Chapter 4. Negotiator

"What exactly do you think you're doing?"

Here we go.

Epic eye roll in three… two…

"I mean, seriously." In the alley behind my newly claimed hangout, my brother throws his hands up in dramatic frustration as he prattles on about responsibility and the dangers of wreaking havoc on Earth. I know by now it's all just a show for the higher-ups. They'll know how disappointed he is with me and nod in judgemental approval of how incredibly proud they are of at least one of their offspring. If they're even paying attention, that is.

I ask you this. Why. Should. I. Give. A. Shit?

He's not really my brother anyway. Not technically, if you know what I mean. It's just something we've all called each other over the centuries. In reality, we're all bastards.

I keep my cool despite my growing irritation that he interrupted a perfectly good evening away from life as I knew it two days ago. I use the word "life" loosely, here, of course. I know this. I mean, how can you really live when there's zero lighting and a million lost souls crying in desperation for one...more...chance day, after day, after day, after-

"Excuse me."

A drunk stumbles out from the back door of the building and practically falls into the brick wall across from him. He struggles with his pants, relieves himself (which seems to take for-ev-er) and then stumbles back into the building without another word.

"Not exactly clear on what you're getting all bent out of shape about."

"Bent out of…" My older brother rubs at his temple. "Are you even listening to yourself right now?"

"What do you want to know? Ask me anything. I'm happy to explain."

He takes a deep breath but he's still stiff as a board. Then he looks me in the eyes while narrowing his own

"Why?"

"Why what?" I know what he's talking about. I do like to screw with him, though. It's too amusing to miss out on.

He huffs out in frustration. "Why did you leave the underworld in chaos to come" - he spreads his big bulky arms wide - "here?"

And at that, I bark out a laugh as loud as the screeching he's capable of.

"Why not is the better question, my friend." I look up at the sky. "I mean it's so… spacious here."

He begins to correct me. "We're not-"

"The sun shines here. And the people use more words than just uhnnnnngh," I say while doing my best zombie impersonation.

Nothing. I get nothing out of this guy. Why do I even try?

Finally, he crosses his arms and shakes his oversized head at me in disapproval.

"Come on. That was…" I give up. He's got no sense of humor, anyway. So I wave a hand to leave him and get back to my drinking. "Well, if that was all, I'm just gonna get back to-"

"You're going home." He tells me just as I pull the door open to abandon this conversation. Had he said anything else, I would have kept going.

Instead, I spin around. "Um, no, I'm not."

"Yes. You are." He begins to stalk toward me. I close the door.

"I'm a big boy. I do whatever the fuck I want. And I no longer want to babysit a bunch of deadbeats." Literally. They're all dead.

"It's your job."

"Yeah, one I never interviewed for, if I recall correctly. Or even asked for."

"It's for the greater good."

Another laugh escapes me. "That's easy for the ruler of the sea to say, isn't it? You swim with mermaids, have your way with humans when you feel like it and then sun yourself on rocks for the rest of the day."

His face turns grave. "We're all sacrificing in our own ways, and you know it."

Do I. He only reminds us all every, fucking, day. For, and I cannot stress this enough, thousands of years.

Another eye roll is required here.

"Okay, point made. But I'm still staying."

"Brother..." he warns me with a stone cold stare and a clenching of his jaw.

And look, I'm not an idiot here. I know that if he gets angry enough, this could all turn very ugly. The thing is, though, I have a temper too.

Still, I like to keep the peace where I can.

"P. Give me a week. That's all I'm asking here. One. Week. The underworld is covered. Nothing has happened so far and nothing is going to go to shit in seven fucking days." That wasn't my original plan. I didn't really have one. But this is as good as any.

He rubs at his eyes for a moment. "You aren't seriously telling me that bitch of a door keeper is who you left in charge on your… excursion?"

"Hey, she's not a bitch," I correct him. "She's just very moody." I grin.

The goddess of night would definitely not like hearing the "B" word being used in conjunction with her attitude. I mean, can you blame her? I'm doing him a solid by educating him here.

"Like I said," he begins.

I interrupt, "And she's not a door keeper. That's rude. She's doing me a huge favor and besides, she likes it. It's different. She's bored. Like me."

Also tossed away in a dank, dark, smelly dungeon, like me. Forgotten. But not anymore.

I bide my patience with my brother from another mother as he mulls his options over. I'm prepared to fight for this break from the norm. I prefer not to, but I'm prepared.

Luckily for both of us and the hundred or so humans in the bar just on the other side of the wall I'm leaning against, he decides to ignore what his senses are telling him and he concedes.

"One week," he tells me. Like it's a threat of some sort.

Despite all efforts not to be a smartass, I feel the side of my mouth lift in success. I nod and leave him there without another word.

I typically don't look gift horses in the mouth.

Or gods who can make this rain drown me in the exact spot I'm standing.

As I enter the loud room filled with humans again, I hear my brother give me one last word of advice, inside my head.

"Don't get yourself into any trouble, Hades. I don't want to have to get you out of it."

And as he says it, I spot the small-framed, human woman I ran into earlier. She's sitting at the bar, alone, with her multiple handbags surrounding her. She's sipping on a clear drink filled with ice as she bounces in her chair to the music playing from the corner of the room.

Absolutely ridiculous.

"Trouble, schmouble," I think out loud to myself as I cross the room.

He's not my fucking keeper.

Not anymore.

PSA: Hades sends his most sincere appreciation for the shout outs from A Different Forest & The Lemonade Stand this past week. Consider your bribe for a free pass into Elysium accepted. ALSO, abundant thanks from the bottom of this writer's blackened soul for reading (still), for SueBee's beta beautifying, & Chrisann's love for this guy. Musically inquisitive? Try SAY AMEN by Panic! At The Disco for the end of this one.