Ch 79

The Doctor grabbed the sonic, scanning over their son. River watched, silent and shaking with exhaustion and anxiety. The Doctor pressed on Felix's chest, still utilizing the sonic until finally a frail cry was produced by the newborn. River breathed out a sigh of relief, though she didn't reach out or ask for the baby.

He scooped Felix up carefully. "His hearts were out of sync, I think he'll be okay now." River nodded, her expression reminding the Doctor vividly of Dundenbar. Most of his memories from that timeline were blurred to begin with, but the connection he saw now was undeniable. "You should hold him."

She shook her head, "No. I want you to hold him."

He didn't argue, grabbing a blanket to wrap him up in.

Too bright. Want Mummy! Felix demanded.

River looked away from them, hiding her face and fighting a hot lump in her throat. She didn't understand why she was feeling this way. She should have been happy, relieved, but she wasn't. The Doctor didn't know what to say, hushing their son as he whimpered.

Missy came up about ten minutes later, entering without knocking. The hand River had crushed was now wrapped up. "Well, looks like that can be squared off the list." Felix let out a loud whine, to which Missy clicked her tongue. "If I remember my languages, I think he's asking for milk." It was an obvious guess, but she mostly said it because of the tension she sensed. "Unless you've already done that and he's just faking like a cat. Babies and cats have so much in common. Has anyone checked your head?" She asked River.

"No..." River murmured, still staring blankly.

"Now what's her problem?" Missy huffed, she wasn't terribly experienced in having babies, but she was fairly certain that this wasn't how people acted after giving birth.

The Doctor didn't answer her, caught up in the realization of the head injuries they'd gotten from their encounter with the Master. He'd been so focused on making sure Felix was okay that he'd nearly forgotten.

He shifted Felix to one arm and moved closer to River. "Can you follow my fingers?"

River reluctantly tried to focus her eyes on his finger, though failed the eye-tracking test miserably, simply unable to do it. The Doctor's worry was quickly returning as he fished out a pocket torch. He shone the light in River's eyes. She immediately tried to look away, finding the light to be too bright.

"How hard did you hit her, Missy?" It was a rhetorical question, but his concern was obvious.

"I had to make it look believable!" Missy defend, "Give him to me so you can examen her." She held her arms out for the baby.

"No!" River shouted, breaking out of her daze for a moment.

Missy looked stunned, though recovered quickly. "No need to get your knickers in a twist. Would you rather I examine you?"

"Yes." She nodded, liking any solution that didn't involve her baby near Missy.

The Doctor slowly handed Missy the pocket torch, moving out of the way while holding Felix protectively. Missy took his place with ease, running the light past River's eyes again. "Her left eye is unreactive."

"I want to sleep." River murmured, exhaustion washing over her.

"No," Missy ordered firmly. "No sleeping."

"I think I've earned some rest, thank you," River snapped.

"It's not a punishment, it's a diagnosis, thank you. I think you've got a brain bleed."

"And who's fault is that?" River glared at her, the bickering with Missy being the only normal behavior she was exhibiting so far.

"Hey, it was either hit you or perform a cesarean to prove myself. Which would you have had me done?"

"Missy, this is bad..." The Doctor had taken to pacing by the window.

"I'm aware that this is bad. We need to figure out how to get off this ship before your wife bleeds to death."

"Maybe the people downstairs know something...?" he offered unsurely.

"I don't think they know much." Missy shook her head, "They're humans—not the brightest race out there."

He resisted a glare. "They're worth a shot. Watch her, please."

"What about the baby? Doesn't Mrs. Doctor get a chance to hold it? I'm sure you don't want to take him downstairs with all those strangers."

He glanced at River, not sure about leaving both his baby and incapacitated wife in Missy's brief care, especially with River's apprehension towards their son.

"I'll take him." River finally offered, clearly hesitant but preferring it to the idea of her baby surrounded by strangers.

The Doctor lowered a still fussing Felix into River's arms. The tension seemed to leave River's shoulders, at least a bit. "It's okay, mummy's here." She soothed, cradling him close against her body.

The baby calmed quickly and the Doctor kissed her forehead. "I'll be right back."

River stared at Missy as the door shut behind him. "I'm not going to bite you." Missy murmured, leaning against the wall.

"Are you sure?" She held the baby closer.

She rolled her eyes. "I'm a Timelady, not an animal. And I want is to get out of here as much as you do. In case you've forgotten, my lesser half is a few floors down."

"I haven't forgotten."

Felix started to cry. This startled River, her eyes widening with rising panic at the infant.

"Do you think he's going to bite you, too?" Missy raised a brow.

"No." River growled, "Obviously not, I just..." She looked lost like she had no idea what to do.

"Need instruction?" Missy guessed.

"I don't know what to do," she admitted painfully, trying to keep calm despite her growing anxiety and the sharp headache that was coming on. Something wasn't right. She felt far more over her head than she ought to have. Why was she even holding the baby to begin with? She was probably going to mess up and do something to hurt him.

"Well since you have, what, three other children? I'm going to assume you can't remember because of the bleed and take pity on you," Missy straightened her spine. "...This isn't exactly how I imaged our girl time, but I suppose it'll do."

Felix whined again, getting louder and more distressed the long his needs weren't met, while his mother continued to stare unsurely at him.

Missy sighed. "No point in idling with a waiting kiddo. I'm sure you're smart enough to know where the milk comes from. Just lead his mouth to it and he should latch on his own."

