This chapter is pretty hectic but I promise that the next one will be so cute you'll want everyone around you to cry.
"You're acting nostalgic again," Mal mumbled as she finished filling out the paperwork he'd handed her.
"Am I?" He wondered, tapping his foot against the floor as he waited.
"So, who's pregnant this time?" Mal asked sarcastically. She waited for a response, and then glanced up. "That was a joke. I wasn't supposed to wrangle the reason you're feeling sad out of you that quickly."
Ben shrugged. His hair was a bit messy, and he watched her hands as she finished applying her signature to the bottom line of the documents and handed them back to him before resuming her own responsibilities and work. She was trying to arrange a blanket-making class that would benefit burn victims, but so far, the times that the teachers were available weren't coordinating. "It's Audrey," Ben confessed. "Why did you guess that first?"
"I didn't expect it to be this, again." Mal sighed irritably. "It's been a week since Evie had her baby – do we have to stay on this line of 'I'm so sad we don't have a baby'? She had hers, great. I guess I don't know why you get so melancholy every time it's brought up." She put the pen down and touched the tips of her fingertips together with a sigh.
Ben said nothing. He didn't meet her gaze, only stood still, fiddling with the corners of his pages. Mal pinched the bridge of her nose. "I honestly don't know what to say." She sighed. "We lost it. I'm sorry? And I have about six months of therapy under my belt now and I can rotate around, but I still don't want a baby yet and – is this because I wasn't all starry-eyed in the hospital over Emily? Is that what this is?"
"No." Ben shook his head. "I'm not trying to guilt you or anything either. I'm just… struggling a little."
"Because you want a baby too?" Mal prodded with a frown.
"No; it's not even about that." Ben sighed.
Mal pushed her chair back from her desk with a sigh. "Then what is it about because really, Ben, I don't know where I should even start to understand, and to help you-"
"You would be almost seven months right now if we hadn't lost the baby last December," Ben blurted out, leaning against the wall of her office with a sigh. Mal blinked at him. "You would be seven months along in June. And then eight in July, and then in August, that would have been it."
Mal picked up her pen and started doodling aimlessly on the corner of her paper. She hadn't had the time to doodle something in a long, long time. "So you're thinking about what if?" She drawled out.
"I guess, yeah." Ben sighed. "What if our baby would have had your nose or chin? Or your hair or eyes?" He leaned forward, set the paperwork down, and pulled her chin up to meet her eyes. "Aren't you even the least bit sad for what we missed?"
"God, you're acting just like Evie was." Mal sighed, withdrawing and hiding her face in her hands. "I'm sad that you're sad. I'm sad that you want this now and I'm still not ready. I'm sad I'm not like Evie or Jane or Lonnie and I'm not all hyped up about the fact Evie pushed a seven-pound organism out of her. I'm glad to be godmother, I guess. I'm glad she's happy. I'm glad that she feels like this is her dream come true." Mal slumped back into her chair. "What more do you want from me?"
Silence reigned. Ben's eyes had clouded over, and he was staring at her mournfully. She dug her fingernails into her palms. "Ben, I was scared of that thing. Absolutely terrified. I can't even imagine what it would be like now if I still had it. I… don't know if I could have done it."
"So you don't care?" Ben asked softly. "You had someone's life inside you. You had an entire future that wasn't even your own and something that we created, and you don't care?"
Mal stared at him. Her silence betrayed her opinion. No. How could she be expected to care about something that terrified her? Ben's hands stilled at his sides, and he closed his eyes in pain. Mal swallowed. "Did you care about Uma and Harry, before they were executed? You didn't exactly try too hard to stop that."
"The law is the-" Ben began, but Mal cut him off.
"You wanted them dead." Mal pointed at him accusingly. "You wanted that justice. Not because you thought they might do it again, and not because you cared about the law! You were angry because they hurt me, and you wanted their blood for, what, a cut and a twenty-foot fall?"
"That cut will affect you for the rest of your life," Ben snapped. "They stole – so what if I was angry? So what if I'm angry now? Are you trying to justify yourself to me?"
"I was afraid of something that would hurt me and I wanted it gone. You were angry at something that had indirectly hurt you, and you wanted it gone. On different sides of the spectrum, would we have acted any differently?" Mal asked, planting her hands on her desk and using the wood to leverage herself to a standing position.
Ben dug his hands into his pockets and closed his eyes. Mal waited as he drew a ragged breath. "I'm sorry," He whispered, finally. "I'm just… sad."
"I'm sad too, and I'm sorry." Mal sighed. She walked around the desk and leaned up to kiss his cheek as tears rolled down his face. "It wasn't fair."
"I'm sorry that… everything happened at such a bad time, and that I couldn't protect you, and that I'm so upset now, months after," Ben admitted, putting his arms around her and squeezing her tightly to him. "God, there's so much I need to apologize for."
"I'm sorry too," Mal whispered, combing her fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry that this is a problem for me – I don't know why. I'm sorry I was so stressed out and sick those two months. I'm sorry I'm still not ready."
Ben nodded along to her words as he took a couple of shaky breaths. "I know, I know," He mumbled, "But… we're going to get through this." Mal nodded, and they stayed with their arms around each other until Ben took a half step back, sniffled, and wiped his eyes. "Okay," He sighed. "I've got to take this stuff to my office and seal it before I give it to Debra for filing."
"Okay," Mal sighed. She made it back to her chair and sat down. "I guess I'll see you later." Ben nodded and leaned over to kiss her cheek. Without another word, he slipped out the door.
Mal drummed her fingers on her desk and then pressed her fingertips to the scarring underneath her shirt. She remembered all too well the sick feeling that had come with the child before, and maybe it was the medicines she was chalked up on, but the thought didn't seem to churn her stomach nearly as much. Still, she didn't want it. Not now, not for a long, long time.
"So, what is this even for?" Mal asked, holding up an oddly shaped cone with a bottle attached to it.
"It's a pump." Evie rolled her eyes as she wandered over and took the device out of Mal's hands, balancing Emily on her shoulder. Mal side-stepped her best friend as Evie put the pump back in a drawer and looked at the little week-and-a-half-year-old on Evie's shoulder. Her skin had evened out to be just as flawless as Evie's, though Doug's skin color was maintained. Her tiny fists lay balled up on her mom's shoulders as her wide blue eyes flit left and right, trying to focus on something around them. She hadn't quite figured out how to uncurl her fingers yet. Mal leaned in a little as Evie's back was still turned and raised an eyebrow at Emily. Emily must have glimpsed the purple or something because she gave a quick, reflexive smile, followed by a coo.
Mal chuckled the way she would if someone had told her a relatively funny joke and ran a finger under the baby's chin as it bobbed. "Hello, Bertha." She smiled.
"Mal." Evie frowned, turning around and casting a disapproving look at her best friend, "Don't call her that."
"I had to suffer through a horrible middle name, why not everyone else?" Mal asked. "And it really does build character – just look how well Ben turned out!"
"Her name is not Bertha, it is Emily," Evie declared, exasperated. "And good queens of Auradon shouldn't wish their suffering onto poor innocent children!" She sighed dramatically and then turned to continue messing in a drawer for some new socks for Emily. As she turned, Mal watched Emily hiccup, and a globber of white, mucusy slime appeared from her mouth. Mal took a step back as Emily's spit-up dripped from her chin and landed on Evie's shirt. Evie let out a yelp and twisted to see where the wet feeling had come from. She groaned. "Oh, sweetheart," She mourned, taking the child off her shoulder and hurriedly snatching a burp rag from where it was slung across a crib bar. She wiped Emily's mouth with a frown. "Now Mommy has to go change." She sighed.
Evie turned to Mal. "Do you want to hold her at all?" She asked. Mal shook her head and backed away a few more steps.
"She just spit up all over you and you expect me to take her?" Mal asked. "No way. I'll keep an eye on her if you put her in her crib, but I don't need any of that on me."
Evie sighed and set Emily in her crib. The little girl watched the world change with wide eyes. Evie smiled and then began picking at her shirt as the back began to become cold. "I'm going to run and change," She grumbled. "Be right back."
