Ch 41
It was another few days before River and Doctor Disco were able to have another conversation. She was leaving her office when she saw him, the frown on her face disappearing somewhat when she did. "Doctor Disco."
He was just about to enter his own office but turned around. "Professor Song, how are you?"
"I'm well, and yourself?" She set down one of her bags.
"I've seen worse days." He replied, something in his tone sounding tired in the existential sense.
She nodded in understanding, "If it makes you feel any better, it seems you've won my daughter's affections. She hasn't stopped talking about you."
"Is that so?" He asked, finding that it rather did improve his mood.
"Yes. She asks me every day if she can come back and visit."
He chuckled. "I can't say I'd mind. She was very charming."
"She gets if from her father, I'm sure. It's probably how she can convince the nurse to let her go home at least once a week." Her tone was joking, but underneath there was quite a bit of worry, though one would only notice if they knew how to listen for it.
The Doctor let it catch his attention. "Does she?"
River nodded, "And I still haven't figured out how to break her of that habit."
"I see... do you have any idea why she's doing it?"
"I think she's having trouble adjusting to her new school and ever since her father..." She trailed off, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment, "She clings to me more than she used to."
"Maybe it would help her to have a picture of you to look at when she misses you during the day." He suggested gently.
"You don't think that will make it worse? I want her to get over the habit, not indulge in it." River wasn't terribly good at denying her daughter. Terra slept in River's bed nearly every night and spent every moment she could within three feet of River.
"I'm afraid it's not my place to tell you how to help your daughter, but my ch-..." He stopped, stared at a spot on the wall behind her, then looked back at her again. "I heard it helped separation anxiety to have something familiar like a stuffed animal."
"Right, right sorry. I should go, I don't want to keep you." Her face fell a bit more. Being a single parent was not something she was used to yet and it felt nice to share the burden for a moment, to feel less alone.
"No, it's alright, I just didn't think you wanted me telling you how to do your job."
"Sometimes it's just nice to hear another opinion. It helps reassure that I'm not completely messing up their lives."
"I'm sure you're doing wonderfully." He offered a smile. "Parenthood is full of trial and error anyhow."
She nodded, giving him a forced, half hearted smile, "I guess you're right."
"Perhaps you should try the stuffed animal thing. It might help."
"I will. Thanks for the advice." She picked up her bag, heading to leave. '
Terra wasn't too keen on River calling her out about playing sick every week when she brought it up.
"[You can't keep missing school.]" River frowned, "[This is not okay. I'm not happy about it.]"
"[You let us miss a lot of school after Daddy went away.]" Terra wore a similar expression.
"[That was different. There was a reason then, you don't have a reason now.]"
"[I miss Daddy.]" Terra frowned harder, trying to use as much eyebrow as she could. "[And I miss you! And I don't like school and I don't like talk class!]"
River's expression softened, "[I miss him too. Would it make it better if you got to take a picture of us to school? That way, when you miss us and you want to come home, you have the picture to make you feel better.]"
"[But it's not real. Daddy's not really there, he's not coming back.]" Her lip started to wobble.
"[I know, sweetie, I know.]" She wrapped the girl in her arms, pulling her close.
"[What if you disappear like he did?]" Terra sniffed.
"[I won't, I would never even dream of leaving you.]" She kissed the side of her head, "[Besides, I can't leave, it's impossible! Because if I left, there would be nobody hear to make your favorite mac and cheese!" River tried to make her feel better.
"[Daddy would tell me stories about the Doctor and use my foxie and now no one can.]"
River hummed softly, "[What if, every day before school, we told a story with foxie like Daddy used to tell. Then when it's time for school you can bring foxie with you. Would that make you feel better?]"
Terra nodded slowly, still sniffling. "[I miss him.]" She repeated.
"[Me too.]" River found her own eyes a bit watery, "[It's okay to miss him. We'll always miss him. But you know what? He's not entirely gone, he's right here.]" She pointed to the little girl's chest, "[And he'll always be with you.]"
"[Sometimes it doesn't feel like it.]"
"[Why is that, darling?]" River asked, stroking her hair.
"[It just doesn't. Remembering him isn't the same as him being here.]"
River sighed, not having a solution for that. "[I wish I could make it better.]"
"[Can we have mac and cheese tonight?]" Terra asked.
