7.
It was early the next morning when Clarke found herself sitting on the pale blue bench in the med room. She had been up for hours, falling in and out of sleep before huffing up and out of bed. She swore she heard Raven sigh in relief and felt a twinge of guilt for keeping her up with all the noise she was making.
She wasn't exactly sure what kept the gears in her head turning, it could have been the haunting smell of smoke and the sensation of flames, the burnt skin around her fingers a constant reminder, or it could have been the oh so flattering conversation she had with a certain sun-kissed freckled front-runner who threatened to end her existence. Either way, the nightmares were all too consuming and Clarke was terrified of what would happen if she slept for longer than ten minute intervals.
She really tried not to pay attention to the four containers filled with the orange seaweed she'd abandoned yesterday. She didn't want to think about how that had been a trip from hell, or if the notorious leader himself went out of his way to put it in the med room to greet her when she'd come in this morning. Bellamy confused her like nothing else, not even the world beyond the wall was as confusing as he was. One minute he was this flirty confident guy and the next he was stone-cold and heartless.
"I see you're up early too," Clarke's head shot up to see the brunette whose hair was pinned back revealing her healing scar across her collar bone and cheek, lingering at the door way. She turned her attention back to the book in her hand, pressing the cover deeper into her thigh forcing herself to focus on the words on the pages.
"I'm so sorry Clarke, really I am," Octavia pleaded coming to stand in front of her. She shook her head, glaring at the same paragraph she's been trying to read for over half an hour, "I heard my brother gave you shit," Clarke scoffed shifting her gaze to meet Octavia's. She watched as the girl in front of her rubbed her lips together unsure of what to say next, so Clarke waited patiently.
When no words came, Clarke gave a dark chuckle shaking her head, she hopped off the bench and moved past Octavia to the other side of the room.
"Clarke wait, I'm sorry about Bell—"
"I don't give a flying fuck about your brother," Clarke interrupted her voice hoarse yet determined, "You don't get it do you? Neither of you do! Octavia I was worried about you. I didn't care about my mother finding us, or Bellamy throwing a hissy fit, I was worried about you! That you wouldn't make it! But that's beside the point," Clarke's blond hair twisted with her as she turned to place the book on the counter of the sink, "You lied to me. You let me think that you were helping me find medicine, medicine that would help save your friends here, when really you were meeting up with your boyfriend." She stepped closer to Octavia now, watching as her eyes started tearing and her body shaking briefly with nerves.
"Tell me Octavia, which part should I be hurt by the most? The fact that you tricked me, or the fact that you truly believed you couldn't tell me the truth?" Clarke asked, hands placed on her hips now and a defeated look plastered across her face.
"Clarke, I didn't know you, not like I do now," Octavia reasoned with a shaky breath, "I didn't know how you'd react,"
"So you thought the best thing to do was take me to the lake while you skipped over to an abandoned farmhouse? What you didn't think I'd notice you gone?"
"He was late,"
"That doesn't make it okay!" Clarke screamed now, she sighed deeply regretting her outburst instantly. It wasn't even five o'clock yet, and while the trainees for Alpha and Beta squad were most likely up starting on their drills for the day, the rest of the Dropship was sound asleep.
"I'm sorry," Octavia whispered, lacing her fingers together and resting her palms against her abdomen.
"I know," Clarke nodded, "me too."
Octavia stayed put for the next minute, which felt like the longest minute of Clarke's life. She refused to meet her waiting gaze, fighting with the Blakes took up way too much energy, Clarke cursed herself for not getting a good night's sleep.
"Ok, well, I'll see you around?" Octavia asked hopeful taking a step to the door.
"Not likely," Clarke said coldly, striding past her once more to count the cotton pads and sterile wipes that didn't ever need to be counted. She heard the sad sigh and shuffling of feet exit the room and she was alone once more.
It was lunch time when a familiar face rolled around taking confident steps closer to Clarke as she washed her hands. She had just stitched up an eight-year old's left foot all because his buddies told him they didn't think he could jump from the top of the second floor staircase to the bottom floor. He couldn't, his foot got caught in between the metal rails ripping at his skin.
"Princess,"
"Finn," she acknowledged sparring him a glance over her shoulder.
"Do you remember how we had lunch a couple weeks ago, and you left me hanging half way through?" she turned to face him now, taking in his shorter hair and flirtatious smirk, "Well I told you that you'd owe me and that we'd finish it so…" he trailed off pulling a beigeish brown basket from behind his back.
"I thought we did finish it, yesterday, in the cafeteria," she challenged, raising an eyebrow. He chuckled shaking his head.
"No that doesn't count, everyone was there," he explained face morphing to show distaste and she fought the smile threatening to make its way over her lips.
"Sorry, but I can't, there are like two more kids to see, and it's getting closer to flu season,"
"What if I promise not to call you princess the entire time?"
"No,"
"I'll never barge in here demanding to have lunch with you again,"
"Tempting, but no," she deadpanned moving to the side only to have him side-step and stand in her way.
"I'll tell you whatever you want to know about Skicru,"
"Monty, I'm taking my lunch!" she called to the Asian boy who was engrossed in a deep conversation with Harper, blushing slightly. His head snapped to hers when he heard her call his name, "and you have two more patients left," she pointed at the two girls with the sweats, looking yellow and nauseous. She felt bad for leaving them, but she needed answers, and after her shit of a night, she couldn't wait any longer.
