Ch 43
The next week, River didn't talk much to the Doctor. He brought her tea on Friday, which seemed to be a regular thing now, though left it on her desk since she wasn't there at when he was.
Terra continuously asked about how the dinner went, wanting details. The twins' questions mostly revolved around the Doctor's background, and Arthur showed little interest at all.
River kept assuring the older girls that it was not a date. She gave Terra very few details but promised she could come with her on Monday since Terra's school wasn't in session on Monday. Terra was delighted at this, having loved sitting in on River's work the last time. Seeing Basil again was an added bonus.
Monday morning, after the older children had been dropped off at school, River and Terra went to the University.
Terra immediately went to knock on Doctor Disco's door. There was a moment before the door opened, revealing the Doctor with a pocket watch in his hand.
"[Mr. Doctor!]" Terra beamed.
He pocketed the watch. "[Hello, Terra. What a pleasant surprise.]"
"[I get to visit you today because I went to school every day last week!]" She beamed.
"[Good job, poppet.]" He glanced up at River. River had been watching him, though her eyes, quickly darted away when he looked at her. "[I'd say you earned another sweetie.]"
Terra held her hands out expectantly. The Doctor disappeared inside his office for a moment, coming back with a cherry lollipop.
"[Thank you!]" She beamed, bouncing up and down as he handed it to her.
"[You're welcome. Are you sitting in on your mum's classes again, or this just a short visit?]"
"[I'm with Mummy for class. She said she has two classes today.]"
"[Yes, uni classes are long, so we don't have to teach usually more than three in one day.]"
"[That's lucky! I have so many classes!]" She huffed.
"[Do you like them at all?]" He inquired.
She thought for a bit, "[I like reading class. And I like when we learn about animals in science class.]"
"[I like science class, too.]" He grinned. "[What's your favorite animal?]"
"[Dogs, like Toby.]" She beamed, "[And foxes, like the Doctor.]" She shrugged her backpack off her shoulders, pulling the stuffed fox out of her bag, "[And Varqrid!]" She pulled a notebook out of her bag that was full of messy drawings, flipping to a page and showing him a drawing of a "varqrid."
The Doctor gently took the drawing, looking at it with awe at the accuracy to what varqrids really looked like. "[Did you... invent this?]"
Terra nodded.
"[It's brilliant]" He beamed at her.
"[I can draw you some pictures if you want.]" She beamed.
"[I would love that.]" He accepted.
She plopped right down on the floor, pulling crayons to start drawing on the spot. He chuckled. "[Perhaps you should set up shop when you're settled in you mum's lecture hall?]"
"[But I like it here.]" She protested.
"[In the middle of the hall?]"
Terra nodded. He looked up at River again. "You two are welcome to come into my office."
"I have papers to grade." River crossed her arms, though Terra's eyes lit up.
"[Can you bring them into his office. Please, Mummy? I want to see it!]" She begged her mother.
River sighed, "[Alright, fine.]"
Excitedly, Terra gathered her things and went right into the Doctor's office. River walked in behind her, somewhat glaring at the Doctor. The Doctor continued to wear his polite, kind expression.
Terra was amazed at all the things in the office. "[It's like a house in here!]"
River sat down at his desk to grade her papers as her daughter bounced around the room.
"[What are these?]" Terra asked, looking at the trinkets on the desk.
"[Ah, well, these are pens and pen lights.]" He pointed to the cup of electronic-wand-looking things. There was still only one picture on the desk and space where the other had been. "[That's a sculpture of a... thing.]" He pointed a glass bell jar with a culture of sticks and balls inside. "[A student gave it to me. And that's a snow globe.]"
"[Who's that in the picture?]" Terra asked. It was a black and white photo of a young woman with short, dark hair and a leather cap.
"[She was my... family.]"
River's eyes darted up from the paper she was reading to the picture for a moment.
Terra quickly moved on, looking at all the books. The Doctor got down all the books Terra wanted to look at the covers of. River kept her eyes on them, not getting much grading done. Terra loved all the pretty covers with strange patterns and languages. She even flipped through a few that were more picture heavy, asking if she could borrow some, which the Doctor agreed to.
