Interlude - Morale

We made it back to Ferox. Almost as if the gods were apologizing for everything, a blizzard swept along the path behind us, blocking our pursuers. Winter has come, far early, and with it, a strange melancholic hush. The 'distraction group' returned without a fuss, and the days pass, each hour feeling like a year or more. Everyone crumples bit by bit, the weight of our failure crushing them.

Gods, what am I supposed to do? Is this their punishment for being nice to Robin and me? Is it?

"We've got confirmation that our pursuers have given up. I suppose last night's blizzard killing more than half their people finally convinced them that desert people have no business in snow." Flavia attempted to deliver the words lightly, but her tone clipped the edges and revealed how exhausted and frustrated she was. "Ah, this is a mess," she grumbled, leaning against the wall. "How are our Shepherds?"

"In need of herding," I deadpanned, sighing. I leaned against the window of her study, looking out over the vast whiteness. Too much snow for this early in the year. "It's going to be a long and bad winter, isn't it?"

"Yeah, so we're definitely not doing anything until spring's here." Flavia growled something else under her breath. "So, my insignificant other, what say you to all this mess?"

"Well, I think it was a loss, ultimately, but not as bad of one as we were worrying," Basilio answered. Amusingly, despite this room being Flavia's office, he was the only one sitting. Then again, I'd wanted to look out the window and Flavia took to pacing when frustrated. "Got word from our spies. Between the attack on the capital, Midmire, and the snows, we've destroyed a large portion of their army, while we… lost about as much as expected, when taking into account the deaths of Captain Phila and the Ylissean prisoners, and Exalt Emmeryn. Sadly, though, the guard around Exalt Emmeryn's body remains too strong for mine to retrieve it." His spies had managed to get all the others, as best as they could in some cases, but Emmeryn's body was simply… out of reach. "Sorry."

"What about morale?" Flavia asked softly. She held herself stiffly, and I wondered if she was still feeling achy from the fighting. She'd refused healing. "Ours is damn low since we failed and don't even have the body."

"Hard to say, since Gangrel seems inclined to throw a damned party for it, but…" He trailed off, thinking. "There were a couple of rumors. Some of the spies mentioned things like 'she seemed really sincere' and 'she died to protect her people'. A few of the other rumors talk of how their views of Ylisse were shaken when we made sure to get civilians out of the way. Gangrel's laughter after Exalt Emmeryn died makes a lot of them uncomfortable. They don't feel better now that she's dead. The use of corpses makes them worry that their own dead for be desecrated in the same way." He glanced at me. "Apparently, there's even a couple of rumors that specifically mention 'the Plegian duo' that were alongside Chrom. Not sure how they figured that out…"

"It's the eyes," I whispered. I thought again of that woman and that child. I hoped they were well. I thought of Mustafa, who'd recognized me based on my mother. I hoped his death had been quick. "At least, that's what I'm always told. Maybe it's just the face in general. We both took more after our mother in looks, though Robin had inherited our father's hair color, and we're full-blooded Plegian."

"Well, apparently that's helping out Chrom too. Their morale is as shaken as ours," Basilio answered. He sighed. "So, it's a pyrrhic victory for whoever won. I'd say them since I think our morale is lower, but who the hell knows."

"Where did that term even come from?"

"Old Feroxi Khan." He gave me a weird look. "That was random."

"Sorry." I smiled slightly. "My mind has been spotty and jumpy. I was up late with Lissa."

"That reminds me…" Flavia murmured. She hesitated before nodding. "I've had my guards on watch for suicides. Have you noticed anything?"

"Thankfully, no. At least, nothing that's quick," I replied. I leaned more against the window. "But if we don't intervene soon, we're going to have some issues. More than half of the Shepherds aren't eating, even more aren't sleeping, and yes, that means overlap."

"I wish I knew what to do. I've already tried what I knew." She tried dragging people out for exercise, chores, anything to get their bodies moving. But no one, not even Frederick, had been up for it. "Ferox tends to have a short mourning period since we're always fighting. Doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, but we, as a people, don't really do the whole 'extensive starvation' thing."

"We tend to treat the deaths of family and friends more like another weight to lug around," Basilio added, shaking his head. "It's always there. You got to work that much harder because that weight will always drag you down, and sometimes, it's too much, but you keep moving. But Ylisse clearly isn't like that. If it was, then they'd already be moving."

"Oh, so that's where I learned that," I half-joked. Both of them managed little smiles. "Well, that and breaking down in tears, but I'm trying to actually hold it together for once." I looked back out the window, remembering how, the last time it snowed, everyone had a snowball fight. I wanted to see that again. "I think… I think, though, that we need to start pushing them. I'm note sure how long Ylisseans mourn and the like, but I wasn't kidding. Libra was telling me just the other day that he was worried about everyone's health."

