This whole meeting is gonna be one big guilt wipe from their consciences, and a talk to prepare themselves. Make them feel better about what's about to happen— what they're about to do.
I've seen it before.
Never with something as serious as this, but looking around this room… all I can see is the same expression I saw around the older kids who were fairly new to the system.
New to the idea of being criminals, and had to psyche themselves up before going out to do something.
Except Shane.
He has the same expression as the veteran kids. The ones who were almost 18 and about to be real criminals. Join gangs, getting the system off their backs and about to spend the rest of their lives "taking what they want".
It was foolish to believe we could change everyone's minds in a single day.
There's a surplus of stubborn big headed people in this group, who all think their word is the right one.
It's why there are so many fights. People always clashing, getting into pissing matches.
If that isn't enough, most of them are the ones making decisions. The rest just plain don't wanna be involved. We've got too many people with too much to say, and too many who are willing to just watch them squawk their hearts out.
Preaching the shittiest ideas like their words are gospel.
I'm not blaming them for being scared. I'm not trying to make light of the situation, they all have legitimate concerns. I should know. I've been here, right in the thick of it this whole time.
But Randall's scared too.
Why can nobody else see that?
I stood beside Daryl who leaned against a small shelf drawer thing, behind Rick, who was leaning against the back of the sitting chair on this end of the room.
The others are spaced out evenly throughout the entire circumference of the room. Some standing, some sitting, most leaning against various things such as walls, chairs, or tall furniture, but the atmosphere is so thick and uncomfortable you could choke on it and not so much as a sound would be left of you.
Rick looked back at me and Daryl behind me, and I followed his, Daryl, and Lori's gaze to my left, where Carl was standing just behind me.
He sighed with a bitter expression, and went down the hall, towards Beth's room. Where she and Jimmy should be, as they and Carl are the only ones not participating in this; all of them being under 20.
I don't think they should hear a conversation like this, much less be apart of one, but maybe if they were, people would be more reasonable.
It's like being encased in tar. You know there's no getting out. You know you're not gonna make it, but it's a torturously slow death; squeezing every last drop of hope from you as slow as possible, until you're drained dry. Before finally bursting.
And the worst part is, I don't even have to try. I already know. There's nothing I can do to stop it.
The moment the door down the hall shut, Glenn started off tentatively, "So how do we do this? Just take a vote?"
"Does it have to be unanimous?" Andrea glanced around. I forgot she was a lawyer before this. This probably isn't anything new to her.
"How about majority rules?" Lori offered from the doorway she leaned against, on Daryl's other side. Blocking the door to the porch.
"Well, let's— let's just see where everybody stands. Then we can, talk through the options." Rick stated, taking control of the conversation before too many ideas get tossed around.
"Well, way I see it" Of bloody course he's the first to open his trap. "There's only way to move forward." When does this ex-officer not have something to shoot off about.
"Killing him," Dale snapped. "Right?"
"Why even bother to take a vote, it's clear which way the wind's blowin'." So Dale caught on too.
"Well, if people believe we should spare him, I wanna know." Why, Rick? You're the one who sentenced him this morning. Aren't you advocating for this course of action, as much as everyone else?
"Well, I can tell you it's a small group." Dale stared at the obstructed horizon for a few seconds, taking control of his breathing. "Maybe just — me, Evelyn, and Glenn."
My name seemed to turn a few surprised eyes my direction. But I was too focused on Dale's change in expression as soon as he looked at Glenn, sitting on the piano bench between us with his back to me, on Rick's left.
"Look, I— I think you're pretty much right about everything, all the time but, this—"
"They've got you scared." Dale pointed towards the majority of the room.
"He's not one of us, and we've — we've lost too many people already." Glenn reasoned but he sounds like a skittish teenager defending why his grades are so low without actually having a solid reason.
"How about you? Do you agree with this?" Dale looked across the room at Maggie and Hershel.
"Couldn't we continue keepin' him prisoner?" Maggie caved.
"Just another mouth to feed." Daryl spoke up beside me.
Even if I don't like it, he has a point.
"It may be a lean winter." Hershel interjected.
"We could ration better." Lori added, looking to her right at the old man; playing with her necklace.
"Well, he could be an asset." Dale argued. "Give him a chance to prove himself."
"Put him to work?" Glenn offered. Good, he's still semi-on board with the idea of not killing someone if we don't have to.
"We're not letting him walk around." Rick refuted right away.
"We could put an escort on him." Maggie offered, her voice the strongest it's been since we started talking.
"Who wants to volunteer for that duty?" Shane's condescending tone had my hand raising in half a second flat.
I tapped my foot on the hardwood floor at the same time, just so those with their backs to me (mainly Rick), would turn and see.
"I will" Dale also volunteered.
"I don't think any of us should be walkin' around this guy." Rick put his hand up to stop the argument from getting more heated.
He can barely walk on his own, the Hell do you think the kid's gonna do? Pull the old 'what's that' trick and disappear like the last cookie in existence? (Which I would totally have nothing to do with. Nothing at all.)
"He's right. I mean I would trust Eve more than anybody to watch this guy but I wouldn't feel safe unless he was tied up." Lori backed her husband, of course.
"We can't exactly put chains around his ankles, sentence him to hard labor." Andrea crossed her arms. That, I am actually in agreement with. A rare thing when me and this woman are on the same page.
"Look, say we let him join us, right?" Shane spoke reasonably for once. "Maybe he's helpful, maybe he's nice. We let our guard down and maybe he runs off, brings back his 30 men."
