Chapter 10. Mistaken

"It's me." Isabella breathes out as though she's practically relieved. "I totally misunderstood your intentions, didn't I? Oh my god, I'm such an idiot." She begins to gather her wits and plans to leave me. Again. But I'm not allowing that to happen. Not this time. I don't care what plans the vampire may have. I'm ten times the god he thinks he is.

"Isabella." My hands fly to her hips and I stop her. Without much internal debate, I slide an arm around her waist and pull her so close I nearly kiss her again. "It's not you."

Her brows furrow with worry. "Then I don't think I understand. Are you seeing someone?" She takes a beat. "Did I make you cross a line? I'm a terrible person. I am so, so-"

"Don't say it," I warn her. Anger at the vision she holds of herself bubbles up inside of me. I suppose the turmoil I'm dealing with wouldn't be so obvious to a human who's never had to deal with gods and vampires before. Why should she think anything different? Nevertheless, I must find a way to improve her beliefs.

"I'm seeing no one but the woman I currently hold in my grasp." I lessen my grip on her and take a tentative step away, giving her some breathing room. She'll need me to offer her a better reason than blood lust for the conflicting signals I tend to give her. "It simply struck me quite suddenly, that here - in the middle of this very public bar, as people are beginning to pile in - probably wouldn't be the best place for me to proclaim how I feel about you."

How I feel about her.

Even if I understood those feelings myself, how can I describe them to her?

"How you… um…" She tucks some hair behind her ear and avoids eye contact. "How do you feel about me?" She almost appears as though she doesn't want to know.

I feel a half grin tugging at the sides of my mouth.

"You weren't listening, Isabella." I tip her chin up so she's looking at me again. "This…" I spread my hands and look around us. "Is not the place."

Or the time.

Or the person.

Or vampire.

"Why don't you get yourself something to drink," I urge. I need a moment, if I'm being honest.. "I have to check in with the staff to make sure everything is good to go for the evening."

She debates internally but then decides to take me up on the suggestion and gives me a smile and a nod. As she leaves me standing there, I feel the energy it's taking to keep up my facade. I lean against a pole to mull over how I should, or should not continue with Isabella.

In as many eons as I have existed, not one god, much less human, has ever taken my breath away. Admittedly, that's not easy for me to say as someone who isn't quite used to having a breath in the first place.

Regardless…

To be so humanly affected by such a simple thing as a kiss is perplexing, to say the least. Aside from making me feel as though I'd like to drain her life force, having Isabella's lips against mine has me confused in ways I never thought imaginable. Images of lives I've never lived flash inside my mind. Urges to corrupt her in every way invade my thinking. My body aches in ways I never thought possible. And yet...

"Thought you said it wasn't the right time."

Emmett is suddenly leaning beside me, like a mirror image of myself, watching Isabella make her way toward the bar. Somehow, he hasn't taken me by surprise this time. I know what he's referring to. And I correct him.

"I said it wasn't the right time to murder her." Which it still isn't, despite the growing need that I feel to make exactly that happen. I realize that I never exactly said the word murder. It might have been insinuated.

It was definitely insinuated.

Surely he knows this. He's the one that set it up. He said so himself.

Now I'm questioning everything because Emmett, in response to my declaration, laughs out a booming, intimidating laugh. Quite frankly, I'm surprised it hasn't garnered the attention of every human here tonight.

"Well of course the fuck not, idiot. Why would you even say that?"

I turn to him, confounded even more than before. "Because you said-"

"I said I found her for you, dumbass. Why the hell would I want you to murder her?"

I'm dumbstruck. Absolutely. Completely. Dumbstruck. What exactly was I supposed to do with her, as a vampire, if not kill her?

"Found her?" I repeat it just to make sure I'm not misunderstanding some sort of vampire sarcasm here.

He chuckles and his entire body shakes when he does it.

Completely agitating.

"You've been a miserable shit for months. What was I supposed to do?"

I'm not going to argue his use of the word miserable. I can absolutely identify with that condition. "I'm confused."

Emmett turns to me. "Did you or did you not tell me you were lonely?"

My expression clearly demonstrates my absolutely sense of loss in this conversation.

"I mean, yeah, you were dead ass drunk when you said it, but still..."

"Lonely."

He nods toward my date at the bar. "When I saw her come in that night, something just told me she's what you need. I watched her for hours before I called you."

"But not to drink her blood," I clarify.

"Dude." Emmett back hands me against the chest and peers around us to make sure no one heard me. Then he leans in a bit and lowers his voice. "We haven't had human blood in decades, why would you even say that?"