"Do you mind if we leave that to you?"

"Yeah, sure." I smiled at them, and I knew it was tired. With both Chrom and Robin mourning, and Frederick constantly watching Chrom just in case, I'd somehow become the 'representative of the Shepherds' to anyone wanting to talk to them. Mostly, it was either people expressing condolences, people screaming about recklessness, and dealing with meetings with anyone and everyone who thought they had 'advice'. That was on top of staying up with some of the Shepherds because they couldn't sleep, or they were too dazed to be safely left alone. "I've an idea that I've been considering. But I'll first strike Robin out of his self-pity mourning."

"Like a brand to the ass?"

"Like a dagger to his ego." I pushed off the wall and stretched slowly. "I'll go do that while I'm sure I've the energy for it."

"Good luck, little miss." Basilio gave me a tired smile, and Flavia patted me on the back as I left the room.

This was going to take a lot of mental fortitude. I should read a poem about courage or something first.

I read a couple of my favorite poems before knocking on Robin's door. I knocked twice and got no answer, so I just opened the door anyway. Robin was sprawled out on his desk, candles melodramatically flickering as he stared out into space with dozens of crumpled papers thrown about the floor, with books half open and tossed aside. The room stank from sweat, mold, and stale food, with some molded food actually spilled onto the floor from where a bowl had toppled over. Honestly, it looked like he had hunted for the most angsty way to mourn someone in a book and copied it.

"Aren't you supposed to wait before entering?" Robin sighed, pushing himself up briefly to give me a dirty look. "What if I'd been changing?"

"Won't be anything I've never seen," I retorted instantly. "We bathed together as kids, and we've had to change clothes in front of each other before to tend to injuries." I shrugged. "Besides, you're my brother. It's not like seeing you naked is going to do anything to me."

"I don't have memory of that."

"Well, why should you feel weird at your sister seeing you naked? Unless there's someone who's caught your eye."

"Caught my eye?" Now he gave me a weird look before sighing. "Oh, romance. No, no one has. I think. How would I even know?"

"Ask Frederick. That's what I did." I closed the door behind me and leaned against it. "So, how are you?"

"I'm alive." The two words held all the bitterness in the world, and my heart ached. "Better than Emmeryn."

"That doesn't tell me how you are, or what you're thinking."

"It summarizes it nicely. After all, her death, Phila's death… It's my fault." He sighed, half-collapsing against the desk. "If I had planned better, then…"

"..." I closed my eyes and steeled my resolve. I wanted to just hug him and tell him it would be okay. To reassure him. But I and others had tried that, and it hadn't worked, so instead… instead, I had to try a different tactic. "Robin, I have a serious question." I waited for some grunt of acknowledgement before continuing. "Did you ever think you could fail?"

"What?" He lifted his head slowly, giving me the strangest look. "I couldn't. Not with those stakes. I couldn't fail because everyone-"

"That's not what I asked." I did my best to look as stern as possible. "I asked if you even thought you could." I waited, but his wide-eyed look was answer enough. "You didn't. You arrogantly thought that you could outsmart them. You paid lipservice to the idea that something could fall apart, but you didn't make a plan to actually deal with that. You thought you would triumph, because you had faith, because you were the good guy fighting against the bad guy, like this was some children's story where things are sharply defined. But the world isn't like that. The world is far more ambiguous. In many people's eyes, Gangrel was the 'good guy' trying to execute the evil 'witch queen'. Many had faith in him. You forgot that. No, you never even bothered remembering."

"I…" His shock faded for a look of… just lost. A lost look. "Kestrel, I…"

My heart ached, but remained certain. "It's not your fault that the Risen showed up. It's not your fault Gangrel used Emmeryn as a hostage. It's not your fault she chose to commit suicide to protect us and her people." I laughed bitterly. Frederick had told me similar things just the other day. "I mean… people keep telling me it's not my fault she's dead, even though I was too slow and it was my words she used to line her path. So, if that's somehow not my fault, the rest of it isn't your fault either." I took a deep breath, and glowered slightly. "What is your fault is that you never considered failure a possibility and took it into account. Not really. You made the motions, but didn't do anything. You blindly held onto faith, and in doing so, nearly turned the whole thing into a total disaster instead of simply a disaster. Thankfully, Basilio had an escape route ready for us."

"That's…"

"But that's not what I'm here to scold you on. I'm here to scold you for giving up!" I started yelling then, the sound enough to make him jerk back like I'd slapped him. "Sitting in your room, moping and moaning as the snow falls, isn't doing a damn thing! You're going to let one failure stop you? Really? You are the Shepherd's tactician. You are Chrom's best friend. Yet one failure is enough for you to go 'nope!' and give up? That's a being a poor tactician, and a poorer friend."

