"Everybody ok?"
Everyone in the room turned to the tomb's door where Rick was coming in.
"Yeah we are." Maggie answered, surprised and hopeful to see him. He's been down there for hours, and the fresh shirt and lack of blood on him is a welcome sight, though she's not quite sure how he managed that since this is the first she's seen him back in the cell block.
"What about you?" Hershel asked, fixing concerned wary eyes on him.
"Cleared out the boiler block." Rick answered, grimly. He looks and sounds and feels like a vague puppet of himself. A heavy shadow.
"How many were there?" Daryl asked, watching him the same way Hershel is but with a little less trepidation and wondering more if Rick's back to be back or just back to check in. He didn't actually expect to see him so soon. It feels too soon for him to have his shit back together.
"I don't know. A dozen. Two dozen." Rick answered absently, his shoulders heavy and hunched forward. It's strange seeing him slouch and not standing up tall and proud. He looks...like a wandering soul. Not lost but no idea where he's going.
"I have to get back. Just wanted to check on Carl." Rick patted his son's back and Carl just stared down into his bowl on the table, picking at it with the spoon. He's barely taken a few bites and that's only because Eve was watching him earlier. Each warm pat on his back felt like an epipen of relief, allowing him to breathe again for a few seconds. But he couldn't enjoy it because his dad wasn't staying. Honestly all he wants right now is to whip around and grab onto his dad and beg him not to leave him alone again but he's tired. He's so tired and drained he barely has the energy to close his eyes and savor the brief reassuring contact from the shell of his father.
"Rick, we can handle taking out the bodies. Kay, you don't have to." Glenn tried, not even trying to not sound like he's on the edge of pleading.
"No I do." Rick immediately denied the help without even looking at him. Same way he always does when he makes a mess and feels the need to rectify it with his own hands, in a desperate attempt to feel like he's still in control.
Glenn understands everybody grieves in their own way and he's not trying to get in the way but should they really let him do this all by himself? He's worried about him, and Carl. He's been desperately trying to find anything he can to help them feel even just a little bit better, or at least not alone, but Rick's made it very clear that he wants to isolate himself and Carl's become a tin boy. A robot, just going through the motions and shutting access down to everyone except Eve.
Without making the conscious decision Glenn looked to Eve for guidance, no idea what he had wanted to find but somehow it felt like he'd found what he was looking for, just seeing her eyes on Rick, pensive and watching in her ever calm observant manner.
Rick glanced at Glenn and followed his gaze.
He turned, spotting Eve sat beside Daryl on the stairs to the outside and crossed the room in a few long strides.
She immediately stood up, although a bit slowly as her muscles still ache from sleeping on a dusty stone floor last night, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders.
It felt a little weird, there's only a few people she's readily used to making such physical contact with and Rick isn't one of them but she did it without thinking, just following the instinct that said he needed it.
He's been looking at the floor since the minute he walked in and if it had been anyone except Rick, who seems to do nothing but look directly at the person he's talking to or at least some kind of gesture or posture which sends a clear message that he's listening, she might've brushed it off.
He hasn't been making eye contact for more than a couple seconds and he just looks…tired. Not the sort that can be fixed a thousand year nap. A soul-withering exhaustion that wraps around your whole body like an octopus, restricting your breathing and clouding your ability to feel anything at all.
Rick automatically returned the hug but it was weak and he didn't fully process how much he needed it until his cheek was leaning against the side of her head.
Eve steadied her legs as more and more of his weight began to sink onto her, unable or unwilling to hold himself up alone.
It wasn't much but slowly it started to feel just a little bit easier to breathe. The rocks in his lungs just a fraction lighter with every deep breath over a long second and for a split second it reminded him of home.
He truly is grateful to see her safe and sound. He hasn't seen her since the attack, but he didn't know she wasn't here taking care of things. In the far reaches of his mind he'd just assumed she and Daryl were looking out for everyone while he was ...away.