Finn took the lead and guided her up the stairs to the third floor. She even let him hold her hand as they walked down corridor after corridor before climbing a few more steps she had never seen before, coming to face a large metal door with a lock. She gave Finn a questioning look to which he just smirked and went to work picking the lock. She scanned their surroundings, she hasn't been to the third floor since coming to check on Octavia after she hurt herself. She made it her mission, well her second mission, to avoid this part of the Dropship, however, it must be the part that was the biggest because each time she came she couldn't, for the life of her, remember where any of the rooms were.
A soft click came from the door and Finn opened it wide enough for her to step through. The fresh air hugged her tight and she breathed deeply not knowing how much she actually needed this. Finn's hand still in her own, he walked them over to middle of the flat roof where a couple of lawn chairs bursting at the seams sat basking in the sunlight.
"Your throne," he winked, pushing her to take a seat. Afraid that the chair will break, Clarke sat down anyway, turning to face the boy who carried the majority of her hope right now.
"Thanks," she hummed, going for the picnic basket in his hand. His chuckle echoed in the cool air as he took a seat in the chair next to hers, "Now let's get to the answers," she said eagerly. Finn laughed this time, not an amused chuckle but a full on belly shaking laugh. She froze, caught off guard and slightly embarrassed.
"Should've known you're all business, what do you want to know?" he asked, prying the basket from her hands after she'd pulled out a container filled with what looked to be nuts and berries.
"Everything," she jumped right into it, "everything about Skicru and the last couple of years. Tell me about the rebellion, I've only ever heard the gist of it and after being here it feels like I know less somehow," Finn cupped the back of his head, rubbing the skin on his neck and looking pained, like he missed the length of his hair.
"Where do I start?" he mumbled,
"The beginning," Clarke supplied, popping a berry into her mouth. Finn nodded and began his tale.
"Well, I guess I can only start from when I first came here, which was about three years ago," Clarke nodded, she already knew this, having heard it from Raven that night at the Ark Hospital, but she munched on the berries and nuts letting him give her the details, "I came with Raven. Her mother left her when she was fifteen, practically dropped her on our front porch and ran away. Her tracker said she was in Mount Weather Woods and when the authorities got there, they found her dead." Mount Weather Woods was the deadliest part of Arkadia. While the woods closer to the Dropship carried ancient buildings, and the unexpected fallen log, the MW Woods ran along the south side of the wall. The trees looming over too big to cut, and occupied by the scariest and most lethal animals known to mankind since the nuclear war.
Not to mention the oxygen levels in that area were oddly low, even among that many trees, the radioactivity must have messed up the chemical balance because staying in the forest for longer than an hour can cause severe brain damage. Which makes the creatures living there that much more fearsome because anything that needs oxygen and yet can survive without it, can cause more harm than you can ever imagine. Jaha enforced double barbed wired fences, and pushed back the civilization closer to City Hall, when incident after incident arose of attacks coming from the area close to the woods.
"My parents took her in, and we grew up together. We weren't the best of friends at first but with time we managed to get along. She was the only one who understood me," he said wistfully, "Anyways, so one night, I guess it was getting closer to the anniversary of her mother's death, she wanted to go to MW Woods. I guess she needed closure or to see for herself what happened on those grounds," he lifted the flask of moonshine he pulled out of the basket to his lips taking a long drag, "So I took her, we went at dawn when it was late enough that we could sneak past the guards but still light so we can make our way through the woods fine without flashlights or drawing attention to ourselves. Long story short, they heard us, and I couldn't let Raven get caught because she was eighteen,"
"And you weren't," Clarke finished his thought. He nodded grim, "That's why they call you Spacewalker?" He nodded again, smirking slightly.
"So you've heard about that, eh?" she rolled her eyes urging him to continue.
"I took the fall for it, but the next day she came to visit me while I was locked up, only to see her with Sinclair. Together, they got me out. We ditched our chips, grabbed whatever we could and ran here. Bellamy was expecting us,"
"How did he know?"
"He has inside men," Finn explained, leaning forward in his chair, "Skicru is different than any other group in Arkadia. They have the brains of the smartest mechanics and engineers, the toughest guards and fighters, and the power that the council members so desperately want. Bellamy runs a tight ship. The kids who are brought here young are leaving poverty or unfair lock up because their parents fucked up. So there's someone on the other side taking out their chips, securing them save passage to get them here, where they stay and live out their days until they are old enough to help out."
Clarke noted how she never did see many younger members or Skicru visiting the med room except the occasional cold or play incident like the boy she helped stich up earlier today. She held out the container to Finn who smiled at her, taking a handful of the roasted nuts and red berries.
"What about Marcus Kane? Isn't he the one who established these connections?"
"Yep" Finn nodded, dumping the contents of his palm into his mouth in one go, he crunched loudly before swallowing, "He's built a network of trusted people in Arkadia in every aspect and location you can think of. He reached out to people, understood them and the injustice they faced. He created Skicru to represent a team of survivors, but shit happens and less and less people, adults, vocalized their support,"
Clarke remembered that. She was young, but she remembered her mother shaking her head in disbelief as she and her father watched Thelonious Jaha make an announcement that anyone who joined Kane's crowd of felons would be executed on sight. Skicru then became a place of refuge for the innocent children and not-so-innocent children who were fucked over by Akradia.
