Thank you so much for keeping up with me and this story. Some crazy stuff went down this month that I was not prepared for. I really wanted to try and get these chapters churned out once a week, but with finals and so many people becoming unreliable at work, it just became impossible. Anyways, you guys are awesome, I really appreciate all the love and support this story is getting! Enjoy!
Sakura swiped a finger beneath her eyes before anyone could notice, watching the nurse peel back Sasuke's bandages. He winced as the cool air hit the open wound on his stomach.
"Are you certain you wish to see this, Haruno-sama?" the woman asked. Sakura nodded fervently.
"The practice of medicine is intriguing to me," her voice came strained, but the nurse did not notice. Sasuke's eyes, however, met Sakura's and she tore her gaze away. They both knew why she was really there. The nurse dropped the soiled wrappings into a basket beside his gurney.
"The water should be heated now, I'll return presently," the woman took up the basket and slipped out of the curtains, leaving them alone. Sakura's hand shot to Sasuke's, clutching it tightly with a force that told him she never wanted to let go. Her eyes glanced the table by his bed and she noted that her key still sat there, unattended.
"Are you not pleased to see me?" Sakura asked quietly, watching his brows furrow as he looked at her. She had been there from the moment he had woken up, which was not long ago. He had slept right through lunch, an exhaustion claiming him like no other; it was one that had been enough to silence his nightmares for most of the night.
"You should not be here."
"No?" she frowned, "It is my palace and you are my guard; I shall go about my business as I please."
Sasuke scowled. He tried to look away from her but his neck felt stiff from lying immobile on the bed for so long. She shook her head and sighed.
"Let me," slipping her hands beneath his neck, she fluffed his pillow, allowing him better elevation.
"You do not need to care for me," he muttered when she resumed her seat, "The nurses will see to that."
"And if I wish to care for you?"
"It is not your duty."
"No, it is my privilege," she scowled, then straightened her back when the nurse reentered with a pan of hot water and a towel.
"Kusako-san," another woman rushed in through the curtains, breathless, "Yunago-san is hemorrhaging! We need you right away!"
Kusako dropped the pan and cloth at Sasuke's bedside table and muttered a quick 'excuse me,' before both nurses hurried away.
"You should return to your rooms now," Sasuke frowned, watching the curtains still swaying from the nurses's abrupt exit, "There is no point in you staying to watch this."
"Nonsense," Sakura shot to her feet and walked around the span of the gurney to retrieve the towel. She dipped it in the steaming water, wrung it out, then reached for the cut on Sasuke's head. His hand snatched her wrist.
"Do not do this."
"Why?" Sakura's voice was a quiet snarl, "I am not incompetent. I have been in this very infirmary before; I know how to clean a fresh wound."
In truth, that was not his concern. He was surprised, actually, how the idea of her tending to him was so natural it had not even caused him to blink. But, his fear stemmed from her touch against his fragile, naked skin. He did not wish to be at the mercy of her will in such a condition.
"Why must you torment me?" his hand shook with restraint but Sakura mistook it for fatigue.
"I am only returning the favor," her words were cold, striking him more deeply than the debris of the explosion had. She tore her hand away, dipped the towel and wrung it out once more. When she reached for him, he did not stop her. Sakura rubbed the marred skin of his forehead, clearing away the blood, and slowly inching her way closer to the cut. He winced when she grazed it. She frowned, brows scrunching tightly and folded the cloth to present a clean side. Gingerly, Sakura pressed the warm towel to the cut and dabbed lightly, "Tell me if it hurts and I will stop."
It stung terribly, but Sasuke did not say a word. He thought, for a moment, that if he spoke, he might just voice enough to push her away. But he could not conjure a good enough reason to do so in that moment. Sakura set the towel in the heated water once again, twisting the blood and dirt out of the cloth before bringing it to the large, muddled wound at his abdomen. As she had before, she began by clearing away the surrounding area, revealing more of his bare skin inch by inch. She lingered more than she needed to, taking her time with intention, bordering the hard lines of his muscles.
"May I ask you a question?" her hand did not falter in its path as she spoke.
