Chapter 19 - Human
Saying my brother's name hasn't had quite the effect I was expecting. Instead of pulling him to me, I've been taken to him. And given where he is, this is not a good thing.
"Don't," I beg the dark Arizona sky. "Don't be here."
I glance around at the shadowed landscape, buzzed on tequila and bourbon. I still sense him, lurking somewhere.
It's quiet except for the baying of a hound somewhere nearby. Even that ceases as I step carefully, closer to Isabella's mother's home.
So dark and desolate compared to my visit with the vampire.
There are no lights now. There is no more music playing. No discussions about Edward's behavior over the past few days. No Isabella staring up at the stars.
I walk softly toward the backyard, listening for anything that might give me a clue as to where Poseidon is and what he's up to. Not that I need much thought on that one.
It's not until I pass a window, cracked open only slightly, that I hear a murmuring coming from inside the home.
"He doesn't love you," I hear my brother whisper.
"He did though," Isabella's soft voice responds.
"No, child. Never."
I hiss. "Liar." And with a bat of an eye, I am inside, behind my brother. He hovers over Isabella like a common thief as she sleeps. He is nothing but a coward, using the cover of night to manipulate her mind.
She's restless, yes, but no doubt dreaming. Poseidon has pulled the sheets away to give him a better view of her body. His eyes rake over her as though he wants to devour her and I growl viscerally in response.
"Poseidon. You do not belong here, brother."
Isabella stirs. Poseidon's head jerks and when he sees me, a mischievous smile spreads across his face.
"Do not fucking touch her," I order him.
He stands and faces me full on with a bit of a dare in his expression. "Or what, brother? You took my other play toy. We could have left it at that.." He narrows his eyes. "Perhaps he's more important than the girl."
Not even close.
As he reaches for the purpose of my existence, I muster every bit of power I have and with a silent wave of my hand, send the scoundrel back to the first place that comes to mind.
The parking lot of the Brick and Mortar.
No sooner are we there when he begins manipulating the world around us.
Lightning strikes. Clouds surge. Rain begins to pour.
He knows I hate the fucking rain.
"You're not going to hurt anyone else, brother," I tell him as every muscle in me tightens, readying to end this once and for all.
"Is that so?" he asks, circling me at a slow pace. As though I could be intimidated by him. As though I have reason to be intimidated by him.
And as far as the weather goes, I have my own tricks to use against him.
I jerk my head a bit, toward a nearby cluster of trees. One of them splits in two, falling directly toward him. It misses by inches. So I throw another at him while he's busy gloating, and this one side swipes him. It's enough to knock him off balance.
I take his distraction as an opportunity to charge, full force.
Poseidon and I haven't fought for centuries. There's been no need. I haven't had the pleasure of seeing him in as many years. Why bother?
We're making up for it now.
As I slam into him, thunder crashes somewhere close by. As we hit the ground, lightning strikes a lamppost and shards of broken glass spray in a deadly display of illumination. It is bound to attract the attention of local humans, if not their law enforcement.
Poseidon throws me off of him, but I find my footing and attack again.
"You can't beat me, Hades. You know that," he tells me with a smug expression as he pushes himself up off of the wet grass.
"Can't I?"
I stomp on the back of his knee. He crumples back down to the ground, groaning in pain, but he's swift to heal. As he stands this time, he flicks his hand and a wave of wind and rain pelts me backward. I can no longer see him. But I hear him. In my head.
"This won't end well for you, Hades," his voice echoes loudly. "I warned you not to open Pandora's box."
I'm not quite sure what he's talking about at first. Bella is safe in Gila Bend. But then I see them - three vampires exiting the Brick and Mortar. Edward is in front with Emmett beside him. Jasper is slightly behind the two of them, talking quietly. Giving… instructions?
Perhaps they've come to witness the altercation between my brother and I.
It's possible, I suppose. Only why would they appear to be in some sort of battle stance?