"Where is he now?" Clarke asked, but Finn ignored her. She knew he heard her question, and she knew that he knew the answer, but she decided to keep her mouth shut and play along. He was the only one willing to tell her anything at all, and she would find out soon enough anyways.
"When Kane found Bellamy six years ago, they worked closely, side by side. I guess Bellamy was like the son Kane never had. Before disappearing, Kane left Bellamy in charge with full responsibility of the kids, the Dropship, and the rebellion. Some people believe he has a laid out plan that Bellamy is following and others think that Blake is doing whatever the hell he wants with us," he bumped his shoulder with Clarke's playfully but her mind was somewhere else.
"So if Kane was responsible for the connections inside Arkadia, then how did you guys build the connection with the Grounders?" Clarke asked face scrunched up in confusion.
"Bellamy did, I actually don't know how he found out about them, but he did and one day they were just giving us supplies and trading information with us," Finn seemed to just then realize that he didn't know much about the Grounders either, a lot more than she did for sure, but not enough to keep away the confusion that was now etched on his face.
"What about Octavia, did Kane find her too?"
"No, she was rescued—"
The sound of the metal door clanking open made them jump. Raven came into view, looking across the roof hurriedly before landing on them. The hurt in her eyes was clear, probably even more so with the sun shining so brightly against them. Clarke soared out of her seat taking a step away from Finn. She didn't know the exact history between them, although Finn told her of their closeness, she knew there was more to it. But what she really knew was that she did not want to get in the middle of whatever drama was going on between them.
"Uh, there's something I have to show you," Raven stuttered on her words motioning over her shoulder with her chin, "another broadcast," Clarke brushed past Finn who grasped her wrist.
"I hope this wasn't all because I have such valuable information," Finn said and while the words were teasing, his tone was genuine. Clarke was well aware of Raven's gaze on them, and while she didn't want to get involved in this unbearable tension, she appreciated Finn's kindness and his help. He was the only one here who took her seriously and answered her questions, most of them anyway.
"You know it was, but thank you, next time it might not be for that reason alone," she smiled and she had meant for it to be polite but when she saw his full blown grin she had to bite her lip from matching it. She pulled away, rushing after Raven trying to mentally prepare herself for whatever bullshit decided to show up today.
Apparently she didn't prepare well enough because when she entered the engineering room she was welcome with Wells' face, paused, on the large screen in front of her. Bryan played the video when Raven patted his shoulder.
"Clarke! If you're out there, if you can hear this message I need you to come home. I understand what you're going through but it's not safe for you out there. I'm sorry for everything, just come home. Please." The tremble in her best friend's voice would have broken her down, and if that didn't do it then seeing him, tall dark and handsome, the young boy she once knew with unbelievable hope in his eyes and the desire to only do good, would have done it. But she was caught up in his actual words. I understand what you're going through? He clearly didn't, if he truly did understand then he wouldn't ask her to come home. And he needed her? What happened to when she needed him, when she begged him to save her father?
"Your boyfriend seems worried," Raven's dry tone surprised her, but after what she may or may not have walked in on, on the roof, she understood. She turned her gaze to look around the room, she noticed Bryan manning the controls keeping his eyes strictly on the keyboard in front of him, Raven had her arms crossed eyes shifting from her to Finn who was standing inches away, and Wick who played with some tool in his hand pretending to look busy. She turned to walk out of the room, when she saw Bellamy, leaning against the back wall watching her. They stared at each other, his arms were crossed over his chest, shoulders pushing into the wall.
"I want to send them a message," Clarke said suddenly to no one in particular, "A letter, or a voice recording; just something to let them know I'm alright and to back off," she explained. The air getting harder to breath as her stare down with Bellamy continued. She curved to face Raven, who looked over her shoulder at Bellamy. He must have given her a nod or some sort of approval because she nodded back beaconing Clarke to come closer.
"When I point at you, record your message into this microphone here. We will send it to the council under an unknown server that they won't be able to track back here," Raven clarified, taking a second to work the system, she pointed at Clarke hitting the record button.
"Mom," her voice shook no matter how hard she tried to control it, "I'm okay. I'm alive and doing fine. But I will not come home, I can't. I need you to stop looking for me, stop sending out broadcasts and messages. I hope you can understand; I just need time." She peered over at Raven who was about to take her finger off the record button when Clarke reached out her hand to stop her, "I know you did what you had to, and I believe you, but give me time to forgive you. You owe me that." She lifted her hand off of Raven's and nodded in confirmation that she was done.
The room felt too small and the silence was too loud but she ignored that, ignored the fact that she just gave them that much more of a glimpse into her past. She turned on her heel and left without uttering another word.
"Clarke," Miller called, she glanced over her shoulder coming to a begrudging halt.
"Hey," he continued, "Just wanted to let you know we leave in half an hour."
"Leaving where?" she asked confused.
"To Polis, make sure you bring whatever you need, we won't be back until dawn,"
"I'm sorry, I don't know…" she trailed off hoping he'd fill in the blanks. He raised an eyebrow in question before realization hit him.
