I know I've been gone a long while and I could give you a whole list of reasons why but we both know you don't give a single fuck, so I'll spare you.
Basically, I was hitting a real rut with this story. I decided to keep it on hold for a while until May when I had the time to actually think it through. But, a recent comment made me do this.
When I first started this story, there was barely anyone reading it and the few people that commented always got an instant response back because it was legit only a handful of people commenting. I LOVED discussing this story with them and hearing their inputs, but it did not really drive me to write. I wrote because these two characters gave me liifeeee. I loved their romance and their tension and their ability to be constant pillars of strength for the other. At the same time, Clarke isn't afraid to hit Bellamy with the truth and he isn't afraid to call her out on her bullshit.
However, one comment on this specific site made me pause. It warmed my heart to the point where I ran to my laptop and pounded out this chapter, which most likely sucks. Still, I wanted to give that person this. Because they reminded me of how important this story is to me and how I've dedicated so much time into it that it does deserve an epic finale.
So, this is for you. You know who you are ;)
I hope you enjoy it. There will be about 5-6 more chapters of this story. And because of all this energy, I actually started another story that should be posted once this one is done.
Thank you again. I really do hope this chapter gives you joy when reading it.
18.
Cold glass of the table met her sweaty palms, as the crowd gathered around the round table. If Raven was being honest, it wasn't that much of a crowd, not really. One by one they filtered in until Monty, being the final one to sneak in, shut the door with a firm snap behind him.
Once the short, click sound met their ears, it invited the rush of voices overlapping, questions thrown in every direction, and shrill worries echoing loudly in the tight space they managed to find.
Rolling her eyes in complete exhaustion and finding the entire situation unbearable, Raven tucked her chin to her chest and let her eyes wander the items in front of her. Hands tapping away eager to play around with the gadgets.
The minute they got word from Nathan Miller that they were to meet on the fifth floor, in the room on the far right of the left wing, she knew exactly what it was about. She wasn't the youngest mechanic to grace the soils of Arkadia in fifty-fifty two years- without something to show for it. Her knowledge went beyond numbers, figures, and facts about what worked together and what didn't. Raven Reyes had a special skill set.
Observation.
In any situation, in any instance where one thing is reacting to another, she has the adequate perceptive skills to know exactly what meaning was hidden beneath the surface.
The minute she got word from Nathan Miller, she knew that Bellamy Blake was planning something. Something dangerous. So much so, that she had rushed to her room despite the roaring pain in her left leg, and retrieved all the supplies she had brought with her to The Palace.
She gave an inner grunt of disgust at the word choice.
The Palace.
Again, her face scrunched in disapproval. All her life she had not lived like this. She did not see a single speck of beauty, and history, and art, and shimmer, and whatever the fuck else this place was dusted with. All her life she was an abandoned little bird, scared of being rejected, unloved. She fought hard for whatever she could get her hands on, and only when she realized the true potential her brain carried did she feel like she might be strong enough to stop fighting.
That was the problem with the people surrounding her at the moment. They all believed. They trusted the notion that in order to win a battle, they must fight hard. They thought that only then will their inner strength show, and only then will victory taste sweet on their bitter tongues. A fight fought so epically it resulted in winning a terrible war.
But, the browned haired girl, with the piercing orbs learned a valuable lesson a long time ago.
Strength is not in the ability to always put up your fists, to continuously physically and emotionally fight back. Strength is in knowing that despite not being able to physically or emotionally fight, despite not having all the answers, or not even having control of your left foot, you still possess all the powers to win.
It comes from within. It comes from not giving up when all the worst doubts of your mind push you over the edge. A fight fought with inner strength, with impeccable will resulted in winning a war that should have never started.
That was the lesson. That was the takeaway.
Looking around, she realized that the lesson was lost on this group. Just as lost as Bellamy Blake was when he entered between the four walls silencing them all with his mere presence. Behind him, a hint of gold tangled curls made an appearance, shooting some of them a small smile before coming to rest on one side of the table, far away from her strong companion but not far enough that whatever magic dawdled between them fell.
Raven as usual, was tucked in front and center awaiting for the approval to begin tinkering with the mechanics teasing her on the table top right under her nose. But her interested wasn't as piqued as she originally thought, instead she found her eyes lingering between the dark leader, and the light medic who were stealing soft glances at each other when they thought the other, and no one else was looking.