"That's not…"

"What? That's not it? You're not giving up? Then get your head out of your ass and stop making her death about you." That was the other reason I needed to have this talk with him. These were words I knew I had to hear too. "Grieve her passing, but stop starving yourself trying to serve out some imaginary penance to her ghost just to make yourself feel better. You and I had never been ones to take the easy way out. If we were, we'd have killed ourselves a long time ago."

"So, what do you suggest I do?" Anger bled into his words, and though they almost made me flinch, they also made me happy. Because he was finally reacting to something without melancholy. "In your oh-so-infinite wisdom?"

"You're a tactician. So, plan." I kept my tone blunt, and it was enough to make him stare again. "We have a whole winter. So plan. Come up with a thousand strategies, throw them all out, and come up with a thousand more. Expect failure and plan for it, instead of simply trusting that things will be well."

"...Gods, damn you for being right." He groaned, and leaned against his desk again. This time, it was to sulk at me. "Damn it."

"Too late. Gods damned us long ago." Still, I smiled at him. "You ready to actually take up your share of the leadership? Chrom's likely going to be out for a while longer."

"Of course he is. This is his sister, and he has to deal with the weight of being the Exalt on top of the weight of mourning." Robin groaned again and slowly stood up. He teetered, but caught himself on the back of his chair. "Holy hell, why am I dizzy?"

"You haven't eaten in two days, and I'm not sure you slept in that time either."

"That makes too much sense. Stop it."

"Sorry, not sorry." My smile softened. "I'm going to make food for everyone, though. You mind getting everyone to the dining room for me? Please?"

"Yeah, I'll handle that for you." He took a good look at my face, and then stumbled over to hug me. "I love you, sister."

"I know that." I hugged him back. "So-"

"No, quiet. Let me talk a bit." He tightened his hug. "I wasn't just… mourning Emmeryn. I was also trying to hide my own fear. 'What if you died like her?' That question kept echoing through my head. Over and over again. I saw her death, and then I'd see you dying the same way. Again and again. So, I… I became scared to plan. Not just because I failed, but because that failure could cost me you, just as my previous failure had cost Chrom his sister."

"...Robin…" Tears pricked my eyes, and I rested my face against his shoulder. I was so used to death being close that I never considered how much that would have bothered him. I almost took it for granted that I'd always survive. But I knew that fear. I'd felt it in the desert when the Grimleal attacked. But it had to be worse for him; he only had a few months worth of memories to draw from. "I'm here. I'm not so easy to kill."

"But it could happen. It's not impossible. My failures could get any of us killed. This mission… I knew it theoretically, but this mission brought it in sharp relief. You even took a few bad injuries because everything went wrong. So..." He trailed off, and simply held me even tighter. "But… you're right. You're right, and damn it, I almost wish you weren't. I am the tactician for the Shepherds. I took that job, naively believing that I could never lose, but that only means I have to work that much harder to ensure it. And I am Chrom's friend. He's my best friend. I need to support him as he has supported me so many times. I need to support all the Shepherds as they support us."

"Yes. That's what friends are supposed to do. But if you need a hug, I'm here."

"Yeah." He sighed and leaned his head against mine. "Just a bit. Just a bit of reassurance."

"I'm not going away."

"Good. And I won't give up. Not from this. Just need another moment to get my feet back under me."

"Of course."

It was longer than 'a moment'. We ended up just sitting at his desk while I told some funny stories from the past, and some amusing things I'd seen that day, like Raimi slipping on some ice and falling on her ass. But it made him smile, and with each story, he got a little more life in his eyes. I could tell he used them to build his resolve, so that we'd once again have time for stories like this.

He and I had always been ones to rise to challenges out of sheer spite. I knew doing this would work. Now, I just had to help the others.

"How the hell are you so good at peeling potatoes, Lon'qu?" I laughed, watching at how efficiently he'd managed to get them all peeled. "That settles it! You're peeling all the vegetables!"

"The cooks back home always make him peel them too," Olivia shyly explained. She'd been the one who showed me where the kitchens were, and somehow, I'd ended up dragging her into my cooking spree. Both of us weren't really sure how Lon'qu ended up being here. "I think this soup needs a little more ginger."

"Does it?" Still kneading the dough for bread, I leaned over and let her spoon some for me. "Ugh, you're right… Libra?"

"Here," Libra offered, passing us some grated ginger. He smiled softly as he returned to his seat at the table. "But not more than that. Ginger is good for the stomach, yes, but too much will overpower the recipe."

