Jellal POV:
Broken bottle glasses. Just like then ...
Brown T-shirt with thick black stripes and red dungarees.
Just like then ...That's how I was dressed then!
A 5-year-old boy, begging for mercy, trying to hide somewhere and plug his ears! It would be best if he went deaf then! He wouldn't hear anything and wouldn't be afraid!
Who am I kidding ?!
That boy was me!
That boy is still me!
This boy is stuck in the body of a grown man. It causes fears, torments and hatred.
This boy, innocent as a flower, mentally trampled on and despised as the worst.
He respected life so much and enjoyed every day, but one man was slowly taking it away from him!
One man destroyed the perception of others in him, instilling his sick views!
Everyone asked, "Where was that boy's mother then?"
The answer is: He didn't tell her anything.
He didn't want to make her suffer more. He loved her so much!
He still loves her even though she is not and cannot be with him!
Sincerely regretting everything, he would like to be able to see her for a moment, hug her and thank her for the effort to raise him, teaching him love and respect! He also feels sorry for that little girl crying at night: His Sister. She doesn't remember her mother because she couldn't.
From the all-powerful witch known all over the Magical World ... The Wolf Lady, in the blink of an eye, became a woman as fragile as porcelain.
The more she tried to fix herself, the more he crushed her.
I have nothing in common with him except his genes, but I see his character more and more often in me!
I never want to be like him, but am I sick after him?
Did he pass it on to me in blood, for fuck's sake ?!
Impulsivity ... Persistence ... Uncontrolled lust for revenge ... Jealousy ... Anger ... Misdemeanor. These are all our common characteristics, and Siegrain is a reflection of that!
The tower did one thing ...
The prison added a second ...
But the greatest provocateur of this Dantesque scenery ... He was!
I'm not saying that everyone who has had a curved family reality has these inclinations. I believe that there are people who, after packing their belongings in suitcases and leaving such houses, can be normal and happy! They are either professionally or personally successful. They don't call, don't reply to letters, ignore all "family parties".
Why? They don't care about the momentary idyll, when in the past they had to endure phases of their fathers or mothers' changeability:
Honey Month, where each other is cuddly and seemingly loving. Sometimes there are flowers and gifts, and the children look at the fake smile that will disappear in a moment.
Growing Tension, it starts all over again, clinging to everything. One row after another. Again, the children don't know anything.
Acute Violence, the perpetrator turns into an executioner. This is a real nightmare! The victim of this is helpless, nothing helps. A real shock, the rage of the aggressor grows. The one who has the strength is right, the rest must obey, otherwise there are glitches on behalf of discipline.
When you come from a Dysfunctional Family, abusive or even worse overusing alcohol ... You want to escape.
Don't speak...
Don't feel ...
Don't trust...
We are covered by this scheme. We are guided by these principles, based on experience.
My case? I've just always been emotionally unstable. Too sensitive, silent, wanting to be useful. I am and I was influenced because I could not do otherwise. I believed in something that didn't exist because I was taught that!
I could love already, but I couldn't trust. I bit the hands of those who wanted to help me!
Lonely on my own fucking wish!
Because I didn't trust her words ... The words of a girl who, with the warmth of her heart, unknowingly reminded me of my mother!
That's why I looked at her! Now I know it. It's not her hair ... It's her Spiritual Magic that got me, her love and acceptance.
But I had to fuck it up! Because under the influence of the dark, Fernandes' venom in my veins began to boil.
I broke ...
My brain cracked in half. That's why Siegrain has appeared! But why ... Instead of helping me in my distress, he additionally hammers a nail in my coffin, bringing back this memory?
Why did he recreate it?
...
The tyrant is trying to raise his hand against me.
Or rather, the memory of him. After all, he has been dead for 23 years.
He is dead!
Why am I still afraid of him ?! I can't live like this ... I have to overcome it.
Either now or never!
" ENOUGH OF THIS!"
I stop his movement. I don't have that flabby boyish hand anymore. I'm an adult ... I can stand up to him!
Siegrain, hearing my screams, jumps aside. He is confused.
" You cheeky ...
" SHUT UP !"
" Woooo...Jellal, don't be so feverish."
" SHUT UP YOU TOO! OR FUCK FROM HERE!"
This is my battle. I won't let anything stop me. I tell him I'm not afraid.
There is no more power to hurt me. He looks at me moronically with his empty, drunken gaze.
The last bottle is bursting. Complete silence. His tears are falling, are they real or fake? I don't care about it.
"...G-Get out of my life. Once and for all! "
His character dissolves. No regret or compassion on my part. He deserved nothing. For no forgiveness! Even hell probably disgusts him.
Thinking it's over, I'm very wrong ... Siegrain grinds his teeth, excruciatingly furious.
With a stick he throws me through an imaginary window.
Although the pain is realistic!
I'm falling down ... Am I dying?
Is someone over my real body ?!
This is all terrible.
What?...
Dark.
But why are there so many yellow pollen here?
Flowers...
White lilies?...
" You thought you could win ?!"
"...Siegrain. Let me out."
" NO! You must be punished!"
" What for? Damn it!"
" ...I...HATE YOU! I HATE YOU FOR EVERYTHING HAPPENED! Coward ... A victim of fate! ...Hhhh...HAHA...HAHAHAHAHAHA! "
" You've lost your mind."
"...Have you noticed it now? Then why did you use me as a storehouse for trauma ?! "
"...That's not true! Stop!"
" Suffer!"
Wind blow? the leaves start to hurt me ... He says I missed us. He's lying again! But what is he doing this for? What ... What's with his eyes? He ... is crying, but this is not normal!
A face wet with a pastel green, transparent liquid, looking like watercolor paint spilled on canvas.
What's wrong with Siegrain ?!
It bothers me!
He's shaking ... he laughs but it's not joy.
This is a cry for help!
"...Siegrain! What's going on?!"
" ...L-Leave...me...alone..."
" Say what's going on ?! What are you trying to do? "
"...The time has come...I can finally do it!"
The stems and roots penetrate his skin. I don't believe it ... What is he doing ?! Is he trying to ...?!
" ...Siegrain! NO! "
"...That will be better...Jellal..."
I'll break away ... I won't let him ... I'll forgive him for everything ... He can't do this! Nothing is worth it!
I can't let him do that! He can't go away like that!
" SIEGRAIN! DON'T DO THIS..."
To Be Continued...