Today is my last shift of working two weeks in a row; I am literally going to sleep ALL DAY LONG tomorrow. Anyways, thanks for sticking around guys. Enjoy the latest installment of this soap opera and know that we are coming closer to the chapter I posted in Reflective. Enjoy! xo
"She's not here?" Lee asked, utterly baffled. The palace was a grand stretch of land, but he had so rarely seen Sakura outside of her garden or her sitting room; it had not occurred to him that she would choose to roam anywhere else, least of all with how harsh the winter had become.
"I escorted her to the infirmary when she woke this morning," Kakashi stated, his uncovered eye sweeping past Lee as if he melted into the background.
"The infirmary? Is she all right?" panic seized his voice; was that why she had run off?
"To my knowledge, but she has been making regular visits there," Kakashi saw Lee squirm out of the corner of his eye, before he dashed in the direction of the infirmary and he did not attempt to stop him.
They were covered once more by the secrecy of the curtains surrounding his bed, secluded in a space that, for the moment, they could call their own.
"I brought you something from the kitchens," Sakura pulled up a tied cloth from the sack she had carried with her that morning. She pulled apart the knot and revealed a few slabs of seasoned meat, some rice, and a loaf of fresh bread. Sasuke adjusted himself carefully, coming to a seated position, propped up with pillows behind his back. Sakura set the bounty in his lap and tore off a piece of bread. She dressed it with some of the meat and presented it to him.
"Will you attempt to feed me, too?" he asked with a smirk.
"If I thought you would let me, yes," she answered simply, "I told you if I could restrain you, I would. It seems my prayers were answered in part."
They both laughed softly at her morbid humor, then he took up the food and began to eat. It tasted much better than the slop they had been feeding him since his stay at the infirmary began. After some silence, he spoke,
"Is your father aware you are here?
"No," Sakura shook her head, "I have not seen him since the attack, but I know he has been quite busy."
"Do you not think you raise suspicion by being here every day?"
"Perhaps," she thought carefully for a moment, tearing off scraps of bread and meat for him; his arm was still in its sling, "I do not want to put you in danger, but I needed to see you. I can not ignore the fact that you are in here. You continue to talk of how your presence in my life can only lead to my misfortune, yet here you sit, at the edge of my sword, so to speak."
"And the predator becomes prey?"
"That would imply you were never prey to begin with," she gave him a coquettish grin, eyes gleaming with mirth as she raked them down his body most ostensibly.
"How improper you are," his words he uttered darkly, a husky rumble emanating from his chest and he felt a searing heat rush through him; desire.
"And that is something no one could teach me," she stated proudly. Sasuke took her chin between his thumb and forefinger, bringing her gaze back to his.
"Why must you look at me that way?"
"Like what?" she bit her lip, seeming to be genuinely perplexed. He grit his teeth and let her go, shaking his head.
"It is nothing," he sighed softly.
"Sasuke-kun, what is it?"
"Put it out of your mind."
She breathed deeply, glowering at him in a way that caused his heart to constrict with guilt.
"I wish you would trust me," her voice surprised him, emitting quiet and hopeful, rather than accusatory.
"I have confided in you what I keep from most everyone, how could you think I do not trust you?"
He appeared baffled by her question, but she shook her head in defiance.
"You have not used that information as a bridge for our trust but a barrier against it. You hide behind both names, trying to distance us further," she was quiet and calm as she berated him, "It is an excuse to keep us apart."
"You see it as an excuse," he corrected, "But for me it is not so simple. I had never intended for my lineage to be known to anyone other than the Uzumakis."
"Least of all to me?"
"Yes," he nodded, somber, "To be judged by a name for an act I did not commit nor condone, it is cruel."
He looked at her expectantly, but she seemed to prefer to bow her head in shame, rather than meet his eyes.
"It is difficult to separate you from your name."
"Perhaps it would be easier if you do not," he breathed deeply, "Would it not be easier to feel one way about me, rather than to have your heart pulled in two separate directions?"
"I have never known anything else," her eyes were forlorn as they lifted gradually, "I have always been forced between what I desire and what is my duty."
"I have never had the luxury of desire."
