8.
He had everyone's attention, all eyes on him, including her own sapphire ones. The people from Polis looked confused, the people of Skicru looked even more confused.
Lexa was supposed to make the announcement, not Bellamy.
Bellamy, to Clarke's knowledge hadn't made a decision whether or not to go to war yet. Clarke saw this as a small sliver of hope, maybe she can convince Bellamy to refuse Lexa's offer. Without the additional reinforcements and eyes on Arkadia, Lexa would have no choice but to back down. It seemed like a smart plan, and if Clarke wasn't in some weird fight with Bellamy she would mention it to him, but seeing him in the middle of the orange glowing glade like that, it caused the fear to find comfort in her mind.
"The people of the Ark are enemies to you, I can see that!" he shouted, shifting around slightly to speak to the huge group around him, "They have threatened you before, attacked your homes, built a wall that left you starving and thirsty for fifty years!" a roar of angry comments and slurs came from the people of Polis, who waved their hands up in agreement with him.
"They are not my people! My people are the ones who suffer, and bleed, and die for the injustice they face on a daily basis! We are much stronger than they think, you are not prisoners, we are not prisoners, we are survivors, and fighters!" his voice shook the ground, shook her heart that was already hammering against her ribcage. He was provoking the crowd, hyping them up so when Lexa revealed their fate they would go willingly and quietly. How was that any different than the tactics of the Ark?
Clarke believed that there was a valid excuse for why Bellamy was speaking to this now rowdy crowd, like he had. The people's voices overlapped, both in the foreign language of the Grounders and English of the people of Skicru who were also contributing with their own cheers and remarks. She just kept staring at him, hoping that he would somehow see her through this crazy crowd and she could convey to him what a prick he's being through eye contact, but, he never glanced at her. He merely spun around on the spot watching as the men put their fists in the air, voices ringing, and the woman clutched their hearts, nodding along to his words vigorously.
"Bell-o-me! Bell-o-me!" they began to chant, louder and louder that the leaves on the trees trembled and the fire from the fire pit fluttered in the wind. He kept his face blank, he wasn't absorbing their praise, or being the smug bastard she knew he could be. His ego persisted as it always has; he didn't even smile in gratitude at how they hung off of every word he spoke. He simply gave a short nod to the side, where Lexa emerged, Titus and a few Grounder men holding spears and knifes in tow. The crowd grew wilder at the sight of her.
As Lexa took Bellamy's place, he moved off to the side and into the darkness of the woods. Her eyes lingered after him until she couldn't make out his silhouette anymore to which then the sound of the Grounder language met her ears. Lexa was addressing the crowd, but Clarke already knew how this would go. They would cheer again, probably louder this time that even the guards patrolling the wall would hear them and try to swallow their fear. Then, war would come.
So instead, she shuffled through the outer edge of the crowd where it was much easier to get to the woods, and followed the dark haired man that just agreed to death. She could hardly see the ground below her, but she moved forward in the direction she knew he had gone in. When she saw flicker of light and heard voices speaking rapidly and quietly she trailed after them until she was a few steps away. In between branches, fallen leaves, and tall grass covering the entire ground, Raven, Finn, Octavia, and Lincoln gathered around Bellamy, each with a look of bewilderment stamped across their faces.
Clarke moved closer until she was able to huddle behind a tall tree, squatting down low so that the leaves that hung down there, brushed past her shoulders.
"You think I don't know that?" Bellamy hissed, eyeing Raven who had her hands on her hips waiting for him to explain.
"You obviously don't if you just agreed to go to war against Jaha and all of Arkadia," Finn cut in narrowing his eyes at Bellamy. Bellamy dismissed him by not bothering to reply to his question instead turning to face Lincoln who had been staring at the ground in front of him.
"How long before Lexa commands the presence of all twelve clans?" he asks, flicking his gaze between his sister and the guy too close to her personal space.
"A matter of days," Lincoln's voice was raspy, like he couldn't believe this himself.
"How many?" Bellamy pressed on, anger seeping through each word.
"I'm not sure, but what you've just done, encouraging her and everyone else, it won't be more than a week before the leaders of each clan make their way to Polis to work on battle plans," he bit back, just as harsh, fed up with the night.