"Got it~" Olivia and I chorused, giggling. The four of us were clustered in the kitchens, making a feast for the Shepherds, though Libra was here more as an advisor and to make sure none of us hurt ourselves too much. It was an unfamiliar kitchen and we were cooking new recipes, things that the church served to those who hadn't eaten a decent meal for a while.

As the pot of soup started bubbling, Olivia started humming. Since I recognized the song, the Raven and the Heron, I started singing it as well almost absently, and soon, Olivia and I were singing the song as a duet, punctuated by randoms bangs and whistles as various dishes let us know they were overheating or about to be done. I felt a surge of envy at how lovely her singing was, but soon just found myself having fun singing and cooking. She was like that.

"That is the fourth song you two have burst into," Lon'qu sighed. He passed me a basket of peeled potatoes to mix into the soup Olivia was making, and then started chopping up some apples for applesauce. "Fourth."

"The kitchen is the last place for silence," I replied dramatically. Olivia giggled in response. "Besides, what's wrong? Don't like our singing."

"No, your singing is pleasing. I just don't get why."

"Do you need a reason to start singing? Can't it just be fun?" I grinned as he grimaced slightly. "Whatever. Got a song request?"

"...Sakura, Sakura."

"That's from Chon'sin, isn't it?" My grin widened as I started to sing it. I knew my accent was horribly off, but I'd really only heard some children sing it while I passed through.

When I finished, Lon'qu actually had a small smile on his face. "I thought I stumped you with that one."

"Never underestimate a mercenary!" I giggled again and hesitated a bit before deciding to ask something. "You okay, though?"

"About?"

"You're in an enclosed space with two women." Though, Olivia and Libra were talking about dances right now. "I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm used to Olivia, and you give me tasks to keep my mind busy and my hands steady. I'm fine." He actually sighed a bit. "Maribelle has been… helping me."

"Why do I have a feeling she offered with her normal bluntness?"

"She pointed out that a little girl with a spoon could do me in."

"Yep, she did." Still, I laughed because that was very much her. "Any suggestions?"

"None yet, but I will conquer this weakness."

"Trauma is not a 'weakness'. It is a scar that must be adapted to, though you can choose the adaptation to be avoidance, pushing through, or some sort of combination." I smiled at him when he glanced back at me. "If she gets too much, let Lissa or me know."

"...I will." He returned to his work, and I thought I saw a blush on his face. "The bread?"

"Right!" I darted for the oven and opened it up just in time, by the look of how golden the bread was. "Alright! First batch of bread is ready for cooling!"

"Yay!" Olivia giggled, skipping over to lean over my shoulder and look at it. "Looks good! I bet the others will love it!"

"I'm sure they will," Libra called, smiling reassuringly at us. "You have put much time and love into the food, and the cheer you show while cooking will transfer to the food as well."

"In that case, we should sing another song! Libra, do you have a request or…?"

"...What's all this?" A raspy, quiet voice somehow managed to make it through all the noise, and when I turned to look, I realized Chrom was in the doorway, with a tired, but smiling, Robin beside him. "It… all smells really good," he murmured, looking around the bustling kitchens. He was paler than normal, with heavy bags under his eyes. But there was a small smile on his face. "Wow…"

"Would you like to try some?" I asked. Debating quickly, I took some of the fresh bread and tore off a couple of pieces for him and Robin. "Here." I smiled up at him. "Just made, so it'll be hot, but…"

"Looks great." Carefully, he nibbled on the bread piece. I noticed Robin just watching us with a smile. "Tastes better."

"There will be plenty more later for everyone." I hesitated a moment before reaching up and touching his cheek. "Why don't you and Robin go ahead and sit in the dining room? Or get everyone? Robin was supposed to do that for me, but you should..."

"I think I'll get Lissa, at least, and bribe her with the bread." He managed a laugh, and leaned briefly into my hand before stepping away. "Let's go, Robin."

"Right behind you," Robin reassured. He winked at me and the two headed off. I giggled, and went back to cooking, splitting up the torn bread among the rest of us to make sure it tasted as it should and joining in on the song Olivia launched into, a surprisingly bawdy tavern song she must've learned from Basilio. Even more amusingly, Libra joined in on that one, while Lon'qu looked like he wasn't sure to smile, laugh, or hit us over the head with his cutting board.

This was fun. Now to make sure dinner wasn't a disaster.