Decades?

"But the blood lust."

"There's always gonna be blood lust, Ed. You know that." He shoves me in the arm like he did earlier. The instinctive urge to shove him, much harder, lessens as I remind myself of who he is and who I am supposed to be.

"What would you have me do with her then, Emmett? Keep her as a pet?"

His laughter is absolutely annoying the living shit out of me. I'm surprised it's not causing pain to those closest to us.

"For a 'hundred and seven year old vampire, you sure as fuck know how to act like the virgin sometimes, Ed."

And now I'm seething with irritation. He's truly not helping me understand. At all. "That doesn't answer my question."

"Have some fun. For once in your life. Have some fucking fun."

I stare over at Isabella and think about the things Emmett must mean by "fun".

"Jesus," he mutters under his breath. "You do this shit all the time. You cut yourself off from the world in torment and guilt, depriving yourself of … whatever. But you can only do that for so long before the urge gets to you. Then you get depressed because lord knows Edward fucking Cullen can't bring himself to hurt a human, even if they want you to… and then things turn dark. With the lurking, and the brooding, and…"

"Getting drunk."

"Y-yep." He breathes out long and heavy. "I never thought kissing would even be on the table, though, honestly. How are you doing that by the way?"

"Doing what?"

"Making out with the cutie over there without tearing her throat out in front of hundreds of people."

The need to hide all of the urges I've been quarreling with arises and I make as though the moment wasn't quite as important as it actually was. "Our lips barely touched."

His body convulses from silent laughter and I feel heat rising to my cheeks.

"Ohhhh...kay," he says with a slight tone of sarcastic defeat in his voice. Then, after a longer pause, he grows a bit more serious. "How long have we been doing this?"

"Doing what?" I wish I could weed my way through his mind and extract the answers to all of my questions.

He sniggers. "Still playing dumb with me?"

Common sense kicks in, and I somehow generally understand what he's referring to. I'm unsure, though, if he means living amongst humans or protecting them from ourselves.

"A long time." I go with a broad answer.

"I'm tired, man."

I nod. I've only been doing this for five days, and I'm fucking exhausted. How do I ask him if I've ever fallen for a human before? Is that why I avoid them now? Why is Isabella affecting me this way and does he have the same issues? Does Jasper? Is that why he engrosses himself with electronic equipment instead of an actual mate?

As Isabella waves across the room at me as though she's attempting to conduct sign language of some sort, I find myself grinning at her ridiculousness. And I simply know the answer to my own question.

She is not like any other human.

"She's a trip," Emmett tells me as he pushes off of our beam. "She's gotta be if she's got you all twisted up like this."

There is no need to inquire about his meaning of "twisted up". I know. I've felt it since my first night above ground. I feel it more and more with each passing day, especially when she looks at me with such curiosity. I'll never be able to satisfy it, however. Not really.

Emmett has simply confirmed what I already knew to be true.

"Emmett?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you recall anything about my dungeon?"

He barks out another huge laugh. "You? A dungeon? Good one…"

He stands to attention and salutes me. "Cell master at your service." He laughs again but rolls his eyes. "Dude, seriously, this has been one of the best talks in weeks, but I gotta get back to work." He shoves a fist into the center of my chest. "Later." He disappears into the crowd of people and I am left wondering exactly what sort of creature have I banished to my domain?

I scan the humans here tonight. Why does he do this? Why put himself into a situation he knows will be tempting?

I focus back on Isabella, who is ordering a drink.. When she looks my way to see if I would like one, I walk over to join her at the bar. Being that I own this establishment, the woman taking orders sees me and immediately begins to pour my drink of choice.

"Two," I tell her. Although Isabella starts to refuse, I give her a look that says there is no objecting to a shot of the best made tequila on the planet. My mind searches for reasons to end the night early and let Isabella be on her way.

She doesn't deserve the dark influences of a vampire. Or the god of the underworld for that matter.

On the other hand…

Being so close to her again immediately reminds me of why I wanted to see more of her in the first place. No, instead of following any sort of path of righteousness, I decide then and there, I'm a selfish creature. No better than my brother.

"Let's find a quieter spot, shall we?" I suggest as I take the shot glasses in hand and nod to the bartender. She understands my unspoken instructions and slides the bottle across to me. I hook my finger around the neck to bring that along as well.

It's going to be a long night.

PSA: Queue the music: Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down. Many thanks to the usual suspects this week. Sue, Chrisann, readers, reviewers. Hades also sends his very conflicted regards. Big love... moi.