"[Of course. Why don't you get to doing your homework and I'll start making it.]" She offered her a small smile. Terra nodded, wiping her nose.
River got to work on the dinner, helping Arthur with science homework and Freya with history. It started raining during dinner and was scheduled to rain all through the next day.
The next morning, River followed through on her promise to Terra, telling her a story about the Doctor with the fox, then letting her take the toy to school. The story probably wasn't as good as the ones her husband used to tell; River didn't quite believe in the outer space, alien nonsense that he did, but she did her best. She even spent a few hours digging through old photos the night before in search of the perfect of her husband to give to Terra, just in case she decided she wanted it.
River didn't end up giving her the photo, deciding to save it in case the stuffed animal didn't work. That's how she found herself crying in her car, sitting in the the car park of the University. It was one of the very few times she let her guard down, when she didn't have to worry about one of her children catching her without her brave face on.
Suddenly there was a tapping on her rain-streaked window. She jumped, startled, looking over at the window.
Doctor Disco was balancing a deep blue umbrella on his shoulder with two cups of tea in hand.
River quickly brushed away her tears, shoving the picture of her husband in her purse and opening the door, "I'm starting to think you're following me." She teased, trying to conceal her sniffles.
"My wife did use to say I was good at observing." He smiled weakly. "Tea?"
"Sure..." She nodded, taking one of the cups from him, "Thank you."
"Not that it's any of my business at all, but can I ask a personal question?"
"If you'd like." She nodded, taking a sip of the tea, not quite meeting his eyes.
"Was that man in the picture your husband?"
She took a deep breath. "Yes, I know he looks like a twelve year old, but he was actually older than I am. Bloody bastard." She joked, though her heart ached beneath the words.
He pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket, offering it to her. "I don't mind the crying, you know. Brave faces are overrated."
She smiled weakly, taking the handkerchief from him. "I miss him." She whispered after a minute of silence.
He nodded sympathetically. "How long ago...?"
"Um, just over a year ago." She sniffled again, trying not to cry, "But it feels like 10 years."
"I know the feeling." He murmured. "Why don't we get you inside where it's dry?"
She nodded, gathering her things and going inside with him.
He shook out the umbrella once inside. "Not that it's much consolation, but if you ever need to talk about all of this with someone, you can talk to me."
"Thank you." She nodded, "I try not to think about it too much. It's better if the kids don't catch me crying, it only upsets them more."
"I was the same way." He hummed.
"You have children?" She asked.
"Em... Yes. I did."
"Oh… I'm so sorry." She assumed the past tense meant that the children weren't alive anymore.
He tried to smile but knew it looked unconvincing. "Don't be."
"You're going to have to let me pay you back for all this tea." She changed the subject, sensing neither of them wanted to linger on it.
"Oh, don't worry about it. It's my treat."
"I insist." She shook her head.
"What did you have in mind?" He asked.
"I could take you to lunch?" She offered.
A more genuine smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "I'd quite like that."
"Are you free today? I only teach one lecture on Fridays."
"It happens that I am."
She smiled, "I believe there's a cafe down the street. It'll probably be full of students, but I heard the food is good."
"Meet me in my office after your lecture then?"
She nodded, saying goodbye and going to go get ready for her class.
-x-
He was pondering his bookshelves when she came in.
"What are you up to?" She smiled, knocking on the doorframe.
He glanced back at her, holding The Time Traveler's Wife in his hands. "Just... reorganizing."
She frowned slightly, reading the title, "That's one of my favorite novels. Why do you have it in here?" It seemed out of place with all the other books in the office.
"Oh, well, personal reasons, I suppose." He shelved the book.
She walked around, going to examine the things on his desk. One of the pictures he'd had before had been removed, though there was a clear spot where it used to be. She didn't comment on the space, looking around the rest of the room, "You're office is much bigger than mine."
"Well I've been working here longer, I suppose."
"I'm not complaining." She clarified, "It just...looks bigger on the inside."
He grinned knowingly to himself. "It's a physics trick."
"I see." She smiled, "Shall we go?"
He nodded. "We shall."
They walked together to the cafe, ordering and finding a table. The students that were there started at them and murmured to each other about things that made them laugh.