"Then we have a week to lower the defenses from inside Arkadia,"
"We have at least fifty people inside that could help us figure out Jaha's next move, when he wants to attack, what weapons he's using, his game plan," Raven supplied, shrugging off her backpack to pull out one of her notebooks. She stepped closer to Bellamy, shoulder to shoulder, they peered down at her notebook, she pointed to something flipping through a couple of pages to which he nodded approvingly.
"Good, get half of engineering to work on that while the other half works on creating bombs and bullets. We need grenades, missiles, ammo for the rifles; pull Jasper from working with Wick on surveillance and get him to help you," Bellamy demanded, moving to walk away when Finn grabbed his arm tugging him back. Only it didn't really work because Bellamy froze in place glaring down at the hand wrapped around his forearm. Finn let him go but didn't step back.
"No matter what you do, how hard you prepare, we will lose this fight. We have eighty-four people on the Dropship, seventy of those are old enough for war, forty of them are actual fighters. There are over two thousand people in Arkadia, Bellamy. Jaha will call for conscription and gather all two thousand to fight if he has to, even the ones who work for us!"
A wave of pride went through Clarke, finally someone was talking reason into him. She almost made herself known to them at that moment, wanting to agree to everything Finn said and more. She knew though, if she did come out of her not so great hiding spot now, their conversation would cease and she would leave even more confused than before.
"If we don't fight, we die anyways. It's a coward move to sit around, waiting for peace,"
"Dying in a fight you can't win, isn't going to spark change or give you freedom," Finn shot back, practically pleading. But the freckled leader didn't care at all, he moved aside, directing his attention towards his younger sister, who looked to be just as torn and just as lost as the rest of them.
"C'mon O, we need to gather everyone and head back,"
"I'm not leaving," she said stubbornly. Strands of hair now falling down to frame her face. Everyone stood frozen, not daring to look away from the two siblings having a staring contest. It was always in awe that Clarke watched their interactions. The connection they shared proved to be precious, having someone there in all times of need, linked to you by blood, who wasn't a parent but a sibling was, beyond incredible, in her opinion anyway. Although the Blake siblings are showing a less glamorized side of their bond.
"You have no idea what you agreed to, Bell. So many people are going to die—"
"Let's go, O!" he called out again, agitation growing on his face. The young girl was taken back, clearly not expecting her older brother to cut her off like that. Bellamy was pissed, it was easy enough to see that no matter what the people in front of him say, he wasn't going back on his word.
"So what? We take the fight to Arkadia, break down the wall, get welcomed by the army with better weapons, better equipment, stronger minds…then what?" Finn questioned, invading Bellamy's space. Bellamy stood unfazed, peering down his nose at Finn who possessed the same hostile attitude. Raven shook her head at them, trying and failing to conceal her cynical smile. Clarke had witnessed Raven smile genuinely, through pain, and even with a sarcastic glint in her eye, but the way her lips curved at that moment terrified her. Raven felt drained listening to their stubbornness. Clarke was starting to feel the same way, understanding that this will only end one way.
"You two are standing here, arguing and fighting each other on this, when the real enemy is behind that wall," she claimed, stepping in between them now, "Finn," she turned her back to Bellamy, "I know you have family there, I'm sorry about what you had to give up. I know you're worried about them, but if we don't stop Jaha, there will be other kids, innocent kids, that will end up like us." She said softly.
Finn's eyes glistened, the way he looked at her showed open concern and a kind of love there Clarke had never seen before. Finn looked over Raven's shoulder at the irritated man he was arguing with only to find that he had backed down as well, dark eyes not as dangerous as they had been.
"It's not about that," the softness of Finn's voice brought surprise to Raven's expression. She watched him carefully, almost like she was wondering if he was the same guy she once knew. Clarke wondered the same thing, observing their interaction now.
"Then what is it about?"
"We have survived all of this, everything that has happened to this world, just to give it up and throw it all away because we got dealt a shitty hand?"
"Collins," Bellamy rumbled from behind Raven, "You said there were eighty-four people on the Dropship. We rescued those eighty-four people who got dealt a shitty hand, but there are many more that suffer in silence. You think surviving in a corrupt system is better than dying, fighting, for the right thing?"
"Is it the right thing though? In every way you look at it, Bellamy, do you honestly see it as the right thing to do?"
"I do,"
His words were final.