"Is that why you are so hopelessly lost?" despite the melancholy air around them, she smiled, "You have never been able to indulge yourself and so you do not know how to when the opportunity arises?"
"I suppose," Sasuke swallowed thickly, thinking of how greatly he had indulged in her not long ago.
"Sasuke-kun," Sakura took his hand suddenly, tightening her fingers with his, "Do you still desire me?"
"Yes," his throat felt dry as he attempted to think of anything other than how she had writhed beneath his touch on her bed. She fell quiet and chewed her lip, mind racing with thoughts she struggled to voice.
"I can not despise you, and I do not wish to," she finally spoke, "Between duty and desire, there is no competition."
Suddenly the curtains were flung apart and Sakura ripped her hands away, whirling about to face a breathless Lee.
"Haruno-sama, are you all right?" his eyes darted between her and Sasuke rapidly, before finally settling on her stiff form.
"Yes, I am fine. Lee-san, what are you doing here?" she rose from her chair steadily, but almost lost her balance when he pulled her sharply into his tight grip. Startled, Sakura pushed against him and Lee's cheeks turned a bright red as he realized what he'd done.
"Forgive me, Haruno-sama," he released her as though she'd burned him, "Kakashi-san informed me you had been here frequently - I thought perhaps you had been injured in the attack."
"I am fine. You need not worry for me," Sakura smoothed her skirt and spoke softly, eyes darting to Sasuke, "I have been visiting Uzumaki-san; he has valiantly saved my life twice now."
"A service I am grateful for," Lee nodded to Sasuke who bowed his head respectfully, so as to hide his gritted jaw, "I was concerned, as well, by the way you had run off the other day."
"Yes," Sakura sighed, chin dipping low, before she found the strength to pull herself back up, "As I have said, I am not myself lately. These recent events have put me on edge."
"Of course," he held his hand out to her and Sakura took it gingerly, "Let me escort you back to your rooms; you should be resting."
"I suppose," Sakura dared to glance back at Sasuke, as Lee held the curtain open for her. She bowed her head, "Uzumaki-san."
Sasuke kept his mouth shut as he watched them go; he was certain the words lodged in his throat would be most inappropriate if he voiced them. His eyes strayed to the key she had left him. It was a gift, but he began to feel as though he did not belong in her world. He was not deserving of anything decent or good in life and that was Sakura. But Lee, he dressed the part, he spoke to her as one should speak to an heir, and he not only knew his place, but Sasuke's as well.
"Do you think that wise?" Lee questioned bluntly as they began to walk, arm in arm, across the frozen grounds.
"What are you talking about?" Sakura looked up, bewildered.
"To visit him. He is only a palace guard, Haruno-sama - ,"
"He saved my life!"
"He is not worthy of your attentions merely because he has done his job," Lee said gently, despite the furrow of Sakura's brows as she glared at him, "Do you not think people will begin to talk?"
"Talk?" Sakura stopped them in their tracks, "Of what? Of my philanthropic behavior? Of how the Emperor's daughter visited a wounded soldier that saved her life?"
"It is inappropriate," Lee stated firmly, "Whatever friendship you have with the man is improper for that of a woman of your standing."
"And what will they say?" Sakura yanked her arm out of Lee's grasp, "Well?"
"They might think," Lee huffed, breath puffing in the space between them. He looked away quickly, uncomfortable under her relentless stare. He dropped his voice to a harsh whisper, "They might think it is something sordid."
Anxiety congealed in her throat, but she forced her eyes to stay on him.
"I will not deny him my gratitude because my people might think less of me for it," she said with a snarl, then took a breath to compose herself. Sakura began again, "He is a good man and a fine warrior; I will not let fear dictate who I see fit to socialize with. An accomplished leader does not bend to anyone's will."
She turned on her heel and took off haughtily down the trail to her rooms.
Kizashi awaited his daughter in the sitting room of her chambers, Mebuki close at his side. Kakashi stood at the front doors, feigning impaired hearing as they whispered acutely to each other.
"Why must you go so soon?"
"I can not waste any more time while they bide theirs for the next attack," Kizashi said quietly, "We must - ,"
The door opened and Sakura strode through in a fury, but stopped short when she her parents standing in the center of the room.
