Chapter 4

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AN: Just a fun thing to mention, series 1 has now tipped over into the 6 digits. Wooohooo! I'd like to thank my ever diligent proofer, Dancou Maryuu, and all my followers, likers and commentators. Hope you've enjoyed it so far, as there's still plenty to come.

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"Go on then," Honey huffed. "What would being sent to the big house be like?"

"Let's start with your first day," Amy began. "You'd be marched in in an ugly jail uniform, chained to others. You'd be undressed, showered, probed, searched, de-loused, given an ugly prison uniform, inducted and then put into a cell half the size of your room that you might be sharing with someone else. If that was the case, you'd have to go to the bathroom with them next to them, and your bathroom wouldn't be separate. You'd have to use a toilet right next to your bed."

Honey cringed slightly, before looking away, her paws fidgeting with each other. "Yeah," she said, a slight inflection of worry creeping in. "I've seen a jail cell before. And those back-zipped uniforms they wear… But… But a uniform in blue and one of these things are pretty much the same thing. Just with stripes and not spots."

"I've heard the prison ones are awkward, uncomfortable and baggy," Amy pointed out. "And if you got sent to a real prison, you'd be in khaki, orange or red, depending on what type of place you were in."

"Oh, yeah," Honey chuckled, shaking her head. Blue uniforms were for the low security male inmates, like what Lionheart wore during his brief stint, with medium security and high getting yellow and red respectively. She'd learnt all the uniform colour codes, even the fact that youths in proper juvie wore black and white. She slapped herself slightly for forgetting all that. "Me just being a bit dumb there…" she said, laughing a little. It was dumb, and a bit silly…

"You wouldn't be laughing like that in there, though," Amy pointed out, a grave tone in her voice. Honey paused, turning to listen in. "We believed that you might have been about to attack some sheep, yes?"

Honey paused. She'd been working on… contingencies… maybe planning out some pre-emptive strike ideas for fun. But she wasn't really planning an attack yet. After all, she had nowhere near enough support for it to work! If you were going to provoke a giant, you'd have to be ready to win the fight there and then. She'd been getting ready though, boy she had been. She'd even finished designing her brand new anti-sheep 'knit-o-matic' device, her piece-de-resistance. She'd been jumping out and down in glee, ready to start building it, and imagining it up and running.

Had they found out though? Aimed to pre-empt her pre-empt of a pre-empt? A slight wave of worry spreading through her, she guessed she'd have to pull a few little lies. "Nope. I have no idea what you're talking about, at all!"

…

"Suppose you were," Amy continued. "That might get you into a medium or high security jail. It depends on how much damage you've done and how much of a threat they think you are, which also influences how long you get sent away for. Let's say you kill a sheep as you think they are evil. You say they're Bellwether's heirs or something…"

Honey thought it best not to mention that she knew who exactly said heirs were, and had been keeping an eye on them.

"You might get life with parole after fifteen years," she continued. "You get into jail on your first day, and like here, your breakfast is at the wrong time and they don't have the cereal. You act like you did earlier. Here, we let you get back to your room and, though we locked you in for a little, nothing much has changed. There, you'd get a guard hauling you off and giving you a few days in isolation due to a fight. The same for every fight. What they say goes, Honey, and you'd have to go with it and not lash out. Are you able to do that, however 'wrong' they get?"

…

"I…" she said, beginning to chew her bottom lip as she looked away.

"Fifteen years at least, Honey, and I fear that with how you act you'd get far longer than that. They'd likely also deny you at your parole hearings, given your bad behaviour… Do you think you could cope with that? Day in, day out, for the rest of your life."

Beginning to breath a bit faster, Honey's eyes narrowed. "I… I can look after myself!" she defended.

"Maybe you can," Amy agreed. "But you'd suffer horribly in prison. I think we both know that. That's why you're here. So we can help you avoid it."

"So, I'm not stuck in jail as I'm stuck in here," she barbed back. "Why don't you do that to everyone?" She paused as she said it, her eyes widening. Could that be a sheep plot? It seemed like more mammals were having mental problems these days, could that be by design? Something in the water, giving them these problems, and then more would go to these hospitals until only sheep were left on the outside. Or maybe the uptick was the sheep silencing a growing number of potential rebels by casting them as madmammals?

She smiled, a warm and victorious feeling flowing through her, almost tingling her extremities. She smiled with the deep satisfaction of having uncovered another one of their little plots, understanding how, once more, ordinary mammals were caught up in the sheep's machine. It felt good knowing that all this suffering was coming from them, that it was another head of the hydra that, one day, they could kill. She could do something about it in the long distant future, with allies like Wilde and Hopps at her side. Together they'd vanquish a terrible ancient evil, she knew it! Relaxing, she paused as she heard Amy speaking.

"-or problems, that we, in here, can fix."

"Can you repeat that?"