"I do think I could stop you," he had meant the jab to be lighthearted, but Sakura met his eyes with a sullen expression. She appeared to care for his permission, and would not speak until he gave it. He cleared his throat uncomfortably, "Yes, you may."
"How did you know to find me that night?" her fingers shook slightly, but she tightened her grip on the towel until she could not see the tremor anymore, "No one else came for me, but you knew I would be in direct danger."
Sasuke breathed deeply, nostrils flaring with agitation. Sakura dropped her eyes as she came closer to the edges of his laceration. It was deep and wider than the one on his forehead, but not as long as she had been led to believe with all the blood. It almost looked to her as though something had become lodged in his stomach, causing a chill to ripple over her skin.
"I did not lie to you," he said quietly, almost in a whisper. He could not risk anyone hearing, "A man did tell me you would be in danger; he recognized me."
"If he knew you, then would he not have worked harder to conceal himself from you?" Sakura took care to whisper as well, fearful that the nurses could come in at any moment.
"He did not know me personally, but he knew Itachi," Sasuke felt himself reluctant to speak further, but he was sure the worst had already been revealed between them, "The man said I was to pay for my family's mistakes."
"Why?" Sakura looked up, then, pausing in her movements, "If he was intent on attacking me, why would he care what your family did?"
"He blames Itachi," Sasuke stopped, watching her open gaze and becoming fully aware of how his next words would sound to her, "For his sister's death."
Sakura did not say anything. She did not make a snide comment. Instead, she wrung the towel out once more, turning the water in the bowl a deeper red. Placing the warm cloth over the wound she applied just the softest pressure, but Sasuke lifted his working arm and put his hand over hers, inhibiting the action. She shook her head and screwed her eyes shut, as though she were trying to stave off her own emotions.
"I do not know if it is possible to miss somebody I have never met in my life," her breath shuddered through her lips, "But I feel that I do everyday."
He did not have an answer for her, but rather only another question. Was it possible to hold both love and hatred for the dead? He realized in that moment, that he might have begun to question his loyalty to his family. Sasuke had never known the truth behind Itachi's actions; he had never felt that he needed to. He had always trusted his brother implicitly. But, Itachi had never mentioned a woman, nor had he spoken of his knowledge of the Akatsuki or how he would know they would attack the Uchiha Compound that night. He began to ask himself why the claims of one man, an enemy, might lead him to distrust his own family, but then Sakura took her hand away and pulled him out of his thoughts.
"Why did he have to take him away from me?" her bloodied hands shook as she twisted the soiled rag between them, "How many years did he get with you? Five? Six?"
Sasuke was ushered into silence by her inquiry.
"And I got nothing. My own brother and I can not even carry his memory," she was trembling violently, eyes thrown to the ground as if he were not worthy of her gaze. He did not feel that he was deserving of her presence then, either.
"I can only apologize for my brother's actions so often, but there will never be truth to those words," he said quietly, watching the hair fall in front of her face. He lost sight of her green orbs and it caused an irritation to settle beneath his skin, "I can not apologize for something I know nothing of. It would serve no purpose other than to insult you and that would never be my intention."
His words ended with a sharp snap that brought her gaze forward. For once, Sasuke was faced with the forbearing expression he always seemed to carry, the quiet stoicism, but in her features, it appeared as a weapon; a corporeal barrier that sprung to life in the small space they occupied.
"You are right, I should not be here," she set the cloth in the bowl and shook the water from her fingers, before shoving the curtains aside to leave. He did not stop her; he only watched her slip away from him. But his uncertainty did not leave with her and he knew then, that the farmer was not the only reason he had been clouded by doubt.
The debris had gradually become covered throughout the day by the torrential snow so much so that when Sakura emerged from the infirmary, she looked across her garden, to the other side of the lake and it was as if nothing had occurred there; if only that had been the truth, she thought forlornly. Sakura hugged her cloak tighter, the sharp wind biting her bare knuckles as she trekked back to her room. Kakashi stood outside and, as she approached him, a bemused expression came over him.
"It seems Uzumaki-san is right to keep such a close eye on you," Kakashi pondered aloud, "You were gone when I returned."
