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The Fic Lab Prompt #23: Here We Go Again

Bella looks so peaceful sleeping in her bed. I can't believe how close I came to almost losing her. First when I left her alone in the woods behind her house, believing I'd never see her again. Then when Rosalie called to tell me Bella had killed herself, realizing it was all my fault. Finally, in Volterra, terrified that Aro would take her up on the offer to kill her in my place.

But we've come through all of that, a little worse for wear but both still here. I vow to protect her for the rest of her life. There's no way I could ever leave her alone again. It would break us both if I even tried.

I'm shaken out of my thoughts by the sound of Bella's increasing heartbeats. She must be having a nightmare, which seems inevitable after everything we've just been through. I sit down on her bed beside her and reach for her hand just as she startles awake. She frantically looks around her room before understanding where she is.

"You're okay, Bella, it was just a nightmare. We're back at home and you're safe," I whisper as I lean down to kiss the top of her head.

Bella immediately turns her head up and catches my lips with hers. "That's better," she sighs when our kiss has ended. I haven't seen her look this relaxed since before her ill-fated birthday party.

"Definitely better," I say with a smile. I've missed the feel of her lips more than I thought possible. I don't know if I deserve her forgiveness but I'll take it anyway. And I'll spend the rest of her life making it up to her.

"Once I'm turned, I won't have to worry about nightmares. I may miss sleeping a little bit but I'll enjoy spending more hours in a day with you."

Here we go again. I was so sure our experience in Volterra had changed her mind about becoming a vampire. She's seen the full depravity of my kind. How can she still want this? Regardless, that is not something I want for her. I have to make her understand this.

"Bella, we don't need to turn you. There are ways to keep the Volturi in the dark."

"How dare you, Edward?" she demands. Her peaceful look is gone and I'm taken aback by the ferocity in her voice. This is a side of Bella I've never seen before.

"Bella, calm down. I can keep you safe. Please stay human…for me." I gaze directly into her eyes hoping I can still dazzle her. I know that's not fair to do but I'll use any means necessary to convince her.

Bella just shakes her head at me. While I'd love to believe she's trying to shake away the effect of my stare, I can tell it's in exasperation instead. She's changed while we were apart…grown stronger.

"Listen to me, Edward, really listen to me. You are asking the impossible. I know what's out there now. I understand the danger I am in and that danger is not going away. You can't protect me from it all…no matter how much you want to, you just can't. Things happen, you can't be with me 24/7 for the rest of my life. You've already left me alone and unprotected once."

"Bel-," I try to interrupt.

"No, Edward, it's my turn to speak and you will let me finish. I know this hurts you to hear, but you need to hear it. You left me alone. Knowing Victoria is still out there. You may not have known she wanted to kill me - still does for that matter - but you should have. Or at least anticipated that she might come back.

"Not only did you leave me, but you made your family leave, too. You wouldn't even let Alice check on me to make sure I was safe. What were you thinking, Edward? How could you possibly believe that was a good idea?"

"I'm so sorry, Bella. You're right. I was stubborn and stupid and thought I had all the answers. I was just so scared when Jasper went after you. I couldn't see another way out."

At this moment, more than I ever have since my change, I wish I could cry. This realization of what I had done to Bella is overwhelming. She's always been smarter than me and if only I'd talked to her after her birthday party, explained my fears rationally, maybe we could have avoided this mess.

"I know you're sorry, Edward. I know. But you can't keep making unilateral decisions. I must have a say in the decisions we should be making together. And for my safety…for my well-being, I refuse to remain the vulnerable little human you want me to be. I need to be able to protect myself and I will become a vampire. You need to accept that," she says seriously before her expression changes to one of mirth. "Otherwise, I hope you like disappointment."

"Did you just quote me, Bella?" I ask with a laugh.

Bella giggles and winks as she says, "Deal with it, baby."

I will deal with it, I decide. I will accept Bella becoming a vampire.

And suddenly, a weight I didn't know I had been carrying is lifted.