I don't know when but at some point I must've drifted off, because I woke up and we weren't moving; nor could I hear the sounds of engines.
Daryl wasn't in the truck so I got out, stumbling a bit on the uneven ground.
My mind was a bit hazy as I stretched my arms, popping my spine, and let them fall to my sides before heading around the RV just ahead to the front but my head cleared up soon as a familiar voice reached my ears.
"Look who's finally up" I looked up and met Daryl's blue gaze.
Flashing a sleep-laced smile, I took my place next to him in the gathered group.
"I see somethin' up ahead. Gas station, if we're lucky." Shane dropped the binoculars down from his eyes.
Jacqui rushed out of the RV behind me, in a panic.
"Y'all, it's Jim. It's bad. I don't think he can take anymore." is all she said before running back inside.
"Hey, Rick. You wanna hold down the fort. I'll drive ahead. See what I can bring back?" Shane suggested.
"Yeah, I'll come along too and I'll back you up." T-Dog volunteered, taking a look through the binoculars.
I raised my hand and Shane nodded, motioning for me to follow.
"'Ey"
I stopped and looked at Daryl.
"Watch yer ass."
I nodded, holding my fist up. His knuckles tapped against mine and Shane started moving.
"Y'all keep your eyes open now. We'll be right back." Shane got into his jeep, followed by T. I hopped in the back, tapping the side to let him know I'm good to go and we pulled out.
I waved as we drove off down the road. Carl waving back but soon they all disappeared from sight.
Arriving at the building Shane spotted, we got lucky. It is indeed a gas station. The car stopped and I jumped out, pulling my knife and spinning it in my hand a few times; a sort of warm-up, in case things get ugly.
"How much gas you think is left?" T-Dog asked.
Shane picked up a gas can, "Suppose we'll find out. I'll take point, T see what you can get outta the pump. Eve, check the store, see if there's anythin' worth grabbin'."
I nodded, heading to the small convenience store's glass doors.
I rubbed my sleeve on the muggy glass and peered through. There's almost nothing on the ground or shelves. I don't know if I like that.
Checking to make sure there was no bell or anything, I watched the inside for a minute before carefully pulling the door open.
No sound came so this must have been a station with an electric buzzer to alert the clerk.
The store's practically empty but I do see something interesting. I know a few tricks and things most people don't think about. Let's hope I've gotten here first then.
Hopping over the counter, I almost slid on the postcards covering the ground. Whoever was here got out in a hurry, considering how far out of the way this place is.
I looked around and smiled; thanking my unorthodox knowledge, and grabbed the shiny shotgun from underneath the register. There's only one box of ammo with like 9 shells but Hell, a gun's a gun.
It makes me uneasy that this store is almost completely looted, yet no one looked behind the counter for this thing. Even though it's a wreck back here, the gun's untouched.
It's impossible for me to be the only person left who knows at small-time stores like this, clerk's keep guns behind the counter. Especially in this state.
If this clerk had a gun...why's it still here? Why didn't they use it? It's not just for show.
I checked around a bit more, rummaging through toppled products, and even some crumpled cash, but there's nothing else that's useful. Besides this badass lighter. I took the lighter from the counter, stuffing it in my pocket.
The register's busted open and judging by these little shrivelled pieces of nature, whoever this cashier was hid weed inside it.
Maybe this person just wasn't very bright. Could've been high and got unlucky. That would explain why they didn't go for the gun.
Glancing around again, I hopped back over the counter and went straight to the aisle of sugary snacks.
There's no candy but I grabbed a couple bags of cookies from the ground and stuffed them in my jacket. No one has to know, right?
He said grab anything worth grabbing, cookies definitely fall under that category.
I did another lap around the store, double checking everything for something we could use and found half a roll of duct tape left. Better than nothing I suppose. I left the store and jogged back to the jeep where Shane & T were putting a can of gas in the back.
Only one? You've gotta be kidding. Even a station this remote doesn't have anything left?
"Find anything?" Shane took notice of me as I reached them. I held up the shotgun and ammo.
"Damn, you got some kinda luck, girl. Maybe next time you should get the gas." T-Dog commented, getting in. I climbed in the back, laying the shotgun in the seat next to me.
As I sat down, the crinkling of plastic caught T-Dog's attention and he looked back at me.