Mal listened to Evie's footsteps retreat, and then looked around. Evie's nursery was white with beautiful hand-painted balloons on all of the walls. The furniture was grey – all of it, and it all matched – and a beautiful pink fuzzy rug was on the floor. Bobble necklaces and knit blankets and a large rocking chair decorated the space and brought a touch into it that was so… Evie.
She peered into the crib and leaned against the guard rail with a hand underneath her chin. Emily's eyes flicked back and forth and seemed to focus on her. It was probably the purple hair. Mal waved a little with a soft smile and then watched Emily squirm. She couldn't do much – couldn't hold up her head, couldn't uncurl her fingers, couldn't roll over onto her belly or anything. She just spat up and pooped and laughed a little, here and there.
As if on cue, Emily let out a sweet little laugh, and then sneezed. Mal flinched back and then chuckled a little. "Okay, so you're cute, what else?" She asked softly. Emily's eyes remained fixed on her, but of course, she didn't say anything. Mal hummed. "What do you mean, 'what else'?" She asked in a higher-pitched tone. "That's all I need."
"Who are you talking to?" Evie laughed, reappearing in the doorway with a different cream-colored shirt on. Mal glanced over her shoulder and shrugged. Evie wandered closer and leaned on the guard rail. "I love her so much," She mumbled.
Mal furrowed her brow. "She just spit up on you. And she wakes up every morning at two a.m."
"I know." Evie nodded. "But I love her."
Mal hummed and drummed her fingers together on the railing. "I have a question for you," She began.
"Ask away," Evie invited, straightening up.
Mal turned slightly to stretch her back and then looked to Evie. "What does… Doug think about her?" She began.
"Doug loves her." Evie smiled. "We're both really happy to have her in our house."
"So, in your opinion, is her existence more your pushing for her or him pushing for her, if you get what I mean?" Mal asked.
"You mean who wanted her more first?" Evie asked. "Oh, definitely me. I was trying to get pregnant for almost nine months, and I arranged all my own fertility treatments and everything. We were actually starting to get worried when everything fell into place." She leaned down and traced her fingertips down Emily's cheeks as the girl took in the two colorful heads. She already focused on Evie a lot, Mal noticed.
Mal hummed. "Ben's been really… mopey since we came to see her the first time. He's sad because he keeps thinking of the one we lost, and, well, I'm still not there yet."
"But you've made lots of progress." Evie shrugged. "I think that's an accomplishment."
Mal let out a longsuffering sigh and groaned. "Yeah, and I think that too, but I also am still not on board with nine months of suffering, and every single time I catch him staring off into space or watching me with that look in his eye, I feel like he's not really understanding where I am in my mental health right now."
"But see it from his point of view." Evie shrugged. "He lost an entire future that he's wanted for a long time. Your happily-ever-after is growing old with him, but his is raising kids with you."
"And on some level, I'm starting to understand that." Mal shrugged. "I mean, I don't relate, but I understand. Ben's big on family, and he loves the idea of little kids and people who would grow up and be similar to him and me, but… Isle life raised me differently, and it took me a while to figure out I even wanted a marriage. And marriage was – and is – a huge sacrifice for me. You've seen my life; I can't even show up at your house on a Saturday to hang out without bringing an entourage, though we thankfully convinced the palace two weeks ago to lower our escorts back to two instead of our emergency personnel of ten." Mal sighed bitterly and carefully put her elbows down on the crib, though she couldn't lean. "I just don't know if I want to cut out a chunk of my life to birth and raise a child. I know I have to, for the sake of Auradon, but… I kind of want to put it off a few years."
Evie nodded and put a hand on Mal's. "Do you think the Isle affects your view at all?"
"Oh, for sure." Mal nodded. "My two mental health therapists spent three sessions each trying to figure out what happened on the Isle and their theories are that either some collection of events on the Isle or the general anti-family atmosphere my mom raised me in is coming back to pinch me."
"Or both." Evie shrugged. She drummed her fingers on the bar and winced. "Do you remember Brianna when we were in our ninth year of Dragon Hall?"
Mal's stomach physically turned at the memory. Poor Brianna, with normal every-day villain parents, had gotten pregnant in her youth. After seven months of torture, she'd entered an early labor that lasted nineteen hours before someone panicked. They'd tried to help by cutting her open to get the baby out – which was a horrible idea all on its own – and used a piece of broken, jagged glass to do so. Brianna had bled out when some arteries had been sliced through, and after more mistakes, the baby's arm had been sliced off except for a few shreds of skin. It was one of the worst things Mal had ever witnessed.
"I try not to think of her," Mal mumbled, shuddering. "Oh, that poor child."
Someone knocked at the door. Evie and Mal turned around to see Doug standing, leaning into the frame. "Having fun?" He asked.
"You're here to give me bad news, right?" Mal sighed, letting go of the crib and straightening her shirt.
"Your guards want you." Doug pointed down the stairs with a sympathetic look. "I think the country is summoning you."
Mal sighed and hugged Evie. "Okay," She mumbled. "Well, it was nice talking to you. I'd better get going before they break your door or anything."
Evie nodded in understanding. Doug stepped aside as Mal walked past and watched in concern as she went to the steps and took hold of the railing. Then, carefully, she tried to shift her weight down. Immediately, horrible pains rushed through her entire right side. She tried her other side, but the offset balance didn't help either.
"Do you need help?" Doug asked, taking a few steps closer to the stairs.
"No, no!" Mal waved him off. "I just have to-" She forced her right foot down and stumbled. Doug jumped forward to grab her, but it was too late. Mal tumbled down the steps headfirst, and everything went black.
She came to back in the palace, in her and Ben's room. Ben was sitting beside her, working on paperwork for Corona's upcoming Cotillion, and there was a cool rag covering her forehead. She reached up, rubbing her brow, and he almost jumped out of his skin. "Oh! You're awake!" He gasped.
"Good morning?" Mal asked, pulling the rag off her forehead and then changing her mind and replacing it. Her shoulders ached in protest.
"Evening, actually," Ben huffed. "You took quite the tumble, but you've only been out a few hours. Made television." Mal grumbled at that news, and Ben continued. "We had to move two meetings to Monday, so you'll have a longer day then. Sorry."
Mal nodded and pulled the rag down on top of her eyes. Ben poked her. "We need to talk," He demanded, very firm. Mal made a noise of disagreement in the back of her throat. He pulled the rag off her face and held up a thick folder. Mal squinted against the light at it and realized it was her patient folder.
"Please tell me they didn't add more prescriptions for headaches or anything," Mal groaned, sitting up slowly and borrowing his shoulder to help herself up.
"You could have had a concussion." Ben frowned. "But no, they didn't give you anything. The doctors already checked you out, and they're going to be back in the morning, but they took your pulse, checked your head and side – by the way, you're bruising again – and took your blood."
"That's ridiculous." Mal sighed. She took the folder and flipped it open, examining the contents of the file. The most recent files were on top, underneath her identifications and medical information. She glanced at the report and yawned. "What am I looking for that you want to talk to me about?"
Ben leaned forward and pointed to the area detailing her blood test. "They took your blood to see if there were any biomarkers signaling brain damage, and they found this instead."
Mal squinted. "I know I know that abbreviation from somewhere, but I honestly just got up and my head is pounding, Ben."
Ben pulled out his phone and looked something up with pinched lips. He handed it to her, and Mal frowned at the screen. Her eyes flicked back and forth between what she was reading and what she saw on her paper. Then, she shoved his phone back to him and stood up.
"Mal-" Ben began, putting his stuff down as Mal's feet hit the floor. Her entire right leg felt numb and tingly, but Mal still headed towards the door. As he tried to shove his feet into some slippers, Mal's fingers tightened around the folder, and she raised it above her head to throw it to the ground. The folder split upon contact with the ground.
"Mal!" Ben called as she took the handle of the door and began undoing locks.
"I'm not doing this bull – ugh!" She screamed in rage. "That's ridiculous, utterly ridiculous and – I'm done!" She opened the door and slammed it behind her before she headed off in the direction of her old room, leaving behind the doctor's scribbles and their wretched findings of her bloodstream. Specifically, the high presence of hCG hormones. Because she was done with that. She was done with awful emotions and the fear of living, and she didn't want to start that roller coaster again.