They can't seriously be considering...
That doesn't make any sense. Why would they-
Poseidon throws lightning their way and they scatter, blurs of movement in the nighttime, as though preparing to corner the god of the sea in a triangle of death.
Idiots.
As Poseidon readies to snap them each in two, I wave a hand at them, sending them back inside their bar, where he cannot harm them. For now.
"This has nothing to do with them, brother!" I yell at the storm that's headed for me once again.
"Tell them that, Hades," he says inside my mind - and I see them… coming for him again.
Frustration takes over, and I let out a heavy sigh as I shake my head at the vampires who think they can take on a god.
Poseidon throws a wall of water at Emmett, trapping him like an insect in jello.
Then he blows a bit of wind toward Edward, sending him hurtling through the air. He collides with the building, then crashes to the ground.
Movement catches my attention and I see Jasper just as he's about to pounce on my brother from behind. Poseidon flicks him away like a flea, and he is thrown against parked cars, landing somewhere in between them.
When I see the three of them gather their wits and ready to make another attempt at an attack, I clap my hands, sending them to Edward's penthouse this time. Then I rush Poseidon again while I still have him in my sights.
He swings for my head as I am upon him but I duck and slide, swiping his feet out from under him. I think of what he may have done to Isabella had I not found him in time as he falls.
I twist and stand, facing him once more. With just a few purposeful strides I am on him, and I strike a fist against his jaw several times.
As I ready for another blow, I see them… again. And I hang my head in irritation.
The three owners of Brick and Mortar stalk toward us from the road. Stubborn vampires, ready for round two with the god of the seas.
I am extremely irked… and also baffled by their tenacity.
And then suddenly, I'm hit with a deep, dark, dreaded sense of defeat as logic floods over me while I watch them come back for yet another try.
When I look down on my brother, I realize he knows it too.
I cannot kill Poseidon, not even with three vampires at my side. To do that would mean destroying the Earth's seas altogether which would ultimately destroy all humans.
More specifically, Isabella.
I could disable him, yes, maim him even, perhaps. Stop him tonight, surely. But even that would take the efforts of more than just one god and still he would eventually be back. It would only be a matter of time.
I was naive to think I was enough. That this was enough.
Poseidon will never cease his efforts until he's destroyed me - by destroying Isabella.
There's only one thing that will end this.
I glance over at the vampires and I hold Edward Cullen's stare for what could have been moments or days, before waving an arm at the three of them again, sending them a bit further away than before. It should give me enough time to iron things out with my brother.
I hold my hands up in surrender as he stands and starts for me.
"You win, Poseidon," I tell him loud enough that I know he's heard me over the turmoil swirling around us. He comes to a cautious halt.
There we stand, quietly facing one another. Both angry. Both filled with a sibling rivalry that's lasted eons. Perhaps both even tiring of it all.
"What are you playing at, Hades?" he asks me, annoyed. Maybe because he thinks I'm tricking him. Or because he doesn't get to hurt me. Or try to at least.
Either way...
My breathing is a bit labored, as is his. Mine is not from any sort of exhaustion, however. It's from the fear of losing the one being that's made me feel worthy of love.
For the first time in a very long time, I am not searching for a loophole. I'm simply trying to keep that one being safe.
"No ploys, Poseidon," I tell him as studies me. "I'll go home."
He raises an eyebrow in disbelief. "You'll leave this place and give up on your preposterous dream of being with a human?"
I nod. "I will."
He narrows his eyes. "And you won't try this again?"
"No."
Then he warns me. "You're giving me your word, Hades. You know the consequences of breaking it."
I take a deep breath in and close my eyes. I breathe in all of the moments I've been able to spend with Isabella. I focus my thoughts on how her eyes sparkle in the sun. The way her lips glisten when I'm about to kiss her. How her heart quickens the closer we are. How it felt to be inside her.