Smirking to herself, Raven shook her head again, maybe the eighteenth time that night. She didn't get the chance to process anything before, Bellamy parted his lips and spoke, finally.
"Hey!" He commanded. "Whatever questions you have will have to wait, or shove them down someone else's throat. Right now, we need to focus on other things. As you can see, I did not leave with Kane or the others today." He shot a glance at the pleased blonde to his right who seemed set on hiding her approving smile. Under his gaze, she flushed and it would have easily been dismissed, in fact it was by everyone in the room, except for the man giving her the sweet eyes, and Raven.
Oh, and the angry spacewalker lurking in the depths of the farthest corner of the room.
Raven eyed him as he eyed the rest of them. She hadn't even noticed he was there and her skills were sharper than ever now that her two favorite subjects were inches apart.
At first Raven was shocked she had missed him walking into the room. She never thought she'd live to see the day when she wouldn't feel his presence, feel the light hit her as brightly when he walked into the room. It seems that everything has changed.
Finn was not the person she thought he was. As he shifted his gaze at his fellow Skicru members, he held an air of something stiff. Raven noticed that his eyes didn't linger on Clarke as the used to. He didn't snide at their leader or at any of the hundred. Instead, he looked torn. Like there was something he wanted to say but couldn't…or wouldn't.
"I know I told you guys that you had a choice. That you have a choice about whether to join me and fight or to stay behind." Bellamy's voice cut Raven's focus. "But now I want to make it perfectly clear. Whether you are on the front lines, or safe here, there are no limits to your abilities. You can all contribute in helping take down Arkadia." He gave a large sweep across the room, making eye contact with each of them before landing directly on her.
"Reyes, you can manipulate the Ark's system from here. The best hardware, programs, and computers are all here." Raven raised a perfect brow at him. Of course this wasn't news to her. She explored the tech room thoroughly knowing very well that the mechanics here are what kept this place and Kane hidden for so long.
"You can get in and out of the network, tell us exactly where attacks are being made, where and what to avoid." Bellamy continued. Gesturing to Monty and Jasper who were surrounding her, he added, "And, you have an entire team to help you."
Glancing over her shoulder, she caught sight of a few more members from engineering she worked with back at The Dropship. Not to mention, she was greeted with a shit eating grin from none other than the one thing on her mind these past couple weeks, Kyle Wick.
"Some of you are excellent fighters, and some of you have excellent survival skills. Either way, we have to work together." The word catches in his throat, eyes returning again to the blue ones yearning for him just as badly as his yearn for her.
"How do we do it?" Clarke uttered her first words since arriving. All eyes were on her now as they all fell silent.
"One step at time. We do it together. We are Skicru. We are the hundred somethings that came together, the outlaws that no one wanted. We made the difference. We will continue to fight for our lives and the lives of those who'll come after us."
The irony was not lost on Raven, but she refused to comment. Gripping the edge of the cool glassed table, she rolled her shoulders and watched. In simple Raven fashion, she watched as each person was touched by their leader's words.
Jasper patted Bryan on the back, earning him an awkward pat on the shoulder right back. Murphy's smug grin widened, and he scoffed at the air in front of him. Octavia looked over at Monty smiling small. Harper, Miller, and Monroe all stood tall, holding onto the words as if they were hope themselves. In a way, Raven thought, the words were enough hope to create unity. Bellamy was onto something, he always had it in him. His undying desire to save them all despite being lost and broken himself.
Raven knew well enough how broken he was. Having spent a night warming his bed, using him just as he used her. The sadness he masked convinced her for a long while, but that night she watched as they resurfaced. Struggling to maintain a hold on his tough façade and his ruined soul.
Her gaze finally landed on the just as broken girl a few paces away from her. Shock hit Raven harder than anything she could have ever felt. There could have been another nuclear bomb thrown at them and she wouldn't have felt it that because her focus was on what was in front of her at the moment. Beneath those glistening eyes, Clarke carried something Raven had never seen in the medic's eyes before.
Hope.
The same type of hope that was shared amongst the entire room.