She really, really didn't want to be pregnant.
"Okay, I get being angry and upset with me for a night and going back to stay in your old room. I got it. But please tell me you're not actually going to sulk and ignore me all day," Ben grumbled from the door of her office. Mal put her head down further and glared at her papers as, beside her, the sun continued to rise.
"Come on." Ben sighed, taking an extra step into her office. "Let's talk about this."
Mal shook her head, but Ben shut the door to her office and took a seat. He brought it in front of the desk. She ducked her head even further, which was awful on her spine and shoulders, but whatever.
"You're not crying like you were the first time." He sighed. "Come on, our communication was dirt last time. Talk to me."
She shook her head and turned her chair away from his. "What are we going to talk about? To you, there's no reason we shouldn't. I've been in therapy for months, my spine is well enough for you and me to be together, and Evie just had her baby and she's the happiest person on the planet, so it's obviously the correct decision for us."
"Except for the fact you get mad and stop talking to me every time we go through this." Ben sighed. "And, you know, your nerve damage, and the fact Evie's baby will never have to rule a country." He put his fingertips together. "What do you need? What can I say? What can I do?"
"You can just… be quiet," Mal snapped. She slumped her head back, and her side stretched painfully. "This is so unfair! I mean, we used protection!"
"Well, it obviously worked really well," Ben sighed. He reached a hand across the desk and Mal sighed before she put her hand in his and let him squeeze it. He kept his eyes on her. "You're not crying this time," He mumbled.
"I guess that's a good sign?" Mal shrugged. She closed her eyes. "I… can't stop anything now. But I'm not having a breakdown like I did last time. I'm scared still, but I'm doing okay. Maybe… I can deal with this? But, slowly, and with a plan." She let out a long, deep breath, and opened her eyes. Mal turned her chair back around to face Ben and hummed.
Ben gave a tight little smile and stretched his hand across the desk. He cupped her cheek gently. "Are you sure?" He whispered.
Mal nodded and closed her eyes a minute as she leaned into his grasp. She let out a little breath. "You just… you have to give me some time," She mumbled. "This isn't easy for me."
Ben nodded and traced his thumb over her cheekbone. She opened her eyes. "Are you happy?" She whispered.
Ben frowned. "About… you?" He asked.
"Yeah." Mal nodded. "Are you happy now?"
Ben looked into her eyes like he was trying to see past the color and read her thoughts as they appeared on her mind. "I'm happy for the future," He told her. "But I'm always going to be sad about the one we lost. I'm sad because… I'm always going to wonder what they were going to be like. It's going to take me a little while longer to stop missing them so much. I guess… you'll have to give me a little time too."
"I thought you wanted a baby?" Mal frowned.
Ben shook his head with a sigh. "If my mom died I wouldn't want another mom; I'd want the one I had in the first place. I'm sad because they died before I ever got to know them."
Mal bit her cheek and nodded. "Okay, She mumbled, finally feeling like she understood a little. She put a hand to her belly and let out a breath. "Well, I can't do anything about the first, but I'll try hard with this one, okay?"
"I know," Ben agreed with a heavy sigh. "I'm not worried about you trying to dodge me this time."
"No alcohol this time," Mal promised. "And no breakdowns and no silence." She nodded and swallowed. Boy was this going to be hard.
A knock came at the door. Mal glanced at her watch. "That's my nine-thirty meeting," She grumbled. Ben let a smile spread across his face as Mal pushed herself up to stand and sighed. "What?" She asked.
Ben just shook his head. "I'm just glad you're here," He told her. "I'm glad I have a queen. I'm glad she's hardworking and brave and patient with all the crap we have to put up with together." He took her hand and kissed it to his mouth with a smile. Mal let out a little sigh of contentment, and then the person behind the door knocked again. He let her hand go, and Mal took the last few steps to the door and opened it. Princess Anna of Arendelle was behind the door, holding a stack of binders and folders.
"Sorry," Mal apologized as she stepped aside and let Anna slid in and drop her things onto a chair with a heave of breath and a thud. Two guards slipped in behind her as Mal continued talking. "It takes me a while to get up and get to the door sometimes."
"I'm the same way when my husband's in the room." Anna laughed and winked at Ben. "I just don't want to hold onto this any longer. I can wait outside a bit longer if you want."
"That won't be necessary. I have my own things to go get done." Ben sighed, leaning in and kissing Mal's cheek. "Oh, um, can you make it to the Auradon Service Festival on the second of June? Saturday."
"Depends, are you going to be there?" Mal asked, and then nodded. "Yes, I can."
"Okay, fantastic. And sorry, you're doing that one by yourself. It's supposed to make you look good." He laughed, and then his expression softened about. "And, um, what we were talking about before should probably remain-"
"Classified; I know." Mal cut him off as she retook her seat. "Well, I have a meeting to start. Bye Ben."
"Ouch, dismissed." Ben laughed, walking backwards to the door.
"Hey, someone's got to remind you where you stand in the world," Mal chuckled. She blew him a kiss, and then he disappeared around the doorframe. Anna began opening folders. Mal opened a compartment in her desk for a binder of her own, and the workday began in a dizzying, slow pace.
"What was being a queen like back before it had all the attachments?" Mal asked as she walked with Belle through the gardens, letting her mother-in-law examine all her orchestrating. Belle hummed at the question as she paused to smell a rose and tuck a strand of slowly greying hair behind her ear. Mal pulled her hat down over her eyes a little more as she watched Belle straighten her white shirt and then they continued onwards.
"Difficult, but in the sense that I didn't have much power," Belle decided. She fiddled with her purse with a frown. "Everyone had their ideas of what Adam, the king, was supposed to do, and in the first days, I felt like an afterthought who was only there to have Adam's children. So I had to fight a little bit to take power away from Adam to give to the Queen instead because I knew my descendants would need to learn to be equals with their partners instead of dictators in their love lives. I mean, can you imagine if Ben had absolute power and your responsibility was to look good by his side until the future heir was born?"
Mal wrinkled her nose. "I dislike the meetings, but if he had that, I wouldn't have gotten married." On the one hand, she'd be free to paint and draw all she wanted. On the other, she'd be treated like a doll, hidden and only taken out to be shown off, and that thought displeased her so much she immediately felt indignation towards the Ben that would have had absolute power had his mom not divided the roles.
Belle nodded in agreement. "Yes. I forced Adam to relinquish his hold on the grounds and then the wealth of the palace. All of the money rests in the queen's hands. He kept the guards; I became the palace spokesperson. And then I was the one who forced him to pass all the rules regarding who the future king was allowed to sleep with, and rules regarding the heirs to the kingdom, and things like that. I wasn't worried about Adam not following any of it, but who knows what our descendants will end up doing when we're dead and long gone?"
Mal bit her cheek and nodded. "Ben and I will have to do our best not to raise any delinquents then," She stuttered.
Belle waved her off. "You'll do fine," She exclaimed. "Just don't spoil them. They'll grow up knowing they're going to inherit the kingdom, and you can't let them get a big head."
"Is that why you named Ben Florian?" Mal asked with a laugh.
"It was also his grandfather's name," Belle replied innocently. Mal burst into laughter and immediately winced as sharp pains ran through her sides. Belle set a hand on her shoulder. "Pain, still?" She asked.
Mal nodded and swallowed. "Yes – it's permanent. Have I told you… the doctor who was visiting me last November and December said I might suffer… more permanent damage if childbirth is too hard on me."
"Permanent damage?" Belle frowned, knitting her eyebrows together in concern. Her fingers tightened a little in worry on Mal's arm.
"Brain damage," Mal expanded. "From the pain. He didn't give me any specifics on what that could mean though, but he didn't look happy about it."
Belle's face went very pale. She took her hand back and wrung her fingers together. She swallowed. "Well," She sighed. "I – I'm sorry."
Mal nodded in agreement and mirrored Belle's actions with her hands. She cleared her throat. "I – actually – I'm…" She swallowed hard. "I am. Now."
Belle's chin lowered a little to her throat. "You are…" She trailed off. "Good heavens, are you serious?"