But especially, I think of the three words I was able to hear fall from her lips before I had to leave her.
I love you.
I open my eyes and tell him earnestly, "I do."
He grins, triumphant.
"But you must promise me something as well, brother," I add.
He's offended I would even suggest it.
"What?"
But at least he's willing to hear me out.
"You forget Isabella exists. And you never step foot near her again. Not here, not in your own domain. Ever."
He thinks on it. He purses his lips a bit. Then he shrugs almost immediately. "She's nothing to me as long as you know your place, Hades. It's all I've ever asked for. Aside from that, there's no need for me to interfere with the likes of these humans."
I know he's being truthful. He'd much rather play beneath the sea, with his own things, than interact with the likes of humans ever again. He learned his lesson long ago.
I stand a bit taller. "Then I'm ready to leave."
"Intelligent choice." He nods and waves at the storm, breaking the clouds apart and sending the rain back toward the sky.
He's extremely satisfied with himself. So nothing's changed. "I'll be checking in on you, Hades," he advises. "If you're still here next time, all promises are null and void."
He doesn't wait for an agreement. He doesn't need to. He simply vanishes.
I'm left with a sense of irony that he's turned into everything he always hated about Zeus.
As for me, I find myself walking the streets of LA for a bit. I tend to remain close to Isabella's apartment building though. And after a time, I sit on the curb across the street from it. I watch the darkened window I know is hers. She's not there. She'll be in Gila Bend with her mother for some time, but somehow I feel comforted that I'm here, where the memory of her smile still resides.
As I think on all the things we still had yet to do, the places I desire to take her, the things we still had to see… I wonder.
How will I do this?
How will I go home?
How will I go home without Isabella?
It's only when I ask myself the question that I'm struck with the very blatant, very vivid answer.
As I sit staring at this building, where just a short while ago, a madman wanted to end her life, it's plain as day.
I told Poseidon I would leave. I didn't tell him I'd go alone.
Why couldn't I simply take her with me? She loves me, after all. She's said as much in the office at the Brick and Mortar, on the rug. And many other places.
I could take her with me and she would go.
Yes.
I'll confess everything. And she'll have what she's always wanted from me after all - the truth. And I'll tell her how the vampire is a fraud. That he's not the one who shared the stars and made her feel the universe coming together and gave her mother back to her. He's not the one who loves her like I can.
Like I do.
Like I always will.
It's not as though she has much holding her here. She's practically admitted that time and time again. She needs a home, a place where I can protect her and keep her safe from the likes of Poseidon, and heartbreak, and the pain of losing loved ones.
The only thing she'd feel is worshipped, day in and day out.
She'd never need of anything again. Never want of anything again. She'd never be hungry or tired. She'd live forever. She'd be young and beautiful… forever.
And she would be mine.
Yes, it's the perfect answer to each of our problems.
I love you, I hear her tell me with the mere thought of her hand against my skin.
I love you, I hear again, as I remember placing thoughtful kisses against her body.
I love you, she would say as I enter her and make her see the stars.
As the sun comes up, I'm hopeful for the first time in days. I'm smiling and thinking of how satisfying it will be to finally get what I want for a change. And I imagine Isabella getting it too. I imagine the sunshine, as it is now, and how it glows against her skin, the same way it did that first morning I caught her at the park, walking her hounds. And in the sand at the beach, as she lay blissfully soaking in its rays.
And then my smile fades as I envision her in my world. With me. Where there is no sun. No laughter. No music for her to sing along to.
And then.
And then.
And then.
I know what I need to do.
xXxXx
Once I return to Brick and Mortar, I slip inside unnoticed and quietly make my way down the back hallway. I stand in front of the door that I know Edward Cullen is behind, back from the trip I sent him and his friends on a short while ago.
I wonder what went through their minds when they returned and saw no gods fighting in their parking lot. I wonder if he's spoken with Isabella since we left Gila Bend. I wonder if he has any idea what befalls him in just a few short seconds.