It was new to see such emotion in Clarke. Dangerous, and very new. Raven understood fully well that Bellamy was in no position to evoke such emotion especially based on the horrible and bitter interactions between the two of them. The promise of succeeding if they work together, considering that they've all tried to coordinate in the past, wasn't as persuasive.
In reality, they were better off not speaking to each other.
But the stupid part of Raven, which she reluctantly agreed she possessed, thank you Finn. That part was on full display as she too carried that same hope that will most likely end up with all of them burned by the flames.
Chancing another look, she noticed that that same connection made its way around the room. Everyone knew how it would end but they still had hope. And just like that, a spark so unlike any other hit her hard. So hard that it made her wish for something so unlike her.
It made her wish for happiness.
That very first night, when she had brought Clarke up to meet Bellamy, the tension was as thick as the tall bricked walls of this castle. It was so abundantly clear, she called it then and there. While they managed to bring together everyone right now, happiness might not be following close behind.
Because while Raven wished to be happy. Miss. Brainiac knew the unfortunate truth.
Those two carried such passion, individually and when they came together that they were either going to whole-heartedly hate one another or be so dispersed in love with each other that they wouldn't be able to tell an Arkadian from a Grounder.
And if it so happened that they were the latter rather than the former, well that had its own set of possibilities.
If they got together, one of two things will occur, no doubt.
They would either rule the entire world together.
Or,
They'd destroy it.
Clarke begrudgingly pulled the pink silk blanket closer, tucking it under her chin as she dug herself deeper into the comfort of the bed. Every bone in her body was angrily protesting but she could no longer deny the ease that seeped through. She scoffed when she caught herself sighing at the warmth emitting from the sheets.
Her mind drifted to earlier in the day when all of Skicru was packed tightly in one of the empty rooms of the castle. Bellamy's speech resonated with all of them. Granted, he spoke a few words, some of which were heard before, but it was the way he spoke them. The goosebumps rose on her arms, prickling up on the back of her neck just remembering his lips, and the words coming from them.
Soon after, each person took on a role. Like a machine, each person moved with precision and purpose looking to shape up the team, preparing for battle.
"You turn over one more time and I'll shoot you, Griffin."
Clarke stilled. Peeking through one eye, she spoke over her shoulder to Raven who was in the next bed over, "Sorry, I just can't sleep."
"Hm, must not be the same as Blake's bed." Raven's smug grin was there, Clarke all but felt and heard it.
Tossing over so she had the nosy girl in perfect view, she raised her right brow and with a smirk said, "You'd know."
Despite Raven's sleepy voice and her half-closed eyes, she smirked right back earning a breathy chuckle from Clarke.
Clarke was about to make another retort when the door jiggled, cracking open to reveal the youngest Blake with tears pooling in her eyes. At the sight of her, both Clarke and Raven shot up sitting straight and watching as Octavia shrugged the door shut and moved closer to their beds.
Patting the area at the edge, Clarke scooted over so Octavia can sit next to her.
"What's wrong?"
Octavia's lips quivered at the question, then the tears started flowing down her flushed cheeks like a waterfall. "L-lincoln left."
"What?" Raven shouted, fully sitting erect, back against the headrest. Clarke shot her a frowning look, before encouraging her to whisper before all of Mount Weather woke up.
"Yeah, h-he ju-ust left." Octavia stuttered, leaning her head back against the pillow, shutting her eyes tight as her fingers struggled to keep up with her fallen tears. She wiped them as fast as she could, seeming like she didn't want to cry but her heart wouldn't let her keep them at bay. Clarke leaned over, helping her sit up before embracing her in a tight hug.
She continued to soothe her until her gasps and trembling body calmed.
Thirty minutes passed by without a single word uttered. Then… all hell broke loose.
"Do you want to explain or sleep?" Clarke asked the young girl in her arms. Octavia remained quiet. Lips still quivering, only slightly now, and breath coming out faster.
"He said that he couldn't hide out here anymore. He had to go get ready with his people. Fight for his people."
"I thought we were all fighting together? We have a common enemy?" Clarke asked, brows furrowed but one look from Raven answered all her questions.
A war as big as this one means there's no such thing as a coalition.
It was Grounders vs. Arkadia vs. Skicru vs. Kane.