"What's in your jacket?" he asked, as Shane pulled out onto the road again.
I didn't answer, looking to the side to avoid his gaze and pretended I didn't have anything.
"Come on. Let's see it." Shane looked at me in the rear view mirror.
Sighing, I unzipped my jacket revealing my cookies. A long silence passed and they exchanged dumbfounded looks before the jerks busted out laughing.
"After all this, you're still goin' after sweets." T-Dog shook his head in amusement.
Well, cat's outta the bag.
I may or may not have a rep for snagging sweets on runs, especially cookies but I didn't think it would become gossip.
Usually it's just me and Glenn on runs, so somebody must've blabbed. Traitor.
Getting back to the others -like I expected- was no happy greeting.
I went over by the kids and tapped Sophia's shoulder, motioning for them to follow me off to the side. I glanced around to make sure no one was watching before removing the cookies from my jacket.
The two smiled, if only slightly, and I opened the bags. Snatching a cookie from each bag, I gave both of them their own.
"Eve" Glenn motioned for me to come. I nodded and ruffled Carl's hair before going over to join the group's discussion.
"It's what he said he wants." Rick stated.
What who wants?
"And he's lucid?" Carol asked
Who are we talking about, Jim?
"He seems to be." You don't sound too confident in that, Officer. "I would say yes."
"Back in the camp, when I said Daryl might be right and you shut me down…You misunderstood." Dale shook his head. "I would never— go along with callously killing a man."
I caught Daryl shift out of the corner of my eye. So he does feel guilty about that.
"I was just gonna suggest...we ask Jim, what he wants." Dale glanced between all of us. "And I think we have an answer."
"We just leave him here?" Shane muttered to Rick. "We take off?"
"Man, I'm not sure I could live with that." Shane shook his head, glancing at his boots.
"It's not your call." I looked to Lori. "Either one of you."
Forever the mediator between those two, aren't you? I almost feel sorry for her.
Rick and Shane set Jim underneath a tree, a good 30 feet from the roadside, and one by one, everyone said their goodbyes.
I honestly didn't expect it to come to this. Well, I did...but I guess I fooled myself into thinking this time it could be different. That he wasn't gonna turn.
We'd get to the CDC, they'd help him, he'd be okay…Stupid.
Not even our gods can help us here.
I watched Rick offer him a gun but from the looks of things, he turned it down.
After saying goodbye, everyone headed back for their vehicle and when it was Daryl's turn, all he did was nod and Jim gave a half smile in return.
See, I'm not the only one who believes gestures are better than words; at least some of the time.
When my turn finally came around, I was the only one who hadn't said goodbye yet.
"You know...I've only heard your voice once before."
Umm...I nodded, not knowing what else to do and looked at my hands; picking at my dirty fingernails.
"Could you make it twice?"
I looked up, surprised by his request and hesitated for a moment before opening and closing my mouth like a gaping fish.
It's been a long time since someone asked me to speak.
Breathing in through my nose, I nodded.
"Yeah"
My own voice sounds foreign to me. It's not as if that's anything new though. It's always been that way. My voice has never felt like it belongs to me.
"Why don't you talk?"
My shoulders lifted without my permission in an unconvincing shrug.
"In my experience, you don't need words to speak. Seems like a waste of time. I figure...better to save 'em for when it counts."
Jim smiled, exhaling a laugh. "Always did like yer smile. Ya reckon I could have one for the road?"
I looked down at my nails again, wrapping around the blades of grass beneath my fingers. Taking a deep breath, I found my resolve and looked back up, meeting his gaze, and mustered the warmest smile I could manage. The corners of his lips turned up in content.
It being time to take my leave, I straightened and reluctantly began my way back to the truck; finding myself stopping at the bottom, looking back.
"See you in the next lifetime, Jim."
Smiling, Jim nodded towards the truck, telling me to go on. I wanted to stay a little longer but he evidently doesn't want that. I'll be damned if I don't respect that. Wanting the people around you to remember you for who you are, not what you'll become...I imagine when my time comes, I'll want the same thing.
I don't want anyone's last memory of me to be a walking corpse. I'd rather be a ghost of the past.
I made my way back to the truck where Daryl sat waiting, and not a minute after I closed the door, we were leaving Jim behind.