And then I knock.
When the door swings open, I'm greeted with curious eyes.
"Hello, vampire."
Edward Cullen's brow dips and he narrows his eyes, suspicious of my intentions.
"Hades? What are you doing here? What h-"
"You need to come with me," I tell him as I grab his arm and take him to Hell
xXxXx
This trip below is not spent crossing the Styx. It isn't entertained by The Furies or Hecate this time. They're all gone from here, off to do their bidding elsewhere.
This time, I take the vampire directly to my sanctuary. No need to alert any other creatures of his presence, it would only confuse them. And Edward, most likely.
Once we've arrived, he pulls away from me. He immediately and frantically searches for a way out. "Hell no. I'm not doing this again, I won't let you do this to me again."
But there is no way out.
Not yet.
I watch him, amused, for a few minutes before I let him off the hook.
"I didn't bring you here to lock you away, Edward." For the love of Satan. Does he think I'm that evil?
He stops and turns to me. "You didn't?" He searches my stare the same way Poseidon did when I told him he'd won. It stings a little, I won't lie.
"No," I assure him. "I simply needed you where we could speak alone. With some privacy."
He cocks an eyebrow, still a bit put off. "You couldn't have chosen… I don't know… the fucking library?"
"I assume that's sarcasm."
"Yes. Fuck." He rakes a hand through his hair. "It's sarcasm." Then he throws both arms up, flustered in a way only someone who's used to being the one in charge could be. "What is it you want, Hades? What can I possibly give you that you haven't already taken?"
"Like I said-" I take a seat and cross my legs, relaxing a bit in my own familiar surroundings. "We need to talk."
"Talk about what?"
I pause before telling him because this isn't something I take lightly.
"Getting you your soul back."
Edward stretches his neck toward me a little. "I'm sorry, did you just say-"
"Yes."
His brow rises in disbelief. "My soul?"
"That's correct."
"As in…"
"You'd be human again," I advise him matter of factly. "Fully human."
He falls into a couch beside him and stares at the floor, flabbergasted.
"I don't understand."
"It's the only way, Edward. For Isabella."
And then he looks to me as he tries to work his way through my intentions. "Why wouldn't you just take it for yourself? You said it. You love her. I assume that means something considering-"
"I wasn't born with a soul, Edward," I tell him with a heaviness that weighs on me more and more with each passing moment. I am only able to grin half-heartedly for him. "You were. I was born with… this." I wave a hand around us.
And he knows.
At least part of it.
"What about…" he swallows. This next bit is difficult even for him to comprehend. "I mean, she loves you too, right?"
The word alone creates an ache inside my chest.
"How can you just abandon her like this?" he asks, as though I hadn't already thought of it.
As though I don't still think about it.
"She loves all the parts of me that were born from you, Edward. She loves your eyes, your smile, your gentleness, your understanding, your wit, your touch. Your stars."
He shakes his head. "Yeah, but it wasn't me touching her or understanding her though. It wasn't me that was telling her stories about ancient beings and-"
"It was. But even if it wasn't-" I cannot hide the pain now- "It doesn't matter. I am darkness, Edward. Despair. I torture souls. I-"
"You showed her someone who accepts her for who she is, despite the baggage she carries around."
Something I feel the vampire may need as well. This vampire who already seems to have a soul.
Once again, I make my case to him. "I believe every good thing I did, every right decision I made along the way - including loving her - was yours."
"Why?"
I don't even try to smile this time. "Because I am Hades."
After a few very long moments of thought, Edward realizes, as I have, that Isabella deserves better than the god of Hell. Or a vampire.
"Okay."
xXxXx
"Once it's done, vampire, it cannot be undone. And like it or not, you won't remember much about your past life. Not the way you do now. It's irrelevant going forward. Your only responsibility is making the best of this offered opportunity."
"Wait."