Mal nodded, staring at the concrete of the grounds. Belle covered her mouth. "Does Ben know?" She whispered. Again, Mal nodded, and Belle took a long, deep breath. "I guess… that's wonderful!"
"Is it?" Mal raised an eyebrow.
Belle deflated. "I don't know what to think," She admitted. "What do you think?"
Mal put her hands to her belly. "I don't know yet," She whispered. "Last time I was so scared and now I'm almost… indifferent. It's like I don't even care and I don't know if it's worse like this or if it was worse being angry and sad all the time."
Belle nodded and exhaled. "Well, best of luck," She whispered. "I wish… I wish it were different."
"Me too." Mal nodded. "But, either way, Auradon will have their prince or princess, and everything will work out."
Belle stared at her with increasing intensity. Mal felt like someone was running a metal detector over her frame as her mother-in-law's eyes bore into hers. "It doesn't have to always be about the kingdom, Mal," She murmured. "One day, you're going to wake up and realize that they're your baby too, and you won't want them to be Auradon's."
The former queen of Auradon turned and continued walking. Mal stayed stuck in place for a few more seconds and then took a few hesitant steps forward. She didn't think Belle knew her quite well enough to be able to guess that. Maybe another woman, but not Mal.
"Please kill me now," Mal groaned as she tried her best to find a comfortable way to lean against the toilet bowl, eyes squeezed shut and knuckles turning white as she clenched her fingers against the porcelain.
She felt Ben's fingertips pulling her hair back and away from her sweaty skin and heard him fumble for a hair tie in the bathroom drawer. "Shh," He commanded as he tied her hair back and then began to run his knuckles up and down her spine, lingering especially on her lower back where her backbone had broken and where the nerves were damaged. Mal tried to relax into his touch but her stomach was churning so badly she barely wanted to move.
"I wasn't this sick last time," Mal gasped. "What's wrong with me now?"
"It's common for girls to get sick for the first three months," Ben muttered. "Are you good now?"
Mal took a long, deep breath and then nodded, slowly prying her fingers off the porcelain. Ben sat up into her frame so she didn't have to support herself as much, even though she still couldn't lean. He flushed away the contents of her stomach while she focused on reopening her eye and straightened out her knee so she didn't accidentally hurt it again, leaning on it at a bad angle. His clever fingers began to work into the minor swelling that still existed around that joint as a breeze from the open windows of the bedroom filtered inside.
"This sucks," Mal announced.
"What part?" Ben asked. He leaned around her head – lucky boy, he could still do that – and began to kiss at her neck. Mal would have put her fingers up into his hair, but that kind of muscle movement required healthy, undamaged nerves.
"The sick part," Mal grumbled. "I get it, I'm pregnant. Does my body need to send me a colorful rainbow to let me know what's happening inside of me?"
Ben snorted. "Do you want anything?" He whispered. Mal shook her head, squeezed her eyes closer together, and pressed her frame into his until the nausea began to fade. He continued to kiss her neck and rub his fingers and the heels of his palms into her knees as she focused on the clean smell of the bathroom. After about ten minutes, she opened her eyes and watched Ben's hands as he rubbed her knee carefully.
"I'm okay now," She whispered, putting a hand on his knee. Ben nodded and kept going, biting a little to make her skin blush as she traced her fingers on his knee.
"Talk to me," She whispered after a while. "What's your… vision?"
"Vision?" He mumbled as he paused to take a breath and ask. "Of… us?"
"Yeah," Mal murmured. "Where do we go from here?"
Ben kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her. "I help you through this, taking things slow, and when it's over everything will be okay. And after that…"
"Be specific," Mal commanded. "I know you have your ideas. Go on, tell me."
Bens arm snaked around her torso to pull her even closer into his frame. He deflected the question temporarily to kiss more at her neck and then mumbled. "I can see you taking our baby over to Evie's house for playdates. And she'd be the most fabulously-dressed kid on the block, because Evie is going to make all sorts of things for them, and-"
"She?" Mal interrupted. Ben went silent, and Mal nodded. "Okay," She mumbled.
"Or he," Ben corrected. "But… I tend to imagine our kids to be just like you. Girls with magic and purple hair and green eyes."
Mal hummed, and a clock buzzed from their bedroom. Ben got up, forcing her to move her hands to support herself, and the nausea returned in an unpleasant fit of spinning. She could barely comprehend when Ben's hand appeared in front of her face, so she waved him off. "I need to sit here a bit longer. Sorry. Can you check the time?"
Ben's hand vanished and she listened to his footsteps fade. After a few seconds, a shadow descended across the bathroom floor. She heard Ben take a breath. "Um, are you sure you want to know the time?" He asked.
"What did I miss?" Mal grumbled.
"Not missed… you're missing a meeting with Camelot," Ben informed her. "I have, um, fifteen minutes before I have to be gone. Do you want me to go down and handle that for a few minutes?"
"Please," Mal mumbled as she felt her insides twist violently. "And – whatever I have next, tell them I'll be late."
"Got it," Ben whispered. He leaned walked towards her and hugged her. "You're amazing." He whispered.
"Ugh." Mal groaned. He stood up quickly and left the room, on his phone and calling ahead to her next event.
Mal put a hand to her torso and glared mentally at the small cell clump that resided there. "I don't like you," She told it. "You're making me sick."
Her only response was the rush of her stomach acid racing up her throat.
Mal threw her weight behind victims of attacks since she was currently struggling through her own recovery process. Palace approval rates bumped up a little but remained at a historical low in the wake of Harry and Uma's executions. They were, however, steadily rising.
June began to turn into July. Mal's sickness persisted, and word slowly began to spread as her meetings were scheduled more sparsely throughout the workday and servants began to talk.
"I heard an interesting rumor today," Adam grumbled at breakfast one day as Ben pulled out Mal's chair for her and helped her sit down. She skimmed the breakfast table, looking for something she might be able to hold down for her first meeting, and then made a questioning noise in the back of her throat.
"Is it anything important?" Ben asked, yawning and rubbing his eyes.
"Servants are saying you're sick," Adam announced, tucking his glasses into his coat lapel and addressing Mal.
Mal nodded glumly. "Yeah. It's awful." She sighed, picking at a piece of toast and then carefully taking a bite.
"Are you pregnant?" Adam asked with a raised eyebrow.
Mal spread her hands around her head a little. "Ta-da!" She mumbled, and then closed her eyes and put her head down on the side of the table. Ben immediately began to run his fingertips up and down her spine.
"About a month and a half in. The doctors caught it when she fell at Evie's," Ben informed his dad. "We're going to have to start telling people soon."
"Ben," Mal mumbled into her hand. "We should just text Evie."
"Evie will self-destruct if you text her that." Ben pointed out. "That's not the kind of thing you just text your best friend."
"No, you should text Evie and put in an order for a commission. And then ask her for a tiny outfit or something. That's a good way to tell her." Mal yawned
Ben hesitated, and then pulled out his phone. Mal watched through half-lidded eyes as he began to text. Adam cleared his throat. "Well, that's great. Soon, though. It's only been about seven months since your coronation."
"And still legal," Mal reminded him. So what if she'd been pregnant before Auradon knew she was married and so what if she was pregnant again so soon after her incident? Auradon could talk all they wanted – she didn't care.
She took a bite of her toast as Ben's phone buzzed. A stitch appeared in her side, but she ignored it as she tried to squint at his screen. Evie had asked what they needed, and Ben was typing out a description of a tiny white onesie with 'Little Addition' on the front of it. Mal couldn't wait to see what Evie's reaction would be.
"You have a meeting soon – crap," Ben announced as a banner appeared on his phone screen. "Doctor Horsley is coming up."
"I'll just take some stuff for later." Mal sighed. "Text me screenshots of what Evie does." She took a few pieces of toast and a few slices of strawberries and then left.
The stitch in her side grew bothersome as she took the elevator down to the office floors. Two guards were already waiting outside in anticipation of her meeting. Mal saluted them and then dug in her pocket for her key before she opened the door up and turned on the lights. She sat down with the door wide open and pressed her fingertips to her ribs. Interesting. She shouldn't be aching this much – not until the baby started to grow.
Mal's phone buzzed against the desk and she picked it up with a smile. Ben had just sent her the screenshots of his conversation with Evie. She skimmed the conversation with a smile.