"You're shitting me," Clarke gasped. "After all we've done? And what? He's going to run off to Lexa and tell her we're preparing for war, we're spying on Jaha and building new tactics."
"Are you kidding me?" Octavia half-shouted, sitting up and moving away that Clarke's arms fell from around her.
The anger was evident in the way Octavia clenched her fists, tear eyes dissolving into a furious stare.
Clarke felt a terrible feeling set in, but she knew she had to give it to her straight. "Octavia, I get that you loved him but if he's threatening us—"
Octavia's sharp voice cut her off, "Threatening?"
"Look, Octavia all I'm saying is that not everyone could be trusted."
"Right, and yet we trusted a councilwoman's daughter."
Clarke's head snapped back, unsure of what to say next. Octavia's glare was not helping.
"He would never risk our lives."
"You're blinded by love, Octavia."
"At least I have the ability to feel it. You think your level-headed mind will get you anywhere but closer to your own grave with no one there, Clarke. You'll die alone."
It was obvious the words spoken were finely tuned. Hitting exactly where it hurt. Raven moved uneasily in her spot, placing her hand uncomfortably on her leg as if to say it was cramping. The atmosphere was what was really cramping.
"Octavia, you cut your wrist claiming it was for love, you follow him around like a lost child. He left you in a time you need most. You're really going to defend his ass?"
It was the absolute wrong thing to say, if Octavia's jaw-drop and suddenly cold eyes were anything to go by.
"Hey, I didn't mean—"
Octavia scoffed, cutting her off, "No you did Clarke. You assume the worst in people and find a way to turn everyone into your enemy. I did what I had to do to protect him. He was being tortured and the only way to stop it was by doing what I did. But you could never understand that. You have this way about you, and you think you're smarter or better than me for not giving in to your emotions when really you'll end up so far below where you want to be."
Shocked, Clarke leaned back. She shifted her gaze to Raven who refused to meet her half-way. Clearly something about her was shared amongst them and now it was coming out.
"What?"
"You expect the worse, Clarke. I get it, you don't know Lincoln, whatever. But you know everyone here. Yet, you refuse to believe in something other than all of us dying. Sad part is, it's not even fear. It's just you. Uncaring and lacking of anything close to human emotion"
Clarke looked on in disbelief. She spluttered searching for the words to say. Glancing over at Raven told her that the mechanic thought something along the same lines.
"I'm sorry, but do you not see where we're all headed? You just confirmed yourself that the war isn't just between us and Arkadia. Everyone out there is looking out for themselves."
"And you're not? You think none of us know you're planning to bail once all this is over?"
Sinking deeper in her bed, Clarke refused to fall for the bait. Still, she couldn't keep herself from saying, "Why the fuck do you even care? You seem to think I'm incapable of feeling, clearly you're better off."
"That's not what I'm talking about and you know it."
"Then what the fuck do you mean?"
"Bellamy."
"What about him?"
"He'd care."
Clarke scoffed humorlessly. "Yeah, right."
"You still see the worst in him? After he welcomed you in. He listened to your suggestions. He risked his life for you—"
"No, he didn't." Clarke seethed. Bellamy would risk his life for his people, yes. But since knowing Clarke, he took his time accepting her. She was certain, mountains would move all on their own before he risked any part of him for her.
"Who do you think they were targeting with those bombs, Clarke?"
Clarke froze. Her mind was going at a speed she could not keep up with. The bombs that hit them weeks ago could not have been intended for her. No one knew where she was. The Dropship was a location hidden between wild lands and the wall. If Jaha was going to hit it, he would have. A long time ago.
Besides, wasn't it established that Jaha's whole purpose was to bomb the grounders. He hit them wanting to frame Skicru. He launched attacks around The Dropship as a warning. As a threat.
"No. You're lying. Jaha was sending a message."
Octavia let out a dry laugh, "You know you could be a real idiot for someone who supposedly has this undeniable wit to her. They were trying to hit you. You know too much. Your position as an elite's daughter gives you the platform to say what you want and they'll believe you. Everyone knew where you were when your father died. And if you were to waltz back to Arkadia right now, claiming that Skicru was not the enemy, they would have serious doubts about their government."