I rub my eyes. I literally have never met one single being that has hesitated in gaining their soul back. "What is it now?"
"What about Emmett? and-"
His inquiry doesn't surprise me. I've thought about it myself, honestly. The fact that they were willing to put themselves at risk to assist me this evening makes them worthy of a gift as well.
"Tell me something, Edward. Why did the three of you choose to fight Poseidon?" I need to see if he believes it as well.
He shrugs and says without a second thought, "It was the right thing to do."
"Why?"
He hesitates, but only for a moment before he says, "Who is he to decide what you do with your life?"
"Even though you might have died?"
He almost laughs. "We're already dead, Hades."
I don't know or pretend to understand where a species of vampire such as these three originates. It was always my understanding that creatures such as these were driven by blood lust - unthinking, unempathetic, unwilling or unwanting to change.
Since my time on Earth with Isabella, however, I've also come to understand that not all beings are as they seem from afar.
That alone is enough to cinch my decision.
The next silent moments we share are of mutual respect and, at least on my part, admiration. Then there's really nothing left to say except...
"Consider it done."
He smiles and nods. He closes his eyes and I send him back to Earth, reborn.
xXxXx
"How are you feeling?" After a bit of time has passed, enough to let my will settle, I've come to visit the v-... Edward one last time at his place of business before permanently descending home again. And to give him one last gift.
"Okay." He breathes out as he bookmarks and closes The Order of the Phoenix then pushes himself away from his desk. "I lose snippets of things by the minute it seems."
I nod. That's to be expected.
He holds the book up for me to see the cover. "This is genius."
This again. I give him a solemn look. "Phoenixes don't give orders, they-"
"It's not literal, Hades," he informs me with a bit of a roll of his eyes and a chuckle to accompany it. "You really need to study modern languages more."
"Perhaps." If only I had more time.
I glance down at some papers and happen to notice a receipt and paperwork for a bookstore… here in Los Angeles. In the name of Isabella Swan.
And I smile, tapping the contract with a slight feeling of pride and approval welling up inside me. "Very good call, Edward." Very good indeed.
He gives me a bashful smirk and tells me, unable to fully make eye contact, "It's the least I could do." And when I look at him now, I don't see the arrogance I thought I did the night we met. I see a man ready to take advantage of a life he'd thought he lost.
A man ready to love a woman he only met in a dream.
Jealousy still remains, but it's slowly being replaced with some form of gratitude. Gratitude to this world and the humans that reside in it. To all the things it's taught me while I was here.
To Isabella.
"That is it." I reach inside my coat pocket and pull out something I found for him.
"I thought you might need this." I hand him the book.
He takes it and stares at the title with one-fourth appreciation, three-fourths amusement.
"The Mythology of the Night Sky: An Amateur Astronomer's Guide to the Ancient Greek and Roman Legends." His brow rises. "Wow, that sounds… interesting to say the least."
"Ignore the bits about the Romans. It's all made up children's stories."
Edward laughs. "Really."
"I thought it would make a good addition to your collection."
"It um… sure will." He starts to set it down.
"It will teach you about constellations and the Greek gods they were named after."
"I know, but I told you-"
For the love of Satan. "She enjoys the stars, Edward," I insist rather aggressively. "Learn about them on a different level than where they can take you in a sailboat and how far away from Earth they dwell."
And now he gets it. "Ah. Gotcha." And he smiles genuinely. "Will do."
Convinced my work here is done, I give him a nod. "Goodbye, Edward. Please don't make me return because you've screwed something up."
That something being Isabella of course.
"Promise," he says, and stops me before I turn to go. "Hey."
"Yes?"
"Thanks," he says. It's not something the god of Hell hears very often, to be honest. I'm not sure how I feel about hearing now, but regardless, I respond, "You're quite welcome."
And I leave the office behind me with a sullen heart.