"Wait…. WHHATT?" Evie gasped at the top of the screen.
"Think you could do that for us? We'll need it by about… February?" Ben continued. She could picture him holding back a laugh as he typed.
"Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, yes!" Evie cheered. "I'll get right on that." Then, cut off by the edge of the screen, Mal could see the start of another text. "Is Mal freaking-"
A knock at the door made her glance up. It was Doctor Horsley, holding his trusty blood reader. Mal let out a little groan when she saw him.
"Well, hello to you too." Doctor Horsley laughed as he set down the machine beside her desk and outstretched his hand to shake hers. I understand you got some good news a few weeks ago. Back in May?"
"I'm surprised you didn't break down my front door to make sure I was taking all my crap." Mal sighed. "Yeah, they took my blood while I was out and so Ben got to tell me."
"How did you handle that?" Doctor Horsley asked with a raised eyebrow.
Mal shrugged. "Okay," She mumbled. "I mean, I'm not thrilled, but I'm… fine." She gestured to the chair in front of her desk as her guards entered the room and took up a stance beside the frame. One of them drew the door closed as they stepped in. "Okay, what are we doing today?" She asked, searching on top of her desk for the ever-looming patient file.
"How has your physical therapy been going?" Doctor Horsley asked as he procured a zipper-locked kit that attached to the side of the machine and opened it. Inside was a tiny lance that was used to draw blood, some bandages, and lots and lots of paper strips.
Mal shrugged. "I can't turn my spine well," She told him. "My neck can't be rotated very far either and I still can't lift my arms. But I can get up and down with relatively little pain, and it doesn't make me tired to walk around the halls anymore."
"That's good." Doctor Horsley nodded. "It's a miracle. But still… we need to be careful with your body these next few months." He sighed and gestured for her to hold out her hand. She let him maneuver her fingers around to a semi-awkward angle and then angled the lance on the side of her finger. A sharp poke and a perfect spherical drop of blood appeared on her fingertip.
Her phone buzzed. Mal tried to glance over the screen as Doctor Horsley smeared the blood on a paper sample and then picked his reader up and began punching buttons. Mal blew on her hand to make the blood dry faster and then used her unwounded hand to hold her left side as she shifted uncomfortably.
"Does your side hurt?" Doctor Horsley asked, feeding the strip into the side and then programming it to read the information he wanted. He pulled a bandage out of his kit and began wrapping it expertly around her finger.
"It feels like a stitch. Maybe I walked down too fast." Mal hummed.
"Has it been there long?" Doctor Horsley asked. He put his hands together in a way that told Mal he was concerned. She didn't blame him – it was the side she'd been stabbed on, after all.
"No, only since I left breakfast." Mal directed her gaze back to her phone. It was only calendar alerts. Debra must be scheduling things.
"You mean since you took breakfast with you." Doctor Horsley nodded. "Keep an eye on it," He advised. "If it gets worse, we'll have to take a look at it." The machine let out a very loud, very sudden beep, and switched off. Doctor Horsley examined it with a frown. "Ah." He sighed. "I must have forgotten to charge it. My mistake." He took the machine off her desk. "I'll get back to you with your results before the week is up," He promised.
"Fine." Mal nodded approvingly. "So, as far as my nerve damage and everything is going, how am I supposed to be handling this pregnancy?"
"Carefully," Doctor Horsley warned. "This entire situation is dangerous. We don't want to open any old wounds or anything."
"So, where can I go? What can I do?" Mal wanted to know.
Doctor Horsley laughed. "What can you do?" He asked. "You can't turn your waist or neck and you can't move quickly. The concern isn't about you having to move. My biggest worry is that as you get bigger, you'll hurt that wound on your stomach by stretching it, and also those nerves – you can't avoid problems like those." He shook his head, putting a hand to his chin. "Don't go further than a half-hour away from any doctor's reach," He cautioned her. "I don't know how unsteady you'll be as you get closer to your due date, but another concern of mine is if you fall and hurt your spine more, we might not be able to let you go full term." He exhaled and shook his head. "I know these all seem like such small things, but to be honest there are just so many problems I don't know where to start."
Mal nodded as the cramp in her side flared up a little more. "Okay," She agreed. "I'll be careful. Honest."
Doctor Horsley snorted. "Yeah, no more getting stabbed on balconies, okay?"
"I don't know if I'll be able to resist the temptation." Mal mourned with an eye-roll. Doctor Horsley stared at her, tapping his fingers on the desk with a sigh. She raised an eyebrow at him.
"You're either bravely stupid or stupidly brave," He muttered as he stood up and extended his hand back over the desk to her. "I'll get you and Ben a list of things you need to watch out for. I don't want to put you on more probiotics or anything, but if that's what it comes down to, I'll let you know. Right?"
"Right," Mal agreed, shaking his hand. "Well, until next time, then."
The guards opened the door for him, and Doctor Horsley picked up his machine. With one last nod, he disappeared outside. Mal frowned and tried to lean back and forth as her side flared up in even more pain. How strange. She rubbed her thumb right above the area, and the burn faded somewhat. Mal shrugged it off and returned her focus to work.
"What do you want for your twenty-fifth birthday?" Mal asked. She was at Auradon prep, in the kitchens, putting a sheet of cookies into the oven. The scene was so strange she stopped and examined the baking mitten covering her hand, and then looked back over to where Ben was leaning against the table, scraping the inside of a bowl with a spatula. His hair was a little messy, and he looked a bit younger.
"Twenty-five already?" Ben chuckled and shrugged. "I don't need anything else. All I want is you."
Mal found herself rolling her eyes as she stepped towards him, pulling off the mittens and settling them down on the counter before setting her hand down on his. "Come on," She scoffed. "You already have me." She set her hand on top of his, and they watched the diamonds sparkle on her hand with bright smiles. "How about… enough love cookies for everyone in Auradon?" She waved her hand to accentuate her point and suddenly, out of thin air, her request came to life. Dozens of trays full of steaming walnut and chocolate-chip cookies appeared around the room, extending as far as the eye could see. "Then we wouldn't have to deal with everyone hating us," She reasoned.
Ben waved his hand at the trays and, as quickly as they had appeared, they vanished. "I don't want all of that." He laughed. "All I want is you."
Mal groaned. "Come on!" She pleaded. "There has to be something I can give you."
Ben continued laughing. The corners of his mouth turned up pleasantly and he closed his eyes for a second before he shrugged and met her gaze. "A day off would be nice." He shrugged.
"Agreed." Mal laughed, jumping up onto the counter. She rolled her head on her shoulders and brushed her pants off. "What else?"
Ben reached across her lap for her hip and pulled her along the counter towards him. They leaned their foreheads together and Mal watched him close his eyes in bliss as his hands cupped her hips. "You know what I really want?" He whispered.
"Hmm?" Mal asked, turning her attention fully toward him and wrapping her feet around his back.
Ben leaned his head against her shoulder a little with the same restful smile on his face. He looked like everything in the universe had suddenly fallen into place. And she loved it really – that she could give him this kind of peace. He smoothed her shirt over her hips carefully and she felt his breath skim her neck.
"I want a baby," He told her. "I want a baby with you." And his answer threw her off because hadn't Ben just been telling her a while ago that he didn't mind that she didn't want one right now? That seemed like a bit of a drastic… one-eighty.
"Well, I guess you're in luck." Mal hummed. "It won't be for your birthday, but hey, I'm already pregnant."
"Really?" Ben gasped, stepping back a little with wide eyes. He examined her face for any hint of the lie. Mal raised an eyebrow.
"Didn't you know?" She asked him slowly. "You… you told me about it."
"That's amazing," Ben mumbled with a bright, breathless smile stretching across his face. He stepped back to her, hooked his hands underneath her thighs, and pulled her right off and against his chest. Mal yelped as he spun her around in a circle before he carefully set her down, keeping his hands on her jean pockets. "I'm so excited." He exclaimed, red-faced and in between heavy breaths.
"Ben?" Mal asked, but he continued with shaking hands that settled carefully on her hips and heavy breathing that smelled like mint and cookie dough.