Sakura gave him a weak smile, but his derisive grin and blunt words unnerved her. Kakashi pulled open the doors and Sakura stepped inside. She ran for her bedroom, locking herself in and kicking off her shoes. She sat with a huff on top of her sheets and sulked horribly. How was it that she could feel so strongly for a man like Sasuke and yet harbor anger against him for the fate of her brother at the same time?
"We split up here," Sasori spoke with an air of command and pointed at the prisoners with a sharp finger, "Half of you will take the East and the other half will take the West, with us."
"Do you really think that to be a good idea?" one of the men barked.
"It will make it more difficult for them to catch us," Deidara stepped in with a defensive sneer.
"But if they do, then we will be outnumbered."
Sasori scowled, eyes narrowing to a glare as the Akatsuki warriors backed away, creating a divide. Almost two dozen men stood as a wall against Sasori, promulgating their allegiance and their skepticism of his.
"Then pray they do not catch you," Kabuto spoke carefully, slowly as if to a child, "The Emperor does not have enough men to hunt us if we are going in two different directions. I doubt he would send them past his own border, as well; that's less than a week on foot."
"Do not carry fear in your hearts," Deidara stated, "We are not far from freedom."
The prisoners considered their accomplices for a long moment. Could they trust each other? Sasori and his followers did not carry the brand of Orochimaru's army, but they had certainly proved some measure of loyalty by defying the Emperor's will. Though their fealty was faulty, half of the soldiers came to stand beside Sasori.
"Then, we will meet you at the border," one of the men said before turning and walking to the East.
"I pray they do not find us all," Kabuto called out as they turned and began to the West.
"Prayers are for the weak," Sasori hissed quietly, breath freezing in the air. His eyes scoured the white expanse around him, a blank canvas awaiting his artistry, "We make our own fate from here."
"Once for yes, twice for no," Itachi said, drawing a notch in the trunk of the tree with his knife. He drew two more, close together, signifying the words he spoke. Then, he carved out the shape of an X, "This is a call for help," he placed the point of the knife between the top two lines of the X, carving out a small divot, "This means your position of distress is in the North. Left would be West, right: East, and bottom: South."
"Did they come for you?" Sasuke asked quietly. It caused Itachi to pause and an unpleasant shadow to fall over him. He kept his back to Sasuke, facing the marks in the thick trunk of the tree. The hand holding the knife dropped heavy at his side.
"No, they could not," he said solemnly. He would have left it at that, but the Uchihas were a clan of warriors and Sasuke would be no different. Itachi had sought to protect his brother from the horrors of war for as long as he could, but he had underestimated how much Sasuke had learned in his absence.
"Because they died," Sasuke's words were a statement; he did not need to inquire because he had heard everything from his father. He had heard the tirades Fugaku unleashed about Itachi when the news came to their village.
You are not like him, Sasuke. I am thankful everyday that you never will be.
"Yes," Itachi said, sparing his brother a slight glance. Sasuke was unassuming and looked up without accusation, speaking so low, his voice was almost carried out with the wind,
"Did you kill them, too?"
"Haruno-sama, how are you feeling?" Lee approached her carefully, skirting the bench where she sat to watch the sun rise behind the dark clouds, as if he sought her invitation.
"As well as I can be," she answered simply, forgetting manners for the briefest moment and failing to ask him how he was.
"Did you receive my letter?"
She stiffened, her eyes flicking to his quickly.
"Yes, thank you."
"I had not heard from you, so I was not sure," he said quietly, "I was concerned."
"Of course," she responded and gestured for him to sit beside her, "I apologize, but I have not had much time to think."
"I understand," Lee took a bold step and, after seating himself, clasped her hands between his, "I do wish you would confide in me; you should not have to bear your unpleasant feelings alone."
"You speak so boldly, Lee-san," Sakura swallowed audibly while her fingers twitched in his hold.
"Does it make you uncomfortable?" his eyes bore into hers and Sakura found herself tearing away from him. She was incredibly uncomfortable, but she could never admit that, not for her pride and not for her diligent training in etiquette.