As soon as they pulled apart Rick shared a long look with Eve. Her eyes held the same sympathy as everyone else's but it was different than normal condolences. It was mournful but not crumbling or reliant in any way. He doesn't feel like she needs anything or is trying to get something from him.
She may not have a lot of experience with the loss of a loved one but Eve knows better than anyone what it's like to be on your own. That pain of realizing the spaces next to you are empty making you feel hollow even if you're surrounded by people. The desperate need to fill it and the helplessness that brings you to tears of being unable to do so.
He stared for a long time but the respect of not trying to understand something that she doesn't, never changed. She just stared at him quietly, promising that he doesn't need to tell her or anyone else what to do, she'll take care of things. He can just do what he needs to without worry; He can take as much room as he needs to breathe. And it's just about the only look he can stomach right now.
Either that or he's just seeing what he wants to. Even if he is, it doesn't matter. The chip of worry on his shoulder is gone, because regardless of whether she consciously meant to or not, he knows that even if the rope slips through his hands, she'll never let go of it. It's wrapped around her center and she'd sooner let it drag her straight to the edge than let it go.
Finally he looked back down, nodding to himself, satisfied.
He turned his attention to Daryl. His eyes and stance set, a stiff almost aggressive firmness taking over his posture. "Everyone have a gun and a knife?"
"Yeah. Runnin' low on ammo though." Daryl nodded, knowing this coming. Rick would want the run-down on their situation now that he's apparently gotten at least a little bit of his head back. He did a complete 180 from how he looked just a few seconds ago, having a weirdly long mental conversation with Eve, but whatever he got out of it, he looks better than he did 5 seconds before it.
Sometimes he swears Eve has some kind of bullshit zen powers. She's just calming. She just has that effect and he's almost to the point of giving up trying to figure out what it is. Almost.
Glenn jumped into the conversation. "Maggie and me were plannin on making a run this afternoon. Found a phonebook, some places we could hit, look for bullets and formula."
Eve half-heartedly raised her hand, signaling that she's gonna go with the two. Mostly because she'd like to get out of here for a bit, but also because it'd be wise to know what's around them and what the conditions are and be aware of any potential hazards or threats, anything they should be cautious of.
"We cleared out the generator room." Daryl added as Eve took her place beside him again, picking up her bowl of second breakfast. "Axel's there tryna fix it, in case of emergency. Gonna sweep the lower levels as well."
"Good, good." Rick nodded and just like that, he stormed back off like his true purpose in asking at all was just to know for sure that they've got everything handled and he can go back to doing whatever it is he has been calling him down there.
"Rick!" Herhsel called after him just as Rick closed the gate/door closed and disappeared back down into the tunnels without so much as a grunt of acknowledgment. It was more than being ignored, it was like he actually didn't hear him.
Eve sighed under her breath. She'll need to keep 2 sharp eyes on him, probably pick up as many of his responsibilities and redistribute them over the newest shoulders of the group, even take on a few of them herself. Best to do that sooner rather than later.
Rick is the kind of person who can move past this with the right sort of support for the sake of his children and those around him, but without it he could just as easily fall into a hole so deep they might never see the real him again.
People like him — and her — who cling to what they've got with all they've got, don't handle it well when what they love is taken from them.
Daryl grunted beside her as he set his empty bowl down on the step above them and poked her side to get her attention.
"Hey, I'm gonna take Oscar and go sweep the lower levels of the tombs. Are you comin'?" Daryl asked her seriously, not assuming that she'll come with this time.
He expected it when she immediately stiffened like a ghost just breathed on the back of her neck and shook her head without even thinking, eyes wide and trying to make their escape from her skull.
His hand grabbed her shoulder and he felt her muscles relax as he said, "Relax, you don't gotta. Just makin' sure."
He'd have eaten his socks if she'd said yes after being trapped down there.
To be perfectly honest he wouldn't have let her go even if she'd wanted to. He'd rather she stay here and get some rest.
