Ever since she was let in on the secret, Bella has become an almost constant figure in our house. And since Jacob is normally on patrol, I somehow have become her personal companion. Not that we do much beyond homework or mindless TV watching, but her presence prevents me from doing any self destructive behaviors. Which is a good thing, because the night everything went down with Seth and Paul, was the worst time I had ever harmed myself. It still hasn't healed.

"Rey," Bella interrupts my thoughts. "Sam and Emily are coming over tonight. I wanted you to know."

"Trying to show your dad they aren't vicious cult leaders?" I ask sarcastically, staring at my exposed knee through my ripped jeans.

"They're good people." Bella says firmly as though she was attempting to convince herself.

I tsk, but don't reply. I hadn't seen Paul in over a week, since I lost Seth, and ever since I've had a large, unmovable weight in my chest. It weighed me down, and tugged at my heart. Of course, I knew that was probably because of the imprint. Or, perhaps because Seth no longer talked to me, and our friends had chosen his side. Understandable.

Charlie comes over first, pizza boxes in hand, and Jacob eats an entire box and a half on his own. After spending a few meal times around Jacob, Charlie wasn't surprised anymore over his appetite.

I'm in the living room watching Wheel of Fortune when Sam and Emily arrive, and I don't bother moving when they enter. I tune out their conversation with Charlie, and find myself absentmindedly rubbing at my arms under my sleeves. I feel a sting, and then wetness slowly seeping through my sleeve.

"Hey, Rayna." A soft voice says, and I turn to see Emily standing behind me. She places a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Hi?" I reply questioningly.

"Come for a walk with me." She says firmly. I start to decline, when she turns suddenly.

"Billy, I've got some clothes at my house I would like Rayna to look at. Is it alright if she comes over for a bit? I'll bring her right back." Emily interrupts the apprently deep conversation Billy, Sam, and Charlie were engaged in.

"Sure thing Em," Billy replies, then dives back into the conversation.

With a bit of prodding, Emily gets me to follow her to her house. She drives Sam's truck to their shared home, and I find it a bit amusing to see her driving it.

"So, I didn't have you come over so I could show you some clothes." Emily begins, keeping her eyes trained on the road. "I wanted to talk about your cutting."

The way she says it so bluntly, so matter-of-fact, makes me start in my seat. "Wh-what?"

"I haven't spoken to you about it since I saw you on the beach," Emily says. "But I need to. I can't put it off any longer and still sleep at night."

"Why do you care?" I manage to say, a difficult thing to do, because it was hard to speak.

"I care because you're hurting yourself, therefore hurting Jacob, Paul, and the rest of the pack."

"How am I hurting the rest of the pack?"

"They view you as an imprint, and a little sister. It's their job to protect imprints but it's hard when the imprint is the one causing pain onto themselves."

I flinch, because her voice rang with honest truth. "You only care because I'm an imprint. Had Paul never imprinted on me, you never would have talked to me about what you saw at the beach."

"I would have," Emily replies vehemently. "I'm so full of guilt for taking so long to talk to you, and tonight when Sam told me he smelt your blood, I couldn't take it anymore. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to speak with you."

"You don't have to apologize for anything." I mutter.

"I want you to be truthful when I talk to you," Emily says, acting as thought she didn't hear me. "How long have you been doing it?"

I'm quiet for a moment, then decide to say fuck it and tell her the truth. "Since I was nine. But I didn't always use.. A blade. It started with me just scratching myself."

"Why did you start in the first place?"

Obviously I can't tell her the truth, so I decide to fib a little. "I get flashbacks of memories, and they make me feel so much at once that I need something to stop it all. Focusing on.. The pain, brings me back."

Emily's eyebrow furrowed. "When did you start using a blade?"

"Thirteen."

"Are the flashbacks, are they the reason you still cut?"

"Partly," I reply, because truth be told, I hadn't had the flashbacks nearly as much as I used to. "Now its just.. I don't know who I am without cutting, without my scars I don't know who I am. And now, especially with how I've hurt Seth, I feel like I deserve it."

A floodgate breaks inside me, and suddenly I can't stop crying. I've opened up to Emily more than I have to anyone, and it make something inside me shatter. Emily is alarmed at my sudden hysterics, and pulls the truck over.

She quickly unbuckles, and envelops me in her arms. I hold onto her tight, pressing my face into shoulder as I sob.

"Honey, don't blame yourself for the Seth situation. Break ups happen." Emily assures me, stroking my hair with her soft hand.

"I fucked Seth up, and now I've lost my best friend. I'm all alone," I gasp out in between sobs. "I'm so alone!"

"You are never alone." Emily says forcefully, and although I can't see her, it sounds as though she's fighting back tears.

"I lost my best friend, and I can't even accept the imprint that I need to accept because I feel so guilty!" I half shout, hiccuping through my cries. I feel like my chest is caving in, all my sadness is hitting me hard and leaving me gasping for breath.

"Things will work out," Emily consolingly tells me, holding me tight. "I promise."