"That's not true. If it was that easy then any one of us could have gone back." Clarke supplied, her heart beating louder with each word.
"Really? So if Raven went back they'd believe her? Or would they think she was some psychotic undeserving orphan? What about Monty? Would they believe a kid who got high all on the fact that he just wanted to be a kid? Or what about me? Would they believe the girl who didn't deserve to breathe? Who belonged to no one? Belonged nowhere?"
At those words, Clarke's heart split into a thousand pieces. Tears started forming in her own eyes. If Octavia's intend was to make her feel back for the reservation she had towards Lincoln and his intentions, well then she succeed.
"That's enough." Raven finally spoke up from her spot. When Clarke's teary eyes met hers, she looked hesitant, almost guilty.
Octavia looked away, finally coming down from her adrenaline kick and cruel word vomit. She opened her mouth as if to add something but seemed to think better of it.
There was more. Clarke felt this heavy weight plunge down on her. Suffocating her to the point of no return, the air aching to reach her lungs but it's like her mind, her heart, her entire being wouldn't let it.
"That's why we left the Dropship?"
Both girls nodded.
"They managed to miss our location because Raven took them off course. She hacked into the system and landed the missiles where she knew no one would be. Unfortunately, some of our members were out there."
Raven's eyes dropped, it was clear that she believed she carried the death of Sterling. But if Octavia was telling the truth then Sterling's death was on Clarke. His death and the death of the other's they couldn't find.
"I thought they locked us out of their system." Clarke said aloud, to no one but herself.
Again, both girls remained quiet only shaking their head in disagreement.
"What about the bomb that hit the Grounders?"
The look shared between the two sent shivers down Clarke's spine.
Raven sighed, "That was the first one to hit. Before we even knew what was going on."
"If they're targeting me, why would they hit Polis?"
"That bomb wasn't sent by Jaha." Raven answered.
The silence that met the room told her enough. While Jaha was intending on doing damage to her and the rest of Skicru, someone else knew. Someone else took their chance to hit Polis in attempts to raise a rebellion. One fearfully ruthless revolution that would have all three sides truly at war.
Clarke thanked everything within the entire universe they were able to avoid it. What she failed to avoid were the tears that peeked out the corners of her eyes.
Octavia shook head causing her hair to wrap around her shoulder. She looked to be mad at herself for falling so far away, from saying too much.
Raven inhaled deeply before speaking. "Bellamy made me promise not to tell you. We made a whole show of making it seem like they locked me out of their military base, but I got through, eventually."
Octavia's quiet voice piqued, adding, "I didn't know until he packed us up and brought us here. I had to force it out of him."
The uncomfortable feeling only grew. As they kept feeding her information, the truth, her chest felt heavy. Pain spiraled through her, teasing and picking at every nerve from her head to her toes. She found her hands shaking, fingers picking up the blanket just needing something to steady them.
Tears were now strolling gently down her pale cheeks. Eyelashes wet, sticking to each other as she shut her eyes tightly wishing she never spoke out about Lincoln. Wishing this truth stayed a lie.
But, she needed to know. And the next words Octavia spoke were the reason why.
"He wanted to protect you."
In that instant, every single minute spent with Bellamy Blake from the moment she arrived until she parted ways with him house ago rushed into her mind. Frame by frame. His cold-heart. His harsh humor. His unkind words. His thoughtful mind. His resilience. His undying determination.
Clarke's eyes flashed open. And within them, was her own determination. From the terrified looks Octavia and Raven gave her it was clear that they had no clue what was drifting through her. What was gnawing at her bones, commanding her to move.
She pushed the covers to the side, fleeing the room barefoot, with tousled unclean hair, and her flying night shirt behind her.
With an uncourtly speed, she brushed past Wick who appeared to be hovering outside their door. She didn't have time to care about what he had heard and what he hadn't. She proceeded, making her way to the place she knew so well.
Her heart was through with it all. It had had enough.
After what she had to endure listening to Octavia. It was numb.
Walking, basically jogging, down the hall ignoring the looks of everyone whom she was sure knew her to be the crazy girl running around half-naked by now, was enough to put her unsteady, wild-beating heart to rest. Not giving a single shit.