I cross the bar to leave quietly and undetected this evening. Humans are always so busy with self-indulgence, they don't pay attention to the monsters that lurk just feet away.
I glance around and think on the time I've spent here. The connections I've made. What it's meant. And I cannot regret it, even as I leave it all behind.
I know now that life and death, the afterlife… It's not all black and white.
The good and the bad are made up of blues and greens. Smiles and tears. Sunshine and moonlight. All of the hues in between.
And stars.
And speaking of things that have lit up my world, I wonder, for a small moment, where Isabella is hiding herself away. I know I will constantly and forever feel a pull toward her. Although no good could ever come from it, I sense her here but am not convinced I will be afforded one last glimpse of her as I take a final look around at the establishment where I started my journey…
Then finally, hesitantly, begrudgingly even, I turn to go. And I nearly run into the same small framed, beautiful, perfect creature I began my time here on earth with.
I swallow, feeling the little bit of life left in me drain, and all I can seem to do is release her name into the room.
"Isabella."
She nearly smiles when she sees me. "Aidoneus."
And the name she's called me. As though she knows me.
But she couldn't. Surely I misheard her.
"I'm… just dropping something off," I tell her, hoping she doesn't jump to any conclusions about Edward and the mafia once again. "A thank you gift for the v- for Edward. I wasn't-"
"No, I know," she says with a slight awkwardness, shaking her head. Then she looks up at me again with a knowing stare. "I'm glad I ran into you."
"Yes, well." If I stay much longer, peering into her eyes, I know I will never leave. "I'm quite glad too. It was very nice to see you again, Isabella, I must be going though, so…"
"Aiden. Please wait." I hear the desperation in her voice as she grabs me. Her hand is cold and trembling. Her face seems crumpled with heartbreak. But why? I've given her everything she deserves - to be loved by someone who will never hurt her.
I tug my arm away from her grasp, disgusted with myself for not being that someone. "I - can't. I truly have to leave. Now. I'm sorry."
"Did you kill my step-brother?" she blurts out. And although I'm able to mask the shock I feel from her realizing it was me, I have to forcibly swallow down the disgrace of losing control like I did that night.
"Sorry," she says. "I didn't mean for it to come out like that exactly."
By all accounts, answering this question is probably not a good idea.
I want to, however. I want to tell her everything.
"I-"
"No more half-truths, okay?" she pleads. "It was you, right? Who Angela saw in the street that night?"
I shake my head a bit, struggling to keep my voice even. "It could have been a version of just about anyone, really. Me included. Quite easily, in fact."
"Are you saying-"
"We all have a monster living inside us somewhere, Isabella."
And the look she gives me - it allows me a glimpse into what I may have experienced had I been able to get to her first that evening. Before finding the vampire. Before Poseidon. Before she fell in love with Edward Cullen.
I don't exactly see disappointment there. Or fear. But I'm not sure there is acceptance either.
"He was going to hurt me, wasn't he?" She seems to already know the answer though.
"I really must go, Isabella. Please." My desperation is beginning to show along with my deep desire to be with her, always. I try to escape her orbit, but she's determined to hold me there.
"Hades."
I stop. My jaw clenches tight. Hearing my name called out by the one person who holds power over me sends a shiver down my spine.
I'm unable to respond, however. I'm a statue, unsure of what turning to face her might bring.
"That brother?" she says. "The Greek god? The one who doesn't have any stars?"
I put great effort into breathing normally before turning around. I know I should leave. I simply can't bring myself to.
I do attempt to shake away the pain it causes to be this close to her again, unable to take her in my arms and show her how much I love her.
How much I will eternally love her.
"Um." She swallows as I gaze down at her with the frustration of not being strong enough to leave her behind. "I just - can't really discuss it with Edward, you know, he's not very-" she takes a shaky breath- "Greek god savvy."
I'm not sure where she's going with this. Or what good she thinks will come of it.
"Anyway, Hades…"
Another stab to the heart. Why does she torture me so?