Dinner… ended up being chaotic, but for good reasons. It had initially started off awkwardly quiet, until Sumia accidentally broke a glass, somehow triggered a four person tripping spree that made us all laugh. That led to the normal teasing and jostling that I associated with the Shepherds, and calls for seconds and thirds. Many started crying, random bursts likely triggered from being overwhelmed, but others were quick to turn those tears into tears of laughter, and by the time dinner ended, it almost felt like the melancholy that had plagued us had lifted. No longer quite a shroud, more of a cloud. Still there, but not nearly as heavy.

"Brrr… it's cold," Sumia laughed, breath fogging up in front of her face. Her face was already pinkish from the cold. "Ah, I should've worn more."

"Ask Frederick for a scarf," I suggested, tucking the one he made me a little better around my neck. "He made this one, and maybe the knitting will help distract him."

"Maybe." She giggled, and we continued our little evening walk through the grounds. We moved slowly, to minimize the chances of slipping in the snow. "I've been trying to help him. He's a bit more forgetful for the moment, likely because of the strain on everything. I mean; he's even been leaving pebbles in the path!" She giggled, and I had to smile, even though I knew better than most how deep his pain had to be. He'd watched the woman he loved leap to her death, after all. "So, I try. I mess up a lot, but it seems to make him smile, so maybe it's not all bad."

"The tripping today proved to be the perfect icebreaker."

"Oh, that one was actually on purpose." She smiled sheepishly as I gave her a startled look. "I knew I could play it off, and I asked Flavia if the glass was important. I mean; I didn't quite plan to trip like that, but I did plan on breaking it."

"I love you." I leaned into her, grinning. "You're the best."

"Hee~" She hooked her arm around mine. "I try to help Cordelia too, but I think Libra does it a bit better. He helps her with her nightmares, and scolds her for overworking."

"I'm sure you're doing a lot too, Sumia. Perhaps not so much with helping her overcome her trauma as Libra attempts, but in making her smile and making her trauma feel a little lighter."

"I hope so. Helping others keeps me from…" She trailed off, smile faltering. "I keep wondering if I should've gone up to support. I'd been in the back dealing with wyvern riders, but…"

"...I'm plagued with 'what-ifs' too." 'What if' I hadn't moved so slowly. 'What if' I hadn't told Emmeryn what I thought about the Emblem. "Fate was against us, though."

"But fate can be changed." She frowned, but her eyes were determined. "That's why I do my flower fortunes. A bad one just encourages me to keep my eyes out and do better. Even I can do that much."

"...I'm surrounded by weird people." I laughed a little, and she turned her frown my way. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it." The words of that laughing person still echoed through my head. I couldn't escape… I tried, but was it fruitless…? But giving in would doom all the Shepherds, and I couldn't do that… "Just… tied to why Robin and I were on the run in the first place."

"If you're sure…" She studied my face a bit before leaning over and pressed her cheek to mine affectionately. "Well, I think we can change destiny together! So, whatever you're worried about, we're here, okay?"

"I know." I smiled at her, touched. "It's why I'm still here."

"Good." She smiled back, and then gasped. "Oh, look!" She held out her hand and a little tiny snowflake landed on her palm. "It's snowing again."

"It is." I looked up at the sky and saw more snowflakes fluttering down. "When it calms, we should have another snowball fight."

"We should. It'll be fun." She giggled again and dropped her hand. "We should probably head… inside…" She trailed off, smile falling for another frown. "Is that… a person?"

"What?" I leaned more into her and she pointed to the shadow of a person carrying some bulky thing. "...Get the guards. I'll see who the hell they are."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I stepped away from her. "Be quick?"

"I will." She hesitated a moment before nodding and rushing off, slipping a bit in the snow as she did. I focused my attention on the person and carefully approached, wishing I'd thought to wear a sword. It was stupid to just 'assume' we'd be safe here, even with the guards and snow. That wouldn't stop an assassin, after all.

I studied the person as I got closer. Long, white-threaded gold-blonde hair tied back in a ponytail. Tarnished silver armor that was dented in some places. A silver hilted sword on the hip. When they looked up, I saw silver and sapphire earrings sparkling in their ears, and tired red eyes that seemed too old for their face. If I had to guess, they were in their early forties, but the eyes reminded me a lot of old, tired mercenaries.

"Oh, good, I was wondering how I was going to catch someone's attention," they said lightly. Their smile was worn, but kind. "I wanted to bring her here." She set the bulky burden onto the snow. I saw it was fairly large, wrapped in a tattered blue cloak or cape. "Didn't want that poor child to do anything to her."

"Her?" I repeated. I hesitated a bit before approaching. I kept an eye on the sword as I knelt down and carefully peeled off the top layer of the cape. I nearly screamed when I was greeted with a mangled, smashed face, and then I nearly cried when I realized there was only one thing about the face that was recognizable: the Mark of Naga on the forehead, all but hidden under the blood and gashes. "Emmeryn…" I set the cloth back over her face, and swallowed back tears. "You…" I looked up at the person, who watched me closely, yet sadly. "You got her body? Really?"