The four pairs of eyes looked up at him, some in shock, some in understanding. Lincoln leaned back, hand reaching over his head to pull what looked like a sword from the sling thrown over his shoulder. Octavia watched his movements as he turned away from them, going further into the woods. She glanced at her brother one last time before sighing in disbelief and following the man she loved.
"Reyes, find Miller and round up everyone. We leave in ten minutes." Raven stuffed the notebook back into her bag. She stood still, studying both of the guys who were aggressively studying each other. When Bellamy shouted "Now!", she grunted in disapproval, shaking her head for what was the hundredth time that night and walked away, not before ramming her shoulder against Bellamy's in defiance.
"You're making a mistake," Finn muttered. He remained still, eyes gloomy and narrow but after a moment it was like he gave up. He huffed out, dropping his protective stance and almost, almost looked like he bowed his head, brown hair covering his forehead.
Dim pain started shooting up Clarke's legs, moving to her thighs as she was still in her crouched down position. The bark of the tree suddenly feeling rough under her palm, she hesitated in moving from her hiding spot. She watched as Finn left, leaving only Bellamy behind, who ran a hand through his black hair in exhaustion.
The night has taken a turn for the worst. Whatever hope she had in avoiding a war was stopped dead in its tracks, first by Lexa who made Clarke look and feel like an idiot, then by Bellamy who basically congratulated Lexa at such a brave move, then by Finn, Octavia, and even Lincoln, who walked away in defeat. They had argued, made fair points, and tried to convince Bellamy to understand what he was agreeing to but he was stubbornly stuck in his way.
The thought as to why he wouldn't budge occurred to Clarke, but she didn't have time to dig deeper and try to comprehend that chip on his shoulder. She had people to try and save.
His face had a strange expression etched across it. From where she ducked, she could see his resilient arms covered in goosebumps as the cool wind brushed past them. He was looking up at the sky, she could've sworn his eyes sparkled like the stars that glared down at him. The strong jaw he always clenched was now firm and tight, as if he wanted to scream but stopped himself.
"How long are you going to stay there for?"
She froze. Her heart hammered louder in her chest, the sound ringing in her ear. She swore under her breath and made to step around the tree trunk but her legs were shaking. She sucked in a deep breath, borrowing all the courage she had left and came into his view. However, he was still looking up at the night, a knowing look now on his face and a brief, tiniest allusion of a smirk threatening his lips.
"How did you know?"
"You're about as subtle as Spacewalker is with his peace and love act,"
She walked closer to him, until they had enough safe distance between them where she wouldn't be tempted to kick him in the shin if he pissed her off again. It was too quiet, the wind had stopped, the trees stood tall and tranquil, she was fidgety though, wanting to speak her mind but knowing it won't do much good. And to her knowledge, they were still not on talking terms because of the words he threw at her last night.
"Now you stay quiet?" he teased, but his tone wasn't as teasing as it should've been. He was sincerely wondering why she didn't attack first chance she had.
"Would it matter what I have to say?" she questioned back, no teasing in her tone whatsoever. His eyes snapped to hers, locking her in place. A breath got caught in her windpipe.
"Never stopped you before," he gave her a once over, brown orbs moving to her golden hair, "you're wearing it down," he mused.
"You said surviving in a corrupted system is worse than dying trying to fight for good, but if you die, doesn't the corrupt system say intact?" she ignored his remark and the feeling that crawled up her skin, instead getting to the point.
"You'd be making a statement. By willing to fight and die, you're proving that the cause is worth it,"
"Is it though?" He crossed his arms across his chest, she realized it was probably his favourite form of defense, especially when it came to arguing with people. When he didn't reply, she continued, "I know you think that war is going to get your side of this heard, but they haven't attacked yet. Shit, I'm pretty sure they're trying to do damage control and keep people under the illusion that there is not a single soul behind these walls."
"I'm not arguing with you today, Princess," he shifted to look back up at the sky, but Clarke knew it was now or never.
"You are unprovoked. There are better ways at handling this. If we go to them, get your inside people to force them to listen, we can reach some kind of deal. One where no one has to die," he kept quiet, lips pressed in a tight line, jaw still clenched, "Seriously Bellamy, why can't you just consider it for a second,"
"You think I haven't? You think I want to send off a bunch of seventeen year olds to fight alongside a group of reckless warriors?" a shudder ran through her at the ruggedness of his voice.