"Oh, he didn't tell you?" his mouth in an 'o' and voice a bit higher than normal. When she shook her head still very confused, "Typical," he scoffed under his breath then he pressed his lips in a thin line and sighed, "You're coming to Grationem Dan,"
Her surprised could not be masked, no matter how hard she tried to wipe the expression off her face. She swallowed lowly, wondering what kind of joke Miller was playing, but when he didn't cringe or laugh she knew he was serious. She was going with them to Polis, where the Grounders would be celebrating unity and then be told that they must fight the worst war of their lives just to be able to breathe the free air, that they are entitled to, of this earth.
"No thanks, Nathan," she bit out, angry at the fact that this day was even happening, and that the 'he' Miller was referring to was now the person she hated most. He was lumping her with the rest of the miserable and innocent people of Polis who, in two hours' time, will have their fate sealed.
"He won't like that," Miller began but was cut off sharply.
"I don't care," she snapped, taking a step back away from the dark-skinned boy who was probably just as damaged as she was. After all, they were the only two people on the Dropship who came willingly, "Sorry," she muttered feeling bad, "I'm not going, you can tell Bellamy I'm tired, or sick, or better yet that I can't be trusted. He'll believe the last one, probably best to go with that."
She turned to walk away not bothering to hear Miller's words, or say anymore of her own. When she got back to her room, she found Raven shrugging on a grey jacket and tightening the straps of her black boots.
"Get ready quick, they say we won't leave for another half hour but knowing Bellamy, and with Lincoln here, he'd want us to be out of here as soon as we can," Raven said without making eye contact with Clarke. She worked around her grabbing a bag from the side of her bed and filling it up with books, weapons, some weird looking vials filled with even weirder looking juices and a sharp knife.
"I'm not going," Clarke mumbled, dropping onto the pink couch she had slept on that first night. She tucked her legs under her and pulled out her sketch book.
"What? Why?" Raven stopped pacing around, lifting the bag and securing the strap over one shoulder. Clarke shrugged then peered over at her, she took in her appearance. Clarke always knew, from the minute Raven was hauled into the operating room how strong she was, but looking at her now, she was a fighter. With her clothes body-hugging and durable, the bag now resting by her hip, and her experienced eyes, she was sleek and ready for any attack.
"How's your leg? Can you make the walk there?"
"It's fine," Raven grated out, hands crossed in front of her, ponytail high and tight.
"You know it's not like that between me and Finn," Clarke gulped, "He was offering me answers, answers you know I deserve. I came to you first Raven, I wanted you to help me, I asked for you when I first came here and not just because you were the only person I knew. I trusted you and thought you trusted me too," she threw her sketchbook to the side, sitting up right now, "But you didn't trust me, so no, I am not going to go to a place where some bitch is going to tell a bunch of innocent people that they have to fight to the death."
Raven gawked at her, eyes still narrow and her stance still ridged. Clarke got up and side stepped around her to her cold bed, but she never made it because Raven grabbed her wrist gently, stopping her in place.
"You're right, I'm sorry but some of the things here are not my stories or secrets to share. The whole Octavia-Lincoln thing was one of them, I probably should have mentioned that something was going on but at the end of the day it's not my problem. And if you recall, you never asked me anything about me, Clarke. You've asked about Blake, about his past, the people on the Dropship but you never asked about me."
Clarke's mind went blank. She didn't realize she had such arrogance in her. She was being selfish and a part of her knew but excused it for the simple reason of the grief and pain she's suffered. Raven suffered too and now Clarke only heard half her story from someone who wasn't her.
"It doesn't matter," Raven went on seeing the guilty expression on Clarke's face, "I think you should come tonight. I think that you will understand why things have to happen the way they do." She let go of her hand and walked towards the door but before leaving she placed a hand on the beam of the doorway and looked over her shoulder whispering, "And it's okay about Finn, if it is like that I mean," she paused, "I know how he can be," and with that she left Clarke alone with too many thoughts to bare.
Raven was right. Clarke hated that. She hadn't directly asked about her past, but it came from not wanting to get any more involved in these people's lives. Not when she was planning to leave soon. After peace was established, she wasn't going to stay, and getting closer to them would only make it that much more difficult to leave. She had done things before coming to Skicru and seeking their help, and the consequences and pain was slowly following her here.
Going to Grationem Dan might be a mistake, but she came here with a goal in mind, and then she was thrown in the dark. She needed to go, she had to if she was going to keep fighting off the idea of going to war. It can't be what they wanted.
She shot up and grabbed her dark jacket, worn out and ripped leaving it pocket less and stringing out threads. She pulled her hair back in her own tight ponytail and rushed out the door almost forgetting to shut it closed. She hoped she would make it before the group left but when she got to the main floor and didn't find anyone, she panicked. She rushed to the engineering room, running into a few members of Alpha Squad who told her that they last saw Bellamy with Octavia and that Grounder over an hour ago.
"They left already," a sneer came from the other side of the room. The group of fighters looked over at the person leaning against the wall, nodded once, then walked out leaving her alone with the stranger.
"When? Raven left our room not even ten minutes ago," she explained. He scoffed darkly stepping closer to her. He had a pointed nose, and gruesome eyes that gave the illusion that he'd seen terrible things in his life. He didn't look a day over eighteen, Clarke was caught between feeling bad for him and wanting to run away as far and as fast as she can.
