Ch 84

The Doctor looked around once River dematerialized, no longer seeing his daughter. He started running in the direction she'd gone, hoping to catch up.

Like River had predicted, Freya did tire herself out. Though she was still far ahead of her father, she was now laying down in the grass. He called her name as he got closer. "Freya? Freya?"

She sat up a bit but didn't say anything.

He eventually spotted the top of her hair in the tall grass, coming over. "There you are." She still didn't say a word, turning her face away. He sat down near her, catching his breath.

The silence carried out for a good few minutes before he broke it. "Are you alright?"

The girl shrugged her shoulders.

"I know that was a lot to take in back there... I'm sorry that mum yelled at you. She's—we're—er, it's been a long few days. I know that's no excuse, but today's been a shock to everyone."

"Where is mum?" Freya asked.

"I sent her back to the TARDIS," he admitted.

Freya looked at her father. He could see that she'd been crying, eyes red and watery. His hearts clenched at the sight of her tears and he opened his arms to offer physical comfort.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, leaning in to hug him.

He wrapped his arms around her. "It's alright. It's alright."

"I didn't know." She sobbed.

"I know." He soothed, stroking her hair back. "I know you didn't."

She cried for quite a while, holding onto him. He said nothing for a while until her sobbing started to die down. "Do you have any questions? About what Mum told you, I mean."

"Are you… is Missy your friend now?" Freya asked, remembering that her mother said that Missy had saved the baby.

"Not exactly. What she did in the past is unforgivable, but I've been spending a lot of time making sure she'll never do it again to anyone and I believe she won't."

She nodded, "Are you and Mum okay?"

"No." He said honestly. "But we will be."

Freya was quiet for a while, "How old was the other baby? The one you lost."

"Only 6 or 8 weeks along if I remember," he whispered.

"And that's why you were so upset when you got back."

He nodded. "One of the reasons, yes. Your mother and I were still dealing with my, em, recent death, so there was that, too."

They were quiet for another minute. "Freya, do you know what PPD is?"

The girl shook her head no.

"It's another name for postpartum depression." He explained. "Your mother has it, it's part of the reason we were so hesitant to come home immediately."

"So...Mum has depression?" She asked, trying to understand. River had been managing depression and anxiety since she was a teenager, but what the Doctor was talking about was a bit different.

"Yes, a special kind. Her hormones can't balance themselves correctly right now, so she can have mood swings and disconnect from the people close to her."

"Is that why she got so mad?"

"She'd have been angry either way, but I think it's why she yelled the way she did."

"Oh...will it go away?"

"Yes, hopefully. PPD is different from general depression since it's often short term. There's a medicine for it, but she hasn't taken it yet because it would get into her breastmilk and harm Felix."

"Can we go back to the TARDIS now?" Freya asked.

"Of course." He nodded.

She looked a bit relieved, standing up. He stood, too, glancing around. The air was static and he felt like they were being watched.

"Missy took my time hopper." Freya huffed.

"We're going to get it back," he said distractedly.

Freya nodded, starting to head back. He followed, keeping alert to their surroundings. On the edges of his vision, he could swear he saw flashes of silver. Freya didn't seem to notice, trekking along.

The Cybermen should've had cause to go after them, the Doctor reasoned in his head. The reason they went after River was that she was half human, but there shouldn't be enough human in Freya for them to bother. On the other hand, with the warped time, it could have been hundreds of years since then—enough for them to evolve.

"Freya, let's hurry."

"Why?" She frowned.

"This ship is riddled with Cybermen. Did Missy mention that...?"

Freya shook her head, "No, she didn't."

"They prefer humans, so it shouldn't be too much of a problem for us." He said, unconvincingly.

"But I'm part human."

"Only about a quarter. It shouldn't be enough for them to attack."

"Okay." She didn't seem so convinced, picking up the pace with him.

They walked fast towards the cottages. The Doctor kept looking back, now certain of the figures he saw lurking on the edges of the field. He counted at least a dozen silver men, all a much more evolved model than the primitive beginnings he and River had seen when they were first here.

Missy ran out to meet them when she saw them, "You two need two leave. I don't want you messing up the whole system we have going."

"Trust me, we don't want to stay. Where's the TIme Hopper?" The Doctor asked.

"Here." She handed it to him, "Next time one of your kids shows up I'm sending it straight down to the bottom floor."

"You know who you'll be facing if you do." He said, appreciative of her humor. He wrapped the hopper around his wrist. "But... thanks. For what you did today."

"Ugh, please don't tell me you're going soft. I think I'm going to be sick." She shooed him off.

He took Freya's hand and they dematerialized from the ship. The two landed in the console room. Felix's crying could be heard from down the hall already.