"Oh, it wasn't hard." They shrugged, as if it really wasn't hard, despite the fact that every single one of Basilio's spies, trained in stealth, failed to do the same. "Just soldiers. Beat them up. No big."

"You fought through a bunch of soldiers, won, and escaped…" I shook my head, incredulous laughter bubbling to my lips. "Who even are you?"

"Someone who should've been closer, and now, just doing what I can." They shrugged. "Anyway, here's her body. You should take it inside."

"You should come with me. Chrom will want to thank you."

"...I don't have the right to speak with him." They shook their head. "I feel bad about leaving the cape since it was a gift, but Emm's worth the loss. Take her to her family. I'll make sure to deal with any pursuers stupid enough to follow me." They suddenly leaned down and peered at my face. "What's your name?"

"Kestrel." I studied her expression, but found next to nothing. Tired. Sad. It was like those two things were so much a part of them that there was no way to escape either. "Why?"

"No reason." They smiled, slow, bitter, and sad. But there was some genuine happiness in the smile. "Just curious. I'll be off." They turned away, not pausing one bit, quickly disappearing down the snowy path. I watched them leave, trying to figure out just who the hell they were. It wasn't until much later, after Sumia had returned with some guards and we got Emmeryn's body inside that I realized something that should have startled me, but I'd been too distracted to catch in time.

They'd called Emmeryn 'Emm'. But only Chrom and Lissa called her that, right?

Flavia and Basilio graciously allowed us to borrow the mausoleum, where Ferox laid their Khans to rest (or their memorials if the body was unretrievable), so that everyone could pay their respects to Emmeryn's body. I insisted on keeping the body wrapped, letting Frederick see only when he half-begged. Afterwards, he'd agreed with me, but suggested leaving the option to at least see the face. I'd reluctantly compromised on it, but worked with Libra to get a lot of ginger concoctions ready, just in case. By the time everyone finished, we'd had to make three more batches. Everyone had wanted to, despite my warnings. I couldn't even pretend to be frustrated, though. Seeing the face made it far more 'real'.

"So, there it is," Chrom whispered. After the viewing, we'd all moved into the dining hall where we'd just had such a fun little dinner. Now, though, the melancholy had returned, the cloud pressing heavily on everyone, threatening to become a shroud again. "She really is gone." Most of us were sitting at the tables, but Chrom stood apart. The idea was for him to make a speech, but it was clear actually seeing the body had robbed him of what energy he might've had. "You all fought brilliantly in that battle. I…" He hesitated, and it half-looked like he was going to collapse. I stood up from my seat to go to him, but I saw Robin do the same, so instead, I simply moved to the back of the room. "Sorry. I'm sorry, everyone. I'm sorry for being so powerless, and..." He trailed off, clearly losing the energy to try and form a coherent sentence, based on how he swayed and struggled to stay on his feet. The mood of the room dampened further, and I sighed, wondering if Emmeryn's death was going to be too much to overcome.

"Chrom." But then Robin spoke up, in a voice that was soft, yet sure. "Chrom, raise your head and look at me," he whispered. He smiled when Chrom briefly glanced at him. "No, I don't mean just glance at me. Really look." He held his arms out slightly as Chrom turned to face him, silently emphasizing his words. "Why are you talking as if you're the only one who felt powerless back then? Or ever? I know that feeling. I felt it then too, but I knew it from before. Standing n a field alone with no memory of anything, lost and confused. But then someone offered me their hand to help me up. Do you remember?

"...Yes, but…"

"And now, look at me! Here I am, tactician with a bunch of really good friends. I'm still hopelessly weak, powerless, but with everyone, I'm someone who can be strong." He rested a hand on Chrom's shoulder, though Chrom looked away. "Alone, we might not be half the person Emmeryn was. She was older, after all, and had a lot of responsibilities to shape her and her beliefs. But, together, I think we can become something greater. I think she knew that too." He gestured at all of us gathered in the room. "You don't have to become her, you know. You can still be yourself. We're all here because you're yourself, after all. You just have to give the people hope, however you can."

"And what if I can't?" Chrom's voice sounded so small. "What if I'm not worthy of her ideals? What if…" His voice cracked. "What if I drag you down with me?"

"Well, then we both hit the ground, laugh at the bruises, and pick ourselves up. That's what friends are for, right?" Robin grinned and he looked out over all of us. "Come on, people. I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way."