Daryl looked at me but he doesn't have to. I'm not irrational. I'm more than capable of putting my personal feeling aside for the man and admit Shane makes a good point there.
"So the answer is to kill him to prevent a crime he may never even attempt?" Dale argued, but he's getting too emotional. This isn't gonna end the way he —or I— want it to.
"If we do this, we're saying there's no hope. Rule of law is dead. There is no civilization." I know you're upset, Dale. But the civilization you think is still alive, might as well be a walker. Dead but still vying.
"Oh my god." Shane muttered under his breath, turning his back somewhat, and rubbing a hand over his shaved head.
"Could you drive him further out? Leave him like you planned?" Hershel offered.
That may honestly be our best option. It was a good idea the first time. If Randall had been smart, he'd have let them let him go instead of opening his mouth and letting them know he knew where we were.
Trust me I've spent some… quality time with the kid since we saved him, and he isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, if you know what I mean; cringy pun not intended.
Lori shifted in discomfort, rubbing her chest with her hand, the way mother's do when they're worried(I wonder why). "You barely came back this time."
Gee, I wonder who's responsible for that. My eyes directed at Shane.
Rick hasn't told us what really happened out there, but I'm willing to bet it had something to do with his partner. Everything around here always seems to.
"There are walkers." Where aren't there? I'd like to go to that place, please. "You could break down." Lori continued to list. "You could get lost."
"Get ambushed" Daryl added another good point. But tell me, how?
Who is gonna ambush us? These guys don't even know we're here, much less when we'd leave, or where we're going, what we're doing. It's not like they've got satellite tracking.
If they had that, they'd be on our doorstep already. If they're interested in us at all. I don't know why you would be if you had something like that up and running.
"They're right. We should not put our own people at risk." Glenn interjected.
We're already at risk. When are we not? Life is a risk. Always has been. There's a reason we call it 'survival' and not 'better luck next time'.
"If you… go through with it, how would you do it?" Patricia spoke up for the first time. "Would he suffer?"
"We could hang him, right? Just snap his neck."
"I thought about that"
"That won't kill him right away unless it snaps the C2 or C3." I cut in.
I'm not sure how I feel about my first interjection being the fact that I know this, but I'd rather tolerate the stares and watch everyone look a little sick to their stomachs, than let the kid's death be the gallows.
"Shooting may be more humane." Rick nodded, firmly.
"And... what about the body?" T-Dog crossed his arms, scratching his chin. "Do we bury him—"
"Whoa whoa whoa— hold on, you're talking about this like it's already decided." That's cause they did, Dale.
"We been talking all day, going around in circles." Daryl did a motion with his finger, starting to pace a little. "You just wanna go around in circles again?"
He sounds tired. I would be too after going for a hunt and coming back to...this.
"This is a young man's life! And it is worth more than a 5 minute conversation!" Dale shouted, putting his foot down.
"Is this what it's come to? We kill someone because we can't decide what else to do with him? —You saved him!" Dale shouted, near hysterical.
"You saved him and now look at us. He's been tortured. He's gonna be executed."
Rick shifted, and the muscles fleshing in his face gave me a little bit of hope that he might be swayed. Andrea too from the look of her.
"How are we any different than those people we're so afraid of?"
I rolled my shoulder, shifting uncomfortably. Dale can't even imagine how much worse those people are compared to us even though we're having this conversation. If Randall was telling the truth, we are nowhere near them. Yet.
Glenn shifted, glancing at me and I set my hand on his shoulder, nodding. Looks like he's back on our side.
I looked around the room at all of the others and pride swelled in my chest, almost bringing a small smile to my lips.
It looks like more than half the group is starting to come around to just considering alternatives.
That is, until Shane opened his lily licking mouth. "We all know what has to be done."
"No, Dale is right." Rick refuted and this time I did smile a little. "We can't leave any stone unturned here. We have a responsibility—"
"So what's the other solution?" Andrea argued.
"Let Rick finish." Lori snapped but it went unnoticed to Andrea, as usual.
"We haven't come up with a single viable option yet." Andrea has a bad habit of pushing her own ideas and taking no one else into account. "I wish we could—"
"So let's work on it!" Dale shouted over her.
If there's one person who can overtake these stubborn people in an argument, it's Dale. I've never seen anyone who can shut loudmouths like this man.
"We are." Rick's words were nearly clipped again when Carol spoke for the first time. "Stop it."
All eyes turned to the grey haired woman, who's been quieter than I have during this conversation.
"Just stop it. I'm sick of everybody arguing and fighting. I didn't ask for this." You think any of us did? "You can't ask us to decide something like this." Why the Hell not? Because you're uncomfortable? You should be.
"Please decide— either of you— both of you. But leave me out." Carol leaned back against the door once again.
"Not speaking out," Dale started, firm but not shouting like he was before. "Or killing him yourself. There's no difference."
"Alright, that's enough." Rick put a stop to this, and everyone backed down off each other's grills.
"Anyone who wants the floor before we make a final decision, has the chance."
One by one, people who were standing began to sit down. Eyes directed towards the ground, almost no one was looking at each other aside from me, T, and Dale apparently; whereas we're looking at everyone.
I met several eyes but as soon as they made contact, they looked away. Some in shame, guilt, others I can't decipher.
Nobody spoke for nearly a minute, and I took a deep breath.
Alright, my turn then.