I don't know how long Emily and I sat like that, but once my tears finally subsided, I pulled away, embarrassed over my sudden burst of emotion. I wipe my cheeks, and then set my hands in my lap. Emily starts the truck, and instead of going to her house, or even turning out of the side of the road, she looks at me tentatively.

"Can I see?" Emily asks, her voice hesitant.

I want to say no, I want to hide away and clear my scars so no one can ever see, but I've already told her too much. She has already seen them once before. Just because there's more than last time doesn't mean anything, so with a shaky breath I jerk both my sleeves of and let her see only up to my elbows, even though the damage lies in more places.

Emily takes in a sharp breath, and I resist digging my nails into my palms. I imagine what she sees, my tan arms covered in overlapping white scars, some of them thick and ugly, paired with the deep and angry red ones that are new, a few that have hardly even scarred over. After a few seconds, I cover my arms again.

"Rayna, you need to stop." Emily says firmly. "How can I help you?"

"I don't know." I reply shortly, because if i knew how to stop, I would. But it's an addiction, not just a habit.

Emily turns the truck around, and instead of heading to her house, we head back to mine. As we pull in my driveway, I notice someone standing outside in the dark, a large, hulking figure. The weight in my chest lessens, and I know it's Paul.

Before I can even move to my door, Paul has it flung open and is reaching inside for me. I can't even move away before he he has an arm wrapped around me, bringing me into his chest with his arms wrapped around me.

"What happened to you?" He demands, sounding sick with worry.

"What are you talking about?" I ask, my voice muffled from being shoved into his chest. My arms are still folded against my chest, so the way he was holding me was awkward. Everything in me wants to wrap my arms around him in return, but I fight against it. I still feel guilty.

"I felt everything you felt just minutes ago. I thought you had died," His breath catches in his throat on the last word.

"I'm sorry." I say, and mean it. What I felt wasn't fun, and the fact that he had to feel it as well had me feeling more guilt.

"Please, tell me what happened." Paul nearly begs, which is out of character for him. He never begs, just demands.

"Emily and I were talking, and I got upset. Nothing major." I assure him, and almost against my will I move my arms to wrap around him.

When my arms move around him, he visibly relaxes, and I feel myself relax too. I feel peaceful around him. Is this feeling what I had been fighting against? Why would I not want this, not want him?

Seth's face floats through my thoughts, and I feel guilt again. I drop my arms, and Paul senses that I want to get down. I can tell he's reluctant, but he does so anyways.

"Are you okay now?" :Paul asks seriously, crossing his arms over his chest.

I nod, not trusting my voice. I feel so torn inside, part of me wants to give in and relish in the imprint, but the other part knows I don't deserve it. Not after how I've hurt Seth.

"We should go inside." Emily says, and I jump slightly. I forgot she was there. Paul seems to have forgotten too.

Paul touches my shoulder gently, and then turns to the woods. I can see him shaking before he even hits the trees. I want to call after him, want to hug him and stay in his presence for as long as I can, but I can't.

"Let's go." I sigh, and we walk back into my house.

Charlie and Bella have left, and I see Billy, Jacob, and Sam looking at me with the same concerned expression. I ignore them, and hurry into my room. I need to be alone. Before I leave the kitchen, Emily gives my hand a squeeze.

I hear Sam and Emily leave, and I take that as my cue to find my blades. I don't think I'm going to cut, but I need to feel the cool metal of the blade in my hand. To my disbelief, I can't find them. I turn my drawers upside down, look in every corner of my room. How could they have disappeared.

"What are you looking for?" Jacob's voice, low and hard comes from my doorway.

"Did you come into my room while Emily and I were gone?" I demanded, standing up and putting my hands on my hips.

Jacob steps in my room, and shuts the door. "Sam and I found all of your razors. You're not ever going to see them again."

Anger flares through me, and I clench my fists. Against my better judgement, I stride over to Jacob and punch him in the face. Somehow, it doesn't hurt my hand, and it actually seems to hurt him, judging from his stumble backwards and the instant shaking that took place.

"Fuck you." I hiss. It takes everything in me to not kick the wall, or punch the wall, or attack Jacob anymore that I already had.

"What is wrong with you," Jacob shakes his head. "We want you healthy, Rayna. What you're doing isn't healthy. You aren't just hurting yourself, you're hurting everyone who cares about you."

"Don't go through my shit ever again." I snap, and spin around, lifting my blanket up and lying on my bed. I cover my face, and finally hear my door open and Jacob leave.

I don't know who I'm more mad at, myself for not being strong enough to fight the urge, or Jacob for going through my things with Sam. I chose to instead go to sleep.

-o-

For the next few days, Bella is at our house. Until Wednesday, when she decides to go over to Emily's. She wants me to go with her, but I don't. I couldn't risk seeing Paul and potentially hurting him more than I already had by not accepting the imprint. Jacob and I have not been talking, much to Bella's dismay. She doesn't know why we aren't, and I don't want her to know.

Thursday morning rolls around, and I'm woken up by the slamming of the front door. I try to go back to sleep, but fail to, so I get up and shower. After I dry off, I dress in black skinny jeans and a thick multi colored dye tie sweatshirt. As I walk into the living room, there's a knock at the door.

