A/N: This is now my most reviewed story. On both this site and Ao3. Which is crazy since it's not even my longest story.
Thank you Emerald2211 for being an amazing beta, and Zari_Star for the chapter title suggesting. It worked a little too well if you use the full quote ;)
2010 arrived without much notice. We kept traveling at our neck-breaking pace through the country and never stayed in one place for longer than a few days. It was not very sustainable, but for now Bucky and I could keep it up. I even worked on the bike most nights to keep it running and try my best to make it fully electric. There had even been a few times where I was able to get a nap in before going off to a library to hack into Shield. The best part is, when I was just looking for any information on Hydra, I can just reload when I find it and no one's the wiser.
Not that I've been able to find much. Just a list of people that I have to look into further. The only one I know for sure is Alexander Pierce, and that was only because I recognized him from one of the movies. However, whenever I tried going deeper to get some real evidence, I end up trip one of the many security triggers and the data deletes itself then I have to reload and start all over. It was beyond frustrating. I've probably spent a few weeks re-living the same hour due to my own stubbornness.
No wonder no one knew about Hydra until they started moving.
"I'm heading out again!" I told Bucky as soon as I was out of the bathroom.
We arrived for the night not even an hour ago, and I wanted to see if I can print out from material blueprints so I can recreate them with my alchemy later.
"Shit." I heard Bucky say, and it looked like he accidentally crushed a bottle with his metal hand.
"Hey watch the fucking language. There is a child here." I joked as I walked over, bouncing off the bed.
"You curse more often than I do." Bucky said, but instead of shaking his head or giving me a light smile, he just slowly opened and closed his hand.
"...Is your hand okay? Like the joints and stuff?"
Apparently, I guessed right since Bucky made a face before he picked up the glass shards.
"It was just a little stiff."
Well that's not good. Hydra probably didn't bother to make his arm long-lasting since they put him on ice so often. The winter soldier probably got upgrades or tune up to his arm every mission, and it will be a year since we left in a few months. Who knows when the last time it got looked at.
"Do you want me to take a look at it? I won't do anything, but maybe with the cold weather the meal shrunk and it got misplaced. Or you need oil."
Bucky looked at me for a moment, acting like he was shocked that I even asked, before sitting down next to me. He took off his jacket and glove, letting me get a good view of the arm.
"You know, if you ever lose muscle mass, like when your old, this is going to look so weird." I joked as I looked over the limb with only my eyes.
It reminded me of one of those wooden toy snakes that 'slither' because it's made from pieces of wood all on a string. There was a lot of metal sheets overlapping around the joins to allow for range of motion.
"So where is it stiff? Like your hand or wrist or..."
"The second finger and thumb."
"Huh, do you mind moving it slowly for me?" I asked, and Bucky did just that.
It made a slight creaking noise as he did do, before jerking suddenly.
"Yeah, sounds like oil might be a good first step. I think we have enough money to check out a hardware store. A small one with less cameras. Maybe get some paint so we can get that dumb-looking star off your arm."
"We should do that now." Bucky said before standing up suddenly.
"Huh? Is it bothering you that badly? I mean, sure let's get the oil now."
"Not the oil. You can get that too, but I was talking about the paint."
"Oh."
I didn't know what else to say. Bucky looked excited for once and I was just stunned for a good moment. At least until I started thinking about it. Bucky must view his metal arm as Hydra's property or even the winter soldier's and not his. The idea of being able to change even a little part of that to someone he wants must feel great.
"I'm not much of an artist though, unless you want it to be all one color or want stick figures drawn."
"That's fine."
"You are not going to think it's fine when I draw a dick on your arm. That was a joke by the way."
We ended up just getting some blue paint because that was my favorite color and after greasing up Bucky's fingers with car lube (gross), I ended up just painting over the red star with blue.
"How's that?" I asked while Bucky looked in the mirror.
"It looks great Lani."
"And here I thought you were a good liar."
"I'm not lying. It... I think I needed this."
"Yeah, I think so too," I said, and for a moment I just watched Bucky look at his arm.
"Well, I'm going to use the rest of the paint on the bike now."
[Game Saved]
[SP at max]
I woke up from my afternoon nap to see Bucky reading one of the books I borrowed from my last library trip. And by borrow I ment stole since I don't have a library card, but I plan on returning it before they notice it's gone. Hopefully. Hasn't been an issue yet at the very least.
"How close are you to finishing that? I can wait until you're done."
"I was just looking through it." Bucky said before tossing me said book. "You sure you don't want to sleep longer? You didn't rest much last night."
I didn't sleep at all last night, but not like I was going to tell Bucky that.
"Yep, I'm at 100%. Besides, not like you ever sleep more than four hours a night anyways."
"You got me there."
At this point I'm pretty sure Bucky suffers from nightmares considering there has only been a handful of times that I've been awake before him. Usually due to my own bad dreams. But it doesn't seem like Bucky experience any negative effects from his lack of sleep and anything I get can be healed with a good night's rest, so it's not the most important issue.