"[Can you color with me?]" Terra asked, wanting to copy one of the drawings in the books.
He nodded. "[I'd love to.]"
She handed him some crayons, opening up to two blank pages so he could draw on one and she could draw on the other.
He chose a blue crayon. On his paper he made circular patterns like the ones in his books, but he seemed to know how to do them perfectly without reference.
Terra watched him, "[Can you teach me how to do that?]"
He nodded. "[It's a bit complicated.]"
"[I want to learn!]"
"[Well it's easiest the think of it as a language. Each circle is a word and each little bit in the circle is a sou- a letter.]"
As he described the process, he was aware of movement behind him. He didn't quite realize River had gotten up until she was directly above them.
"What are you doing?" River sounded angry and frightened, "Stop doing that! Get away from her!"
The Doctor stood quickly, startled and taking a good step back from a very confused Terra. "[He was just teaching me, Mummy! What's wrong? I want to learn the pattern!]" Neither of them knew what the Doctor was doing wrong.
River rushed to her daughter, hugging her tightly, staring at the strange letters.
The… 'language'.
It was strange, but something deep within her mind screamed at her to be afraid of those patterns...words...whatever they were.
She looked from the words to the Doctor, letting these unfamiliar instincts take over. She was unable to rationalize where these feeling were coming from or why she felt them, but she was already giving him a look that could kill a man.
He had dropped the crayon, hands visible by his side. "Sorry." He whispered, in shock by her reaction. "I won't teach her those patterns anymore if you don't want it."
"No, you won't. You're going to stay away from her or so help me I-" She was shaking, holding Terra tighter. River looked back down at the paper, at the pattern he had been drawing, "What does that mean?"
"It's just a pattern. Why would it mean anything?"
"It means something! I know it does! Why won't you tell me?!" She was shouting again.
Terra squirmed uncomfortably.
"It means 'I miss you'," he whispered.
"Why would you write that? Where did you even-who even-don't bollocks your way out of this until you tell me who the hell you are!"
"I'm Doctor Basil Disco. I'm the physics teacher whose office is across from yours." He said as level as he could, taking a breath. "And I wrote it because it's true. The woman in the picture Terra asked about. I miss her. And I miss... other people who are no longer in my life for reasons that I'd rather not discuss."
River took a slow breath, stepping out of herself for a moment, now horrified at herself and her outburst. Completely embarrassed and honestly still shaken, though she still couldn't place why, she quickly collected her papers and Terra's things, making sure to leave the Doctor's books behind, "[Come on, Terra, love. Let's go.]"
"[Why? What happened, why were you mad? He wasn't done teaching me!]" Terra had missed pretty much the whole spoken conversation, still confused and upset.
"[Let's go get ice cream for lunch!]" River tried to smile, trying to pull her daughter out of the room.
"[But my books! He was letting me borrow them.]" Terra was not having it, resisting River's direction.
"[I'll buy you new books! Better books! I'll buy you anything you want at the toy store.]" She tried again, looking a bit desperate.
"[I don't want new toys.]" She looked now like she might start crying. "[I want to know why you're making Mr. Doctor go away!]"
"[Terra, please! Just come with me. Come with mummy.]"
River couldn't explain because she didn't really have an explanation except for that the drawings had scared her and now he scared her.
Things were piecing themselves together in unreadable shapes; Doctor Disco was familiar, but a stranger. He knew things about her, odd things like her favorite scones, how she took her tea. And now the drawings... she had a feeling about them, yet she had never seen them before. It didn't make sense and she just wanted to get away from it. Get her daughter away from it.
Terra started crying, not liking being yelled at and not liking that she didn't know what was going on or why her mother was acting so strangely. It had all been fine until suddenly it wasn't and the confusion was too overwhelming for her. She plopped down on the floor and started sobbing.
The Doctor would have helped, but he knew River wanted him far away right now.