When she was outside that door, white and pristine, she felt her anger coursing through her. Anger at his deceit, at hiding all she had just learned from her after she willingly opened herself up, well a portion of herself, to him.
Her knuckles met the wood of the door with sharp, quick, and rapid taps. She could faintly hear his footsteps before the soft click of the open door echoed out. The wide swoop of the door brought out a gush of wind carrying with it his scent. Cigarette smoke, and mahogany wood, and Bellamy Blake.
Then, the top of his curly black mane appeared, followed by his confused expression at her standing outside his door. His eyes registered her red-rimmed opals, the blue intensifying against the light of the hallway.
He was slightly hesitant at first but the kindness that lay just beneath the surface was the first thing Clarke saw.
"Forget something, Princess?"
Her eyes darkened. Looking at him now, everything in her relit. The heart she previously believed to be at rest, uncaring, now re-jolted. As if brought back to life, pumping blood faster that she was positive he could hear it.
His eyes shifted looking hers from left to right, stone cold face and confusion gone. She watched him swallow, Adam's apple moving up, then slowly down as his jaw clenched.
"Yeah, I did." She breathed out.
Taking a single, one tiny step forward, she brought her hands around his neck, pulling him down, and crashed her lips onto his.
Taken aback at first, his hands laid by his sides, unknowing of where to put them. She didn't let his shock disrupt her from capturing his bottom lip between both of hers, licking into his mouth until he parted, sucking her in with such fervor, her lower half was giving out.
He wrapped his lean muscled arms around her, pulling her up and back into his room. Her small body fitting into all the curves of his own. She felt his pounding heart under the curve of her left breast, urging her heart to leap right out of her and connect with his.
The butterflies erupted in her stomach.
Clarke tilted her lips, pressing into him even more, scraping herself to stick to him, every part of him as if it was possible with the way her curves dipped and grinded into his. He brought his left hand up, tucking it behind her ear, gently stroking her soft skin with his thumb. The kiss only heightened when he pushed against her, fighting her for all she's worth, nipping, licking, sucking every inch, from corner to corner of her pink, wet lips.
The butterflies exploded in her stomach.
Her bare thighs brushed against the crisp material of his pants. She hicked them up higher until he tucked his hands underneath her, lifting her up and wrapping her legs around him. His warm palm met her cold flesh and she jerked into him on impulse.
His hot tongue met hers. Lacing it around hers, savouring her sweet taste and giving her more of him. She returned his deep grazes, desperate and frantic.
Ignoring the need to breathe, she felt herself full of air from him and him alone, but as always life was too real to dismiss and she had to pull away. The air left her lungs, meeting his swollen, red lips heavily, as they remained unmoving. Close enough to her that she couldn't resist pressing another soft kiss to them.
"Fuck." He murmured, lips meeting hers again.
Clarke reluctantly had to pull away again and with every fiber in her body, she leaned back meeting those brown eyes she didn't know she lived for until now, or more like wouldn't let herself come to terms with how she lived for them, until now.
"You're a liar." She murmured back. His face fell, not really understanding her tone or the situation.
"Figured you kind of knew that, what with the way you yell at me."
She broke into a smile.
Bellamy wiped away her tears, bringing her forehead to rest against his. "Why were you crying?"
"Why else? Because of you, jackass."
Bellamy's eyes softened. "Clarke," his baritone voice sounded like a plea.
Clarke disregarded him reaching down to kiss him again. He wanted to argue, but with the way her hair fell around him, tickling his cheeks, he couldn't deny himself this.
"I have to go." She whispered, finally pulling away. Giggling, when he chased her lips. She pulled back until he set her back on her feet, shirt finally falling around to cover her up.
"You ever going to explain this to me, Griffin?"
Clarke let a small grin out, "One day. For now, thank you."
Taking tentative steps back, she bit her lips as she watched the man in front of her stare into her eyes. The confusion that hit him almost made her break into complete, loud and roaring laughter. But those eyes. Those fucking eyes made the sleekness in her core wetter, and goosebumps on her skin spread.
Bashful and unable to keep eye contact, she gave a tiny wave to which he smirked at. He licked his lips, as if to keep the taste of her on his tongue. Turning away before she broke and ran to him, she followed the path back to her room.
And she knew. He was staring at her intently, like he always did.