"Of course not!" Nowi cheerfully agreed. She leapt onto a table to make sure she could be seen. "I mean, did you forget? I wouldn't be here if not for everyone!" She smiled and even laughed. "I'd be running through the desert scared out of my mind!"

"Besides, it wasn't Emmeryn who gave her trust to me, it was you," Tharja added, stepping out of the shadows. It was the first time I'd gotten a proper look at her, given how chaotic everything had been, and she looked almost annoyed she had to say anything. "So, you have mine. For now."

"As you have mine," Lon'qu, surprisingly, agreed. He actually stood up, though it was simply to move to the pillar nearby and lean against it. "You told me that your Shepherds joined voluntarily, and I did so. Were you unworthy, I would have left long ago and returned to my Khan."

"My, my, if even taciturn Lon'qu speaks up, then I must as well," Virion dramatically sighed. His smile was kind, though. "It takes great courage and charisma to unite such a diverse people. I think that is proof enough that you stand worthy. Trust me, I have the traits myself!"

"As if," Ricken snarked. He stood up on the table next to Nowi, ignoring how Virion gasped and pretended to be insulted. "But Chrom, you're like a hero to us. We really look up to you."

"Everyone…" Chrom breathed. He looked around, and as he did, something hilarious happened. Most of the Shepherds started climbing onto the tables too. I had no idea why, but it was a little inspiring to see. It was like they were elevating themselves above their broken selves, or stepping into the cloud of melancholy and demanding it get out of their face. "You…" He looked each of them in the eye, as if seeing them for the first time, and finally, he smiled. It was still a little sad, and a little broken, but it was beautiful and captivating. "Ah, I'm an idiot. Why should I flail about? I have you to keep me from falling, don't I? I'm sorry for being so blind."

"Remember that next time I give you advice," Robin teased. He grinned, but I could see he looked ready to cry, because it wasn't just Chrom the Shepherds were looked at with warmth and loyalty. It was also him, and that meant so much to him. "So? My Captain… no, my Exalt…" Robin took a step back and knelt down. "What is our goal?"

"..." Chrom's smile faded for a look of grim determination, and the whole room held its breath. "My Shepherds… my warriors… my friends. There is, unfortunately, more work still to be done. We lost my sister, but we have not lost this war yet. Gangrel must fall for the safety of not only our homeland, but also for Plegia's. My goal is to rid the world of his madness." He took a deep, shaking breath, hesitated a moment, and then pressed on. "But you are my Shepherds. As Lon'qu said, everything about our organization is voluntarily. So, I ask… are you willing to still help me?"

"I'm in!" Lissa replied, barely even given Chrom time to finish the question. Her eyes flashed as she punched the air. "I'm sick of crying and being weak. It's time to punch Gangrel's stupid face in!"

"Hear hear, darling!" Maribelle added. She twirled her parasol almost like it were a rapier and pointedly stabbed the table next to her. "The people have suffered enough! We'll show them just what it means to anger a healer!"

"Precisely! Who else is with us?"

"I am. As I swore the day I became a knight, I will gladly fight and die for House Ylisse," Stahl declared, face uncharacteristically serious. He jumped off the table and took two steps forward to kneel before Chrom. "I'll swear it again, to the new Exalt, a ruler I will follow to hell itself."

"Though we'll be sure to send those bastards ahead of us," Sully agreed. She leapt down and knelt beside Stahl. "Gladly will I fight and kill them for House Ylisse. Always."

"I will be the unbreakable shield by your side," Sumia stated firmly. She climbed down carefully, and knelt beside Sully. "I have taken no official vows, but I will make them now, as a pegasus knight and Shepherd of Ylisse!"

"And I will renew my own vows as well," Cordelia said, jumping from the table to kneel beside Sumia. "I failed before, but I will not do so again, my lord Exalt."

"And I too, speak my oaths again." It took a second to realize Kellam was there, but he knelt solemnly among the group of knights. "For the new Exalt, and for the country he will lead," he whispered. "I promise to serve until my dying day."

"Our hearts echoes yours, sire," Libra added after a slight pause. He smiled gently as he stepped down and bowed low. "We are here for you."

"Teach is here, and class is in session!" Vaike laughed. He moved to simply sit on the table, and grinned. "We've got this, Chrom."

"Yeah, this group is far too sweet to stop here," Gaius commented. He also sat on the table, smirking, though in his case, like the other not-official-Shepherds, he hadn't been standing in the first place. "Besides, you all pay nice."

"Yes, good payments are always nice," Gregor laughed. His eyes were warm as he nodded. "So, Gregor be staying a while longer, yes?"

"I will stay as well," Panne whispered. She stayed off to the side, but there was a small smile on her face as everyone looked to her. "Your sister earned my respect, proving that her words were no mere wind. It is only right that the last taguel champion her."

