I've never liked goodbye's.

They never feel like goodbye to me. It's more, see ya later, and I don't mind viewing funerals this way. It makes it easier...for me, at least. To believe I'll see 'em again at the end of my own line.

"Ey, let's go"

I looked at Daryl and nodded, jumping on the bed of the truck we'd just finished loading with the bodies of our people, while he got in the cabin and started it up.

The truck pulled out and I spotted for Daryl as he drove backwards up the hill; directing him away from boulders and trees until we reached the mass graves at the top where Rick and Shane were digging.

I put my hand up for Daryl to stop and he parked, shutting the engine off. I jumped off the bed, letting my knees absorb the impact. The truck door slammed and Daryl came up next to me, as I walked over to Rick and Shane.

"I still think it's a mistake not burnin' these bodies. It's what we said we'd do, right? Burn 'em all. Wasn't that the idea."

I don't remember anyone saying that

"At first" Rick tossed a shovel-full of dirt onto the amassing mound above the graves they were digging.

"The Chinaman gets all emotional" Korean. "Says it's not the thing to do, we just follow him along?" Daryl glanced at me, but honestly I'm not completely on board with either side of this argument.

I know why everyone wants to bury them— I know why Glenn was the one to insist upon it, but I also know that burying bodies nowadays just isn't worth it.

It depletes what little resources we have. Spends energy we might need, time we don't know we have.

This is gonna turn into a fight, isn't it?

A flicker at the corner of my vision had my eyes snapping over in an instant, hand already on my knife but I relaxed when it turned out to just be the others coming up from the camp for the funerals.

"These people need to know who the Hell's in charge here, what the rules are."

"There are no rules."

"Well that's a problem." I looked to Lori as she chimed in.

"We haven't had one minute to hold onto anything of our old selves. We need time to mourn, and we need to bury our dead. It's what people do."

I glanced at my boots before looking at Daryl. His sour expression never ceases to amaze me. It's always different, but I've never seen guilt there before.

Even if it's only a twinge.

At least I'm not the only one who feels like they just got scolded.

"I can do it. I can do it." Andrea stood in the grave dug for Amy.

Dale tried to help her move her sister's body into the grave again and again but every time he tried she said, "I can do it!"

Andrea wouldn't let anyone help, not Dale, not Rick, Lori, Shane, me...no one.

I never understood why people liked to be put in boxes and covered in 300-600 lbs of dirt.

Nowadays burning is taboo for some reason but in the olden days, it was a sign of honor and respect to be burned instead of buried. King's, knights, and nobles were burned.

Burning was literally a funeral fit for a king.

Lori's barely keeping it together. But I may have underestimated the women in this group. Andrea most of all.

She's tougher than I gave her credit for.

Unsurprisingly Daryl was the first one to leave, after the burials were complete; The others following not a minute later. I waited for Andrea, and started walking down the hill with her at the back of the group.

She has this dead look on her face, has ever since she wrapped Amy.

"Eve"

I stopped at the bottom of the hill, looking back to find Carl running up next to me.

"My parents told me to stay with you."

I gave a solemn smile and ruffled his hair. Laying my hand on his shoulder, I pulled him into my side.

This is a lot for an adult to handle, I can't imagine what it's like for a kid.

We got back to camp and Carl stuck to me like glue.

I tried to keep him occupied— and it worked for the most part but it's harder than I imagined. I can see his brain working every few minutes when he starts to get bored.

Starts thinking about what's happened. What could happen.

Not good, not good. How am I supposed to keep him from thinking too much? This kid's too smart to fall for anything cheap— oh...

What about something everyone falls for.

I've still got those haven't I?

I gave Carl a 1-minute finger and jogged over to my tent. I grabbed my backpack and started digging through it.

Aha! I pulled the small velvet pouch out with a jerk and went back over to the campfire. I pat the seat next to me and Carl sat down.

"What's that?"

I gave him a 'be patient' look as I pulled the deck of cards out.

Ah, this brings back memories. This is how I spent most of my spare time in high school.

I never thought I'd say it for this reason, but I feel sorry for Carl. He's never gonna know what high school is like. Not even hear about what it was like, most likely.

I shuffled the deck fancily and he smiled, eyes shining with wonder.

Fanning out the cards, I held them out to him with 1 finger up.

