Fair warning, I didn't do a lot of editing this chapter.
"When do you plan on turning it back over to him?"
"When he convinces me that he can handle it." Eve scribbled down another thought. 'And after I've straightened it out.'
Hershel watched her curiously, thankful that he still has decent eyesight and was able to read it when she wrote down 'front road nail pits, spike tires.'
"And if he can't?" Herschel asked, with a rising feeling of hope for their situation.
Eve just looked at him. Hershel's a smart man, he doesn't need her to tell him that if Rick can't handle it, then he shouldn't have it. He's watched just as well as she has what leadership has done to their friend. It's torn him apart with an unceasing tide and left him to pick up the shreds. A shield can only take so much punishment before it cracks.
Hershel nodded, glancing at his crutches. There's only one more thing that concerns him.
"Are you ready to take on this responsibility? It could last much longer than you're imagining."
"If I wasn't, I wouldn't have. Does your mind need easing?"
Hershel shook his head. "I'm aware of your capabilities, my dear. Like I said before, I have faith in you. I still remember when you gave us that warnin' on the side of the road. I expected that one day, you may have to follow through, just remember that this isn't your burden to bear alone. We all have our responsibilities and though we may look out for each other, we're all responsible for doing our part. Part of that is not taking on more than your fair share."
He gave her a pointed look. It doesn't need to be said that Eve has this particular problem. He'd go so far as to say it's her Achilles heel.
"That being said, I came out here to take a look at you." He motioned at her face and with that one sentence, dread dumped over her like a bucket of cold water.
Nevertheless, she put her things down and stood up so Hershel could lean against the fence while he took a look at her.
"Do you have a plan yet?"
Eve nodded as he motioned at her shirt and she lifted it, experiencing deja vu as she grit her teeth, letting him prod her ribs for breaks, and she managed to squeeze out the words without too much difficulty. "Workin' on it."
"Any ideas?" Hershel paused for a moment to make eye contact before going back to his poking.
"A few." Eve controlled her breathing, despite difficulty, to help control the pain.
Hershel nodded and over the course of several minutes, finished concluding his - painful - examination. "Welp, nothin's broken this time. Just some deep bruising. I'd tell you to be more careful but that's never stopped you before. You're fortunate that your jacket protected you, if this pressure had been applied directly to your skin we would be looking at a much bigger problem than some interesting bruises."
Eve nodded and waved as Hershel took up his crutches and left then she returned to work, occasionally being interrupted by those who finished their tasks.
Eventually night began to descend without notice until a chill nipped at her skin and sent a shiver up her spine, making her look up to find her jacket and finally realize that she's been squinting at her notebooks and moving them closer and closer to her face as the light's gone. The brink of twilight, her favorite time.
Her hands automatically set the books aside without her eyes ever tearing from the sky and without a thought she found herself laying down. Somehow seeing the stars just flipped a switch in her head and turned her brain off. The only thought drifting through it being how long it's been since she's simply watched the sky. Even going a single day without doing this feels like a long time but not actually being able to keep track of when she last did it is disconcerting.
It's like being chronically sleep deprived. After a while you stop noticing the effects and devolve until you're an irritable, anxious, even depressed wreck and can't figure out why and don't have the energy to either.
A calm settled over her, staring up and watching with neither fixed nor inattentive interest little wisps of pink and orange clouds cool to darker shades of blue and white as the rays of the sun diffused until she was staring at a vast blanket of deep blue and black that looked like someone spilled silver glitter all across the sky.
She couldn't be more grateful for the moment of peace. It's a hard fought thing these days and strangely the whole afternoon, she's had this gradual building sense of a soldier before shipping out for active combat. Like the calm before a storm, a grave acceptance of the hard days to come. She knows all too well that a lot of people are going to die in the coming days. A single moment to prepare herself for that is more than she dared to hope for. Best not waste it.
She stayed there until the cool breeze calming her nerves started to get a little too chilly for comfort against her exposed skin and finally sat up. The last of the light had long gone so unless she wanted to sleep out here, it was time to collect her things and head back inside.
After tossing her jacket over her shoulder, she did just that and made her way to the perch she and Daryl had claimed. When she reached the top of the stairs she couldn't help but stare. The space isn't that big but it looks so empty, with the absence of only a few key items that are almost always here.