"What about him?"
"I wondered. I mean, I was reading something… and… well, suppose those stories about the gods are real? Suppose they slip away every so often and mingle with…" She pauses before saying it. "Humans."
Her words seem more than just a mere curiosity. I cannot seem to speak at the moment to tell her it's prosperous though.
Perhaps part of me wants her to believe it.
Regardless, I remain silent as she continues with her theory.
"Suppose he stole the love of someone he never had any business being with in the first place?" she asks. Or says. I'm not sure which. "Suppose he broke her heart?"
And now it's my breath that's unstable. But I steel myself into responding with what I've known to be true all along.
"I suppose that would make him a very selfish god, wouldn't it?"
She purses her lips before answering. "Yeah. I guess it would."
"Unforgivable, one might say."
"Aren't we all?" She shrugs.
But I can't agree with her on that one. "Not all of us."
Isabella's expression seems tormented by something. She's having some sort of inner debate with herself. I can only imagine what she's about to say. And I have no choice but to stop her from saying it out loud.
"I-"
"Don't," I beg her.
I don't know if I will be able to continue to be the good guy if I hear her say the words. Or don't hear her say them.
I know if she does, though, I will steal her away.
My head moves, slowly, side to side. There's a part of me, a very large part that wants her to speak the words… that is desperate for her to say it.
"Why?" she asks instead.
"Because." I smile only part of the way. "Some of us simply aren't worthy of it."
Her face falls with the pain of the truth of it all. "Maybe not," she admits. "That doesn't change anything that's happened. Or how I feel. How I know you made me feel..."
I close my eyes. I urge myself to breathe. When I open my lids again to see her staring up at me, it takes everything I have to make this right. Finally.
"You deserve the sun, Isabella, not darkness. Not the cold. Not monsters or horrifying creatures pulling at your will day after day for an eternity. Besides..." I actually grin, thinking back on the first time we met- "There are no novels to steal where I'm going. And no citrus for you to collect."
She laughs through tears that fall from her eyes now and they are like knives to my gut.
"Please don't make this any more difficult than it already is."
She swallows her sobs. "I'm not making it difficult, you are."
"I have to go." I eye the hallway that leads to Edward Cullen's office. "You'll be alright."
"Is alright good enough?"
"It has to be."
I turn to leave this Satan cursed world and try to breathe, then I hear it again. Only this time, she's not saying it in a hypothetical way that one might when they're talking about ancient stories and constellations.
"Hades."
She's calling out to me.
My name.
Mine.
Hades. Ruler of the Underworld. Deceiver of souls.
Believe the rumors.
It causes a chill throughout my entire body to hear my name fall from her lips, knowing who I am. What I've done. It's enough to make me turn to face her one last time.
I am elated. And I am also full of anguish.
She holds my stare for just a moment before taking a few steps. Then in one fluid motion, she's up onto her tiptoes, sliding both hands around my neck, pulling me into her, and kissing me softly.
And I let her.
I fucking let her.
How could I not?
It's enough to remind me of all the times I nearly ended her life and to appreciate that I no longer feel that urge. I can just enjoy the absoluteness of her.
It's all the perfect amount of agony and more agony.
Feeling her touch again and her lips against mine, I can't help but let myself wonder what may have happened between us had I not had a vampire's will driving me. Or a brother determined to stop it from being so.
I know she won't let me go. Not easily. She's a stubborn creature, after all.
So I take the opportunity of this embrace, and I force her memories of me to be gone.
With a slip of my tongue, I take away our dance together here at the Brick and Mortar, the first night we met.
As I slide my hands around her waist and feel how soft and warm and inviting she is, I erase our kiss in the office.
I pull her into me, letting her body press against mine as I let our weekend at the beach fade from her memory.
Every touch, every look, every word spoken, and every moment of time spent together… by the time I finally end the kiss, is gone.
I love you.
