(TW: This chapter is one of four parts that fall under the category: Angst. I do not recommend reading this to people who have weaker nerves. If you feel this is not appropriate for you and your mental state, please kindly wait for chapter 23. I don't want to hurt anyone here in any way. I'm not making fun of mental health. I struggle with my "demons" myself. Writing this story helps me a bit.
That's all.
BTW. I noticed in Chapter 14 that I made a huge mistake. " Cheating" is not the same like "Betrayal" Sorry Sorry...My bad! I've been very distracted and it's hard for me to concentrate 100%. But I'm not going to hold back.
Thank you for support.)
Jellal POV:
I'm starting to feel bad for the past week.
Taking this medication, but I cannot fall asleep again. It's as if my previous crisis is coming back all over again. I totally forget about food. My brain turned off my appetite.
When I want to read a book, I immediately say it is boring and put it back on the shelf.
It is the same with writing, drawing and cleaning. I have a complete lazy in the ass literally!
I can't do anything because I can't concentrate!
Erza noticed this and made an appointment with a Psychiatrist immediately.
On the visit ... It was even worse.
The doctor asked me a lot of questions, I was silent. I couldn't speak out. Instead, I was staring mindlessly at the wall and was still somehow too blissful.
" Mr. Fernandes? Mr. Fernandes!"
"... I'm sorry, what?"
" Did you hear my question?"
" N..No. Can you repeat that?...I wasn't paying attention..."
" Jellal. What's wrong? " - Erza was worried.
Yeah. Suddenly, a very rapid stream of words was flying out of my mouth.
Psychiatrist shocked by the situation. He began writing on the health report as soon as I spoke.
I talked, I talked, I talked.
And there was no end to my words. Until I felt that I was beginning to run out of breath and my throat felt dry.
Erza asked for a glass of water for me, and a nurse was also called to check my blood pressure.
I only had a slightly increased pulse. Besides, everything was fine. It's just hyperventilation. Apparently that's normal for people with neurosis.
For the doctor, however, it was disturbing that all of a sudden I started speaking so quickly and couldn't answer simple questions.
Confusion?
Dissociation?
Derealization?
Something deeper than the psyche?
We don't know.
The doctor withdrew my injections. Instead, he prescribed a medicine in the form of a pink powder in sachets to be sprinkled over the drink. He also added pills to calm me down to his prescription.
Another of his recommendations: Neuropsychological Screening Tests.
His last question gave me a sudden rage.
It was about my father's behavior. Was he impulsive?
I didn't want to answer!
My anger was out of control at that point. I hissed at the doctor that he was going to get the fuck off me! How many times do I have to mention this Monster?
He ruined my mom!
He ruined my sister!
He ruined me!
Why should I still talk about him ?!
If it hadn't been for Erza, I'd have ruffled that prescription for medication and I wouldn't have given a shit about it!
Only she at the moment can tame this Beast that is in me.
...
October X794 ...
The powders kept me stabilized, but the pills made me a Living Plant.
During the day: overactive, cheerful and outgoing.
At night: barely alive, sore, poisoned and with hot and cold flashes at the same time.
Another intervention by Erza. I begged her not to do anything anymore, because she goes to therapy herself and I don't want to stress her more.
She insisted.
Another visit.
Discontinuation of the current pills, I was prescribed others to take.
When the day of the first test arrived, I was alone in the psychologist's office. One bench, a piece of paper and a pen on the table. I only had two hours to fill in the empty squares.
I answered five of the twenty-five questions, and after that I was already distracted by other things and thoughts.
I felt a great urge to shake my leg and click the pen like some screwed up. Just like that, for no good reason.
I hummed nonsense as I fidgeted in my chair and chewed on the skin from my fingers.
Only when I realized that there was only 10 minutes left did I quickly select anything to do half of this test out of fear.
Two weeks have passed.
Test result obtained: No justification. An additional test is still needed.
I thought that I was going to be damned bright!
I have to struggle with it again.
Another medicine had side effects.
...
November X794...
My aggressive behavior has increased significantly.
I told my neighbor that he is a Life-Bored Dick.
I didn't regret it at all because it's true!
However, I noticed ruthlessness and a complete lack of tact.
Plus: convulsions, mood swings, lowered self-esteem, lack of feelings of basic needs.
By not eating anything, I gained 4 kg. Erza claimed that for my height: 188 cm, 81 kg it was good. But I thought I was too fat.
I made 3 days of starvation. I still got fat! What the fuck is going on here? Screaming and crying, a sense of hopelessness.
I had thyroid and adrenal glands tested for hormonal disorders.
Everything turned out to be correct. I still needed additional blood tests.
Test result: High cortisol.
After one more examination, it turned out that I'm not overweight, but rather swollen due to excess water in my body.
The third time, the medicine was changed.
...
December X794...
It was the worst month of my life.
From depression to hallucinations and euphoric moods. I was wondering if I was taking drugs sometimes, and the Psychiatrist is a dealer, because I had total psychic descents.
Once I say: Yes
Once I say: No.
I couldn't stand it myself, let alone how Erza looked at it.
By accident, while making myself dinner, I lost my consciousness.
Only when I felt a stinging on my left cheek, a strange feeling of warmth and a characteristic, metallic smell, I realized what happened: I scratched my face a lot with a knife and was seriously injured!
A sharp thing, it fell from my hand into the sink, I panicked, tried to wash it out. Erza quickly retrieved the first aid kit from the bathroom.
Why has this happened?
Why did I do this?
What drove me?
"...Siegrain..."
Not. It's impossible.
He wouldn't be able to do that!
" ...What again? Why is everything too foggy ?! What? ... Darkness ?! ...No Please!..."
...
" Jellal?..."
" Erza...I can't see anything ..."
" What are you talking about?!"
" ...Really! I can't see!"
" Please, just don't panic ..."
" ...I don't want to lose my eyesight! "
" Honey! Please ... try to calm down! "
"...Er..za...I don't... feel well..."
" JELLAAAAAAAL ! "
To Be Continued...
A/N: Yes. Jellal passed out in Erza's hands. Unfortunately, he was hospitalized and in a coma. At that time, he got stuck in his own mind. A game of great stakes begins: His Peaceful Future. I'll explain everything in Chapter 22.
Take Care Of Yourself.
WistieTheJellyFox.