"I said that most mammals out there don't have a real big problem like you do; a problem, or problems, that we can fix in here."

She snorted. "Again. You can't fix how I am. My parents say I'm 'autistic', the doctors do, and I went and checked. You can't fix that!"

"It's not your autism that's the issue," Amy began. "You have many others, ones that can be fixed. Some might be conditions -I'm pretty sure you have some personality disorders. Other issues are ideas you have, but at the end of the day the biggest concern is your extreme hatred of sheep."

"Duh, of course I hate sheep!" Honey exclaimed. "I mean, come on! They're evil?! Haven't I been talking about the Cudspiracy all this time?! If you don't hate them, then you're the crazy one!"

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Outside, Amy sighed. It seemed Honey had gone defensive again. Checking through her notes, the binturong zeroed in on what she knew of the ratel's childhood. There were no serious issues or incidents that could have caused this pure hatred. No single sheep that had come in and dominated her life, or caused a great hardship. It would be one thing if she'd been Madge's daughter, and seen her mother get taken away as a result of Bellwether's conspiracy. But there was nothing to indicate any sort of traumatizing event; ordinary family, ordinary life and, though there were her mental differences to take into account, nothing big that would shake her up. No bullying, or big news article. She didn't live near any of the larger religious sheep communities, in particular the much more closed sects who'd been the major target for ovinophobia in the past. Then again, Honey didn't live in a place absent of sheep either.

The most extraordinary thing Amy found about Honey's life was how ordinary it was.

The only major incident with a sheep involved around her youth period was a complex legal case over in the United Mammalian States that also involved elephants, moose, deer, cows and horses from various lobbies. Yet that would only confuse things further, given the rather benevolent nature of it all. It wasn't some terrible loss of freedom or cruel act, it was reaffirming the right for all prisoners to continue in the mammal goods trades, such as selling their milk, wool and ivory from behind bars; while more importantly requiring they get full market value for it, given that some prisons had being trying to levy incredibly high charges or taxes. In addition, if any body part was clipped or removed for safety or hygiene purposes, such as wool or tusks, the ruling meant that the prisoner could request that they be sold and would have the right to the full value, rather than the prison disposing of them or selling it themselves.

So, that was unlikely to be a catalyst then. It wasn't even deeply covered in Zootopia, bar a few news reports and a Mayor's announcement that they'd be implementing the same new laws. Not the sort of thing a five-year-old would really find that stimulating.

All in all, from what she'd seen, there was no giant trigger; no one big moment that shifted her and that needed to be unpacked. Nothing that, due to her autism, had fixed sheep into the category of evil.

A question that had dogged Amy throughout this case came up again. Was Honey just a bad mammal? An evil one. Her ovinophobia was so intense that it was almost comical. You could laugh it away, rather than finding it insidious, so it came off more as an overt parody than the real thing.

But, as she could see now, it most certainly was the real deal. It did exist, Honey did feel it, and were she a sheep hating on preds rather than the other way around, like Bellwether's co-conspirators had turned out to be, she'd be a complete pariah like they'd become after Bellwether's arrest. Unworthy of sympathy, she'd just be scum, end of. So, was it a double standard that she wasn't considered just as reprehensible? Was Amy, herself, being slightly ovinophobic by wanting to help this mammal, rather than condemning her blatant speciesism?

She sighed, before shaking her head. Honey was a patient like any other, and maybe, just maybe, she could get her to see sheep in a different light. Besides, there was no reason she couldn't give similar treatment to other varieties of speciesist like prey supremacists. She chuckled. Maybe she'd become Bellwether's psychiatrist, if ever the need arose. Regardless, that was a hypothetical future, and what really mattered was the here and now. There was only so much that she could learn from notes, and so much more from the mammal herself.

"So," she began, thinking it through. There was no point in going on the attack, she needed to draw the full truth out, starting from the very beginning. "Honey. When did you first realise that the Cudspiracy was a thing?"

"The…" Honey began from the other side, pausing briefly. "You know, that's an awesome question!" she continued, her voice lighting up with excitement. "I think I knew from the start, you know," she said, chuckling.

"From your first memory?" Amy asked, before smiling. "I'm not sure what my first memory was, you know. You have a few, but like so many from your preschool years you can't place them into a timeline. Not unless there's a big event or something."

Honey chuckled. "My first memory is throwing up in the back of our car, and my big sis trying to lean over, saying that as she wanted to be a doctor she wanted to go and help me!"

Amy laughed. "Yeah, big sisters. Yours… -sounds nice," she said, managing to correct herself. "Are you early memories good, or bad, or..,?"

"At home, they were great," Honey said, reminiscing. "Totally awesome."

Amy nodded, as a little bit of curiosity got a hold of her. What about school?"