"I am flattered, Lee-san," she blinked rapidly and turned away from him, facing the direction of the wind, because it seemed to be easier than confronting his curious visage, "But I do not - ,"
She broke off. How could she possibly explain it to him? Sakura was not emotionally stunted. She was not without need for connection, obviously. But how could she tell Lee that she had already found that connection, that she already had that person she wished to confide in? As obstinate as he was and as stagnant as they seemed to be at that moment, Sakura could not envision a man to rival Sasuke.
She felt herself choking on her words then, vision becoming blurred as the snow whirled around them, and so, Sakura walked away, bottling every shred of her will that told her to run and incarcerate herself within the walls of her bedroom. She did not hear Lee calling after her as she steered herself in the direction of the infirmary.
"I do not understand!" Kizashi slammed his hands on the table, a fury inciting his movements, "How have we lost them?! They created an explosion big enough to shake the entirety of my kingdom, stole a horde of my prisoners, and you lost them?!" Kizashi did not wait for an answer, he already had one. He lashed out, striking the papers from his desk. Kakashi stood at the back of the room, watching the line of guards at the unfortunate end of the Emperor's wrath.
"Well?!" the soldiers flinched as his booming voice echoed through the room, "Have you nothing to say?"
"We lost their tracks with the snow," a soldier piped up. He then dared to speak further, pleading with the Emperor, "We do not have the men required to track them down. What few guards I have left have been injured by the attack. We are what is left and we can not leave the palace so defenseless."
The Emperor scowled, a low rumble emanating from his chest; he could not argue. There was little hope for them and it dawned on him like the cold, quiet mornings of winter, desperately slow, but all consuming.
"We need more soldiers," Kakashi stated plainly, declaring the transparent notion, "Have you considered the Hokage's offer further?"
"That is a last resort," Kizashi grimaced, eyes to the floor where he knew the Hokage's entreaty lay amongst the mess he had made, "One I will not consider at this time."
"Then, what are we to do, Sir?" another soldier asked.
"Kakashi-san," the Emperor's gaze hesitated, avoiding all attention fixed on him, "Send word to the village of the Sand."
"Sir, they would not possibly - ,"
"They must!" Kizashi's voice cut through the space, "Perhaps they are willing to set aside our differences, for the sake of a common enemy. If we can enlist their help, we may have a fighting chance."
Kakashi nodded brusquely and left the room with the other soldiers. The Emperor sat with a heavy sigh behind his desk, alone for the first time in what felt like an eternity. He placed his head in his hands, the burden of the Empire weighing unsteady on his shoulders, as his eyes began to burn; Kizashi felt the tears hit his palms before he could garner the will to stop them.
"Haruno-sama, how can I help you?" Kusako approached her as soon as Sakura had stepped through the doors, "If you are here for Uzumaki-san, he is resting now."
"That is good to hear," Sakura smiled sweetly. She fumbled with her thoughts for a moment, failing to present a better reason as to why she had come yet again, "M-May I see him?"
"If you wish," Kusako nodded and ushered her over to his bedside, the curtains having been pulled far apart, "He informed me you helped to clean his wounds."
"Oh," she exhaled softly, eyes falling to his serene features.
"You did quite well," Kusako said with a small laugh, "You do certainly have a knack for it."
"Thank you," Sakura offered the older woman a brief glance, recalling the first time she had fallen from her horse and scraped her leg on a branch, "I did have you to teach me."
Kusako smiled and patted her on the shoulder before leaving her be. Sakura attempted to act inconspicuously as she drew the curtains around Sasuke's bed before sitting in the chair that still resided from her last visit. She twisted her fingers together in her lap to prevent her restless hands from taking reign. The conflict that raged within her was a difficult thing to quiet and she found that it was largely due to her limitless ability to argue with herself.
Sasuke fidgeted on the gurney, twisting until he winced and his eyes were wrenched open from the pain. Her hand flew to his chest, causing his gaze to lock on her.
"Do not move in a such a way," she chastised, "You are only going to injure yourself further."
"Why are you here?" he croaked out.
"I will come if I please," she snapped; he glared at her for it.
"And if I do not want you here?"
"Do you think you can hurt me more than you have done already?" she questioned harshly.
"If I must hurt you to keep you away then so be it," he snarled. Sakura recoiled from her placement on his chest with an air of opposition.