And the certainty of it stings like fire.
She'll remember meeting Edward Cullen, of course, and how he insinuated himself into her life. How she fell in love with him. She'll remember him coming for her in Gila Bend. She'll know of all the small and big moments we shared.
She won't know that it was me she shared them with.
As far as the vam- human goes, he can fend for himself. Fill in the blanks. Figure it out.
And if he doesn't, I will snap his neck and send him to Tartarus myself.
I release Isabella from my arms one final time and she sways a bit, as though her balance has been thrown off.
I catch her by the arm and she stares up at me with the smile I've grown to love.
"Thanks, I-" She fumbles with her words. She wants to finish her earlier thought but can't quite remember what she was going to say. Then she takes in a deep breath and meets my gaze again.
"Thank you," she says. "Not really sure what just happened there."
"Not a problem," I say as I let go of her arm, wanting nothing more than to hold her again. Forever.
She turns to go and I want to grab ahold of the humanity she's thrust upon me these past weeks and strangle the life out of it.
Self-hatred stops me.
Instead, I stand in the shadows of the bar for a while and observe the humans I've grown fond of for a bit longer.
Emmett is guarding the front door with Rose by his side. They share an easy laughter together.
Jasper sits in his corner but he's no longer alone. Alice is there to make him smile. The real Alice. Not a machine.
And the now human Edward Cullen appears from the hallway that leads to his office, on his way to a second chance at life. He sees Isabella at the bar and smiles like a man in love. He takes a few tentative steps in her direction. He changes directions a few times, second guessing what exactly he should do or say.
I cock an eyebrow and shake my head.
"Idiot."
Then finally, he makes his way to her.
He waits behind her, watching nervously for a few seconds. And as though she senses his presence, she turns around.
At first she smiles but then she realizes something. The space between her eyebrows dips into the V I've come to know and appreciate, then she takes a look around as though she's searching for someone.
Perhaps me.
Perhaps she doesn't know who anymore.
The urge to go to her is overwhelming, but I force myself to remain still. Then I flick my hand at the air to give her a nudge in the right direction.
Watching them struggle, knowing their insecurities and anxieties, it should all be enough to make me grateful to be a god. But I would give it up in a millisecond if it meant I could be insecure and full of anxiety myself for the rest of time with Isabella.
As she tries to make conversation with Edward, it's awkward between them for a few moments. Then he says something undoubtedly ridiculous as he grasps at his hair and waves a hand and it makes her smile. Laugh even. He grins down at her with a fascination I know well. And then it's clear.
I've done the correct thing.
I know it now.
He will care for her, he will love her, he will keep her in the sun.
And she will be happy.
As for me, it's time to go home.
My descent into the underworld is not without pain.
I arrive at the Styx and the sting of Isabella's grin is there, waiting for me.
As I walk beyond the Fields of Mourning, her laughter is like a knife to my heart.
And as I sit upon my throne and listen to the despair of the souls lost to Tartarus, her voice sings inside my mind. It's a Prince song, of course, and she's a horrible singer, but I close my eyes and I imagine what it would have been like to hear her say the words I stopped her from saying one last time.
I love you.
And I realize Isabella was correct all along when she said I have a soul. Because now and forever, it will be crushed under the memory of her kiss against my lips.
Whew.
PSA: Believe it or not, we're not done yet. (thank Satan) There are still some things to address… *innocent smile* we hope you join us for the last chapter, next week.
The song for this one is called "Hurt" by Eric Whitacre.
Thanks so much to Sue for all of her beta-braining. Thanks to Chrisann for all of the once-overs. And THANKS to the ends of the underworld to you for reading this preposterous storyline.
AND UM… IF you like the idea of Marie and moi writing together as much as we do, check out our new JOINT account (Belladonna & TheFictionFreak) - we've got ideas for 2020, people. Link is in my profile, or fave authors if you want to come follow, fave, stalk. Whatever.