"Mother, Father, what are you - ,"
"Sakura, you can not run off like that," her mother chastised, "You must always stay with an escort."
"I was at the infirmary," she bristled, "Kakashi-san knew where I was."
"He must stay with you at all times," Kizashi said sharply.
"He is your guard, Father, not mine," she snapped, "Did you come only to remind me that I must be confined like a pet to a cage?"
"No!" Mebuki recoiled from Sakura's words.
"Sakura, please," Kizashi stepped forward and tucked her under his arm, "I know how restless you feel. This war is taxing on us all, but I swear to you, I am putting an end to it once and for all."
"How?" Sakura looked first to her father, then to her mother, but Mebuki looked away, tears ready to spill over her lids.
"I am leaving to recruit more troops. Gaara has agreed to help us fight the Akatsuki," Kizashi was beaming, a relieved smile on his face. Mebuki, however, kept her eyes to the window as she began to weep quietly. Sakura's chest constricted for her mother. She would miss her father, but she had seen before how taxing and difficult it had been on her mother whenever they had sustained his absence. It seemed that the burden of rule fell solely upon Mebuki, the balance of power becoming faulted.
"How long will you be gone?"
"I will return before the commencement of spring," he spoke as if he were making a promise not to her, but to himself; a reassurance that he could vanquish the evil that had risen in his lands.
"Spring is a long way from now," Sakura mumbled, leaning into Kizashi.
"The time will pass quickly," he squeezed her shoulder, "I will be back before you even notice I have gone."
"The time will pass quicker for you," Sakura griped; she was feeling particularly bitter at his departure that day.
"It will be no less painful," he amended, "But it must be done."
Kizashi held his hand out to Mebuki and she took it gratefully. He pulled them both close at his sides.
"My girls, I will miss you terribly," he kissed his wife's cheek and struggled to keep his composure. He had experienced a similar goodbye many years before, when Sakura was still only growing in Mebuki's belly. Kizashi had stood beside his caravan, preparing to embark on a diplomatic voyage. His son, barely thirteen at the time, had come to see him off. It had been a bittersweet goodbye. Eager as he was to see his son become the man he knew he could be, Kizashi was aware that every second away from him meant another chapter of his life missed, another opportunity to bond and teach his son passed up. Kizashi vowed to him that one day, when he was older, things would be different. He was sorry he was never able to make good on that promise.
"What is it?" Sasuke cut her off mid sentence, the question like an itch working its way up his throat. She looked up from her book, confusion altering to realization when she met his gaze.
"Sasuke-kun, I - ,"
"Why are you upset?"
"I do not wish to talk about it," Sakura shook her head and looked away.
"Why?" he sounded almost angry when he questioned her.
"Because I have said so," she snapped, pinning him with a sharp glare.
"And that is reason enough?" he scowled at her.
"It should be!" her voice crescendoed slightly before she caught herself and dropped her tone to a harsh whisper.
"Why do you hold your title above me now as though I am inferior?"
Sakura stiffened at his words, but kept a steady lock with his gaze.
"I am sorry," her voice was stern as she spoke, "I do not mean to, but perhaps it is because you have begun to treat me as your superior, as a stranger, rather than someone you have shared a bed with. I do not think so low of you, and you should know that, but if you desire to treat me as such then there is little I can do. I can continue to voice my feelings and have them so harshly rebuked or I can save my pride and attempt to find some other ground with you, though it may not be equal. In the meantime, I will continue to be miserable if I please, because you still deny me yourself, because you act as if nothing has happened between us, because Lee-san has begun to suspect something, and because I will be without my father's presence for months - ,"
Sasuke snatched her hand out of the air, weaving their fingers together, and cutting her short once more. Her mouth hung open, but she shook as she struggled to find the words. Then, her tears came, streaking down her cheeks as she sobbed quietly. Sakura let her head drop forward onto the bed to shield her crumbling visage, whereupon Sasuke moved his hand to stroke her back.
"You have my apologies," Sasuke said softly.
"I do not want them," she spat, "For then it seems as if you are in debt to me and I do not wish you to owe me a thing."