River felt her chest tighten at the sight of her daughter crying, instantly trying to sooth her. She wished there was someone there, someone besides Doctor Basil Disco, the man that made her head hurt with all his odd familiarities. She had made her daughter cry, something she normally worked very very hard to prevent.
It felt like a confirmation that she was no good at being a parent. She had always been unsure of herself with children, her husband knew that even when the twins had been born. Unquestionably, she loved her children to death and did her best to be the mother they deserved, but she had shortcomings. A lot of them, actually. But he'd been there. He'd always been there to tie off all the strings she missed and ease her worries and help. They were parents together.
Now he'd been dead for over a year and every loose end she had felt like ropes and ropes of her inabilities. She needed someone there to help. She needed her husband. He'd never let their children feel unheard and he'd certainly never be unobservant enough to push them to the point of crying.
"[I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.]" River signed to her distraught child, her hands still trembling.
Terra reached out for River, nose running and tears streaming down her face in big rolls. At this point, she was blinded by so much confusion that she hardly knew where it came from anymore, and River was the only familiar thing close enough to cling onto.
River scooped her up, holding her tightly, humming in an attempt to comfort her. Her knees felt weak and she didn't dare look in the direction of the Doctor. The girl buried her face in her mother's neck, whimpering. River rocked her back and forth.
As much as she wanted to leave, she couldn't carry the little girl and her belongings all at once. It was a little while before Terra started to calm, having pretty much exhausted herself out.
"[Can you go back to my office? You can take a nap on the sofa.]" River asked her. By now, she had decided to cancel her lectures for the day. She'd email her students and tell them she was holding office hours instead, though no one ever came to those so it would be a good time to let Terra nap while she graded papers.
The girl nodded meekly, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "[You're not going to make Mr. Doctor go away forever, are you?]"
"[We'll talk about it later.]" River kissed her forehead, "[Go on, I'm right behind you, I just have to bring all of our things.]"
Terra waved a sorrowful goodbye to the Doctor, then dragged herself back to River's office. River started getting the rest of Terra's things, as well as her own.
The Doctor watched in silence, regretting having ever kept the Gallifreyan books in his office.
River left without a word, going back to her office. She helped Terra get comfortable on the settee, draping a blanket over her and giving her her fox stuffed animal.
"[Is Mr. Doctor in trouble with you?]" Terra asked sleepily.
"[I'm afraid so.]" She whispered, settling in a chair next to the settee with the papers she needed to grade, "[Don't worry, darling. I'll work it out.]"
"[Do you promise you will? You promise you'll be friends again?]"
"[I can't promise, but I'll try my best.]" She stroked her daughter's hair back, "[I love you very much and I'm sorry for upsetting you.]"
Terra stuck her thumb in her mouth. "[What did he do wrong?]"
She sighed, "[Those...patterns that he was teaching you, they mean things. When I asked what they meant, he lied to me at first.]" She explained.
Terra frowned. "[How come?]"
"[I don't know, sweetie. Get some rest now.]" Obediently, Terra closed her eyes, hugging her fox close.
River spent the next few hours getting work done. She was interrupted for a little while by a visit from Nardole, one of her assistants-turned-friend. He didn't stay for long and she quickly found herself alone with Terra again.
The girl woke a bit past noon and complained that she was hungry. River decided to take her to the cafe she had visited with the Doctor so they could get lunch. Terra brought her fox with her, holding it and her mother's hand tightly.
River got them both sandwiches, a juice for Terra and tea for herself. She also let Terra get a cookie as a special treat. Though Terra wasn't as talkative as normal, the treat and the lunch seemed to be cheering her up. River was glad that her daughter seemed to be feeling even just a little bit better.
They headed back to River's office, packing up their things. Terra looked longingly in the direction of Doctor Disco's office. "[Why can't I borrow any of his books?]"
"[Because they have things inside them that I don't want you to read.]" She murmured.
"[Like what?]" She pressed.
"[I don't want to talk about it.]"
Terra sighed but didn't ask again.