"Must you be so crass?"
"If you do not like it, then leave," he hissed, "I will not put on affectations for you."
"I have never asked you to," she retorted, stiffening in her chair, "I do not wish you to be anyone else."
"No?" his voice lilted as if in an attempt to mock her, "You do not wish me to be born of a different name?"
She stuttered, faltering in her thoughts, but found that she already knew the answer to that question.
"If you had been, I fear I would not love you," she admitted softly, casting her eyes to her hands, wrung taut in her lap. Then, suddenly, her words came in a passionate tumble, wrought with pain and desperation, "So, you may beat my heart if you feel that you need to, you may strike it as you wish, but I am certain you will only be disappointed. You have already sullied me in ways that cannot be undone and if I am to be punished for loving you then I will hold my head high as they drag me through the streets and cry, 'Whore.'"
Sakura stood quickly then, slipping through the curtains and muttering under her breath, "Good day."
Sakura lay in her darkened room, wound into a weeping mess atop her sheets. How could he be so cruel? To deny her something she had already been allowed to taste, to deny her a passion she had basked in for one brief moment, caused a swell of sorrow to rise within her. She knew his statements came from the same fractured place in her heart that prohibited their indulgences, but it did not make the truth of them any easier to swallow.
"We should rest now," Kabuto kicked the gathering snow at his feet and looked up to the clouds. A storm was brewing, the sky darkening to near black. He peered back, in the direction of the palace, and saw that it had already been struck by the harsh determination of winter.
"We do not rest until we reach the border," Sasori trudged on, but Deidara and the other men fell behind, stepping beside Kabuto.
"They will not be able to track us in these conditions," Kabuto had to shout over the howling wind that gathered speed.
"If we stop, we give them the opportunity to gain on us," Sasori snapped.
"We will not be able to find our way," Deidara added and Sasori growled, breath puffing in the air.
"There is a cave not far from here," he hissed, eyeing the dismal conditions before him; their visibility was worsening by the second. Deidara was right, it was already becoming difficult to find the path home, "If we can make it there, we will be shielded from the storm come nightfall."
"Very well," Kabuto acquiesced and their envoy continued forward.
She was there when he woke the next day, tired eyes tracing the words of the book in her lap, but her restless mind was unable to retain the information. He watched her for the briefest of moments while she failed to notice he was aware, and then he spoke,
"What are you doing here?"
She was startled out of her reverie and adjusted her posture, closing the journal.
"I came to see you."
He wasn't entirely sure why her admission had shocked him, but he assumed it was because he expected her to be angry with him after the way he had spoken to her; he had not expected to see her at all. He almost wished he did not have to. Guilt and shame were a difficult thing to swallow and they had been lodged in his throat since she'd left. There were not words strong enough to convey how horrible he felt, how desperately he wanted to apologize to her.
"I've never been upset with somebody I've been in love with," she paused and gave a small laugh; he knew she was thinking that she'd never been in love at all, "But I imagine it is much like being upset with a parent; the love is always there, it is an unconditional thing."
He wanted to protest, to push her away so that she would not wish to see him. She should not love him after the way he had treated her, but he also wanted to hold her close and revel in the way she spoke to him.
"Please," she said quietly, "Do not make me leave."
"Do you really wish to stay? And see me like this?" he was certain he looked as awful as he felt.
"I want all of you," she proclaimed unabashedly, "The good and the bad."
Despite it all, he thought her declaration to be quite bold. He could not look away from her enchanting eyes as she continued to speak,
"I am not better without you," she shook her head, "And even the pain, unbearable as it is, is a promise that you are here."
"Is that promise enough?"
"For now," she answered, "But I've told you before, it is not enough to have only a part of you. If I have not left you now, knowing what I know, I doubt there is much else that would cause me to turn away from you."
He caught her hand, knotting their fingers together.
"I know you would not leave me by choice," he made sure to put emphasis on his last couple words. It would be a forcible, violent thing that ultimately tore them from each other; the high hand of her family's power bringing them apart.
"I do not wish to lose you, Sasuke-kun, but I would rather know all of you for only a moment than have none of you for an eternity."
