The funeral for my mother was one of the hardest things I had gone through in either of my existences. The twins and Jacob cried, while Billy and I stayed solemn and silent. This was the time to grieve, the time to let loose the emotions that came with my beautiful mother's death, but we stayed quiet. I wanted to cry, wanted to scream out at the world, wanted to demand why I had been given the chance of a happy and loving family only for it to be ripped apart by something so soul shattering.
I know, had I been a normal nine year old, I don't believe I would have been so affected. But this woman, my mother, had become my safe place, my person. She was able to calm me down when I was drug between this world and my last one, she was everything to me.
Now, she was gone.
People went up and spoke about my mom; Charlie Swan, Harry and Sue Clearwater, Quil Ateara Sr., and others I didn't care to remember the names of. The last one to speak was Billy, and I didn't retain anything that any of them said. Everything they had said were things I already knew about her.
I went through the rest of the funeral in a daze. Everyone offered their condolences, people grabbed me in hugs, patted me on the shoulder, but I didn't really respond. The only time I showed much of anything was when Seth came over to hug me, and I gripped his hand tightly because I needed him by my side.
Once it was all over, and my mother had been put in the ground to lay in her final resting area, my family and I went home. This time, all of us were silent.
At night, I buried my head in my pillow so I didn't have to hear Billy cry when he thought no one could hear him. I didn't cry, I hadn't cried except for when I first found out. I don't know why I never cried, but I knew I felt numb inside.
As years went on, my personality was drastically different from when I was younger. I was quiet, subdued, a bit anti-social. I quit choir and art, and my panic attacks got worse. Now whenever I had them, my mother wasn't there to calm me down. Jacob could sometimes help, but I normally wasn't able to pull myself out of it. I had them more often, and without warning.
I only started riding in cars again when I was thirteen, which was a relief to everyone. Even though I hadn't been with my mother when she was hit, I saw how her car looked and that stuck with me.
Rachel and Rebecca basically mothered Jacob and I. Or rather, they tried, but I pushed them away. I resented them for trying to be her, because they never could. Regardless, they made lunches and dinner, did laundry most of the time, cleaned up around the house, and helped Jacob and I the best they could. Eventually, I got over my resentment of them and let them try to help us all deal with the pain of losing mom. More likely than not, taking on mom's role would be why they moved away the minute they got the chance.
If it weren't for Seth, I would have been completely removed from reality. But he pushed me to get out of bed and do things when I wanted nothing more than to forget the world, he stayed by me through my bad days and helped me celebrate my good days, rare as they were. He stayed my best friend through everything.
In eighth grade, I got better. I made a few friends beyond Seth, and started talking more. Still, I felt empty inside. In the past, I knew what had helped me feel more alive when I felt dead. But as Rayna, I was hesitant to do it.
There was the fact that I was gorgeous, and I wasn't saying that to be conceited. My long dark hair fell in thick waves down my back, my hazel eyes were framed by thick lashes, my lips full and plump, my body slim yet curvy. I knew I had quite a few admirers, some not so anonymous as the rest. However, I couldn't help but hate myself because I looked so much like Sarah.
Rebecca and Rachel also looked similar to Sarah, although they didn't have her eyes. That was something I wished I didn't have. Unlike me, Rebecca and Rachel would rather get away from all the memories of mom, so once they graduated they left La Push. Rachel went to college at Washington State University, and Rebecca married a surfer named Solomon Finau then moved to Hawaii, and rarely did either of them came to visit.
Obviously, I had gotten attached to them, and their departure hurt. I had lost my mother figures, although this time it was because they choose to leave. I wonder if leaving would help me, but I knew I would never want to leave La Push. Remembering my mother hurt, but forgetting her would be absolutely terrifying.
present time, freshman year. 14 years old.
"Rayna, let's go!" Billy shouts, and I give myself one last look before leaving the room. My oversized flannel, which really belongs to Seth, paired with my ripped skinny jeans, and faded purple converse show that I don't really care all too much about Bella returning to Forks.
Jacob, however, is ecstatic about her return. He spent most of this morning in front of the mirror fixing his hair, which is almost as long as mine. I swear I even heard him practicing his greeting towards her a few times, something that made me want to gag.
"We can't be late," Jacob says, appearing in my doorway. I roll my eyes, and he looks at me with a raised brow.
"What?" I cock my head to the side, acting as if I don't know what he's annoyed about.
"Really?" He sighs, and pushes off my doorframe and walks down the hall. I follow, shoving my messy hair up in a ponytail as I go.
Billy had already wheeled himself out ot the car, and Jacob hurries over to help him inside the small truck we were going to be driving in. The orange rustbucket, as I lovingly referred to it as, was given to Bella. Even though it was going to be mine when I got my license. Jacob assured me that I wouldn't have liked driving it anyways, and Billy promised I would get a different one. Either way, I still wasn't going to like Bella anymore than I had to.
Even though I'm older than my physical age, I still am as petty as ever. That's one trait that came from being Rayna, because I hadn't been like this in my first time around.
I squeeze in between Billy and Jacob, and ignore their excited banter as we drive from the rez to town. As we pull up to Cheif Swan's house, Billy grabs my hand, and I turn to him.
"Please, be nice." He says firmly, and I sigh and nod. We get out of the truck, Jacob once again helping Billy into his wheelchair, and Charlie comes out of the house.