"I'll be back before it gets dark." I said before apparating out of the room.
I placed the books back on the shelves I got them from the day before, and checked to see if there were any other good finds. I spent only a few hours there researching before heading back, I was too mentally tired to do a loop day of hacking.
However once I got back to the motel room I was wide awake. Furniture was broken, there was blood permeating the air, and Bucky was sitting on his knees completely still.
[Error]
[James Barnes Family relationship not found]
"Oh good, the brat was around here after all. Well come on then, no loose ends." A man I didn't noticed until then said in Russian.
I didn't need to see that stupid fake culthuly symbol to know who he was. But before I could do anything, I heard the bang of a gun.
The first time I just used my apparition to dodge, but that was when I noticed the gun shots weren't coming from the stranger.
"Bucky?" I said even though I knew that wasn't who I was speaking to anymore.
As if the text wasn't enough to show we were now strangers, the fact he pulled the trigger again without any hesitation was.
[Main Menu]
[ ] Quest log
[ ] Stats
[ ] Relationships
[ ] Runscript
[ ] Load Save
I watched as the bullet headed towards my head in slow motion reminding me of one of my fights with Feliks. Only this was worse because Bucky- no the winter soldier - knew exactly what he was doing. That he was going to kill me.
[X] Load Save
[...]
[Save loaded]
[SP at max]
I shot out of bed and froze when I was Bucky. It has been so long that I didn't notice how much he has changed, but now looking at how the winter soldier was and him now, it was like night and day.
And it didn't explain why my heart was pounding in my chest and my mind was screaming at me to run.
"Lani? Are you okay?" Bucky asked, looking worried as he dropped the book and walked over to me.
I flinched away slightly, but it was enough to make him stop.
"We need to go. They'll be here in two hours."
Like last time, Bucky didn't bother asking how I knew that, only started packing up. I wished that he did ask because I needed something to take my mind off of what just happened. What I need to make sure doesn't happen again.
I ended up just watching Bucky get everything packed while I did nothing, and when it was time to get on the bike, I had to force myself to calm down.
It's fine. Bucky wouldn't kill me. Not right now. I'm not going to die again. Not yet.
I just kept telling myself that with my eyes shut tight and my head against Bucky's back. Eventually, I was able to calm down.
It was silly. I didn't worry this much when I was fighting Feliks when he was trying to kill me. Though it was different. With Feliks, he was too young to really understand what death was and what it meant. I knew he wasn't trying to kill me, he was just trying to do what 5 o'clock shadow dude told him to. Bucky on the other hand... I trusted him. I don't really have the option not to at this point, but I didn't think he could turn that quickly.
But that's not right. I did know that and just hoped that our friendship was strong enough like in an anime. I was just lying to myself that if Bucky got more of his memories back then it would just curse the brainwashing. Or that I would forever be able to reload situations like this.
Thinking like that was going to get me killed. Again.
"Hey Buddy? We need to talk." I said hours later in a small town inn that must have seen better days.
Like in most places, Bucky used the cover story of us being father and daughter, which I never get how it worked so well when we looked nothing alike. I guess I shouldn't worry too much since sleeping in a bed is nice even if I wish it was my bed. That I had a bed to claim as my own.
But I was stalling. Stalling for time while Bucky gave me his full attention.
"Is there any way to stop Hydra from taking over your mind again?" I ended up asking after way too long.
"...No." Bucky said with a quiet voice that sounded so sad.
"Stop that. I mean, I know about the trigger words so there has to be some way to make that ineffective. The human brain can heal from strokes where half your brain dies, so there just has to be something we can do!"
"How do you know about that?"
Bucky's whole mood did a complete 180, so much that I lost track about what I was ranting out loud about.
"What?"
"The words. Do you... how do you know about that?"
"Oh, that."
I couldn't tell Bucky the truth. Finding out that your life was viewed as entertainment in another universe? Not a good thing to find out. But I also didn't want to lie to him. Bucky deserves better than that.
"...I've heard them before." I ended up saying, since that much was true.
Even though I never got around to watching civil war, I did watch clips and GIFs from it.
"When." Bucky demanded to know, and he looked so worried.
It was then that I finally made the connection that Bucky must be wondering if I was just using him like Hydra. It makes more sense than the truth after all. Why else would a 6 year old know so much?
"See, that's a hard question to answer." I said with a smile regardless of the pit I was feeling in my stomach.
I was pretty sure even if Bucky thought I was using him, he wouldn't flat out attack me. But I did scoot away a little.
And no sooner than I did that, Bucky frowned and leaned away from me himself.
"Then try. Lani, you're a good kid. I want to know you're not getting in over your head."
I gave a hollow sounding laugh at that.
"A little late for that Buddy. I can't tell you everything... yet. Maybe someday but for now..."
I took a deep breath.
Goodbye Incognito.
"The reason I knew Hydra was coming today was because they did. They came right before I came back from the library, and by the time I was back you... you weren't you anymore. But it's okay because I can groundhog-day shit, and so that never happened ."
