Saarebas - "The Dangerous Thing"
Chapter 6:
Today I was back in the fields. Scribe was no longer meeting with me regularly. It was decided that the plant was a fluke. I was both happy and sad about this; happy that I could get back to my role in the Qun and sad that I was no longer learning about how the Ashkaari conducted their research. I also missed the reassuring presence of the Vashoth.
The healer, or Arigena, gave me permission to return to the fields, but cautioned me not to over-exert myself for the first few days. As such, Mayflower and I spent time together going over the material I'd missed. It had been about a month.
"So, we need to mix more than just seeds into the feed for chickens? I thought that's what they ate?"
"Yes and no. We call the seeds scratch. It helps them to stay occupied as they search for food, but if their diet consists of nothing else they won't get all the vitamins they need. When this happens, you get hens that lay soft eggs that aren't safe to eat."
I nodded and the lesson continued. We had a lot of material to go over, and she and I spent that day and the next covering it. During dinner, she and I were still talking about a point I wanted clarified when I saw Nimble coming towards us.
"Whistler, where've you been?"
"I'm surprised you don't already know that. Aren't you supposed to be Ben-Hassrath?"
My tone had been playful, but he frowned back at me. "I'm serious. I heard you were under the care of an Arigena! That's no laughing matter. What happened?"
Mayflower got up tactfully and moved to another table. As soon as she did, Nimble took her spot.
"Well, I was told I got sick. I can't really remember much of it, other than just before and just afterward."
"And what do you remember?"
"Not much. The night before that I spent with the Ashkaari going over a few things. Then it's a blur of half-memories of being sick and cared for."
"I hear that ended, huh?"
"What, the research? ... Yeah."
"I guess you aren't the genius they thought you were. Oh well, not everyone can have the magic touch."
Boom. Something inside me shook. My ears began to ring and the sound became deafening. Nimble was speaking, but I could hardly hear him.
"What is it, Whistler?"
Again, a tremor ran through me. That name, it sounds wrong. Why does it sound wrong in my ears?
"Whistler?"
There it is again. Why doesn't it sound like me? He's staring, concerned.
Ease his mind.
I focused back on Nimble. "What? Oh, I just got distracted, that's all."
"What by? Are you okay? Should I call for an Arigena?"
No!
"N-no. That's not necessary. I was just thinking about…"
Pick something. Anything.
"-about animal husbandry. My instructor Mayflower and I were discussing it. I'm struggling to understand the concepts and something you said reminded me of it."
"How does anything I said relate to that?!"
"The magic touch, it seems I'm able to soothe the animals by petting them. I just think that's interesting, don't you?"
He just stared, then laughed. "Your definition of interesting and mine are two separate things, Whistler!"
Act normal. Get him talking and he'll forget.
Without question, I followed my own thoughts. "Well what's interesting for you? Probably infiltrating and pretending to be a double-agent or something."
"Actually, yes. That's exactly what I find interesting."
"Why?"
And so he told me, forgetting all about me. I listened and laughed at all the right moments.
Good, you're doing fine.
Then I remembered. The voices, they weren't mine. Possession. This was a demon talking to me, telling me what to do, and he was getting stronger. It must be stopped! I need to tell someone. I need to be leashed. I'm a dangerous thing!
No, stop! It's not what you think. Stay calm. Don't overreact. See, Nimble's starting to notice something's off again. Stay calm and take a deep breath.
"Is everything alright, Whistler?"
No, it's not, There's a demon inside me!
Stop it, or he'll inform the Ben-Hassrath.
My lips moved. "Yes, everything's fine. Guess I'm just getting more and more easily distracted."
"Are you sure?"
No!
Yes.
"Positive. Stop worrying Nimble before you turn into an old woman!"
"That'd be the day!"
I looked all around. Where was an adult? They would spot the signs. Why did Mayflower have to leave? She could have saved me. I'm losing hold on myself! I've got to get help! Why is everyone acting like everything's okay? It's not! My body continued to respond to something else. It ate as I tore at the wall for control, but never managed it. Dinner was done, Nimble had left, and I was helping with the clean-up, making chit-chat with others.
Demon, get out! Where are the Arvaarad? I need-
Stop it now, or I will push you back! I am not a demon, I'm you, and you'll get us killed if you go running to the nearest person talking about possessions.
My grip on surroundings slipped a notch, like I was seeing everything through a foggy window. People passed by and things were said, but I felt apart from it all. I was just the passenger inside this body. Then everything faded to black and I resurfaced in surrounds that were in constant shift. I was alone, but an unseen voice still spoke.
There, now we can talk.
The echoed through my head, but I was in full control again.
"Help! Someone come quick! I feel a demon inside me!"
The voice inside chuckled.
Yell all you want. We're in a dream.
"So you are a demon?! I knew it. They take possession of mages when they're closest to the fade."
Even if this were a dream, I was going speak out loud, yell, scream, anything I could to fight this monster.
"So it's true then, I'm a mage?"
Yes, and I am no Demon, Whistler. I am you.
"You are not. I am a member of the Qun. You come from beyond the veil."
And where did you learn such talk from, the veil. That term isn't part of Qunlat. Where did you get it from?
I stopped, unsure.
"… You must have planted it in my head. Your goal is to confuse and disorient me so that you can take control."
Again, it chuckled.
No. You learned that word from before your time with the Qun. Your father told you about the Fade and the veil that separates our world from the next. Don't you remember him? You almost slipped up and mentioned your life to Scribe when she asked. Remember?
Demon or not, it was right, I had almost used that word, father.
"T-that means nothing. I'm Qun now. Who I was before that doesn't matter. Stop it! Come out here and face me."
But how can I? I'm you.
"We are not the same. I am Whistler."
That is who you are now. Who you were, and who I am, is Lucas. Doesn't that stir anything inside you?
The scenery bubbled and boiled around me, bringing up half-remembered places and people. A small boy sits with an older man, the man making lights pop into existence as the boy cheers and claps.
Finally beginning to see the truth, huh?
It shifts suddenly and shadowy figures move in around the two as they're swallowed up in darkness.
"No, no, no! Stop it! Stop. I'm Whistler. It's who I am now. I am a part of the Qun. The past doesn't matter, it doesn't!"
It does, Lucas, or Whistler, whoever we are. And you must face the facts that you're a mage living in a place that would take even that part of your identity from you. If they find out, you won't even be Whistler anymore. You'll only be Saarebas. A thing. A dangerous thing.
I put my hands over my head and screamed. There was no one there to hear it but myself and Lucas.