"She was the last one they were waiting on, I mean you could've been if little Blake fought hard enough to get big brother to wait five minutes more, but he couldn't be bothered to wait for the princess to change her mind," he ran his fingers through his hair slicking it back.
"Who are you?" Clarke asked, disgust imprinting over her face. He smiled wickedly, sauntering over to her.
"I'm your knight in shining armor," he chuckled finding his own joke funny, "I'm going to take you after them." He pointed to the back entry way of the Dropship.
"I'm good, thanks, I'll find my own way," she said backing away slowly afraid to turn her back. After Atom, she figured that however many people she's met that embodied kindness, there were probably the same number if not more that embodied the complete opposite.
"No seriously, I was heading over there now," he took another step towards her. She needed to think quick, if she ran he would catch her, and she didn't have any sort of shield or weapon to delay his chase. So she used the only tool she could, she stepped forward taking him off-guard and pushed him backwards as strongly as she could then kneed him in the groin. He fell on his back to the floor, hands going to the area between his legs as he groaned in pain. She spun around and dashed to the back exist. She was welcomed by the darkness of the night right before she took off running.
She forced herself to look forward, don't glance back no matter what she repeated over and over, but when she heard footsteps thudding after her she couldn't resist. She peeked over her shoulder to find herself face to face with the scary stranger. He gripped her hips pulling her back into him.
"Hey!" she heard another male voice yell from behind them. She continued to thrash, kicking at the legs of her captor, "Murphy, let her go," but the guy, Murphy, only strengthened his hold.
"Back off Collins, I was just helping her get to Polis,"
"Yeah, clearly," Finn said coming into view. Clarke's body warmed over with relief and she couldn't help the sigh that escaped her lips. Murphy having heard it only smirked, letting his grasp go not after muttering something along the lines of "Bitch, you're going to pay for what you did," but she ignored him moving as far away from him as she could.
"I was going to Polis," Murphy enunciated,
"Why didn't you leave with the group that just left?" Finn questioned, now dressed in a nice fitting jacket, hair still short but long enough to flop over his forehead.
Clarke didn't see him after sending out her message in the engineering room. She was so close to answers, finally, yet seeing Wells, and the way her throat closed up after Raven hit the send button, delivering her voice recording to her mother and the Chancellor, she couldn't bring herself to go back to that rooftop.
"Why didn't you?" Murphy questioned back. The two boys stood staring at each other, as if communicating telepathically. After a few more intense and seriously unnecessary silence, Murphy smirked and stepped to the side, "Lead the way," he said.
Finn walked closer to Clarke, gripping her hand in his and leading them beyond the wall with Murphy in tow.
"So I see you've found yourself a girlfriend Spacewalker," Murphy teased gripping the torch he lit up, tighter in his hand. They were in the dark tunnels, only able to see what was in front of them thanks to that torch but unfortunately it came with a cunning obnoxious mouth.
"Shut up Murphy," Finn coolly replied, hand still holding Clarke's. She tried to ignore his cold fingers, and clammy palm but with Murphy there and his vengeful threat she couldn't risk letting go.
"Does she know what you did?" Finn tensed up beside her, his eyes glowing from the fire light and it seemed like he was really holding back from attacking Murphy in that moment.
"Why are you two going to Polis anyways?" Clarke asked wanting to change the topic right away. It was the right move to make because soon both boys relaxed going back to ignoring the other's presence.
"I have some things to talk about with Bellamy," Finn exhaled finally.
"That couldn't have waited until he came back in the morning?"
"No," he ran his free hand over his face, thumb pressing lightly to his eyes, "He's agreeing to…do something that the Grounders want to do and I think there's a better way,"
"He's agreeing to go to war, and you want to stop it?" she asked in disbelief. Finn mirrored her expression not having known that she knew and met the girl who was imposing the act. He could only nod, and she could only nod along a smile threatening to slip.
"Yeah, me too," she mumbled, earning a grin from Finn. She bit her lip looking down, her gaze falling briefly on Murphy who was watching her with something else. Almost like he couldn't believe her, or like he expected more from her. It was a mixture of some kind of disappointment and he seemed really amused by her as well. She didn't dwell on it any longer for they were at the ladder that will lead them up into Polis.
As she climbed to the top, Finn's arm dangerously close to her lower back, she was met with the sound of distant chatter and the beat of drums.
"John!" a female voice cried out. Clarke only caught a blur of a shadow that whizzed past her and into the arms of Murphy. He tucked her close, burying his face into the side of her neck and hugging her tight. Her mouth opened in shock only to have Murphy open his eyes from over the woman's shoulder and give her another unclear expression before lifting his middle finger at her.
She was tugged forward by Finn who led them through the woods to the glade she was in a few weeks ago. The atmosphere was much different than it was that warm morning in the market. The glade was lit up by the huge fire pit in the middle, with bursting flames going up higher. There were drummers sitting across to one side, hitting a contagious beat while a group of children danced around them. People filled the area up, glowing not only from the huge fire but the torches that circled the glade allowing Clarke to make out some of the people from Skicru. In the distant she can see Miller and Nyko using their hands actively as they spoke. She tried to find Raven, even Octavia who she hasn't seen since this morning but no brunette came into view.
