The strange life of Naruto Uzumaki
Summary: on the night of his fifteen anniversaries just a few days after his return from the training trip with Jiraya. The village of Konoha was hit by catastrophe that could spell the disappearance of the village in only a few decades. The only one who was unaffected in Konoha was Naruto Uzumaki, but his host, the Kyuubi was the unlucky one. A sudden light had hit the world. Inari, the Fox-god left his post to his younger sister, Kyu-sama for a brief moment to get something in his room. Kyu-sama was clumsy at best and when she sneeze on the bubble containing Naruto's universe, it led to unprecedent events around the world. No one was spared, except for select demon host, unfortunately the Rokubi Jinchuriki wasn't lucky since his demon was a female. And Hachibi was hermaphrodite, so Killer bee was now a lady.
- A very strange day -
He woke with a jolt coming from his seal as he literally flew away from his bed and crash on the cold floor. He massed his bum from the fall and as he was about to stand, his head collided with the nightstand, he rolled on the ground as he massed his now.
"Kami it's one of these days… I should just stay in bed" he mumbled. His guts told him to not leave the damn apartment, but there was this stupid summon from the Hokage at 9 AM. He looked then picked the clock that had fallen and saw it was just 7, he yawned as he scratched his abdomen, he went to the fridge and drank the remainder of the strawberry juice before tossing the empty bottle to the blue bin. He then picked up eggs and bacon. He also picked up the slice of pineapple inside a food storage container. He was finished with preparing his breakfast when someone knocked at his door. He just put his food on the table as he went to answer it. He was very surprised to see Kakashi-sensei… with longer hairs, a large pair of breast flimsy held by bandages on his… her open vest? And a smaller height. She was on his height now.
"Kakashi-sensei? Is something the matter?" he asked presuming that Kakashi was under a Henge to appear like a girl.
"Ah! Thank god, you weren't affected like the rest of the village" said Kakashi… In a very disturbing feminine voice that actually matched his female persona.
"Did something happen? Tsunade-baa-chan sent you?" he asked, many ninjas were jumping on the rooftops. If he had focused on them, he would see that they were all woman. Kakashi picked up the smell of food and was surprised it wasn't Ramen.
"No need to worry, come at the Palace at 9, You will be informed then" eye smiled Kakashi before disappearing in a leaf shunshin. He shrugged as he closed the door. He wondered what was this about as he went back to his table and enjoyed his breakfast. He finished as he drank some water and went for a shower. Not once had he bothered to watch on his window as several Kunoichi were now watching him like a hawk stalk their prey. When he got out of his shower with only a towel on his waist and his wet hair hid most of his face, his whiskers and eyes. He had another towel as he started dry his hair. He felt a tingle behind neck like he should be covering himself or something but shrugged the feeling. This usually happened whenever he was in a brothel with Jiraya and girls eyed him like a piece of meat. Stupid Jiraya and his spy network being Brothels, bars and strip clubs. When no one knew who he was, they were very interested. He had even been mentored in the pleasure of the flesh by Lady Grey. A high-class prostitute from the hot springs village. Learned how to please a woman thanks to her thorough teaching of the fairer sex anatomy.
His hairs was now more of less dry as he leaned forward and shot his head up as all the hair flew to his back. He would let it dry by air and would get spikey this way. If he tried to brush it, it would all get silky and the spike wouldn't form properly. It was his day off, so he didn't wear his usual Ninja attire as he wore a white t-shirt, blue jeans and grey zipped-up Hoodie. It was now 8h50. He went out of his home and locked the door. Not seeing that some of the Kunoichi were all eyeing him from the rooftop. They all saw him shiver and went hiding as he looked up with a frown before shrugging and went to the Hokage palace by walking.
He frowned when he noticed that all civilians were staring at him and there was no trace of men. He looked on the left and right, there was only women or girls. Was it linked to many Ninja who he had seen when Kakashi showed up earlier? He hastened his pace to the Hokage palace, many of the Kunoichi in the rooftop approved seeing that he wasn't as stupid as most assumed. He frowned seeing a female Asuma looking dejected while Kurenaï was openly laughing at him.
"Yo! Did something happen?" he asked tilting his head when Asuma gulped seeing him. The beard was gone but… She was still smoking and refused to talk.
"Hokage-sama will tell you everything" smiled Kurenaï at him when she dragged him by the arm. He frowned deeply, wasn't she with Asuma or something? And what's with Kurenaï being overly friendly, she always had a stern face whenever he was around. He decided to pull his hand making Kurenaï look at him in shock.
