My chest was painfully tight, as though my heart was trying it's damnedest to pull my rib-cage in and wrap the bones around itself so tight it could no longer beat.
At first it felt like I was caving in, falling through a black hole with no end that had opened up inside me but now...
I stood still, staring at Rick and Jenner but in truth I can't see anything. Even if I am looking at them, it's like I'm outside myself; watching my life as if it were a movie.
I can still feel myself shaking but nothing was working to stop it. The cold sweat on my neck ran down my spine, provoking a shiver. I know I'm breathing just fine but I feel like I'm suffocating.
Blood pulsed in my ears, putting a filter over everything I was hearing. Nothing was making it to my brain, and that only worsened the panic attack I'd tried to prevent.
"There is no hope. There never was"
What
I sobered up in single moment. Jenner's words sending ice through my veins, and bringing me crashing back into my body.
"There's always hope. Maybe it won't be you, maybe not here. But somebody somewhere—"
"What part of everything's gone, do you not understand?" Andrea snapped from her curled up position on the floor.
"Listen to your friend, she gets it. This is what takes us down. This is...our extinction event." Jenner sat back down.
How can you be so sure? Humans are the most resilient creatures on the planet. We're the smartest, most ingenuitive.
Extinct means there's not even 1 left. We, us right here, mean the human race is not extinct. Species have made comebacks from near extinction for centuries; coming back from as few as 10.
Hell, this isn't even the first time humans have walked this line. And we've gotten way closer to the fire than this.
"This isn't right. You can't just keep us here." Carol argued.
"One tiny moment— a-a milisecond. No pain." Jenner leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
"My daughter doesn't deserve to die like this." Carol cried. As opposed to what? Getting torn apart?
There aren't many who deserve to die so horribly. It's unfortunate we're here instead of them.
Shane stormed past me
"Wouldn't it be kinder, more compassionate to just hold your loved ones and wait for the clock to run down?" you're rationalizing Jenner.
I disagree. That may be for some, but everyone deserves a choice. A chance to make their own decision.
A gun cocked behind me and I turned just as Shane walked past me his shotgun in hand, with a look that sent me reeling back to the past.
"Shane! No!" Rick tried to stop him
"Out of the way, Rick. Stay outta my way!" Shane shoved him away, into Dale.
"'Ey!" My back hit something but even knowing it was Daryl I'd backed into, my feet didn't stop until I'd hit the railing behind me.
The murderous eyes of that man burrowing into me from the bottom of a dark staircase, as I watched Shane put Jenner at the end of his barrel.
"Open that door. Or Imma blow your head off, do you hear me?!" Shane screamed at Jenner.
"Brother, brother, this is not the way. You do this, we'll never get out of here" Rick tried to reason with him.
"Shane, you listen to him." Lori backed up her husband.
"The Hell's the matter with you?" Daryl kept his voice low as he moved in front of me, only taking his eyes off those two for a second to glance at me.
After all these years, I didn't know those eyes could still affect me.
"Ey, snap out of it." Daryl elbowed me in the arm, and my reflex was to grab his arm and move to flip him but Shane started screaming and a shotgun blast stopped me in my tracks.
Everything erased from the surface of my mind, except for Shane emptying his shotgun into the computers on the far side of the room. My hands were on my thighs, searching for my knives but they weren't there, none of my gear was.
Everyone close dropped except for Rick, while the rest of us -Daryl and myself included- stepped back.
I watched Rick take his chance to grab the gun and wrestle Shane for it. The shotgun went off during their struggle and took out a ceiling light before Rick clocked him in the face, then again in the chest with the butt of the gun, knocking Shane to the ground.
"Are you done now? Are you done?" Rick stood over Shane, with the gun ready to hit him with it again if need be.
"Yeah I guess we all are" Shane didn't miss a beat.
Those who'd gone to ground, stood back up and I looked at Daryl, who also glanced at me.
I don't know what I was expecting but it felt like the right thing to do at the moment.
Panting filled the room as Rick straightened and turned to look over the rest of us.
He made eye contact with me and I glanced around and nodded. Remarkably, I think everyone's okay.
He gave the shotgun to T-Dog before looking at everyone individually.
No one said anything, either out of shock or fear, or both. There's no way to tell which.
A shine drew my attention to the hatchet I hadn't noticed Daryl still had in his hand before Rick's voice drew me back up front.
"I think you're lying."
"What?" Jenner looked at him
"You're lying. About no hope." Rick panted.
"If that were true, you'd have bolted with the rest or taken the easy way out. You didn't."
"You chose the hard path. Why?" Oh I know that voice, what're you getting at, Officer.
"It doesn't matter" Jenner shook his head.
"It does matter. It always matters." Rick scoffed and moved forward, leaning down to be eye level with Jenner.
"You stayed when others ran. Why?"
"Not. because. I wanted to." Jenner scowled in Rick's face.