I grin when I see him, and give him an enthusiastic wave. Although Bella is on my shit list, Charlie is my favorite adult.
"How are you, Rayna?" Charlie asks, and I shrug, give a convincing half smile. I look up at the house, and see a curtain swinging shut.
"Charlie, she like the truck?" Billy asks, wheeling himself over to where we were standing.
Jacob comes and stands next to us all, bouncing on the balls of his feet ever so slightly. Its obvious that he's nervous and excited to see Bella. I just want to get home so I can get my algebra homework done.
Charlie nods, smiling widely. "She definitely wasn't expecting it."
The door to Charlie's house opens, and a taller than average girl walks outside, her long chocolate brown hair held back by a thin headband. It curls at the ends, and looked like it had been brushed obsessively. Her skin is pale, odd for someone who lived in Arizona. She stumbles a bit when she walks down the steps, but catches her balance and shoves her hands in the pocket of what seems to be mom jeans.
"Bella, you remember Billy Black?" Charlie says, leaning against my lovely rustbucket.
Bella's heart-shaped face breaks out in a lopsided grin, and she nods. "Yeah," She turns to Billy. "You're looking good."
Billy nods, smiling from underneath his cowboy hat. "Still dancin'. I'm glad you're finally here, Charlie here hasn't shut up about it since you told him you were comin'."
Charlie rolls his eyes, chewing on his cheek. "Alright, keep exaggerating, I'll roll you into the mud."
Jacob laughs as Billy rolls over to Charlie, causing him to back away from the truck and down the driveway.
"Not before I ram you in the ankle," Billy grins, and he and Charlie move away from us and the truck, play-fighting like they were children. I smile a bit at that.
"Hi, I'm, I'm Jacob," Jacob says awkwardly, flashing his sunny grin at Bella, who looks flustered and makes a sound of acknowledgement. "We used to make mudpies when we were little."
I almost laugh, I had never seen Jacob so awkward while talking to a girl. Then again, he didn't talk to girl's all that often since he was usually with Quil and Embry, holed up in the garage working on cars.
"Right, no, I remember." Bella says, and glances at Billy and Charlie, who have now moved into the street. "Are they always like this?"
I snort, and Bella glances at me for a second before Jacob starts talking again, his grin still in place.
"It's getting worse with old age." Jacob replies smoothly, and they both laugh. Bella looks at me, and I feel Jacob nudge me, meaning for me to say something.
"I'm Rayna," I say. "We didn't make mudpies together because you Jacob normally hid away from everyone else, but we played together a few times. I think."
"Yeah, I remember you. You're taller now." Bella replies, and I think she's trying to make a joke. Either way, I don't laugh, and things turn awkward before Jacob slaps a hand down on the hood of my beloved truck.
"I totally rebuilt the engine." Jacob exclaims proudly. "She runs like a dream."
"This is amazing," Bella admit, and opens the door. She hits Jacob in the arm,a nd quickly says an apology. Jacob shrugs it off.
Charlie and Billy walk back up to us, and Billy has a smug grin on his face.
"I told ya she'd love it." He says, and Charlie shakes his head. "I'm down with the kids."
"Oh yeah dude, you're the bomb." Charlie replies sarcastically, leaning up against the truck.
Jacob and Bella get in the car, and I stay outside with Billy and Charlie. I can hear Jacob explaining to Bella how the car works, and tune them out.
"So, Rayna, how's freshman year going so far?" Charlie asks, and I shrug again.
"Alright, I guess. I have Jacob, Embry, and Quil in my tribal studies class so, I don't really pay too much attention," I say. "Which is fine, because dad has already told us all the legends and stuff."
Charlie nods. "I wouldn't imagine you would learn much with those three in a class together. How's Seth."
"Seth is good, I've been helping him with biology." I reply, and cross my arms over my chest as a cold gust of wind blew by. I really should have brought a jacket, but it's too late now.
Jacob and Bella get out of the car, and we all stand there awkwardly for a moment before Jacob speaks.
"Hey, I'll give you my number so we can hang out sometime," Jacob suggests to Bella, who nods and pulls out her phone. He punches the number in, and hands it back to her. She then holds her phone out to me, and I look at it for a second before hesitantly putting mine in as well.
"Well, Bella, we should probably get going so you can finish unpacking," Billy says. "But we'll see each other again soon, I'm sure."
"Definitely," Jacob smiles brightly as he looks at Bella. "Text me."
"Sure." Bella nods, and smiles at Jacob as well before looking back at Billy. "You and my dad still do the weekend fishing trips, right?"
"Every weekend we can." Billy says proudly, and Charlie nods.
"Alright Bell, let's get inside so Billy doesn't talk our ear off the rest of the night." Charlie jokes, and Billy punches him the leg.
"I'll get you back for that." Charlie says, and he and Bella walk in the house.
Once again, we pile into the truck, and head home. Jacob chatters on about Bella while Billy listens, and I tune him out. I don't really understand what's so great about Bella Swan, anyways.
I hope you all liked this chapter, I cant believe it has so many reviews and favorites already. thank you to Tanner Clark, elisabella442001, and inuyashademons14 for reviewing last chapter!
next chapter will be more interesting, and there will be quite a bit of Seth. I love him, and I love writing him so much. reviews are appreciated!
*if the beginning of this seems a bit weirdly put together, that's because I wrote it at like three am when I got home from work. hopefully it's still good!
-TheFlyingGraysons