"How can they have all this, be this loud with that much smoke going up into the air" Clarke remarked glancing up at the smoke covered sky, "without getting caught? We aren't even that far beyond the wall,"
"Everyone lives farther into Arkadia that they couldn't see this even if they tried, and the guards are too scared to go beyond the wall so even if they do hear or see anything, which they can't, they wouldn't dare cross over," Finn leaned down, explaining into her ear. She flinched back and told herself it was in surprise but the truth was that she was still on edge. Finn was kind to her, he spoke to her like a person and hoped for the same peace she wanted for all mankind without once mentioning how delusional she's being, but his relationship with Raven and the words Murphy spoke moments ago rang in her ear. She couldn't risk the plan, not for him.
"I'm going to go see if I can find any of the girls," she let go of his hand delaying whatever response he was going to give by trekking up ahead and further into the festivities. She bumped into many different people trying to navigate her way through silently praying to run into Raven or Octavia or even Bellamy. It seemed as though her prayers were answered because not even a second later she was half trampled by a black haired girl who rushed into large tan arms.
Bellamy hugged the girl back, not noticing Clarke or anyone else. When they pulled apart, the girl moved closer to him tucking herself under his arm whispering things in his ear that got a smirk out of him. He played with the ends of her hair as she slid her hand up his chest leaning closer to him continuing to whisper things in his ear.
Clarke was taken back, not just by the sight but by the feeling that her heart had stopped. It was like she was hit over the head all over again, her hand absentmindedly going to the bruise, thanks to Atom, that was still tender. Her fingers then laced through her ponytail, running through her strands of gold.
This girl knew Bellamy well enough to be so close to him like that. Clarke wasn't stupid, she knew he was attractive and she knew someone like him wouldn't abstain from bedding the occasional gorgeous girl, but a Grounder out of all people. A Grounder when he didn't trust her, his own people?
His hand now trailed down the girl's side, playing with the edge of her cream colored shirt, alongside the slope of her hips. He had his t-shirt sleeves rolled up and she was toying with them trailing a finger down his bicep. Clarke stayed frozen, she knew she should have left by now but she couldn't bring her feet to move. Her prayers weren't as answered as she thought they were after all.
He met her gaze then, caught off guard himself but it quickly disappeared. He was staring at her as intently as he always did with the girl still in his arms, fingers trailing his chest, his torso, gripping at his shirt, and yet he didn't look away from Clarke's eyes. She felt herself go hazy and sick and like she needed to run. So she did, turning around and leaving him and the girl behind.
"That's Echo," someone said bringing her back to the world in front of her. She turned to find the youngest Blake nesting a glass cup in her hand filled to the rim with clear liquid she could only guess was moonshine.
"Who?" Clarke asked, stepping over a couple of branches that somehow found their way to the glade.
"The girl wrapped around my brother," Octavia flicked her gaze further down to the group that surrounded a laughing Bellamy and the girl, Echo, plastering a bright smile on her face.
Bellamy's face looked so much different when he laughed. She had never seen him laugh, never even seen him smile. All she ever saw, or received were scowls or death glares, but here he was smiling and laughing with a pretty brunette on his arm. Clarke wasn't sure what to think of this situation, it confused her to no end, but then again, everything that he did confused her. She let her gaze linger a moment too long for he had spotted her through the crowd yet again. This time he didn't lock eyes with her, he simply looked away, the soft smile from the laugh disappearing with him.
"Oh," it was all Clarke could get out. She shook her head, gathering whatever logic was left and focused her gaze on the girl she had all but yelled at this morning. Octavia's raven locks were up and away from her face in a half up do. Her gorgeous blue eyes glistened against the fire light and Clarke knew why Lincoln was so taken with her, why they risked their lives to venture off into the woods to meet in secluded places.
"So…" Octavia trailed off, firmly gripping the cup in her hand filled to the rim with, what Clarke could guess as, moonshine. Clarke avoided her, not knowing how to deal with the awkward situation. This morning she had felt used and like she couldn't be trusted, like they just strung her along moving her one step forward only to push her ten steps back. She was tired of fighting with the Blakes, tired of being dismissed left to hang high and dry. As she was about to walk away from her, Octavia spoke.
"Well, welcome to Grationem Dan," Octavia gestured to the area around them. Clarke gave a slight nod, taking in the place once more. Skicru seemed to be very familiar and comfortable here, almost like they belong. She saw some guards from Alpha Squad patrolling the surrounding forest, but even then they looked to be enjoying the evening.
"I thought you weren't allowed to come tonight?" Clarke asked, finally realizing that Octavia was here, in Polis.
"Yeah well after what happened, Lincoln convinced Bellamy,"
"How the hell did he do that?"
"They threatened each other, then Lincoln promised if anything happened to me tonight Bellamy could kill him on the spot. Seemed to do it," she shrugged, a faint of a smile gracing her lips as she spoke of Lincoln. Clarke wanted to ask about him, she wanted to understand how they came to be. She wondered if Lincoln could help convince Lexa that war was not the answer, she was about to ask when Octavia cut in.
"You need to loosen up," she reached over pulling the elastic band holding Clarke's hair up and back, releasing her messy curls to tumble down her shoulders and back, "and a drink," she winked handing over her own cup. Clarke stared at it, then took it reluctantly.
"I could use more than a drink, but I can't, not now, not when I need to find Lexa and talk to her," she explained, eyes now searching for the Commander.