"Groundhog day?" Bucky asked slowly, and I took the chance to look back at him.
He looked terrified. It would have been funny if things weren't so serious.
"Sorry, you probably never seen that movie. It's... I can relive a day. At least back until the last time I sleep. Or take a nap. I think it just needs to be a full REM cycle, so you know, four hours."
"Did I..." Bucky started to ask, still looking completely mortified, before stealing his expressions so that there was nothing.
The blankness was honestly scarier. Reminded me too much of the Winter soldier.
"Did I kill you?" Bucky ended up asking, his voice oddly monotoned.
"Oh, no! You didn't. I'm not sure if I can go back if I'm killed, so I reseted soon after you shot me. Like the bullet was still in the air, but it never even touched me." I tried reassuring him, but it only brought the panic back to his face.
[Relationship level up]
[James Barnes family]
[Level 5: He sees you as his daughter]
"I can't stay with you." Bucky said still looking absolutely mortified as he backed away from me.
I felt like I was choking on air. This was...
"No, stop that!" I yelled, hoping that was enough to make the stupid relationship thing go back down.
I was still trying to deal with the whole sibling thing, and now this? And Bucky just wants to leave?
"They're never going to stop Lani. You're in danger every moment you're around me. I can't..."
"You think I don't know that? I was well aware that helping you meant I wouldn't be free from Hydra but I still did! I'm not going to give up on you now and if you leave I will find you. So, just stop thinking whatever it is you're thinking. Okay?"
I was standing on the bed, and still wasn't close to Bucky's height. At least he stopped moving towards the door. He just stood there staring at me, at least I think he was because my sight was starting to get blurry.
"Okay. Okay Lani, I won't leave you. So, stop crying." Bucky said, his arms moving slightly like he was going to give me a hug but then thought better of it.
"I'm not crying." I said even as I furiously rubbed the tears from my eyes.
"Of course not."
Bucky looked slightly less terrified, but he was still just standing there like a mannequin.
I rolled my eyes at him before jumping off the bed.
"I'm going to hug you now because I need one and it looks like you need one too." I said, giving the man lots of time to move if he didn't want one, but he didn't move.
At all.
"You know, you're making this more awkward by not hugging me back."
Finally I felt an arm around me and suddenly we were on the bed with myself in Bucky's lap.
"Lani, I need you to promise me something." Bucky said right when I was about to doze off.
"Depends on what it is."
"You said you know the words."
I pulled away to look at Bucky's blank face.
"Yes, and I told you why I know." I said, not liking where this was going.
"I want you to use them on me."
My mind went blank for a moment before...
"WHAT?!"
"I don't want to hurt anyone Lani. If you... say it then you can keep me from doing that. From hurting you... or anyone else again."
"But... that would just wipe your mind again."
"That's fine."
"No it's not. That's the opposite of fine Buc-Buddy. I can't do that to you."
"Would you do it as a last case scenario then?" Bucky pleaded with me.
What I wanted to say got stuck in my throat. I understood what Bucky wanted me to do. But that was the type of responsibility I never wanted.
"Only as a last case." I ended up saying.
I would only do it if I couldn't reset. I'm never going to let it get to that point, but just in case.
"That's all I want. Sorry for making you deal with this. You're way too young to have to worry about any of this, but you made it clear you won't let me keep you safe."
"It's fine." I said, finally looking away from Bucky.
It wasn't really, but I also wasn't really a kid. I knew something like this was bound to happen, and now that I told Bucky a little about what I could do I felt...tired. Like my stress and worry were the only things keeping me going and now that a fraction of that is gone it's like I have no bones in my body. I ended up cuddling back into Bucky, and with the flesh arm still wrapped around me, fell into a dreamless sleep for the first time in months.
A/N: And with that, we are done with phase 1 of the story. And I did this story for camp Nanowrimo, and this is the first time I've been able to finish my set goal! This story now has over 36K words in my doc. I'm still going to try keeping up with my 1K words a day until classes start up again, but now I need to start planing the rest of the story. So far I have phase 2 planed, and few ideas for phase 3, and Thanos ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ for phase 4. At least I still have enough chapters to keep up two updates a week for a little while longer.
Anyways, thank you so much everyone who has favorited/followed this story. And super special thanks to Brunolmg, solmaelstrom, Blueowl, Omega-66, Estelle Lumene, The two guests, Goldenfightergirl, Triflight, Iris Wade 323, Lulumo, XenoLucifer, thanzintay.2000, updown1234, Death Fury, Cinnybun, LevelXWright, Redripper666, I.D's Fantasy, and BlackDove WhiteDove for leaving a review. Honestly you guys, it always makes me smile like an idiot when I get an e-mail that someone left a review. It's the ultimate secret in how to get more updates. The current record is still 23 for this site and 32 total for one chapter.
Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. It was my favorite until I started writing chapter 14 ;)
Also, updated the image for this story for how Lani will look for the next chapter. Good thing the sims exists because I have no patience to learn how to draw.