Her eyes widened a fraction, this was the first time she has ever witnessed him looking emotionally torn. She was speechless, not able to believe that this was the same guy who just minutes ago had an attractive girl wrapped around him and then went on to give such a motivational speech.
"Lexa said that the wall wasn't built a hundred years ago, you said it was built fifty…" she trailed off biting her bottom lip, "Is it true?" she braved, hoping the answer wouldn't feel like an arrow through her heart.
He peeked over at her from behind his long dark eyelashes that fluttered against his skin, brushing down on a few freckles, before going tense again. She nervously reached for her father's watch wrapped around her wrist playing with the cool glass covering. He followed her movements, then said, so quietly she could barely hear him, "Yes,"
Her entire world shifted. There were many moments in her life where she felt that she was falling, so far down, way past rock bottom. One of those moments left her broken. She carried it around like a hidden scar, nothing could beat it, but this moment was by far a close second. All her theories, her father's death, the truth about Arkadia, hit her with a force that had her staggering back struggling to maintain her balance.
Her lungs felt like they were closing up, eyes suddenly heavy, but she couldn't. No she couldn't fall, not right here, not in front of him.
"So when I pointed out that the Grounders seemed so well trained, like they've been preparing for war all their lives, and you gave me some bullshit about people having speculation? You knew?"
"It wasn't bullshit. Like the Arkadians who are so fucking ignorant, the Grounders kept their people in the dark too. They trained them with the thought that they may need to defend themselves one day,"
Red. It was all she saw, and if she didn't find a way to calm herself, then shit would really go down. She was not on the best terms with him and calling him out on his vague answers, or really bad attitude wouldn't help her case at all. She had to gulp down the rage, the fury that was eating at her skin and ask the question she was dreading to ask.
"That's it? We're going to war?" she concluded with the feeling of a weight dropping on her shoulders, crushing her soul.
"There is no other way," he murmured, and it fell silent once again, her eyes on him and his anywhere else.
Admitting defeat isn't easy for her, never was, and bringing herself to do it now only brings back the memories she's fought long and hard to forget. Everywhere she turned it was a dead end, whatever power she thought she could wield, she could use to inspire him, vanished.
She titled her body so she wasn't facing him anymore and looked up at the sky, enticed by the beauty of the glimmering lights above. Of all the things, standing right there next to him, under the open sky, she felt herself drift. There really was no use anymore, was there?
"I wish a shooting star would fly by so I can wish away this war," she mumbled in dry humour. She didn't have to turn to see that the hard look was still in place next to her, "What would you wish for?" she breathed out.
He gave her an unimpressed side eye glance, arms falling to his side. She watched his Adam's apple bob in his throat as he swallowed.
Never mind, she thought, sighing, when he didn't answer her.
"If a shooting star flew by or if we were randomly wishing for things to happen?"
"Either,"
He didn't speak for a while, not when the wind picked up again, or when fatigue took over Clarke's body at the realization that this was by far the longest night of her life. When he finally did, he spoke low and solemn, words only meeting her ears, "I don't know,"
When Clarke first met Bellamy she wasn't as aware of his appeal and his stance until he spoke so proudly and so courageously to the large clan who inhaled his every word. He always seemed so sure of himself, strong, harsh, cruel when he needed to be and only ever showed a trace of kindness towards his sister, yet looking at him now, Clarke thought she had figured it out.
Reality was they were all human, all feeling and breathing and bleeding the same. His rebellious, brave act was just that, an act. It made her wonder what else she neglected to notice about him. He obviously had a past, but how much of it was he willing to share, with her of all people? And how much of it was she willing to hear without ruining her chances of achieving in her so-called mission?
"You have a week," he pulled her out of her trance. She gave him a confused slant of the head, "If you can find a way to pardon everyone on the Dropship, protect the Grounders, and get Jaha to magically back down as Chancellor letting the people have a re-vote, not only for a new Chancellor but for all laws and policies to go through reassessment, then I will back down from this war and convince Lexa to back down as well,"
"You've got to be kidding me!" she exclaimed in astonishment, he couldn't be fucking serious, "How the hell am I supposed to get that done in a week?"
"That's what your worried about?" he asked with a small, amused smile.
"You're making fun of me," she deadpanned, not impressed with his mood shift. Furrowing her brows, she felt a pang of hurt rush through her. His aloofness was haunting, but she couldn't shake the feeling that maybe he had actual hope that she would find a way to spare them all.