"You're going to be amazing – you are amazing. And I'm so, so happy. This is just… the best news." He kissed her abruptly, long and smooth and soft. Mal waited patiently for the sick, drunken feeling, but it didn't come. A little weight settled into her stomach. Oh. This wasn't real.
"Do you… do you want to go away?" He gasped. "I mean, the kingdom… they're going to be so judgmental."
"Go away?" Mal whispered. "You mean… leave?"
"Don't you hate Auradon?" Ben laughed. "The politics and the drama and the news? We could go somewhere… far away."
His hands wrestled through her hair and his thumb dragged down her cheekbone. Mal swallowed. "And your parents?" She whispered. "Won't you miss them?"
"Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh." Ben recited. "You're all I need in life."
"Did you just quote the bible?" Mal asked. "That's so… good of you."
"Don't you like that?" Ben chuckled. He pulled her mouth up to his and started whispering words onto her breath. "We could leave and you could perform as much magic as you want. You'll never have to hide from the press. Don't worry about being a queen – why would you want that when you can be an enchantress? And now that you don't have the social stigma, you can yell at people to go away and you can destroy things and-"
"Stop," Mal cut him off, pushing his lips away with two fingers as she squeezed her eyes shut.
"What's wrong?" Ben whispered, taking her face in both hands. "You're sad."
"You make this so hard!" Mal sobbed as tears began to fill her eyes. "Don't you know I want to leave and that I wish I wasn't a queen? But it's not like I could leave when this is my only shot at happiness."
"I'll leave," Ben promised. "I'll leave the palace and I'll give up my responsibilities and-"
"No, you won't," Mal exclaimed, breathing hard and wiping her soaked cheeks hastily. "You won't because then you'll be just as unfulfilled as I am. And Auradon would chase you down." She pushed his hands away and buried her face in his chest. "I just… wish we could. But so long as I have you, I'll be okay. I swear."
Ben put his arms around her without a word and began rubbing her back softly. Mal tried to remind herself that this was just a dream. He wasn't really here.
A stabbing pain started throbbing in her right side, so hard Mal flinched out of Ben's grasp, and suddenly he wasn't there. The pain continued, spreading all across her stomach in a horrible pattern of seizing cramps, and she felt warm sheets twisting at her arms.
"Ben?" She hissed through the pain and heard a mumble to her right. "Ben?" She cried again, more urgently as she grit her teeth through the horrible, horrible pain. She felt like she was being stabbed again. Or like someone was pulling needles out of her skin, one by one. Or even like she was being burned.
The weight shifted, and she heard someone grumbling, half-asleep, as they reached for something on the side table. Mal squeezed her eyes shut and her hands found the headboard to grip onto as the pain continued. There was a crash as something – the lamp – fell off the nightstand, and she heard Ben grumble in complaint before a phone light flicked on and he turned back over to examine her.
A stripe of something dark was down his shirt.
Ben's eyes widened and he jumped straight up. "Shoot!" He hissed and hurried to reach down, flip on the light, put it back on the table, and then his hands began to move in erratic patterns. They reached for her, flinched back, tried the pillows and the sheets and couldn't seem to touch them.
"It hurts," Mal hissed, closing her eyes and biting her tongue fiercely. "Can I – can I have some medicine?"
Something was wrong. Something was gravely, horribly, deathly wrong. Her stomach, chest, everything was on fire.
Ben ignored her plea and grabbed her arm. His grip was icy and cold. "Can you get up?" He demanded. "Can you move?"
Mal shook her head, tears falling down her face, and Ben resolved himself to a decision. "Bite your tongue," He demanded, and scooped her up into his arms, pulling her free from all the sheets that she suddenly noticed were… sticking to her.
Ben pulled her up into his arms, close to his chest and carried her into the bathroom. He put her down in the tub first and then got back up in the pitch black to turn the light on. As the lights blared to attention and he turned around in a blind panic, Mal got her first real glimpse at what was wrong and why everything hurt so much.
"Blood," She gasped, staring at his shirt, arms, and pajama pants. Everywhere was blood. There were heavy red splotches where he'd held her frame close to his and his arms had smears like he'd been through a paintball war. He might have been working with clay or paint for all the red that was on his fingertips, and still more was soaked into his clothes. "There's blood all over you."
Ben knelt beside the tub and examined her face for any scratches or blemishes. His eyes traveled down her frame. Mal followed his gaze and wished she hadn't. It looked like the night Uma had attacked her all over again. Her nightdress was soaked, sticky, dried in odd clumps and hanging in a heavy, waving manner off her frame. "Where's it coming from?" He whispered.
A stabbing pain ran through her side and Mal swallowed. Ben put his hand to her waistline, right where the pain was running like a live wire under her skin. "You're hurting," He whispered. "I'm calling a doctor."
"No," Mal declined, trying to sit up more. "Help me first. I need to get this-" She tried to reach for her hemline and horrible, horrible stabbing pains arced through her spine. Her nerves had decided to join the party.
Ben carefully helped her peel the nightgown off her body and then turned on some warm water. Carefully, Mal rinsed off the thick layers of blood, gritting her teeth against the pain. God, it was everywhere. Up and down her legs and covering her abdomen and even in between her toes. And it was all coming from inside of her. No lashes or new wounds.
"How badly is the bed ruined?" Mal asked as she watched clear, dark pink liquid rush down the drain in a little whirlpool.
"I was a bit more worried about you." Ben's voice cracked and he cleared his throat. "It's… messy but replaceable."
Mal closed her eyes and shook her head. "Can you… can you get me some medicine? And call a servant to bring some new sheets and covers up?"
"I'm going to call a doctor first," Ben resolved, getting to his feet.
"There's no point." Mal shook her head, grabbing his sleeve to keep him from retrieving his phone. "They'll lock the whole palace down and wake up Belle and Adam. We'll call Horsley in the morning." She watched more red go spiraling down the drain and swallowed.
"You're covered in blood – there's no way I'm not calling a doctor," Ben protested, staring at her incredulously.
"There's nothing they can do. I'm… losing the baby," Mal admitted, biting her lip and closing her eyes.
There was a long, long pause. She heard Ben swallow. "Well, I figured that," He lied in a scratchy tone. "But I'm still… there's got to be something."
"It's a miscarriage," Mal mumbled, pinching the bridge between her eyes. "All we can do is… control the bleeding." She shook her head. "I'm going to need some feminine things from under the sink, Ben. Can you bring me some new clothes? And some medicine, so I can move?"
For several seconds, he didn't move. And then she heard his feet sticking to the floor as he returned to the bedroom and heard him rustle a little in the dresser before he came back in and put her things on the floor beside the tub for her. He disappeared a little longer and then returned to put a few pills into her hand. Mal couldn't look at him as she focused on washing the rest of the blood off of her. He wandered back into the bedroom when she started to relax under the effects of the drugs. She heard him changing his clothes and stripping everything off their bed before she turned the water off, stood up, and used a wad of toilet paper to stay the heavy bleeding for five minutes so that she could get dried off and redressed. She stood in the doorway to the bedroom as Ben pulled the last sheets of the mattress off and together, they stared at the soaked mattress.
"It went all the way through?" She whispered.
Ben nodded and turned to face her. She let out a sigh and covered her eyes with her hands before she took a deep breath. "Let's go down to my old room," She whispered. "There's enough room down there."
Ben swallowed and took their phones with the chargers from the nightstand. He opened the door and they walked down through the halls in the very, very early morning.
Mal's room was cold and smelled more like her. Mal looked out the windows and could see the very, very faint outline of the horizon. The sun hadn't even started to come up yet.
Ben sat down on the edge of her bed and put his head in his hands. Mal looked over at him and then sat down beside him carefully. "You okay?" She whispered.
Ben shook his head. "I can't believe we're going to try and go to sleep like that didn't even happen," He whispered.
"You have stuff tomorrow," Mal reminded him. "It's almost Sunday. But not tomorrow."
Ben didn't answer. Mal sniffled, and he put his hand down on hers before they both laid down together. Ben pulled the covers up over their necks, and she fell asleep by burrowing deep into Ben's shoulders.