River hesitated, feeling overwhelmed and only growing more confused at the fact that she was feeling it. She didn't understand why, after four kids, she was suddenly so scared and unwilling to do this.

Missy sat on the bed, all teasing gone from her features for a moment. "Do you need me to show you?"

"No, I don't need you to show me. I can't… I can't do it."

Missy sighed again. "And why is that?"

"I don't know." She breathed, "I feel like I can't, but I don't know why." River looked down at the baby, not realizing how much she was shaking.

"Well, it is possible your milk's not come in yet because of the accelerated gestation," Missy mused, "but I assume this is more emotional than physical."

"I'm so tired," River whispered, not wanting Missy of people to be instructing her on how to breastfeed.

"I told you: you can't sleep. So you can sit there and listen to your son cry or suck it up and feed him, but no sleeping."

River glared hard at the other woman but did as she was told and adjusted her top to feed the baby. Like many of the things she had done today, she did it because she knew it was what needed to be done; because she didn't have a choice in it or how unexplainably uneasy it made her. River fixed her eyes on the wall and said no more.

The Doctor came upstairs after a little while. "How is she?"

"She's acting so strangely." Missy muttered to him, "She said she couldn't feed him and now that she finally has, she hasn't looked at him. Is this how she is when I'm not around?"

"No..." he said slowly. He knew the brain bleed was a likely reason behind it, but the possibility that it was something else worried him. "But look, the people downstairs said that there are blue lights here at night that only started appearing a few days ago. I think it's the TARDIS. She probably can't land during the day because of the diurnal settings tampering her readings."

"And is there a way for us to fix that?"

"Not without being on the TARDIS. But nightfall is in an hour... maybe we can make it happen faster."

"Alright, but one of us needs to stay and watch her." Missy nodded towards River.

"How can I trust that you're not just going to run off if I send you out?" He asked.

"Seriously? Maybe because I just helped your wife give birth. I would say that would have been the perfect time to run off since you two were both too preoccupied to really care what I was doing."

"Alright, fine. But you've only got an hour."

"Fine. Don't let her fall asleep," Missy reminded as she left.

The Doctor moved to sit on the bed next to River, scrubbing his hand over his face for a brief moment before looking at her and the baby. River hadn't said anything since he entered the room, her behavior remaining unchanged.

Felix had finished nursing, now quiet and falling asleep in the comfort of his mother's arms. When the Doctor spoke, his voice was gentle. "I know you don't want to talk, but I'm here. Whatever you need, I'm here."

"Okay..." she murmured, looking at him finally.

He offered what he hoped was an assuring expression. "Is there something I can do for you?"

"Can you take him?" she asked quietly.

He nodded without further question, carefully shifting the baby into his arms. As soon as the baby was out of her arms, she relaxed a bit, looking away again.

Soon there was a knock on the door and the Doctor opened it to find the young girl who'd lead them here. The girl had food and clothes for them, holding it out as she tried to catch a glimpse of the bundle in the Doctor's arms.

"Oh... er, thank you." The Doctor's hands were too full to take the items, so he gestured for her to bring them inside. "What's your name?"

"Alit." She replied, placing the items on the bed, "Can I see?" She asked, pointing to the baby.

He glanced at River, crouching down so Alit could see the baby. She looked a little disappointed when the Doctor stood up so soon to go over to the woman on the bed and shake her shoulder.

"Stop.." River protested.

"No sleeping." He said to River. "Stay awake."

"Can I hold it?" Alit asked.

The Doctor looked back at the girl. "Er, he's sleeping right now, so I don't want to wake him, but you can look again if you'd like."

Alit nodded eagerly, reminding River of her other children back home. She looked away, hiding her tears as the little girl occupied the Doctor's attention.

Alit stared at Felix's tiny face for a long, mesmerizing moment before looking up, seeing River. "Excuse me, miss. What's wrong?"

"T-tired." River lied, "Would you mind giving us some time alone?"

"Oh... okay," she nodded, a little confused. "Bye-bye, baby." The little girl left, leaving the three Songs alone again.

"She seemed nice." The Doctor comment quietly, thinking of Terra. "Are you alright?"

River shook her head, "Please tell me that this has all been a nightmare."

He hesitated, not knowing what to say. "...I'm sorry." She didn't say anything, looking down at the floor. "We're going to get home today. I promise." He tried.

"I don't want to go back to the kids right away." She didn't know how to face her children. She knew the transition of unexpectedly having the baby early was going to be a bit difficult, especially for Terra. "I've been having nightmares that something like this would happen for months. I was so afraid he was going to come early."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Her night terrors weren't unusual, but she didn't often talk about them.

"What would you have done if I did?"

"I... I don't know." He admitted. All he really could do was comfort her in the moment, which he did anyways whether she talked about the dreams or not. "Now that it's happened and we've come out with a healthy baby, are you still afraid?" He wasn't sure where this question came from.

She nodded slowly.

A million possibilities jumped to mind about what could be wrong, but he remembered her earlier aversion to discussing what was on her mind. "You don't have to tell me what it is if you're not comfortable... but is there really nothing I can do?"

She shook her head and they were quiet again for a while until the Doctor remembered the food Alit had brought and moved to take it.

River refused the food. The Doctor silently begged Missy to hurry, the clock ticking away in the back of his head.