"I made a promise..." Jenner stood, Rick straightening with him. "To her." Jenner pointed at the screen. "My wife."
"Test subject 19 was your wife?" Lori asked but it came out more like a statement.
So I was right.
Daryl knocked his elbow against mine only this time my head's on straight again so I didn't grab him like I did a minute ago.
He started walking towards the metal door and I followed him halfway up the ramp, while he started whacking at it with the hatchet again.
Fat lotta good that's gonna do, but I keep forgetting I'm not the only one anxious about being stuck— down here.
I watched Daryl hack at the door, somehow it sets my nerves at ease enough to let me think but I didn't have to think for long, the door opened not 3 minutes after he started.
"Come on!" Daryl called, motioning to others when I was already moving.
I took off down the hallway after him and went straight to my room, snatching my backpack and gear belt as fast as I could.
I bolted out of the room, meeting up with others in the hallway as I got my belt on, before I ripped the door to the stairs open, holding it while everyone rushed passed me and taking the opportunity to secure my thigh sheaths.
When there was no one else coming down the hallway, I flew up the stone steps, taking them two at a time but by the time I got to the top of the steps, I saw daylight and T-Dog was trying to break a window with a chair but it wasn't so much as scratching it.
"Dog, get down! Get down!" Shane went over with his shotgun
Shane blasted it with his shotgun and not even that worked, it didn't even crack, the fragments just lodged in the glass.
"Jesus"
"The glass won't break?" Sophia looked up at me.
I'm not even sure it is glass.
"Rick. I have something that might help" Carol went up to Rick, ruffling through her bag.
"Carol I don't think a nail file's gonna do it" Shane offensively commented. I sent a fleeting glare at him before helping Sophia stand up and watching Carol pull a grenade out of her bag, holding it out to Rick.
I grabbed Glenn and ran towards the stairs, pulling him and Sophia both to take cover, Carol following us and everyone else doing the same.
Daryl dropped next to me just before Rick came running towards us.
I forced Glenn's forehead to the floor, covering the back of my own head with my other hand as the blast went off.
I turned over and watched shards of glass drop from the window frame.
It worked...
"Eve, you first, take out those two walkers!" Rick instructed.
I ran to the window, pulling my knives from their sheaths and the second I made the 4 foot drop, I sank one into the skull of the walker next to me and threw the other into the forehead of the one I'd drawn the attention of.
I retrieved my knife just as Daryl came up next to me, followed by the others.
I sheathed my knives while he, Shane, and Rick were now down and taking out the walkers in our path and helped Carol, the kids, and Lori out before running as fast as I could to the cars.
I killed two more walkers as I caught up with Daryl, not slowing down even for a second until we reached the truck.
I pulled the door open and tossed my backpack on the floor at the same time as Daryl and as soon as I slid into the seat, I pulled my door shut.
I never thought it'd be bad to be so in-sync with someone until we both ducked down at the same time and whacked our temples together on the seat.
Daryl groaned and I hissed but a throb in the temple was the least of our worries as the blast wave hit; leaving my ears ringing.
Every time I thought it was done, there was another explosion. One blast after another. The ground shook like an earthquake. The heat was intense and I could feel it on my skin as if I'd been walking around Florida all day without sunscreen but it was gone in seconds.
Now I know what it's like— was like to be in a warzone.
We stayed down for another few seconds before I put my hand on the dash and carefully pulled myself up until I could see out the window before sitting up fully.
Oh my God...
My jaw was slack, staring at the scorched, blazing rubble of the building we were inside not five minutes ago.
I glanced at Daryl just as he glanced out the back windshield. I glanced back to see Shane was alright in his jeep behind us.
Turning back to the front, I spotted Dale and Andrea running for the RV and Glenn swung the door open shouting for them to get in.
Jesus, I can hear the fire from here. Rumbling like some hungry monster.
The caravan started moving out and I stared at the pure destruction as we drove passed it.
The black smoke cascaded into the sky several hundred feet, the flames were as high as some of Atlanta's smaller skyscrapers and I could feel the intense heat on my face from almost 100 yards, even as we drove away.
It was quiet until the caravan stopped a few miles away to collect new supplies, trade out cars, find fuel, etc.
Daryl traded the truck for his brother's motorcycle, seeing as it'll use less fuel. The downside being that it's louder, but another upside being that it can fit places the cars can't.
We gave up several cars for 2. Just the Cherokee, the RV, and the motorcycle.
Most everyone was crammed into the RV and Carol's Cherokee but I rode with Daryl.
God knows, I could use the open space and fresh air right now. IF my sanity is to recover.
I'm glad I didn't have to ask for the ride. Daryl just assumed I was riding with him.
It's not the most comfortable because it's not meant to be a two person bike but it sure beats being packed like a sardine into one of the cars.
I watched the city get smaller over my shoulder as we headed away from what we know.
I really hope this doesn't turn out to be jumping into the deep end without knowing how to swim.