Sirius was trying to convince himself that avoiding Remus was the best thing he could do for him, for the both of them really. He still felt guilty sneaking around the castle, and more than a little silly camping out in secret passageways. He had settled into the one behind the large mirror two floors above the Gryffindor entrance , like a runaway child that dared not go too far from home. He had been carrying the Marauders Map with him all day, occasionally bringing it out to assure himself that Remus was nowhere in sight or smell of him.

The common room had been a close call; he'd fallen asleep in a large armchair facing the fire and luckily neither Remus or James had spotted him. He had roamed the halls for quite a bit until he could no longer ignore his hunger and went looking for a house elf in the Hogwarts Kitchens, hoping he could talk one of them into rounding him up an early dinner. He'd eaten practically nothing at breakfast and had spent the better part of the day in the library trying to figure out what in Merlin's name was wrong with him. Remus may be driving him crazy, Sirius told himself, but at least he had the self-awareness to know that he shouldn't.

Being near him filled him with this unfamiliar, hungry feeling that made him want to punch him in the face just so it would stop. He hadn't wanted to admit it, but even if he felt more in control when Remus wasn't around, a jab of bitter loneliness would form and grow in the pit of his stomach until he saw him again. The map helped with that a little. He wasn't proud of stalking his friend's every move, but it did help a little to know where Remus was, and imagine what he was up to from a safe distance.

"I must look a sight," he mumbled to himself. "Bundled up in a dark hole feeling sorry for myself". To his credit he had tried to make the passage livable. He'd 'borrowed' blankets and pillows from a linen closet while he was down near the kitchens and a large rug from one of the hallways on the fourth floor that he was sure no one would miss.

Remus's bed was right next to his in the dormitory, and there would be no avoiding him if he spent the night there. The secret passage was cold, but at least it wasn't wet or drafty.

Sirius was congratulating himself on his resolve and determination when the door to the passage creaked open.

x x x

"Lumos."

Sirius bolted upright from his nest of blankets and turkey sandwiches and turned toward the door, wand at the ready, only to be blinded by the bright light.

"What are you playing at, you git?"

Remus lowered his wand and Sirius stood, allowing him to now see his friend's face. He shivered, partly from the cold but mostly because Remus's face was contorted into an expression of anger that Sirius had never seen quite so distilled.

Remus was never angry. He sighed, and pouted, and had this disappointed face that made Sirius want to stand in a corner with his face to the wall... but he was never this angry. He looked away.

"Well?!" Remus stepped closer in what Sirius assumed was meant as a threatening gesture, but all of a sudden they were much too close. If he looked up, he could probably count every freckle on the other boy's face illuminated by his still glowing wand.

"Back off!" Sirius snapped. A stunned silence punctuated the fierce anger being directed his way, and Sirius took the opportunity to brush past the other boy.

"Where the hell are you going now!"

Sirius had barely registered being pushed up against the wall before he found himself overwhelmed by the smell of peppermint, firewhisky, and Remus Lupin.

"You're drunk." He said it as calmly and evenly as he could, which was a feat considering that he was simultaneously considering how easily he could overpower his slightly shorter, and slightly swaying friend.

Sirius sighed. "Just back up... please? I don't want to hurt you or anything, I won't go anywhere I just need a little room." He was looking up at the ceiling now, and it had come out quieter than he had intended, almost a whisper. For a moment he thought he would have to repeat himself, but then Remus let go of his sweater and shuffled back unsteadily.

"Why would you hurt me?"

For the third time that day, Sirius went against his better judgement and looked right at Remus.

He really needed to stop doing that.

'I preferred it when you were angry' was the first thought that crossed his mind. The next one was "God and Merlin. If he keeps looking at me like that I really am going to have to kill him'. Anger and disappointment were one thing, but the look of accusing, unrestrained hurt that Remus had trained on him was quite another.

Oh God... and why the hell was he so drunk?