He looked at Andrea for clarification, who finally had the smallest of smiles. "Pick a card"

Carl looked back and chose a card. I motioned for him to show 'everyone'(Andrea) his card.

Cutting the deck to the bottom quarter, I let Carl place the card back.

Damn, am I glad I got bored enough to learn card tricks in school.

I cut the deck piece by piece, placing them down onto the log until they were all in one pile again.

Taking the deck into my left hand, I peeled the cards down one after another back to my right. I repeated this two more times before I set up for a sloppy shuffle.

I took 3-5 cards then turned one over, then 5-8 more and turned another over, repeating the process until I got to the bottom. Moving the final card onto the top of the deck, I cut the deck again, showing my audience (Carl and Andrea) that the cards were randomly mixed.

Some were face to back, some back to face, and others back to back.

When I got to the back to back, instead of putting it back normally, I flipped the top half over, placing it back on the deck and holding it in one hand.

"When I snap my fingers, your card will be the only one face up."

Carl looked a little startled that I spoke but it gave way to excitement as I snapped my fingers and spread the deck out on the camp chair arm.

Ace of clubs; the only card face up.

Carl flipped out; smiling and wide-eyed, while Andrea lightly clapped. I looked over my shoulder when clapping sounded behind me, to see Carl's parents clapping as well.

Magic in my experience, is one of the best cures for a lot of things.

Rick gave me a grateful, impressed look and I returned it with a smile and a mock bow to my audience.

Lori thanked me for watching him —although I don't see why, he can take care of himself— and the three of them went off to do whatever it is they do.

I scooped up the cards, showing off a little by fancily twisting that one face up card between two fingers and letting it fall into place as I seamlessly closed the deck around it.

To be honest though, I could use a break. I don't mind entertaining but it's been a rough few days.

I stuffed the cards back into the pouch and into my pocket, zipping it up so I didn't lose them. This could come in handy again if word gets around that I can do card tricks.

Don't get me wrong, Carl's a good kid but I can only handle so many people for so long, and I doubt he'd want to keep the "magic show" to himself.

Especially when the atmosphere is so heavy around here.

I managed to slip away into the woods and took a long slow walk through the forest; listening to the leaves gently sway in the hot, dry wind.

Finally...I feel like I can breathe after, getting far enough away.

I stretched my arms, loosening my stiff back and took a much needed deep breath.

It feels nice out here today but after last night…It feels wrong to be enjoying the isolation & sunshine.

I can't be too careful on my own right now but sometimes you just need a minute to breathe. By yourself.

I doubt even Daryl and Rick are capable of keeping their guard up every second of the day.

Is that why Daryl talks to me, when he knows full well I won't answer?

I'm sure it's partly because I don't ask questions like other people but I doubt that's the only reason.

Now that I think about it though...everyone seems to be fairly comfortable around me. Even Merle is—...was.

Leaves crunched beneath my shoes as I came to a halt.

Why do I feel so guilty about that? It's not as if I was the one who dropped the key, or cuffed him in the first place.

I wasn't even there. Hell, I found out about it after Daryl did.

A twig snapped and I spun around -blades first- so fast I almost slid on the crumbled leaves.

"You ain't easy to sneak up on."

Good lord, Daryl. You scared the living daylights outta me.

Letting out a relieved sigh, I lowered my hands back to my sides. Did he follow me?

I waved and the tiniest smirk broke through his solid expression. A small smile flitted across my lips while I sheathed my weapons; giving him my full attention, I raised my eyebrow in slight questioning.

I know he wouldn't have followed me out here if it wasn't important. IF he followed me.

"Shane wants to talk to everyone" Daryl turned and jerked his head in the direction of camp before walking.

I jogged to catch up, doing a glancing sweep of our surroundings until I fell into step beside him.

"What're you even doin' out here?"

I steadily blew air out of my mouth, letting my cheeks puff up before I looked at him and took a deep breath.

"If you put me in the ground when I die, I swear on Satan's Hellfire, I will haunt you for the rest of your life."

Daryl stared at me in slight alarm before snorting and shaking his head.

"Don't worry, I ain't gonna bury you. I ain't sure even death could find you."

I looked at him confused before it was my turn to snort. I knocked his shoulder with mine, shaking my head. I needed that.

I'm glad we can still find ways to laugh, even after everything that's happened. It's rare for Daryl to laugh regardless but in spite of, is truly a new feet.