The Doctor relaxed now that they were in the safety of their own ship. He took the hopper off and pocketed it. "I know you understand your mistake, but I'm still going to keep your hopper for a while. You broke one of our biggest rules about them. I'll talk to your mother about when you can have it back." He knew that this couldn't really stop Freya from traveling. She knew how to fly the TARDIS and there were spare time devices all over the TARDIS and the Hub, so it wouldn't be hard for her to go somewhere if she wanted.

"Fine." Freya nodded, "I guess I'll go to my room."

"If you'd like." he looked around, not seeing the other adults in the console room like he expected. "Aunt Vastra's around. I'm sure she'd love to say hello."

Freya nodded, going to look for her Aunt. The Doctor went in the direction of the crying baby, hoping to find River with him.

River was with the baby in the rocking chair in the nursery and upon further inspection, one could see that the baby wasn't the only one crying.

"Riv?" He knocked softly.

"Yeah?" She tried to pull herself together.

He came further into the nursery, crouching down in front of where she was sitting and taking the hand that wasn't holding the baby. "We should talk about what happened."

"I don't want to." She looked away from him.

"Right..." He frowned slightly but didn't want to push her after the emotional rollercoaster of today. "Is there anything I can do right now?"

"No. But I do hope you told Freya that's she's grounded for the rest of her life and she's not allowed to use any sort of time travel for at least a year."

"I've taken her time-hopper," he informed

"I want her to know that she's grounded." River's jaw tightened.

"I'll tell her," he agreed. He wouldn't say it was for a year, though.

"I can't get him to stop crying." River huffed, looking down at the baby.

The Doctor looked at Felix, listening to the crying for a moment and quickly recognizing the baby words for attention. "He just wants attention."

River sighed, obviously frustrated. "I'm giving him attention."

He stood, finding a pacifier and offering it to her. "Try this."

River tried to give Felix the pacifier, but he kept turning away.

"Maybe not... may I try?"

River nodded, passing the baby over. The Doctor took Felix carefully and picked up the nearest stuffed animal, which happened to be Lulu the whale—a present from Arthur. Felix continued to fuss until his eyes caught onto the whale.

"See that, hmm?" The Doctor murmured in a soothing voice. Felix's eyes stayed fixed on the whale and his cries died down into whimpers. "This is Lulu." The Doctor continued "He used to belong to your big brother… Do you want to try, Riv?" He offered.

"No." She shook her head, looking away. "...I want to start my medication."

He made a noise of agreement, still wiggling the whale above Felix's head. "Did you pump milk for Felix?"

She shook her head, "Not yet."

"Do you want to do that first?" It wasn't really a question, but his tone was still gentle.

"How much?"

"Just a bottle or two. The TARDIS will be able to replicate it for a few days while we figure something out."

River nodded and left.

The Doctor continued to play with Felix until River returned. "I put three bottles in the fridge."

The Doctor offered a smile. "Let's get that medicine, then."

"Do you think it'll work right away?"

"It usually takes about three days for your body to adjust fully."

"Okay." She breathed, going to take the baby from him.

They went to the medbay to find the medicine Vastra had suggested. They did a scan to figure out the correct dosage for River. She then took her first round.

"Should I start dinner?" Th Doctor offered.

"Can you lay down with me for a bit first?"

"Of course." He agreed.

The two went to their bedroom. River put Felix down in a cot so he could nap.

"How's your head?" The Doctor asked.

"It hurts." She murmured, "But I'm fine. I'm sorry I haven't been myself."

"It's not your fault." He said in the same tone.

"I guess you're right though. We should talk about what happened earlier...and we should talk about what happened yesterday."

He nodded. "Freya feels quite guilty."

"I figured she would." River sighed.

"She wanted to come apologize, but she was afraid you wouldn't want to see her."

"I don't want to see her right now. I think I might yell at her again if I don't calm down first."

He agreed silently. River sighed, leaning in to hug him tightly. He accepted gratefully, squeezing back just as tight.

"Remember this last week," she murmured, nudging his mind with a happy memory. He smiled weakly and nodded, inviting the memory in.

The memory was of the two of them sitting on the bed. The Doctor had his guitar and River sat listening to him, stroking her middle.

"Play that note again, I think he liked that one." River beamed, hand tracing Felix's kicks.

"He likes D minor?" The Doctor played the chord again, smiling at her.

She laughed, happiness filling the memory, "Yes! Feel how much he's moving."

He moved his attention from the guitar to her round middle, placing his hand where hers was. River smiled at him, "See? And when you play the whole song he starts doing summersaults."

"I guess we know that Rachmaninoff's Symphony No. 1 will be a good lullaby."

"I can't wait to meet him."

"Patience is a virtue, dear." He leaned over and kissed her. "I can't wait either."

She hummed against his lips, the memory fading.

