Saarebas - "The Dangerous Thing"

Chapter 8:

"This is the last of the generalized lessons. After today, we'll ask many of you to specialize in one particular specialty as an Athlok."

I watched attentively as Mayflower laid out the last of the information that she had to give us. All too soon, evening came and it was over. I'd learned all I could about my role in the Qun.

"Athloks, I would like to thank each of you personally for all of your hard work and attentiveness over the last few years. While I'll continue to be part of your life and your roles to some degree or another, this is where many of us will part."

She bowed to us, and we returned it. As I did so my chest and throat tightened and a stinging behind my eyes told me how close I was to crying.

Really, she means that much to you? Didn't we establish the fact that you prefer horns?

I ignored the voice and focused on my own thoughts. Before I knew it we were walking back towards the others for Dinner.

"Whistler?"

I turned to see Mayflower. "Yes?"

"Do you have time to talk?"

"Of course. What can I do for you?"

"I've been speaking to the Arigena Triumvirate about you. We feel that you've shown remarkable skills and a willingness to learn. Because of this, they would like to meet with you about giving you an elevated role. How do you feel about this?"

It took a second for the words to sink in.

"Really?"

"Yes, really. You show great merit, and we feel our faith in your skills are well-placed. I ask you again, I ask how you feel about this? Would you be willing to meet with them? By no means are you required to. If you would rather not, simply say so and I will let them know."

"Of course I'll meet with them. When and where?"

"Tonight. I'll be in attendance. If you would like, we can go together after dinner."

"Okay. I'll meet up with you then."

Her smile was radiant. "I expect great things from you, Whistler."

"I won't let you down, Mayflower."

"Until then, Shanedan."

What did she say?

I spoke it aloud, "I'll hear you." It was a show of respect.

Well she certainly has taken a liking to you, huh? Pity she can't trade in those ears of hers for something else.

I ignored him and headed back to eat with Nimble and share the exciting news. He shoveled food in as listened.

"Really? Whistler, that's great! I can't believe you've already been tapped to move up the line! Congratulations! A celebration is in order."

"I haven't been promoted yet."

"But you will. I have no doubts about that. You were born to do great things for the Qun, there's not a doubt in my mind."

"So for this proposed celebration, let me guess, ale?"

His laugh was loud and booming. "Is there any better way to celebrate than with alcohol?"

"I can't drink too much. I'm meeting with them later tonight."

"So soon? What'd you do, cause a whole garden to miraculously bloom this time?"

"Nope, just plain hard work this time."

"Still, for them to be pushing so quickly means they must want you desperately."

I signed. "One can always hope, but I think it has more to do with the fact that we've just been taught everything we needed to know for our position. Guess they're ready to pick and choose."

"It's still impressive! I have a long way to go yet, but they're talking about letting me work out in the field soon."

"That's just as big of a deal! See, we both have something to be proud of."

"Then what are we sitting here for? Less talking, more drinking!"

Don't do it. You're only inviting trouble!

"Sure."

I don't even know why I bother with you. You obviously want to be caught.

"That's the spirit Whistler. Time to cut loose."

His arm went around my shoulder and he drew me closer.

Ah, now it makes sense. You want to impress him. I knew I was right about the horn thing. Whistler, this can only end in disaster! Can't you see that?!

I fired back.

So what? If it ends in disaster, so what? At least I'll be near someone who cares. Can't you see that I'm lonely and scared! I have no one but a voice inside my head who's always calling me a fool and urging me to leave everything I know behind to run off into the woods. I couldn't tell anyone about what I am even if I wanted to, you won't let me. Is it any wonder that I'm hurting and feel the need to be close to someone, regardless of how fleeting it is?

The voice had no answer, but I wasn't done.

I can't use magic, I can't open up to about myself, I can't get close to anyone. Why not let me throw myself into the river and let me end it if I can't even be close with a friend to celebrate something that I worked so hard for! Me! I worked hard! ... What? Nothing to say to that Lucas, or demon, or am I simply going insane!

Still, there was no response.

While all of this went on in my own head I'd been tipping back ales without reserve.

"Easy there, Whistler. I'm all for a good time, but you've got places to be tonight."

My voice was beyond slurred and my tongue refused to form the words before they came tumbling out.

"What'd ya think'll do if I don' show up t'nite?"

He pulled the drink from my hand and replaced it with a small load of bread.

"Nothing. But I do think you would be doing a disservice to the Qun with an act of such rudeness, Whistler. Let's get you sobered up for your meeting, how about that? They're be other nights for a celebration."

"But what 'bout us?"

"What about it?"

"Weren't you saying how desper'ly you wanted me?"

His chuckle was warm. "I was talking about the Arigena, but it sounds like someone's having feelings towards an old friend, huh?"

"Don' play coy, Mimble, you know you wan me ta rub horn bom' on you."

"And here all it took for you to loosen up was a few stiff drinks. If this had been any other night I'd, well... actually I'm not sure what I'd have done. Nice to know how you really feel though Whistler. I'll file that away in my Ben-Hassrath training.

I can't even remember what I said after that.

"Come on, eat up. You need to be sober enough for your meeting tonight. How would it look if you threw up all over the Arigena Triumvirate? I'd feel responsible."

I thought about what to say to that for a while, but the best I came up with was "... Yeah."

"Come on, buddy. Eat up and keep drinking water. It'll help it to work it's way out of your system."

I turned and hurled all the ale up and onto the floor.

"Or you could do that too. I suppose its another way to get it out of your system."

I tried to speak but only managed a repeat performance. Nimble sighed and began cleaning it up. Through all this, I hadn't heard a peep from inside me.

"Wheres... Lucas?"

He looked up from the floor, dirty towel in hand. "Who?"

"Lucas, where's he...?"

"Oh boy, you're more drunk than I realized. My fault, Sorry little guy. Keep eating and drinking. Don't worry if it comes up again. It might even be for the best."

I did as he asked and began nibbling at a bread roll as I tried my best to search for him in my own head, but everything was muddled. Maybe he'd been right. Maybe this had been a mistake. I sure wished I could find him. Instead, I focused on the bread in my hands as I tried to hold it down. Oh boy, my meeting tonight was going to be a lot harder than I'd thought it was going to be.

I sighed and took yet another small bite, pacing myself.