"But I do," he protested, "I owe you a great deal of honesty, something you have awarded me from the start."
At that, she fell silent, only the occasional hiccup of her breath disturbing them. His fingers moved up her spine, a tantalizing, slow sweep up to the nape of her neck where her hair sat in a low bun. A prickle of anticipation ran up her scalp, recalling the phantom sense of his touch, of the patterns he wove as he moved his fingers through her errant strands.
"I was always distraught whenever Itachi left the village," Sasuke spoke quietly, the recollection of such a memory causing an unpleasant coil of apprehension to wind in his stomach, "When he left for war, I was terrified I would never see him again."
"Only once have I ever feared that my father would not return," her voice cracked, "Now, I feel only a longing for his attendance and guidance if he travels."
"I felt that, too," Sasuke said gently, "My brother always seemed to me the voice of reason where my mother might have been too emotional or my father too cynical."
"How peculiar," Sakura looked up at him, eyes wet with fresh tears, "My father is the emotional one. My mother has always held more common sense, I think. She is the head on his shoulders and he is the heart."
"And which do you think is more important?"
"I might have once thought the heart, but I know now there is a balance achieved by both," she said pensively.
"What did Lee-san say to you?" Sasuke let silence settle between them for only a moment, until the question burned his tongue.
"He thinks I will instigate inappropriate rumors by visiting you," she rolled her eyes, then settled them back on Sasuke.
"He might be right."
"I know," she bit her lip and shook her head, "Perhaps that is why I became so angry with him. I feel guilty, but I was only trying to protect you."
"How thoughtful," Sasuke mused, his thumb brushing her cheek, "I am certain Lee-san was concerned only with your wellbeing."
"It does not change the fact that he was very rude about it."
"I would have been, too," Sasuke grimaced, "If the subject concerned you and another man."
She struggled to quell the warmth that burst like sunlight through her at his words. It was not fair, she thought, for him to say such things to her. It was not fair for him to touch her that way, so tender and true, like a gift bestowed upon her.
"I suppose I should apologize to him," she was unsure if she wanted to, but she thought, at that moment, that Sasuke might have been her voice of reason, despite his jealousy.
"Do you want to?"
"I do not do well with swallowing my pride," she frowned.
"I think humility becomes you," Sasuke smirked.
"Do you think everything becomes me?" she had meant it as a bout of sardonic humor, but Sasuke answered seriously,
"I do."
"Even jealousy?"
"Perhaps most especially," he shook his head flippantly, "But we have already agreed that I am selfish for taking pleasure in these things."
"I did not agree to anything," she said haughtily and laughed. Sasuke smirked.
"Of course, you are also incredibly gifted when it comes to breaking the rules."
"You are not a rule, Sasuke-kun," she said sternly.
"I am less than that," he spoke softly, "I am a bump along your path to the throne; you have not yet made it past me."
"And I do not wish to. I hope I am forever stalled at this bump, forever rendered inept by you."
She placed her hand on his chest, leaning forward so that there was hardly a space between them. He could feel his lips aching to touch hers, felt himself leaning toward her, but she slipped away, glancing his cheek with hers.
"You can continue to speak in such a way, you can continue to demean yourself if you like, but you will change nothing of how I feel for you."
Her skin was warm against his, filtering a sense of calm throughout his body and Sasuke's hand inched toward her waist, petting the fabric there lightly; he was fighting against an inferno of desire, a tempest of passion that urged him to give up and give in.
Sakura sat at her table by the window, quill in hand and a small well of ink beside her parchment. She found herself struggling with words that night, though it was customary for her to pen a letter to her father that he could carry with him while he traveled. But, for the life of her, she could not think what to write. What more could she say to him that she had not already expressed? She would miss him dearly and she would find comfort in the simple things in his absence, like perusing his office or reading over his notes until her eyes went cross.
At least she had Sasuke now, she thought, in some manor or form. Perhaps he could provide her company if she got terribly lonely. Or perhaps, she bristled, he might push her away again. The thought caused a pitiful ache in her heart and through her body. Did he not understand how deeply she felt for him? Her pen hovered above the blank page; had she not been clear enough?