Sunday. There was no work. There was nothing to be done. She sat in the dining room with a paint palette and a dozen small brushes and a beautiful piece of blank paper. Ben sat beside her, watching with a blank expression as she traced beautiful little lines into the pattern of a little lizard curling around a large blue rose.
As she worked on the details of the scales, her and Ben's phones buzzed simultaneously on the table. Mal glanced at them as Ben leaned over and examined the message. "What is it now?" She asked.
Ben cracked a smile. "It's okay," He promised. "We have guests joining us for dinner."
Mal frowned and added a little more water to her paint with a small flick. "Who?" She asked.
"Friends." Ben smiled. "Jane and Lonnie and Doug and the VKs."
"Ah." Mal swallowed. "Poor Evie… we have to tell her about-"
"Shh," Ben cut her off, looking downcast. "I know."
The minutes ticked by slowly, and then the doors to the dining room opened. "Ben? Mal?" Someone called, poking their head in. It was Lonnie, who was beaming as she spotted them. "Ah, here they are guys!" She called behind her and hurried into the room. "Oh my goodness, it's great to see you guys again!" She exclaimed.
"It's great to see you too, Lon." Ben smiled as he and Mal got to their feet. Mal gave her friend a hug as everyone else – from Evie and Emily to Carlos and Dude – appeared.
"I heard good news from Evie." Jane smiled nervously at Mal with raised eyebrows. "Congratulations!"
Ben's smile grew a little tight while Mal's vanished altogether. "Oh," She mumbled.
"I'm so happy for you guys!" Lonnie cheered. Her cheeks were flushed bright pink. "I have to tell you guys something now – you'll be so excited!"
"What?" Ben asked, sighing a little and sitting back down.
"Wait!" Evie interrupted, procuring a white box from under her arm and handing it to Mal with a bright smile. "Ta-da!" She announced.
Mal felt sick to her stomach as she stared at the box, knowing what was inside. She swallowed and began to lift the top with shaking hands. Then she cleared the tissue paper and held up the small onesie Ben had requested from Evie, with the colorful patterns and the cute words on the front. Mal stared at it, and then put it down without a word.
The table grew silent. Evie bit her lip worriedly. "Do you not like it?" She asked, putting Emily up over her shoulder.
Mal cleared her throat. "I… miscarried," She announced, tracing her finger in small circles on the wood of the table. "Two days ago. We haven't really… gotten the word out yet."
Everyone stared at her incredulously. Mal swallowed and turned her gaze away. Ben reached across the corner of the table and squeezed her hand. Slowly, everyone grabbed a chair and sat down. No one was quite sure what to say as they all looked at the tiny outfit that Evie had so carefully crafted.
"Are you okay?" Jane whispered, finally.
Mal nodded without a word, squeezing the life out of Ben's hand. Carlos cleared his throat. "What happened?" He whispered.
Mal closed her eyes. She knew she had to talk, because Ben really, really didn't want to talk about it. "The doctor hasn't gotten back to us yet. He called the morning after it happened and told me based on the blood work that I'd lost it, but we, um, had already figured that out. So the baby has been gone for about five or so days."
"So… wait, I'm confused," Jay trailed off. "How did you know it was… gone? I mean, if the doctor called you afterward, then…"
"Bleeding," Mal explained softly. "I bled and that's when I realized it was gone."
Ben was shaking his head next to her, still not saying anything, and she knew he was picturing the sight of her covered in all that blood. Mal shook her head and turned her gaze to the ground. "Well, um, we're okay. We are. And everything will be fine." Mal let out a little breath and put a small smile on her face before she turned to Lonnie. "What were you going to say?" She asked.
All of the color drained out of Lonnie's face. She had pulled up a chair beside Mal's and was resting her hands on her knees. She glanced back and forth between everyone else in the group, specifically Jay and Mal. She looked absolutely terrified.
Lonnie cleared her throat as everyone's gazes stayed on her and shrugged nonchalantly. "Um, no – nothing!" She squeaked. "I was, um, talking about the, um, the…" Her eyes darted around the room. "The, um, clothes Evie made. Yes!" She slumped into the back of her chair and wouldn't meet anyone's eyes.
"Lonnie?" Mal asked, confused.
Lonnie pursed her lips together and stared at Jay in panic, urging him with her eyes to do something. He, however, looked to be at a complete loss. Lonnie swallowed and pushed her bangs out of her face. "Jay and I picked a final date for our wedding," She mumbled. "We're going to do September the ninth."
"I thought you were pushing it back more for Lonnie's job?" Mal asked, frowning. "Weren't you planning for spring?"
Lonnie deflated, carefully avoiding their gazes, and something clicked in Mal's head. She set her hand down and glanced around the table at everyone. "Someone say it," She commanded sharply. Jane, Carlos, Jay, and Evie all flinched.
For several seconds, there was silence, and then Lonnie put a hand on her belly as her eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry," She apologized. "I had no idea what you guys were going through – I never would have said anything if I'd known."
"You're pregnant?" Mal mumbled, watching Lonnie as she turned her gaze away in pain. With a quick nod, she affirmed everything.
Ben relinquished Mal's hand like he'd been shocked, and a horrible gasping sound escaped his throat. He sounded like he'd been shot. "Ben?" Mal asked as he stood up, pushing off of the armrests on his chair and stumbling a little.
He waved off her concerns, then shoved his hands deep into his pockets and gave a shaky nod to everyone in the room. "I'm just going to take a walk," He whispered. Everyone watched silently as he headed for the door, and Mal swallowed as he disappeared. She turned to Lonnie, painting that same, bright, political smile onto her face to hide her worry and shock.
"How far are you? Won't the dress show your bump?" She asked.
Lonnie shook her head with tears falling down her cheeks and refused to say another word. Jay cleared his throat. "She's a month in," He mumbled. "And that's why we're having it so soon. She doesn't want to be showing in all her photos."
"You could always do it the royal way and have it next Friday." Mal laughed. "But hey, I'm happy for you guys. How long has it been?"
"It will have been two years of engagement on September fourth." Jay laughed. "We are… we're certainly holding it out."
"No kidding." Mal rolled her eyes. "I never would have survived that long. The press was unbearable as it was."
Lonnie wiped her cheeks and sniffled. "Well… it worked for us. We liked the flexibility."
"Have you told your parents yet?" Mal asked. "Are they mad?"
"My dad is pissed," Lonnie mumbled and hiccupped. "Mum… she kind of rolled her eyes and I think she and my grandma were passing money underneath the table."
Everyone burst into laughter imagining Mulan, with grey streaks in her hair, exchanging coins with her mother while Shang glared Jay down. Mal nodded with a soft smile. "I'm happy for you. That's amazing. Maybe if it's a boy we can set you and Evie's kids up when they get older." She picked up the box with the onesie and put the cover back on. She swallowed and stared at it, unsure of what to do.
"You don't have to keep it, Mal," Evie whispered. "I understand… it hurts."
"I'm fine," Mal insisted though she was starting to feel a bit irrationally angry about the whole thing. Lonnie was pregnant now? And Evie had her baby and now Mal had lost two. This didn't seem fair at all. "It's Ben I'm worried about," She admitted as she turned and held the box out to Lonnie, who stared at her incredulously. "Do you want that?" She asked. "It might as well be used."
Lonnie took the box with shaking hands, looking sick. Mal turned and picked up her paintbrushes to keep painting, and then set them down again. She bit her lip. "Actually… would you guys mind hanging out here for just a few minutes? I want to check on Ben and make sure he's okay. He's, um, not taking this well." She pushed her chair up and carefully got to her feet.
Evie nodded. "Take your time," She mumbled, squeezing Emily in her arms a little.
Mal left the room and felt a breeze blowing in from the doors that led straight to the outside and connected to the driveway and east side parking lots. Ben must have left the door open so someone could find him if needed. She stepped towards the outside doors, slipped out, and latched the doors behind her. The sunshine beat down on her skin, and she grumbled as she covered her eyes. She looked all around and then took a few steps forward. Her toes found the edge of a step and she grumbled as she glared down at the concrete and carefully tried to shift her ribcage to take a step down. She couldn't.
"Ben?" She called, gritting her teeth as she tried to maneuver past the steps. "Ben?"
"Here." A voice came, and she looked up as he appeared, walking towards her. "Do you need me?" He asked.