River wasn't really paying attention to anyone but the Doctor, asking him questions about his history with the University. He explained that he'd been working there since his wife had passed and she'd been encouraging to apply before.
"So, you're Scottish. Was your wife Scottish too?"
"She liked to call herself cosmopolitan." He teased. "But no, she grew up in Lea- in London."
"Sounds like a woman after my own heart." River laughed, "My mother was Scottish."
"I take it you didn't grow up there, though."
She shook her head, "I was born in Leadworth and grew up there until my parents died. After they died, I was sent to boarding school in the United States and then was eventually expelled and finished school back in Leadworth."
"Expelled?" He raised his eyebrows. "Do tell."
"Well, the school was extremely strict. We'd have tight schedules and probably spend more time learned combat and weapons training than actual classroom learning. And the Headmistress... Headmistress Kovarian..." She frowned after saying the name, seeming to lose her train of thought.
"River?"
She blinked, brow furrowing, "Sorry...I just..." She stopped again, "What was the question?"
Before he could answer, the waiter came to take their orders. She grew a bit quiet, ordering her meal.
"So," he said once the waiter left. "Why is The Time Traveler's Wife your favorite book?"
She shrugged, "It's so...horribly tragic. Romantic, but tragic. Henry and Clare are instantly drawn to one another, but they can never truly be together. Their meetings are out of sync...it's a life I would hate to live."
"Oh." He murmured deflating slightly. "Even if you were madly in love?"
"If I was madly in love..." She thought about it, "I think it would be awfully painful, all the worrying and not meeting in the right order. Don't you agree? I suppose if I were madly in love, I'd tolerate it, but I wouldn't enjoy it."
"Yes, it would be rather taxing... They'll need to invent better control when they invent time travel, then." He tried to say lightly.
She laughed, "Do you think that'll happen?"
"Well, if it does it will be long after the two of us are gone. Where would you go if you could?"
She hummed, "I think I'd want to see the future. I've always wondered what the world would be like in the 51st Century."
"Oh, I've got lots of theories." He hummed knowingly.
"Really?" She raised an eyebrow, "Care to share any?"
Gladly, he launched into a detailed description of the 51st century, talking about universities on the moon, alien embassies and inter-planet trade, and neurochips. River listened, something nagging at the back of her mind. She frowned ever so slightly as he spoke.
"Is something wrong?" He asked when their food came.
She hesitated, "No, everything's fine, you just...You sound like my husband."
In the back of his mind he knew the reason clearly, but presently he didn't know if he should apologize or not, so he did anyways. "Sorry."
"Don't be, it's not your fault." She gave him a weak smile, "He used to talk about the future and alien planets and impossible things."
"A man after my own heart." He tried to lighten the mood.
"What was your wife like? If you don't mind me asking." She watched him closely.
"It's alright she was... well she was brilliant, kind, funny," He looked more nostalgic as he spoke, knowing he had to make a description vague enough not to match the woman in front of him. "She loved traveling- we traveled lots when we were younger. She loved books and teaching. Those always seem to go hand in hand. She was quite full of love. She loved her family more than anything."
River smiled softly, touched by the way he talked about the woman, "She sounds wonderful."
Instinctively he touched his thumb to his ring finger, though the ring wasn't there. He didn't wear it at work just in case it ever accidentally were to be noticed by the woman who unknowingly had one that matched; it would raise too many suspicions.
"This lunch has been wonderful." River commented, "I don't get too much time with other adults outside of work."
He made a noise of agreement. "I'd, em, love to do it again sometime."
"So would I." She smiled softly, feeling her heart skip a beat.
He smiled as well. "When are you free? I know you've got to work around your kids' schedules."
"I could do lunch again next week. Unless...I suppose my girls are old enough to babysit their younger siblings, I could maybe see you again this weekend."
"Whatever works for you. I'm very flexible."
"Saturday night?"
He nodded. "Can I give you my number?"
"Sure." She nodded, handing him her now repaired mobile so he could put his number in.
He input 'Doctor Basil Disco' with a guitar emoji on the end, then handed it back to her. "I'll pick you up at 7:00."
"Sounds like a date." She smiled, the words slipping out.
"If you like." He nodded, not at all bothered by it.
River on the other hand looked shocked by the word that had slipped out, "I have to go pick up my kids." She hurried out of the cafe. The Doctor was left to pay the bill.