"I don't know what's going on, but I can walk on my own. Thanks" he said as he went upstairs giving her a wide berth, he didn't see the tears forming on her eyes as she stood there shocked that he rejected her. Anko frowned seeing it and helped her best friends as both went to a bench to let the woman cry on her shoulder. Naruto didn't like the sudden change in demeanor from anyone. You could be the most desirable woman on the village, if you were hostile toward him for a decade and suddenly became overly familiar, he would react this way for anyone even Sakura-chan. He also felt a shiver running down his spine as many outside who had seen his action, feared that he would reject them.
Shizune gasped seeing him before smiling and quickly pulled him inside the office.
"Is everything alright?" he asked once he was inside. There was Tsunade massaging her temple, next to her was Sakura with dossiers in her arms and so was Ino. Both smiled at him, he didn't return the smile as he frowned. These two didn't smile at him for no reason and usually Sakura would glare at him to dissuade him from asking her out for dates. And let's not talk about miss perfect next to her, she always saw anyone who wasn't female as unimportant. He also crossed his arms not understanding what was going on.
"Naruto, something happened and it's not just Konoha" she said, there several scrolls on the desk from allied country, Hidden Sand, Spring country, Hidden grass, Hidden waterfall and others he didn't recognize.
"Is it linked with the men under Henge as women?" he said
"Naruto, they aren't Henge, they are women" said Tsunade, Naruto at first stared at her dumbly then his eyes grew several proportions then took some step back.
"Will it affect me? Is this some new kind of biological weapon?!" he said panicking.
"We don't know but all of their bodies are working properly like they should" said Tsunade calming Naruto down. "But, we also came to a different problem…"
He didn't like how she paused that as he grew irritated but restrained from being petty and throw a useless tantrum, he wasn't on Duty anyway.
"Our population may decline rapidly without help" she continued. His arms uncrossed as they fell on each of his side limply and his jaw dropped. He closed with a sharp click noise and then frowned deeply at her insinuation. Everyone was surprised that he wasn't trilled by this.
"Are you trying to turn me into some kind breeder stallion?" there was a dangerous edge on his voice. Tsunade smiled that he was offended by the idea, she would have been disappointed if he reacted like Jiraya would at his place. Speaking of Jiraya… The pervert was an old woman too. Sakura entire perception of the blond teenager changed drastically as did for Ino.
"I hope this will resolve on it's own, but since we don't know what caused this to reverse it. Yes, you will be asked to help Konoha repopulate. There are many that want's to be mother, you will find them being overly familiar, I hope you don't get harsh to them and understand them. Their biological clock will make them turn to the strongest male and the only male present is you. Be considerate of them please" He nodded before groaning.
"Kurenaï-sensei was overly friendly earlier, I might have reacted too strongly about it" he said pinching the bridge of his nose "I knew I should have stayed at home, it's one of these stupid days where everything will be on my way"
"One of these stupid days?" asked Tsunade wondering what he was talking about.
"I woke up with a jolt to propelled me out of the bed then I hit my head on the nightstand. It happen whenever bad luck is in place and today is one of these. Last time it happened, I was hunted by that crazy kunoichi from that Amazon village trying to kill me. When I defeated her, she tried to kidnap me and force a marriage with me. One of these days was Sasuke Uchiha retrieval mission" he said now they understood and Sakura frowned hearing Sasuke.
"I suggest that you see Kurenaï. Rejection might make some women a little… crazy" said Tsunade, he nodded.
"Will that be all? I have a Genjutsu mistress to find and ask for forgiveness" Tsunade nodded. Sakura frowned deeply when he didn't say hi to her or to Ino. He usually did whenever they saw each other.
As soon as he was outside, he was pulled by a strong arm and pushed to the wall by a pissed off Anko.
"You may be the last man in Konoha or even in the country but that don't give you permission to make my best friend cry" she hissed before she was restrained by several ANBU. "Let go of me!"
"I know, where is she? I didn't know what was going on and the overly familiarity she shown kind of freaked me out" he said. The ANBU let go of Anko when she stopped struggling and sighed deeply.
"Fine, you won't find her without my help. Come, I'll take you to her" said Anko putting a hand on his shoulder as both disappeared in a shunshin. Both appeared at the front door of Anko apartment. Once inside, he heard someone crying in one of the barely opened doors. He immediately felt like shit, he didn't like making girls cry and it was worse when it was someone he saw as a strong woman like Kurenaï. Anko saw the guilty look on his face, she smiled, maybe there was some chance for her best friend to score the teenager.
He gulped as he approached the door, he knocked at it.
"Go away Anko, leave me alone" she said in a soft and fragile voice between sobs, now his guilt was worse.
"It's not Anko… it's me" said Naruto softly, she gasped as he entered in her room. The first thing she did, once he was inside in her room, was bow down to him.
"I'm so sorry for how I treated you, for playing hard to get and making you feel like I hated you! Please forgive me!" she screamed as she sobbed. She felt both of her arms being pulled up and gasped when she was held in a tight embrace from his strong arm.