"I can't get down," Mal admitted with a scowl. Her voice dropped into a whisper even though no one else was around. "Can you help me?"
A small twinge pulled at the corner of Ben's mouth. He stepped towards her and swept her off her feet. Mal cried out in pain as her side crumpled against his chest, and then laughed a little to let him know she was okay as he put her down in front of the steps. She patted his chest as she slowly straightened up. "You haven't done that for years." She laughed. "You used to try and pick me up all the time."
"Every time I saw you." Ben nodded. "Before you lived here."
Mal nodded and put her hands on his cheeks. The effort was hard on her shoulders, but she ignored it as she pulled him down and kissed him, hard.
She hadn't even realized all of the weight that was on her shoulders until suddenly it was falling off of her, and she felt lighter. Ben relaxed under her fingertips and kissed her back.
They ended up on the hot pavement, on the steps, kissing each other over and over and growing more and more incoherent. Slowly, they descended into absolute drunkenness and, seconds before Mal passed out, she felt Ben let out a breath and let her go, wrapping his arms around her instead.
"You're not okay," Mal gurgled a little, closing her eyes and leaning into his shoulder. Ben sniffled and squeezed her tightly. "Want to talk?" She whispered.
"What's there to talk about?" Ben rehearsed lamely. "There's not much we can do about it."
"But you're sad," Mad prompted.
"Yeah," Ben hummed. "It's sad. I'm sad." His arms moved to protect her limbs from the hot, overbearing sun.
"But it'll be okay," Mal reminded him. "It's not the end, you know."
Ben's arms constricted, squeezing her tightly into her chest so suddenly her breath was stolen from her lungs. "I'm worried," He whispered. "I know this is all soon, but every miscarriage just… lowers the chances of a successful pregnancy. I'm just… anxious."
Mal sat back up, pushing his arms away a little. "You… you're worried I can't do this?" She asked, furrowing her brow.
"I have no doubts about your determination to try, but Mal, you were stabbed. What if there's more permanent damage or even shock traces? What if – what if it's just not feasible with your wounds?" Ben tried to meet her eyes and found he couldn't. Mal stared at him in increasing horror. "I can't… I don't want to have to let you go."
Mal felt like she was being squeezed through a very tight tube. She swallowed. That's why he wanted this so badly. That's why he was so desperate. A baby – with her, by him – ensured that he'd be able to keep her forever. He wouldn't have to let her go. It ensured – guaranteed, really – that they would get their Happily Ever After. And suddenly she wanted it just as much as he did. She put a hand to her middle, suddenly realizing with growing mourning exactly what they'd lost. She squeezed her eyes shut.
"I'm going to go down to the hospital tomorrow after work," She declared. "And I'm going to get everything checked out and I swear, I'm going to make this happen." She got to her feet shakily – with her head spinning all the way.
"You can't just – make this happen." Ben frowned, grabbing her hand. "Mal, we have to take this slowly. I know you're scared. You know – you know I'm scared too." He paused, squeezing his eyes shut and getting to his feet slowly. "The more time we wait though, the safer this will be and-"
"I have waited," Mal spat with angry tears filling her eyes. "I waited eight years and then I waited all that recovery time and all these ten months we've been married and I'm sick of waiting, Ben. I'm always waiting for the government to decide they hate me, to decide I can't be with you. I'm sick of waiting for the moment we have to break up; I want to start waiting for the moment I finally get to be with you forever and ever without people always trying to break us up."
"We need time," Ben insisted. "This entire year has been a wreck, and we just need some time to let you heal, to let me heal, to get everything under control and-"
"I'm going to go in," Mal insisted. "Even just to make sure everything is fine. It doesn't mean I have to be pregnant by next month but, by God, I'm not going to wait eight more years to make sure I'm allowed to be with you,"
Ben deflated a little, still squeezing her hand as he nodded to her words. "Okay," He whispered. "Want me to come with?" He asked.
Mal shook her head. "No. I'm going to go out by myself this time. I'll take the guards though, just in case there are any stairs." That was a joke. She wasn't allowed to leave without guards. Ben nodded. She glanced back at the door. "You know, we're horrible hosts. You stormed out and I followed you, leaving all our friends alone."
Ben snorted and followed her gaze to the door. "We'd better get back," He agreed. Mal glanced cautiously at the stairs and started to take a step up. Ben scooped her up and set her back on the top of the steps with a smile. He opened the door for her, and together they slipped inside.
"Okay, I want to plan all of this out," Mal declared, sitting down in the living room as Evie followed behind her. Evie set Emily's little carrier down beside the couch as she gaped at everything Mal had laid out on the rosewood coffee table. Medical records, doctor's notes, her patient's file, palace regulation manuals and dozens of printed resources covered the abused space. "Where do I start? How much of this do I need to know?"
"Oh my goodness, Mal." Evie gasped. "Don't you think this is a bit… much?"
Mal ran her hands through her hair. "I want to get this rolling." She sighed. "Please, Evie, I need this."
"Mal," Evie met her eyes, looking a bit overwhelmed by Mal's tone of voice. "It's been, like, a week."
"Eleven days." Mal sighed half-heartedly. It was July ninth. She'd been momentarily rerouted in her quest while preparing for Ben's birthday on the fifth, but now she was ready to start planning things out. "Just… where do I start? What do I need to know?"
"Geesh, Mal." Evie sighed, sitting down and picking up Mal's two-inch-thick patient file. Mal remembered sadly the days it had only held two neatly-typed papers. "I have no idea. When Doug and I decided to have Emily, we just timed things around when I was bleeding." She sighed as she stared at all the doctor's scribbles that filled her file. "Is there a… calendar anywhere in this mess?" She asked.
Mal shuffled around a stack of books and held up a collection of calendars for the next year and a half. Evie reached for them, and a manual detailing who the royals were allowed to pass the crown to slid off the table. Evie caught it with her fingertips and put it back down in the center of the mess. "Your life is ridiculous," She hissed.
Mal snorted. "Only because I married a ridiculous person." She laughed and began to tap her foot to an invisible beat. R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S.
Evie glared across the table at her. "I know what you're thinking," She grumbled. "Stop."
Mal burst into laughter and winced as her side stabbed her, yet again. Evie's frown grew deeper. "Mal, have you talked to Ben about this? You miscarried eleven days ago, you have permanent nerve damage, and-"
"I know the risks," Mal assured her. "I swear, I know. And yes, I've talked to Ben. This is… all we talk about anymore." She sighed and leaned forward, running her hands through her hair. "Listen, we're worried. I shouldn't have miscarried. We don't know what caused it; it could have been shock or residual damage or anything. But now I've officially lost two pregnancies and I'm scared. If I can't have a kid, then Ben will have to find someone else; that's just the way this works. And once there is a child, then that's, like, a guarantee. So long as they're there, I get to stay with him. So I'm begging you, Evie, help me figure this out."
Evie let out a longsuffering sigh and slumped into the couch. "Mal, you can't just have a baby to keep your husband. That's a horrible reason to become a mother. You're going to be responsible for bringing another person to life, and then raising them and loving them, and you need to make sure you're prepared for that responsibility."
"I will be." Mal sighed. "I will – I am." She let out a heavy sigh. "God, please, Evie, please."
Evie shook her head as she continued taking in the minefield of papers. "I don't even know where to start, M." She sighed. "I didn't have to deal with… permanent injuries and government codes." She put the patient's file down on the table and shook her head.
"Well, let's start simple," Mal exhaled, looking at all of the papers. "Let's say… A year from now I want to have a baby. In June or July."
Evie rolled her eyes. "Normally, I would say you can't just expect to get pregnant at a certain time, but you seem to have some pretty outrageous luck in that department," Evie grumbled and folded her arms. "It's actually insulting. Your problem isn't that you can't get pregnant, it's that you can't keep the pregnancy."
"It's not my fault I was stabbed," Mal grumbled and rolled her eyes.
"I suppose not." Evie frowned. She sighed and gestured for the calendars. "Okay, so June or July?"
"Yes," Mal agreed, sitting on the edge of her chair and looking over everything. Evie let out a deep, frustrated breath, and then they both began to pour over documentations together.