"She's probably still in her cabin,"
"Thanks," she muttered chancing a glance up at her, only to be brought back to the guilt she felt for their exchange that morning. In that moment, she wanted to apologize, wanted to take back what she had said and explain how maybe she didn't give Octavia much of a reason to trust her anyway but she knew it wasn't true. As much as she felt poorly for how she reacted, she understood that either way this girl wouldn't trust her enough to keep a secret, that practically everyone on the Dropship had known about.
They bid goodbye and Clarke made her way through the dark woods, following the trail until it reached the cabin she had visited weeks ago. The path was only lit by a couple of torches, glowing against the night sky. She took a breath and knocked twice, loudly, hearing the shuffle of feet before the door fell wide open.
"Titus, right?" she inquired looking up at the tall bald man. He disregarded her, stepping to one side. It was enough of an invitation to come in, Clarke slipped past him to see the Commander seated at her throne at the end of the room just as she had been the first time Clarke saw her.
She took in the high ceilings again, the unique carvings that extended across the wooden walls creating a form of art she had only dreamed about. The candle light coming off of the twenty candles or so that were scattered across the room, illuminated them and gave off a warm scent. The throne, large and made from tree branches that peaked at the top giving it the illusion that it was tall, was perched on top of a two-step floor where the Commander sat like royalty.
Lexa watched her with careful eyes and Clarke realized she was doing the same. She let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding in and examined the girl in front of her. She didn't look much older, maybe in her early twenties, she had kohl lining her eyes brightening them, and fierce braids interwoven within her straight brown hair that fell to her waist.
"I had a feeling you'd visit me Clarke Griffin," she spoke calmly. Clarke refused to believe someone so young, so innocent looking could possess enough power in this world to just sit there and speak as calmly as she did, as if no one could hurt her.
"You did?" Clarke raised an eyebrow. She was aware of the heavy-breathing-Titus glued to her back, watching, in case the interaction took a wrong turn. Lexa sensing this nodded to Titus, waving her hand in dismissal.
"Heda," he hissed, but Lexa shot him a pierced look and he complied, stepping outside the cabin and shutting the door behind him.
"We are alone. Speak." She demanded.
"I want—I need," Clarke emphasized taking a step closer to the throne, "to understand why you believe that war is the answer. It can't be. Do you know how many innocent people will die? My people, your people, everyone and all the areas in between will vanquish!"
Lexa stayed quiet. Her eyes lingering over Clarke's face, down her body before pulling them back up to stare at her. The nerves tickled Clarke's spine, she hid the shiver running through her, hoping it won't make her seem weak in a moment she desperately needed to look strong.
"Do you know the history of my people, Clarke?"
When Clarke shook her head no, Lexa smiled wickedly before a chilling laugh bubbled, echoing in between the wooden walls surrounding them.
"You come here, almost barging in with the claim of peace when you do not know the history of this world or the people in it," She was amused and it only angered Clarke. She knew she was being irrational to some degree, and that she was in the dark when it came to the Grounders. But, it was only two weeks ago that she even knew they actually existed.
"What is the history of your people?" she whispered, her blue eyes looking past Lexa.
"Years ago, there was a girl," Lexa said after a moment, "you remind me of her. She witnessed as a group of large men worked hastily to build a large barrier between her world and theirs, she didn't understand why. The people on her side had been friends with them, traded with them, welcomed them into their homes. It was when she asked the question to her mother, she realized why." Lexa's voice was haunting, still, Clarke refused to meet her gaze.
"The people building the wall were the ones who had attacked her village, weeks ago. They killed her brother, her father, and left her youngest sister injured with no movement from the waist down."
"You're the little girl?"
"No, Clarke, I wasn't but I knew her. I watched as she suffered, rejecting to let anyone in, let anyone help her, but she didn't end up there without a fight. She reached out to your people, wanted them to see that forgiveness for their attack was possible. She didn't want a war either. Do you know what happened next?"
Clarke didn't answer. She stood unmoving, not looking, not fidgeting, just listening as Lexa continued to tell a story she had trouble believing to be true.
"They killed everyone close to her, threaten her life, threatened mine. Then I stood by watching her drift away, watching the innocence in her eyes blacken and turn to ash. Look at me!" Lexa shouted making Clarke jump. Her eyes found the green ones that held so much pain, Clarke flinched not able to look away.
"You want to avenge her? This is all about revenge?" Clarke found her voice and gathered her courage.
"No, this is more than her. It always was. It is about the countless attacks that happened wanting to eliminate my people since before you were born. It is about those attacks repeating themselves if we do not stand and fight back now."
"You can't go to war, you'll lose much more,"
"Yes, but do you know what will happen if I don't?" Lexa crossed her legs, sitting back in the chair. The pain that flashed in her eyes gone now leaving behind a blank look.
"If you don't, we have a chance at coexisting in peace. A chance at a negotiation, to ensure that both sides can live without fear. My people, they have technology, the resources that your people could only dream of, with it they will wipe you out,"
"Do you honestly believe that?" Lexa asked, "Do you believe that if I walk over to your Chancellor right now, he would welcome me and welcome the idea of negotiating?"
"We would have to take you, and we would have to explain the situation to him, but we can make him see it our way. I don't think he wants a war either," Clarke was desperate now. She wished that Lexa would understand her, understand the fear she felt.