"Shhh…. It's alright, I shouldn't have reacted that way. It's just it's all sudden and weird" he said before pulling back and looked at her. She was visibly calmer now, but her lips were still quivering a little "I was sure you were with Asuma"
"Hmph! He wish" she said with a huff voice "He tried to woe me for years now. I only saw him as a friend"
He nodded since it wasn't his problem really… Then he replayed what she said, and his eyes widened.
"What do you mean 'play hard to get?'" he said surprise clear in his voice.
"I don't know myself, all this interest in men is new to me. I was always focused on my teams as I wanted them to get stronger and survive. But I always had a warm spot for you even when you were just a brat. Anyone who lived like you would have abandoned the fight and let darkness took over their heart. You didn't. I've always watched over you, first because you reminded me of someone I held dearly it turned into something else over the years. I don't remember any of the seduction technique, I usually just flaunted my eyes, and anyone was putty. But you, you didn't even react when I did it to you three years ago when we were in that mission together. I tried everything, the one thing that looked to work was playing the cold-hearted bitch"
"Because of Sakura?" he asked, she nodded sadly. The girls, Anko included, listening behind the door, noticed that he didn't call her the usual way he did with the suffix.
"You don't really like Sakura do you?" she asked, her smile grew when he shook his head.
"No, I don't. Three years in the wild give you a lot of introspection and I knew that showing with a different mentality would freak a lot of people. So…."
"A mask for the public…" said Kurenaï understanding. There was three masks, the public mask, how you want everyone to perceive you. The private mask, the one you show to anyone close to you. And the enemy mask, the one you show at your enemy. Every veteran shinobi had one. A jonin in his village would show a friendly face, his true face to his close friends and family and a mask that would permit him to commit the most atrocious crime without a shed of guilt.
"Jiraya-sensei taught me a lot in spying and counterintelligence. He taught me more than what I showed during the spar with Kakashi-sensei. For my security I had to hold back a lot. I usually fight with two Tanto and fuinjutsu" Kurenaï eyes widened as the more she learned, hope returned in her heart. Was he telling that she was someone important to him?
"And you telling me this because you trust me?" she asked, her voice full of hope. Naruto needed to be delicate here if he wanted to get out of here without hurting the woman if he said no. But seeing the hope in her eyes. He couldn't reject her. Sometimes, he cursed his stupid 'saving people' thing. He leaned and kissed her deeply making her eyes widen before she threw her arms around his neck and returned the kiss with raw passion. Anko jaw dropped hearing the smooch and the moans. Outside, several Kunoichi sighed in relief that he not only forgave her but actually accepted her. The Hyuuga were telling everyone what was happening inside. Before the Hyuuga blushed, kept their mouth shut and left the area. Many Kunoichi had a knowing smile while others more inexperienced frowned as more and more dispersed. Leaving only ANBU and one of them was frowning deeply as she saw Kurenaï finally score her crush. Yugao always found her friend fascination of the brat quite ridiculous and tried to pry her away from him. Now, she gritted her teeth because she had something she hadn't.
2 hours, that's what Kurenaï experienced the Uzumaki wonder as her body was glistening in a sheen of sweat and reminisced in the afterglow sex. She had loved her first experience with the boy. Her first time was with this man, he made her all putty and felt loved like she was the only woman in the world.
"That's one hell of a birthday gift" said Naruto grinning, Kurenaï eyes widened, today was the boy birthday.
"Happy birthday!" she said.
"Thank you, you're the first person say this to me other than Jiraya-sensei" he said closing his eyes, his face showing happiness. He felt her settle on his side and nuzzle her head on his chest, he put an arm over her. And both felt asleep.
"What do you mean he is not here?!" yelled Sakura, behind her was Ino, Ami, Katsumi and Yuri. The former Sasuke fangirls club had reunited today to say sorry to the boy they had verbally bullied in their academy days.
"Is it as I said, he doesn't live here anymore" stated the unamused landlady, formerly landlord.
"Do you know where he is now?" she asked politely
"Who do you think I am? A guide? Go bother somebody else!" she slammed her door behind.
"What a bitch…" muttered Ino.
In the street many of the formerly men were getting adjusted to their new status. Hell, Asuma had problem with her new wardrobe. Might Gaï didn't change his… her attire as she just had a wide opening in the chest area showing the middle of her Valley of Youth as she called it. Many felt jealous of her size and Naruto was horrified because, his eyes had landed there and cringed because that was Gaï sensei! It had made Kurenaï and Anko openly laugh at him.
Jiraya didn't leave his… her hotel room for quite some time now. No one bothered to see her since they could hear the old woman scream and yell behind closed doors.
That's where the group of 5 girls saw Naruto hanging out with Kurenaï and Anko. They all scowled seeing him holding hands with the Genjutsu mistress.