"I…" she began, before sighing. "I really hated school at first, all these teachers telling you what to do and all these other kids just racing around and yapping. It was hella crazy. And I mean crazy."

"You felt overwhelmed?" Amy asked. That sort of feeling wasn't unusual for those on the spectrum.

"That… That describes it, yeah. All these kids who were too crazy, and the teachers seemed not to have a problem with them, but they got annoyed with me as if I was hyper, or when I got upset and began crying or…" She paused, taking in and breathing out a deep breath. "Yeah…"

Amy noted things down, a slight surge of confidence running through her. Was this the right path? Then again, if she pressed on too much, she might lose all this work. She had plenty of time on her paws though, so she could do a little exploratory detour. "When did things start getting better?" she asked.

"Oh, when I changed schools," she said. "The new place had fewer kids, so it was so less crazy! The teachers shouted at me less, too! Let me do my own things a bit more, and encouraged me on."

"This was a specialist school," the binturong pondered, though she knew it was.

"I guess."

"Why weren't you sent there before? Didn't they have your diagnosis?"

"No, you see we lived right next to the old school, and my big Sis, she loved it there. Totally loved it! So they didn't want to move me, they wanted it to work. But when it didn't, I got moved over to the new school. It was a long way away though, so we had to leave early, as my daddy had work after. I'd have breakfast there, then have a nap, then we'd go on to have lessons and fun… Mommy would then pick me up, and get home, and my sister would already be home, Daddy coming back later…"

Amy paused. "So, they were waiting until your sister was old enough to walk to school and back herself. How many years apart are you two?"

"She's three years older than me."

Amy knew that already, but it was best to get confirmation from Honey herself.

"How long were you in the old school?"

"Just two," she said, the right answer. Reception and the first year. When she started year two, Madge was in year five, when her parents or the school felt it was safe enough for her to lock up the house by herself in the morning and walk home to an empty one alone in the afternoon. All fairly sensible. Now time to press on.

"Were any of the teachers at your old school sheep?"

There was a sharp guffaw from the other side and Amy cringed, wondering if she'd given the game away, whether Honey would shut herself up tight now and not letting her in any closer.

"-Oh, if there were, I'd have been dipped and sheared long ago! No, my first teacher… -She was a pine marten."

"What about any classmates?" she asked.

"Oh, there were these spying ewe's," Honey replied. "I always knew they were trouble."

Amy blinked, and then pounced. "Bullies, then?"

"Probably," she replied.

"Probably?"

"Well, yeah! I was years below them, but who knew what mean stuff they were doing, looking all grown up and big."

Amy nodded, before thinking. A small flock of sheep going through a much higher year than she was, likely finishing their primary education as she was starting it. "What do you mean by spying on you."

"Well," Honey explained. "I was sitting in the little play area for us little cubs, trying to keep away from the craziness, and you had these big ewes in the big kid play area. But they weren't with the big kids, they were spying over at us, and talking to each other about some kinda crud, and they tried to call me over."

Amy's heart began racing faster. Was this where Honey's problem began? "So, you saw these big ewes, looking over at the small kits and cubs…"

"-Yeah! They were laughing their wool off - probably telling these secrets which must have been evil to each other. Then they'd go off and play, and there were loads of them, just huddling and talking like crazy or playing these really complex games that they wouldn't let anyone else do…"

"-Did you want to play with them?"

"HA!" Honey scoffed. "No. It was some game with weird-as-fluff rules. Even worse than the dumb games the little cubs wanted to play. No, sir… Besides, they were probably communicating secrets and plots and all sorts of evil between them…"

Amy blinked. "School kids? Discussing world domination?"

"Spreading the messages between the sheep clans more like! After all, who would look or spy on a playground? It's the perfect place for them to swap ideas or plots and the like!"

Amy nodded, before picking up her notes. She thought she had it. She really did. A young cub, neurotypical, and suffering at a school she shouldn't have been at. Hostile and tired at the others cubs, trying to keep to herself, and what does she see? A big flock of sheep, sharing and communicating and interacting with each other in ways that she mentally can't understand, that hurt her mind. Literally. Sheep are herd animals; they instinctively flock together. Honey simply could not comprehend that kind of interaction. Most of them were older ewes, as she said herself, and they saw these small children playing and they come over to watch. Honey doesn't know why. She can't comprehend why. But it's simple, they find the little kids cute, fun, happy and entertaining to watch, but they see this little honey badger cub, all alone by herself and not enjoying anything, and what do they do?

They call her over.

But said cub sees them as these big, powerful, secretive mammals doing things she can't understand, so she's intimidating, and then they call her over.

She becomes suspicious.

Scared.

She backs away.

The first seeds of doubt are planted.

Amy had her theories about how they grew into such a brazen tangle, but she knows the source. A simple misunderstanding that never got corrected due to her changing schools. Then, she became obsessed with this idea, as kids do. As autistic ones like her especially do.