"And yet, I would rather you survive without me, than perish for knowing me."
Her thumb stroked his knuckles and she chewed her lip with contemplation, brows scrunched tight.
"We are quite the match, wouldn't you say?" she frowned, but there was a tone of sarcasm to her words.
"Yes," he swallowed and spoke slow, "Doomed from the start."
"Do you think so?"
"Yes."
"Is that bad?"
"I do not know."
"I would think only the greatest loves, the legacies left by them, are made only possible by the urgency of their impending destruction."
"Perhaps you are correct," he said thoughtfully. Sasuke had seen urgency in his father's eyes the night Fugaku had last looked on Mikoto.
"May I come visit you tomorrow?"
"If you wish."
"I do," she released his hand, "But you know that. Do you wish me to come tomorrow?"
Her eyes searched his, but she was not imploring him with a silent plea. She wanted him to make the decision, needed him to. She needed to see that he would put the effort forth to continue seeing her, as she did for him.
"Yes," the word came out before he even thought to stop it, and when he did think to do so, it became irrelevant when she lit up with a bright smile. Sakura kissed his cheek and stood.
"Then, I will see you tomorrow," she left his gurney, book in hand, and shut the curtains behind her.
Sasuke did not speak, his small knuckles were white with how tautly he pulled at the grass beneath him.
"Are you upset that I am leaving?"
A tear rolled down his cheek and splattered on his knee. He was attuned to the way it rolled down his leg, leaving a cold trail.
"I do not like this game," Sasuke mumbled.
"I think it is a fine game," Itachi plopped beside him on the forest floor, regarding his downcast gaze briefly before looking up to the trees that circled above them. The coverage of leaves gave them protection from the sweltering sun and a slight breeze wrapped around them, a cool caress, "This game is best when words fail us."
"I think it is silly."
"Are you upset with me?"
Sasuke looked up at his brother whose eyes traversed the sky as though it were the last time he would look upon it. Sasuke considered the question. He knew he was upset but he also knew, somewhere within his mind, his brother had no control over the situation. He tugged on Itachi's shirt once.
"Are you upset that I am leaving?"
He tugged one more time.
"Me, too," Itachi said quietly.
"Put your arm around my shoulder," Sakura tightened her hand at his waist, fingers folded over his bandage. Sasuke complied, leaning his weight against her gradually, "Ready?"
He nodded and she stood carefully, pulling him up one inch at a time. Sasuke hissed at the pain that shot up his leg and faltered, before putting the pressure on his good foot. Sakura stumbled a bit, trying to accomodate his shifting weight, before finding a firm stance.
"It is not painful if I do not lean on it, but it is difficult," he hopped forward and she stepped in turn.
"Do you want to sit back down?" her brows furrowed as she peered at him.
"No," he shook his head, "It feels good to stand."
"You should stretch, too, Sasuke-kun."
"Are you to be my personal physician now?"
"Am I not more competent?" she teased. Sasuke met her amused gaze and his mouth turned up in a small smirk.
"I am content to be your patient," he murmured.
"Only content?" she asked, feigning innocence. He watched her for a long moment before admitting,
"I can not express how much I wish I could take back the vitriol words I spoke to you."
"I do not condone your words," she swallowed and tightened her grip, "Nor will I excuse them, but frustration is a passion as great as adoration. And - ,"
"Often times they are the same?" he guessed.
"Yes," she grinned, "Or rather, they go hand in hand."
"I take it I am frustration, and you are ardor?"
"I would venture we are composed of both," he smirked at Sakura's words and leaned closer to her. Sasuke caught her gaze dropping to his lips and felt the insistence to kiss her, but once more was caught by his own moral constraint, "Thank you for coming today."
"Of course," she smiled, a weak, faulted quirk of her mouth, and stepped just a fraction away from him.
"This arrived for you just now, Sir," Kakashi extended a letter to the emperor, a wax seal brandished boldly on the parchment. Carefully, the Emperor unfolded the paper and began to read. His breath hitched in his throat and he stood with an excited exhale.
"Prepare a company of men and ready the horses," he spoke urgently, "We leave in three days."