When he didn't confirm or deny her previous statement, only continued to switch his gaze from the sky to the top of her head, she stepped closer, leaving an inch of space between their arms.
"You all but threw me out of the Dropship last night, blamed me for the whole…shit show in the woods by the lake, you expect me to believe you now?" she raised both eyebrows, then a thought hit her, "You didn't even apologize,"
"If you're looking for an apology, don't hold your breath," she scoffed expecting that but his next sentence, she wasn't expecting at all, "Whether I give you a time frame or permission, you'd go ahead and do what you want anyway, and you'll eventually succeed."
"You believe that?" the question leaving her lips without her permission. She was curious now as to what his response will be. The way he raised an eyebrow, smirk returning, it dawned on her that this was the chance she was looking for. If she could succeed in this, then they would avoid a terrible war. Whether he believed it or not, she would fight. She would prove him wrong.
"You don't?" he challenged catching her by surprise. She opened her mouth but her voice left her hanging.
Thankfully, she didn't have to answer him because Miller, her saving grace, came from behind a scatter of trees calling out to them. As he drew nearer, she lifted her stare from his approaching figure to the one standing next to her.
Bellamy was already staring at her.
He always stared at her intently, and she always felt like her body was on fire when he did.
She prayed the heat wouldn't find its way to her pale cheeks, and that the night was a dark enough blanket to cover them if they did glow red. Then she remembered earlier in the night where he laughed wrapping his arm around a small frame, and late last night when he yelled at her, and even all those nights ago when she walked away from him after their day trip, "Better go say goodbye to your friend," she said, with that she walked away, passing Miller who gave her a curt nod.
Coming back into the glade, Clarke was welcomed by the warmness of the fire but that was the only thing inviting. Lexa was nowhere to be seen nor were her body guards. In her place was a large group of Grounder men speaking hurriedly in their language, rage laced in their tone. It's just the beginning she thought, it'll only accelerate from here and maybe two of those men will find their way back home, if they're lucky.
She caught sight of the cadets from Alpha Squad making their way out of glade and into the woods leading to the market place. Between them she saw Harper, she was guiding some of them in the opposite direction, probably gathering up the rest of Skicru. It was her first time witnessing Harper as a guard, usually the hazel-eyed girl was cooped up in medical struggling to breathe through her nose when someone with a nasty gash walked in. Those eyes had a glint in them now, she flowed through the grounds like she knew the place by heart. She looked like she belonged, amongst the rest of the cadets. Clarke wished she knew the feeling.
Many wishes to be made and yet, nothing to show for them. She sighed, ducking her head down letting her long bangs frame her face, keeping everyone out of view.
If she saw the panic in some of their eyes, or the way they clutched on to their children seeking shelter and safety, or even the aggressive look in the Grounder men's eyes, they would haunt her dreams and make proving Bellamy Blake wrong that much harder.
He was taking a chance on her, granted it was a fool's bargain, she had no choice but to take it. The question as to why he was willing to give her any acknowledgement, or a shot at preventing the war from coming was beyond her. He claimed that she would try either way which he wasn't wrong about, but him knowing that, knowing her, made the feeling in the pit of her stomach come alive again.
She has to make some progress in trying to stabilize the relationship between the council members and the members of Skicru, if she can get that wall down, maybe she can get the bigger, much sturdier wall down.
Out of the corner of her eyes she saw the young boy she met in the medical cabin, who she gave her flashlight to. He recognized her immediately sending her a shy smile waving the bulky flashlight in his small hands. She bit back the image of the boy lying in a pool of his own blood, an image of Atom worked its way into her head. She shut her eyes tight, forcing the thoughts back, when she opened them again the boy was staring at her in confusion. She sucked air through her teeth, smiling brightly, or trying to at least, sending a small wave of her own.
"Clarke?" it was Harper, walking closer to her with an edge of concern, "You ok?"
"Fine," Harper accepted the response although she knew it was a lie and pointed to the other side of the glade where Finn, a girl named Monroe who was on the Beta Squad and a boy named Sterling, also on Beta Squad, stood exchanging words faintly.
"We're leaving now. Do you have everything?"
"Yeah, yeah. I'm good," Clarke forced a smile, and walked ahead leaving the girl behind her, who still held an edge of concern and a look that told Clarke she was so far from good.