His undivided attention fixed on her when she abruptly put her bowl down, the plastic thing almost tumbling down the stone steps and grabbed her hand the moment it lifted seeking something to grab onto. Guilt flooded him as he realized he made her think about being back in a confined space too soon.
He scooted closer to her, lifting his leg up onto the step they're sitting on and turned towards her, grabbing her arm and gently pulling until she got the idea and scooted. His shoulder tucked into the crook of his as he wrapped his arm around her back, debating for a second on whether or not to wrap both around her shoulders but decided against it because he doesn't want to inadvertently make it worse. So he just settled for one arm around her back, using his leg as a support for both of them.
Eve closed her eyes, her forehead resting against the side of his neck, feeling his pulse against her skin and tried to focus on it, catching the slight twinges of the muscles as he looked around and leaned his cheek against the top of her head.
She almost laughed when she realized that this is the exact opposite of what would've helped just last year.
It's hard to believe and sometimes doesn't feel real just how much their relationship has changed in such a short but looong time. Mere months ago they were struggling just to make physical contact. Now they do it without hesitation. It doesn't feel too fast though oddly enough, cause there are still things that they struggle with, even some that are only easy under certain circumstances. Somewhere along the way — quite recently actually — they unknowingly agreed to just go by instinct and run with it. It's sure been a hell of a lot easier to grow accustomed to certain things since that mysteriously happened.
It feels a little surreal sometimes though cause it feels like… like it shouldn't have been that easy or happened like the flick of a switch. But it did, and she has absolutely no explanation for it, and yeah sometimes they do step on each others toes a little but they're both respectful of boundaries and aware that neither of them really know where their own boundaries are. They've had a few surprise ones sneak up on them, and vice versa there's been a few they thought were boundaries because no one else can cross that line but if it's each other it's just fine.
Like Daryl's most prominent one was hugging. He actually does enjoy hugs. Eve's so far has gotta be hand holding. She thought she was gonna be completely adverse to having her hands occupied like that because it means she can't grab her knives as fast but nope.
As a pair, it was definitely sleeping beside each other. Eve thought they would end up like Glenn and Maggie, wrapped around each other like koala bears while they sleep and she admits, the thought made her slightly uncomfortable. Which Glenn would probably give her shit for but the idea of being restrained while she's asleep makes her feel like she needs to add 10 feet to her personal space bubble.
She doesn't enjoy the idea. That said, she does however enjoy having some kind of contact. Usually it's facing each other, cause they both tend to either sleep on their side or their back (and for her, sometimes on her stomach) so they often wake up or fall asleep with their legs tangled or holding/sleeping on each other's hands and arms, or their faces mushed into an arm or a back.
Basically, loose and non-restrictive. Easy to get out of and easy to breathe in. Rarely they wake up like Glenn & Mag usually do (those two like to spoon like measuring cups lol) and it's usually on their backs, Daryl's arm under her head and laying down the same way you would if you were just staring up at the stars.
Eve was finally altered that time is still passing when Oscar departed from where he was leaning against the railing beside them and went to put his bowl in the washing bucket on the other side of the room.
She clicked her front teeth together a few times. She's a little nervous about people going into the tombs now, knowing how far they go, how confusing they are, and what lurks down there.
Quite frankly, she's not the only one with concerns. Daryl isn't too thrilled about the idea of her goin' out — and neither is Hershel — but they don't have enough people to spare anymore and he understands that this is probably the last place she wants to be right now. To fully calm down, she's gonna need to go outside and be out in the open for a bit.
Glenn will be there. He trusts him. The two of them could get out of anything, they've got the devil's luck and it's like it magnifies when they're together. Maggie will be there too, she knows how to handle a panic attack if Eve gets one — though the thought of that happening while he's not there makes him grit his teeth.
So as he and Oscar got ready to go — Carl volunteering to go with them since they need more hands — Daryl stopped to quietly tell Glenn and Maggie to keep an eye on her for him, to which of course they agreed, he didn't even need to ask.
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