The Doctor looked at her for a moment. "Thank you."

"I wish he could have come under different circumstances."

"I know." He breathed. "Me, too."

She sighed, resting her head against his chest, "I want to be happy like that again."

"We will be," he assured. "It'll just take time."

"I know. But I feel guilty that I can't give him the attention he deserves."

"You know I'm here to help with that. He's got two of us." He looked over at Felix, who had fallen back asleep with Lulu clutched to him. "And I promise he won't hold it against you."

She nodded, smiling weakly, "Thank you for being so understanding."

He pressed a kiss to her forehead. "I'd be a rubbish husband if I wasn't."

She hummed softly, closing her eyes. "I think I might take a nap."

He hummed, starting to stroke her hair back. It didn't take her long to fall asleep, her head tucked under his chin. He didn't sleep but took in the peaceful moment for as long as it lasted.

Felix began to cry about 20 minutes into River's nap, hungry. The Doctor tried to disentangle himself from his wife without waking her so he could get the milk.

Freya and Vastra were sitting in the kitchen, talking over tea. The Doctor took the baby with him to the kitchen so he wouldn't wake River. He offered a smile to the others when he came in.

"Now Felix," the Doctor murmured as he got out one of the bottles and heated it up. "I know it's not the same as when Mummy gives it to you, but I promise this is her milk and not the formula you hate."

Felix began to whimper, squirming and turning away from the bottle when it was offered to him. "It's the same as what Mum give you. I promise, my love." The Doctor tried.

After a good minute of struggling the Doctor sighed and sat down with Felix. "Your only other option is a formula and I'm sure this will taste much better."

Felix started to wail, not understanding what was going on.

"Sorry." This apology was directed to the others at the table for the baby's volume.

"It's quite alright." Vastra stood, "Would you like me to try?"

"It's worth a shot," he shifted the baby over.

Vastra held the baby close to her, "Many babies appreciate warmth from their mother and skin to skin contact when they're feeding. It makes them feel safe and comforted." She explained, remembering this information from her many years of studying humans. "Freya, would you mind assisting me and lightly rubbing his cheek with your hand?"

Slightly confused, but sure that her aunt knew what she was doing, Freya did as she was told. Felix leaned into Freya's warmth, calming down at the touch.

"You're a natural." The Doctor complimented.

Freya smiled and Felix finally took the bottle. The baby was much more compliant once he realized that this wasn't the formula. Freya smiled at her brother, "He's really cute."

"Do you want to hold him?" Vastra offered.

She nodded enthusiastically. The Doctor nodded his permission and Vastra passed the baby over.

Freya gently cradled her youngest sibling, still remembering how from when Terra and Arthur were born. Felix peered up at her, examining the new person holding him.

"Hi, Felix." Freya smiled down at him.

He blinked and made a sound similar to: "Beh."

Freya laughed, "It's nice to meet you too!"

"I hope Terra's as happy as you are." The Doctor said to himself.

"I'm sure she will be." Freya tried to encourage, "She's been coming around."

"Has she?"

"Kind of..."

"I suppose we'll see..." He murmured. He had to hope Terra would warm up to him eventually.

River walked into the kitchen, quietly watching the scene before her. The Doctor looked up, meeting her eyes. River smiled weakly, going to pour herself a cup of tea.

Freya noticed her and quickly looked guiltily at the floor. River had her back to her daughter, not seeing the shift.

"Freya..." Vastra murmured. "Is there something you want to say to your mum?" There was some unspoken reference from the conversation the two of them had earlier.

River turned and looked at her daughter.

"I'm really sorry..." she started. "I know what I did was wrong and none of it was my business."

River sighed, "I understand why you did it, but you shouldn't have undermined us."

"I-I know. I'm sorry for that, too."

River nodded, "...Thank you for the apology."

Freya looked down at her brother still in her arms, then back up again, not quite sure if River meant this. Felix whimpered, wiggling in his sister's arms. "Will you... um..." She made a small gesture for River to take him.

Rivet took the baby from her daughter's arms. Felix calmed once more. Freya smiled weakly. "I'm glad you and him are okay."

"Me too." River smiled weakly.

"Are we going to go back home soon?"

River looked at her husband, "I'm not sure yet."

Freya looked like she might protest, then remembered her lesson. "Oh..."

"You're parents wanted to wait until the medication started taking effect before they went back to explain everything to your siblings." Vastra assisted.

Freya nodded slowly. "How long is that?"

"A few days, two or three."

She looked a bit surprised. "And I'm staying here with you, yeah? Dad took my hopper anyway."

River nodded slowly, "Yes, we'll have to call Jack."

"I'll do that." The Doctor offered. He stood, going over to kiss her cheek, then kissing Felix's forehead before leaving them to make the call.