"...Ha… everyone has grown up so much," Frederick murmured. He smiled gently, though he also looked ready to cry. "You've grown strong." He walked forward and knelt in front of Chrom. "I have set a poor example for how a knight should act, but I swear that I will die before failing again, my lord. As always, you have my lance, until the day I fall."

"...Damn it, I'm going to cry," Chrom half-joked. Somehow, it just built on the tension in the air. "You honor me with your fealty." He closed his eyes, and a tear did slip down his face. But when he opened his eyes, they were filled with determination and resolve. "I will not falter again. I swear this to you all, here and now." Across the room, his eyes caught mine, and I smiled softly at him. His own smile grew triumphant in response. "We will gather our strength. We will marshall our forces. We will bring the full might of our people onto the Mad King's head, and strike him down to free our lands!"

The entire group cheered, loud enough to actually shake the dust from the rafters. And scare a couple of the servants, who'd been coming in to let people know that baths were ready. It took a while to calm them down, and get people off the tables, and then organize where and how Emmeryn's body would be stored until it could be safely moved back to Ylisse. Then it was a matter of convincing people that yes, they did have to go to bed, and that they could do their new training and drills in the morning.

After all of that, I finally managed to stumble back into my room, and had planned on simply sprawling on the bed and passing out. However, I noticed there were two pieces of paper on the nightstand by the bed, and when I picked them up, I found they were poems. One was 'Oh, Captain, My Captain', a favorite of mine, handwritten beautifully, with little feathers along the side, suggesting someone had taken the time to copy it carefully. The second, written in the same handwriting, was another poem, and one I didn't recognize, that almost seemed to be from the point of view from the 'Captain's' successor, and how grateful he was. It, took, was decorated with little feathers along the side.

This… couldn't be from Chrom, right? There was no way he had the time to do any of this today. But as I smiled and I read the poems, I wondered who else it could be from. Only Chrom, Robin, and Sumia knew I even liked the poem. Out of those three, Chrom was the only one I knew of who also wrote poems, and the words just seemed so fitting, all things considered. What did it mean, then, that he'd left me two? If it meant what I thought, was now even a proper time to ask? I had no idea.

But they made me smile, and for the first time since Emmeryn died, I went to bed giggling and giddy, instead of exhausted and drained. I could live with that.

Notes on Cordelia:

Class - Pegasus Knight; Reclass - Mercenary, Dark Mage

A recent pegasus knight of Ylisse, Sumia's best friend, and the sole survivor of the initial border guard. She tries to downplay the trauma by overworking, which Libra scolds her for. Constantly.

She's strong and fast, though it must be admitted that she's slower than Sumia. Capable of using just about every weapon to some small degree, and according to Tharja, shows a potential for dark magic, which is worrying.

Though she's considered a genius, she can be an absolute idiot about self-care, and a busybody. Her perfectionism leads her to constantly do things herself, and a strong dislike of being pitied leads her refusing help, even when she needs it.

Author's Notes: So, the very last part of this chapter is the scene that normally follows Chapter 10 directly, where everyone gets their second winds. Oh, Captain, my Captain is a poem by Walt Whitman that was mentioned in a previous chapter. ...everyone standing on the table simply started as simply little jokes on how Nowi and Ricken were short, but turned into a homage to the final scene of Dead Poet's Society. As for the mysterious woman, well, those who read Shadows of the Exalt can certainly guess who it was.

Lon'qu and Maribelle's supports focus on her trying to help him through his phobia, and actually provide a lovely progression from C to S (plot wise, I mean); the actual comment about a little girl with a spoon comes from their B support. Libra's supports with Cordelia more or less revolve around him scolding her for pushing herself too much. Fun fact, Cordelia holds the honor of being the only character outside of the Avatar to be able to wield every weapon, counting dark magic as a separate weapon class (Ricken and Virion technically can as well, except they cannot wield dark magic. Cordelia can). Also fun fact, Cordelia doesn't get a line during the rousing scene in game, and neither does Gaius. I had to add that! (I also made Kellam's a little less amusing.) Technically, Flavia, Basilio, and Olivia all have things to say during that scene as well, but I'm moving those to later chapters. 'Sakura, Sakura' is a folk song popular in Japan, that I think became popular in the Meiji period? Not sure.

As for Emm's body being brought back? I am considering the Spotpass Paralogues 'non-canon' for this novelization. Well, most of them. I'll be doing Priam's, albeit at an earlier time than the game allows, and I might bring in some concepts/bosses from those paralogues, but due to not wanting to figure out how to logic them within the story, we're going with 'non-canon'.

Next Chapter - Winterlude 1