"I'm okay." She lied, giving her a small smile.
"You're sad," Amela repeated. "And you keep going like this," she brushed a hand over her stomach, "like you're sore or something."
"I'm fine." River tried again, trying to change the subject, "Where's your sister?"
Amelia tensed, then shrugged.
River sighed. "Go on." She held the door open for the girl, following her out of the room. Amelia went to the kitchen with her mother. Both of them knew there were things the other wasn't saying.