Although reluctance pulled at her stomach she set her things down and laid down, and an empty bed has never felt so big before.
The two mattresses pushed against the wall together is about the same size as her own bed had been but laying here with her back against the wall instead of against another person is weirdly disturbing. It almost felt like her senses were being distorted.
She had no idea how long she laid there, closing and reopening her eyes at the slightest little sounds all night long. It didn't matter how tired she was, or how long she managed to fall asleep for, sooner rather than later she found herself awake again and looking around the dark cell-block, listening to the others breathe and toss around in their sleep. It seems everyone is having restless nights again. In light of everything, she can hardly blame them.
Insomnia is a powerful thing. Even Judith was affected. When little cries reached Eve's ears, for a moment she thought she was hallucinating and then a sharp little hiccup had her sitting straight up and on her feet.
The cold stone floor felt like walking on ice to her bare feet but she descended the stairs quickly and as soon as a figure appeared in the shadow of Rick's cell's doorway the baby girl's head turned and she continued to cry but with more desperation.
As soon as the distressed child's hand made a grabby motion at her, Eve moved into the cell and after a brief moment of hesitation and chewing on her lip, she glanced at Rick who was dog tired and dead asleep, before reaching into the makeshift crib - a mail carrying box with some towels and blankets folded into the bottom and carefully as she could, just as she was taught, picked her up.
Eve had to shift her arms a little but she gently started bouncing the little girl like she's seen Beth and Carol do. Almost immediately the cries died and she was left with a wide-eyed little child staring up at her like she didn't quite know what to make of Eve. The feeling was mutual. Eve had no idea what she was doing but whatever it is it's working so she kept it up.
Eventually she felt creepy for standing in Rick's "room" holding his child, so she moved out of the cell, turned back on her heel to quietly grab the baby crate, and slipped out again, setting the crate on the lowest steps while she walked around in circles trying to put Judith back to sleep.
Thankfully some child care-taking instincts within her are still intact, enough that she had an instinctual idea of how to get her to rest, but she couldn't help wondering if Judith could sense their unrest and that's why the baby who normally sleeps like a rock, became fussy in the middle of the night and needed some reassuring.
Judith found both Eve's shirt - over her heart - and her finger and grasped both in her tiny fists, refusing to let go.
Somewhere along the line Eve was lost in thought and her movements became automatic, the unceasing steady motions lulled the baby to sleep long before she resurfaced from the depths of her mind and she finally looked down to see her dead asleep, like usual.
However when Eve took short strides back to the steps and attempted to put her down in the baby crate, Judith didn't let go. Eve tried for several minutes to find a way to get her to let go but each attempt ended with Judith nearly waking up, so in the end she had no choice but to continue holding her.
'This is why parents are always exhausted.' Eve nodded to herself. 'Fine fine. I wasn't gonna sleep tonight anyway.'
Taking the crate wasn't even an option with both her hands occupied like this, so Eve simply climbed the steps and went back to bed, this time sitting up.
'At least one of us is getting a good rest.' Eve thought as she listened to Judith's peaceful breaths and watching her curiously. The warm little bundle in her arms has some weird sleeping habits, like every so often she'd kick her little legs but wouldn't be awake and then she'd shift to chew on Eve's shirt, which Eve couldn't let her do because who knows what is on her shirt so eventually she had to put the corner of Judith's own blankie into her mouth to stop her while she got up and tried to find her binky, which turned out to be folded into the corner of her bedding. On the bright side, lil' ass-kicker let go of her hand so she could actually search.
After all that, Eve wound up laying in bed with the baby sound asleep on her torso, sucking on her binky and her little head resting against Eve's chest, like the sound of her heartbeat was enough assurance that nothing bad could ever happen.
Eve closed her eyes, her hands keeping the baby safe but she knew better than to fall asleep now. Thankfully, as tired as she suddenly is, she's too paranoid about accidentally hurting her to fall asleep. That is, until she almost did doze off. For the sake of Judith's safety, she risked the baby waking up to put her in her little crate but kept her hand inside where Judith's grip had once again transferred to her fingers and laid down beside it.
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Jessica Taylor
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Jupiter /Enis