"I would venture that my gratitude to you will extend past my physical life," Kizashi sat heavily beside Sasuke's gurney with a sigh, "And I am afraid I have one more favor to ask of you."
"You owe me nothing, Sir," Sasuke shook his head, keeping the Emperor's gaze with great difficulty. He found it a startling challenge to look Kizashi in the eye and attempt to justify his feelings for Sakura at the same time.
"Nonsense," Kizashi waved his hand, "I am a man of my word; you shall have your promotion upon my return."
"Your return?"
"I depart tomorrow morning for the Village of the Sand. I have been driven to a near point of desperation by these soldiers called the Akatsuki," the Emperor seethed, "Forgive me, but I have few men I can trust within my company. I daresay, if you were feeling better, I would have you join me. Then again, I doubt there is a man I trust more to watch over my daughter."
Sasuke felt himself go cold. No, he thought, not again.
"I am taking a large number of guards with me; I must show my people that I have not been weakened by these insidious attacks," his brows furrowed tight, forehead crinkling with stress, "But that leaves the palace vulnerable."
Sasuke fought the urge to flinch away from Kizashi; he knew the question he was about to be posed.
"I need somebody I can trust by her side at all times. Will you do me this service once more? Watch over her for me until I return and I promise you any position you desire. I will even send you to war as a general of my army," The Emperor implored him, but, even if he could not say no to a ruler like Kizashi, Sasuke could not refuse the joy that spread through him at the notion of his proposition. He chastised himself for the elation he felt, attempting to beat it down until he found some shred of revulsion or fear to propagate. But, the reality was that the Emperor would be gone for months - a journey to The Sand was a long one, spanning treacherous trails - and there would be very little to pull Sasuke and Sakura apart in that time.
"Of course, Sir," Sasuke answered and the Emperor exhaled in relief, as if he had expected a different response.
"Thank you, Uzumaki-san," he stood slowly, raising himself vertebrae by vertebrae, "I wish you a swift and easy recovery."
Sasuke opened his mouth as Kizashi turned away, ready to wish him the same for his voyage, but stopped short. He let the Emperor leave without uttering a word as the guilt reared within him, rendering him speechless.
"Do not take it so personally, Lee-san," Karin simpered, "She has not been herself lately. I am certain it is not entirely about you."
"Oh, do not tease him so," Ino laughed, "The poor man has lost his love."
"I have not lost anything," Lee protested, "But I have made her upset and I do not know how to rectify that."
"Apologize," Tenten said simply, looking up from her scrolls as they sat about a table in Mebuki's sitting room early in the morning. Though the Emperor's wife was not present, the space had always been something of a public area that the courtiers used at convenience.
"It is not that simple," Hinata piped up, "Knowing Sakura-chan, an apology is not enough."
"She can be rather stuck up," Karin whispered and threw a look over her shoulder, although the room was mostly emptied.
"Do not say such a thing," Lee snapped, recoiling from her words.
"That is not what I meant," Hinata did her best to glare at Karin, but she could not hold it for long, "I simply meant that she will need to know that you are not only sorry, but that you understand what you did wrong."
"What is it you did wrong?" Karin asked, brows piqued in curiosity.
"I - I do not wish to say," Lee blushed furiously and looked away. Ino gasped and hid her shocked expression behind her hands.
"Did you kiss her?!"
"No!" Lee's face went red, balking at Ino's uncouth inquiry.
"Do you not want to?" Karin grinned maniacally.
"I shall not discuss such sordid details with you," he harrumphed, brows narrowed in a glare.
"Ever the gentleman," Ino smirked.
"Oh, leave him alone," Tenten scowled, "He will go about courting her as he desires, at his own pace."
Lee's gaze went around the table as each lady gave their perspective on the situation. He frowned and wondered if any of their conversation, or rather how much of it, would make its way back to Sakura. After all, gossip was practically a courtier's job.
"I found myself thinking of you late last night, as I do," she shook her head, avoiding his gaze. It was as if she were struggling against her own words.
"Me?"
She nodded.
"I suppose I was restless," she fumbled with the paper, stroking her thumb over its texture, "I find that penning my thoughts often helps when I get that way.