"Say, Honey."

"Uh-hu."

"You know, there's lots of mammals who like to live and work in groups. In packs. In flocks."

"Like sheep but not evil?"

"Yeah… Though, maybe those sheep weren't evil too."

"No, they were," Honey countered. "I remember what I saw."

"You saw them bullying others. You saw them punch and beat?"

"I knew they were doing that."

"So, others came up to you, and said they were doing that?"

"Probably, yeah!"

Amy paused, and smiled. "You mean the other little cubs, who played and were schooled separately from them, got bullied by them? Where? When?"

"No…" Honey dismissed, though a slight hint of irritation crept into her voice. "I mean, it would be on the big kids…"

"Did they come up to the fence and tell you?"

"I…" she barked out, before some irritated mumbling came through the door. "I know what was going on, okay? I know!"

Amy nodded.

"-I didn't forget, I know!"

"You know, you were wondering why they were coming over, looking at you?"

"Yeah. They wanted to mess around with me…"

"Or, some kids who liked little kids, seeing one alone and upset?"

…

There was a pause. Then Honey almost growled out her response. "I remember exactly what happened! I remember everything! I know all about the Cudspiracy, so stop probing, okay!"

"But sometimes two mammals can see different things that are both right," Amy said, working in a compromise. "Maybe this was all a misunderstanding?"

"Oh no, I KNOW it wasn't."

Amy took a breather. Don't attack, flank instead, getting around the defenses. "Does working on the Cudspiracy make you feel good?"

"Uh, Duh! Yes it does!"

"What if you were wrong…"

"I'm not."

"But what…"

"If you did the amount of research I did!" she shouted out, Amy hearing the anger and frustration in the voice and picturing her, near tears, on the other side. "If you did that, you'd know that it was true! I ain't wrong, okay! I! AM! NOT! WRONG! OKAY!?"

"Even if everyone else says otherwise?"

"Just 'cause I'm in a minority, doesn't mean I'm wrong. Even if that's a minority of one!" Honey barked back. "I heard someone real famous said that, and it's true… Besides," she began. "Where's your evidence that the Cudspiracy isn't a thing, huh? I have all my research, all my facts, all my things that line up, making perfect sense! What do you have?"

"I have the majority of sheep living happy lives with others out there," Amy began.

"-Well, that's 'cause they've pulled the wool over your eyes!" Honey yelled. "You're trapped by them, drunk the Kool-Aid…"

Amy flinched back a little, biting her lip. She had a good reason the hate that expression. "And maybe you had an idea," the binturong continued. "An idea, that you pushed forward, and instead of finding all these bits of evidence that made an idea, you found bits of evidence and fitted them together to be a part of your idea."

"-Shut up! -Just SHUT UP!"

Amy flinched back from the comment, Honey certainly sounded very emotional. Her defenses were up, and she wasn't letting anyone in. She sighed, it wasn't like she was going to get any further today.

"Okay," Amy said, as she stood up. "I'll want you to come along to my office tomorrow, and we could have another quick talk. But thanks for this Honey, I hope you enjoy the rest of the day. I've learnt some interesting things today."

She had. She absolutely had. A little childhood fear that she'd become obsessed with, likely at the time that she could start looking up and researching. Her grades, once at her new schools, were brilliant after all. She was intelligent. But, at that young age, she started digging a hole, cherry picking things she learnt and building them into a fantasy.

But this led to another question; why did she never grow out of it?

A family who didn't know or who let her be for too long, enabling her? A hostile world that she didn't understand, and which made her feel powerless? And here, in this theory of hers, in her Cuspiracy, she had a black and white clash between good and evil where she knew where she stood. It gave her purpose, a reason for being, an identity. No wonder she got so agitated when it was called into question! Her worldview being broken and all that effort going to waste, it was a horrible prospect for anyone. She knew, given that Honey had inadvertently reminded her of someone who had suffered just that. Given his need to help others, maybe it would be an idea to bring him on to talk to her, just explain his story and open up some ideas she might latch onto.

There were almost certainly other factors in play as well, personality disorders or such. Amy had seen these behaviors flaring up and preventing her from getting closer to the root of the matter, almost like a defensive shield. All of this was worth addressing in future sessions. If she could take them on first, then it should be a lot easier to get in and deal with the sheep issue.

Amy returned to her office. Maybe Honey Badger was a dangerous speciesist? It didn't matter, Amy Lupelili was a doctor and it was her job to fix this before Honey could harm herself or others.

She quickly sent off her notes and revisions, preparing them for Honey's hearing. Honey would get a second opinion from a doctor from a different hospital, one who Amy could have no contact with. Both of their opinions would be shown to a judge, who'd rule whether they could keep her in, long term. She was pretty sure he'd agree.

All she needed to do now, though, was to make Honey understand that she could be wrong and that that was okay.