"You are making a child's argument Clarke," Lexa started but when Clarke took a step closer wanting to jump in she stood up abruptly, eyes narrow and jaw clenched.
"You are ignorant if you believe for a second that your Chancellor does not want a war. How could he not? He was willing to let people starve, die from illnesses by refusing to aid in giving his citizens the antidotes to save them, let children watch their own parents die in front of them," Lexa stepped down her throne coming face to face with Clarke.
"You'd be doing the same by letting your people go to war. I saw your men training the other day, there was a young boy who looked to be eight years old,"
"This is how they train to be warriors,"
"No that is how they train to kill, become murderers,"
"They learn to fight to protect themselves," they were now inches apart, both angry and wide eyed, "I understand that war is not easy, that war requires sacrifice but if I leave my people unprotected, if I choose to stand down then they will die regardless."
"I just—"
"Enough!" Lexa snapped, "We have existed in silence, minding our own business and living in peace before word of our existence met the ears of your councilmen. They threatened us, they shut us out with their wall and if they could, they would kill us all," she screeched out blazing with a fiery anger.
"I refuse to believe we survived, you survived, all this time just to slaughter each other,"
"You are blinded by your ambition," Lexa took a couple steps back, heels meeting the end of the steps to her throne, "War is what this has come to and you can either join us as I told your leader, or you go against us and we see you on the battlefield,"
"Bellamy agreed to this already?"
"No, he has until the end of the week to accept my proposal, but make no mistake Clarke, if he refuses then it means we are at war as well, all ties between Skicru and Trikru are over, I tell you this story Clarke not to expose what a coward your Chancellor is, but to serve as a warning. Do not be like that little girl Clarke. Do not look for a good that does not exist."
The silence stretched between them. She was so beyond confused, she looked to the ground below her trying to piece together Lexa's story that was so out of step.
"This will be the last time you come to plead for the war to end," her voice startled Clarke, she narrowed her eyes as Lexa sat back down on her throne. She called out in her foreign tongue and Titus came rushing in grabbing hold of Clarke and dragging her out of the room.
Her feet struggled to keep up with him as he shoved her through the threshold of the room, down the path and back into the glade. She turned to argue but he was gone, moving swiftly back to his Commander and her savage ways.
Her brain felt numb. The wall was said to have been up a hundred years ago, the minute people came together to form the civilization that they know now. If Lexa knew the young girl who watched the wall be built then either Lexa is a hundred years old, which was unlikely, or the wall wasn't built that long ago.
She spluttered in disbelief. So much information was being thrown at her all at once and she didn't know what to trust. Had the leader of Arkadia known about the presence of the Grounders long before her father found evidence? If they did, if they truly attacked them, then her father died for nothing. He was a pawn in a war that began the minute the wall came up. She tried not to dwell on that too much, for all she knew it could be a lie. She can't cry, not here, not now, not ever.
Clarke didn't want to admit it but Lexa made a point. Chancellor Jaha wouldn't welcome any of them quietly nor would he be so quick to agree to a treaty, whether the accusations of his knowledge about the Grounders for years now, was true or not. He was ruthless in ensuring that the rules in Arkadia are followed precisely whether that meant locking up a fourteen-year-old for existing or executing his own friend. It didn't mean that they couldn't work together to convince Jaha, enough to at least make him listen. She had information on the council but her connections had died the moment she left. All she had there now was her mother who wouldn't extend a hand to them no matter what. If she hadn't fought hard to save her own husband, what makes Clarke think she'd fight hard for a bunch of people she never met who live so differently than she does?
"Think too hard you'll get a nose bleed," Murphy grunted from next to her. She ignored him not realizing that he had taken the spot beside her.
"If I don't think at all, I'll end up like you," she bit back fighting the urge to roll her eyes. The minute he spoke she should have went running to find someone she actually trusted but the sad truth was there wasn't anyone she trusted anymore, and within minutes Lexa would reappear and make the statement that will ruin their chances at being the civilization they worked hard to form.
"Blake was right about you," he whispered amused, leaning down closer to her ear.
"About?"
"You have the prettiest mouth on you," his tone dripped with sarcasm but the heat that fled to her cheeks was becoming obvious under the dim fire light. She scowled at him but it only fueled his entertainment of her, "Don't worry, I won't tell him you think the same about him,"
"I don't, you can tell him I hate his guts," she snarled, disgusted by Murphy and his pretentious tone. She walked away from him, moving through the crowd of people that danced and chatted away happily. When she reached the outer edge of the glade, the same spot she was standing in when she and Finn had arrived, she took a good look around.
The atmosphere shifted, the drumming stopped, the chatter, the dancing, everything came to a sudden halt. She flicked her gaze to what caught everyone's attention and found she couldn't stand straight. With vomit threatening to spill onto the ground below her, she clenched her fists at her side knowing that this was the moment all hell would break loose. This was what it has come to, Lexa had said.
Clarke knew the answer, but she wanted to try once more. She knew they could solve the problem, maybe if she found Finn, and even Octavia, together the three of them could make a better case, but two things happened that had that thought catch in her throat.
One, she knew Lexa wouldn't budge, no matter how many people tried to convince her.
And two, Bellamy was standing in the middle of the glade, lit up by the flashing fire light, with the entire clan, including Skicru, surrounding him.