"What is it you write of?"
"It does depend what I am thinking of," she turned her eyes to the blank curtain, "Or who. I always write my father a letter to take with him when he travels, so that he knows I will miss him and will think of him everyday. I wrote a poem when one of my fish died, but it was not very good. I have written a lot, actually, nothing polished, only disorganized thoughts or notes, but I have never written a love letter. Is that not odd? Of all the declarations of ardor I have received, never once have I felt strongly enough to write a reply of affection."
"And have you written one now?" Sasuke's throat went dry.
"I was compelled to," she said, as if she needed to create an excuse for the action.
"What does it say?"
"It describes a feeling that I have never been able to articulate properly," still she could not look him in the eye, "It is terrifying and exhilarating all at once. It makes my knees weak and my heart quicken," she began to stumble, trembling in the wake of her thoughts, "But it is the most beautiful thing I have every experienced."
"Is it?" the words scratched the back of his throat, anticipation razing his nerves, but she did not answer.
"Here," she placed the parchment in the palm of his hand, gaze slipping to his where she saw a passion no longer dormant, "This is for you."
He closed his fingers around hers before she could pull away and drew her a breath apart. Sasuke claimed her lips with a burning kiss, the fire of his need scorching to life like a plain ravaged by a draught. Sakura wound her free hand around his neck as he lifted her as best he could onto the gurney beside him. His injured arm ached from the strain, but his demand to have her close weighed greater. She curled into his side, chest pressed against his and legs intertwining.
"Sasuke-kun," she pushed away from him gently, "Why?"
He stalled her, catching her lips again, but she broke away.
"Why are you doing this?"
"It is inevitable," he murmured, "I can not keep away from you."
"And yet you try," she whispered, breath stolen by his insistent lips.
"A wasted effort," he admitted. Sakura smiled and wrapped her fingers in his hair, tugging his mouth back down. They moved against each other, lips locked in an unbreakable coupling, eliminating any space between them and struggling against the ache that begged them to come closer.
A hidden smile and flushed cheeks accompanied Sakura as she entered her sitting room, but they were quickly stolen when she saw the Emperor sitting by her window, thoughtful visage lit by a single candle.
"Is everything all right, Father?"
"Sit," he gestured to the other chair, "Let us talk."
"Of course," she couldn't help the prickle of fear that began at the thought of what she had just done with Sasuke while she took her seat.
"You know I do not wish to leave you," relief washed through her, "It is only because I have to."
"I know," she said solemnly, "I am sorry I was so upset earlier."
"Is anything wrong?" for a moment, Sakura looked into his eyes and saw her own reflection. She saw herself, as a little girl, looking up at her father, flourishing from his guidance and counsel.
"No, it does not matter now," she shook her head, and grinned at him, "Will you bring me something from the Sand?"
"I could bring you a husband," Kizashi smiled with mirth, voice lilting to a teasing tone, "Gaara has taken his father's place and he will be needing a wife to rule at his side."
Sakura clicked her tongue and turned her head away.
"I would not survive in that place," she grumbled, "And I garner my aspirations are far more grand than his."
"Oh, do not be so harsh on the boy," Kizashi batted at her words, hand waving in the air, "There is nothing wrong with being content in your role in life."
"I suppose," Sakura chewed her lip; she did not wish to converse on the subject further.
"I know you will choose a husband when you are ready," Kizashi smiled and Sakura softened. She could never voice just how greatly she appreciated her father's support, but she wagered that he had a limit to her apathy and she was certain they were nearing that limit. It was only a matter of time, "Remember what I taught you?"
"An accomplished leader does not bend to anyone's will," she recited and he nodded proudly.
"Not even their own," he finished for her, standing to pat her shoulder as though she needed some consolation; it was a struggle not to cringe from those words and Kizashi left Sakura's room with them echoing in her ears. Sakura did not have a problem, she felt, standing her ground against others, but she knew she was willful. She knew she was impulsive when it came to her own desires. As a ruler, she would have to act for the benefit of her nation, stacking a person's life against that of the greater good. She stared out her window, lost in the blanketed world winding into a quiet calm and wondered:
What if that person was Sasuke?