"C'mon in, Bella," Billy says.

He's at the kitchen table, eating cold cereal.

"Jake sleeping?"

"Er, no." He sets his spoon down, and his eyebrows pull together.

"What happened?" Bella demands. I turn my attention to dad, and could tell from his expression that something had.

"Embry, Jared, and Paul crossed a fresh trail early this morning. Sam and Jake took off to help. Sam was hopeful—she's hedged herself in beside the mountains. He thinks they have a good chance to finish this."

My breath catches in my throat, and I find myself worrying for Paul.

"Oh, no, Billy," Bella whispers. "Oh, no."

He chuckles, deep and low. "Do you really like La Push so well that you want to extend your sentence here?"

"Don't make jokes, Billy. This is too scary for that."

"You're right," he agrees, still complacent. His ancient eyes are impossible to read. "This one's tricky."

I bit my lip, hard enough to taste blood.

"It's not as dangerous for them as you think it is. Sam knows what he's doing. You're the one that you should worry about. The vampire doesn't want to fight them. She's just trying to find a way around them… to you."

"How does Sam know what he's doing?" bella demands, brushing aside his concern for her. "They've only killed just the one vampire—that could have been luck."

"We take what we do very seriously, Bella. Nothing's been forgotten. Everything they need to know has been passed down from father to son for generations."

That doesn't comfort Bella the way he probably intended it to. I notice it in the way she chews at her lip, wringing her hands in her lap and shifting uncomfortably.

Billy goes back to his breakfast; Bella sits down on the sofa next to me and flips aimlessly through the TV channels. That doesn't last long. She starts to look upset, glancing at our curtained windows.

"I'll be at the beach," Bella tells Billy abruptly, and hurried out the door.

I only take a moment to decide before I, too, am hurrying out the door after her. I tug on my combat boots as I go.

She heads for the beach, and I follow, glancing up at the sky. The clouds push down with an invisible weight that make me claustrophobic. The forest seems strangely vacant as we walk toward the beach. I don't see any animals—no birds, no squirrels. I can't hear any birds, either. The silence is eerie; there isn't even the sound of wind in the trees.

I know it's all just a product of the weather, but it still makes me edgy. Maybe it's because I'm worried about Paul. The heavy, warm pressure of the atmosphere is perceptible even to my weak human senses, and it hints at something major in the storm department. A glance at the sky backs this up; the clouds are churning sluggishly despite the lack of breeze on the ground. The closest clouds are a smoky gray, but between the cracks I can see another layer that is a gruesome purple color. The skies have a ferocious plan in store for today. The animals must be bunkering down.

We trudge down to the driftwood tree, and sit at the end so that we can lean against the tangled roots. Bella stares up at the angry sky broodingly, waiting for the first drops to break the stillness. I stare at the waves, crashing and swirling against each other. I wonder if it would feel peaceful to be in the middle of them, or if you would feel as though you were torn apart.

Without warning, Bella stands up, and heads for the woods. Not knowing what else to do, I follow her, albeit a bit confused as to what she is doing. She seems hesitant in her walk, and I can feel the atmosphere changing, the threat of storm closing in. We should really head back, and I voice that concern to Bella, but she doesn't respond. She's trapped in her own head, and I feel a trickle of fear lace its way into my veins.

Bella leads us to the top of the cliffs, the highest jumping point. I don't know how she knew about this place, or what made her come here, but I just want to leave.

"Bella, I think we should-" I begin, but Bella violently shh's me.

She smiles, and takes off her sweater, and shoes. With a sinking feeling, I watch her walk to the edge.

The rain picks up, blowing the large droplets into my clothes, drenching my jeans and sweatshirt. The wind blows wilding, whipping my wet hair around my face.

"You won't stay with me any other way." Bella whispers, and I look at her confused.

"What?" I question, and watch her roll onto the balls of her feet.

In one fluid motion, Bella raises her arms, crouches down. I realize what she's about to do, and rush forward to grab her arm. If had been anyone but Bella, I would have known they were going to jump. But Bella doesn't do dangerous things, so I didn't expect it.

Bella jumps, before I can grab her arm, but since I have already flung myself forward to grab her, I can't stop my own fall.

I tumble off the side, and before I can stop myself, I'm falling through the air. The black water below is waiting for me, and I scream in fear at what awaits me.

Izaria: I know how you feel, i feel bad for doing it to seth :( but it had to happen! Thank you so much, and i'm glad you love rayna! She's my baby so that means a lot to hear :)

FlowerChild23: it is indeed a mess. And it's only getting messier, cause guess who shows up next chapter.

Gerda Willows: thank you!

Yasminasfeir1: thank you so much, and same to you!

Mckoolio: your reviews make me so happy. You truly seem to enjoy this book and your reviews make me feel like my writing is definitely worth doing. Thank you for your indepth reviews, they really push me to get the next chapter out. I've finally gotten through my gross writers block for this story, so expect updates sooner than usual. I hope you're still reading!

Lostmyhcad: i hope they do too! Thank you for liking rey! Youre right, babygirl does need to get her shit together. She's on her way to it, i promise. Hope you liked this chapter as well!