With the fright still breathing down my neck, I got ready for a new day. It will become the first time that I will be haunted by a scene like this while sleeping. Before, my dreams consisted of this one formative night. The night that threw my life off balance forever. The nerve-wracking images of the fateful day I lost my parents were supposed to be with me all summer. Like a shadow, the scraps of those memories hovered over my head. Even at the smallest moment of felt happiness, they wouldn't let go of me. So this dream seemed all the more extraordinary. The memories disappeared and made way for something inexplicable to me. Something different. Whether this would be a positive development would have to be seen. At least it made me hope for a new start.
A school year without any tragedy at the cost of my family. Wouldn't that be fantastic?
I entered the kitchen with a sense of insecurity. Not because my dream seemed to tell me something. For the simple reason that, for the first time, I was freed from the burden of oppressive thoughts. What an extraordinary development.
"Your first day of school and I'm totally unprepared." Said Aunt Jenna as I entered the kitchen. Grinning slightly in front of me, I managed to catch the granola bars flying at me. It was to be the beginning of a morning tradition between me and Jenna. Aunt Jenna who has become incredibly important to this family. Although it seemed like I was the only one with the awareness about this situation. Despite the loss of her sister and brother-in-law, our aunt formed a link between us. She held us together and gave us hope in these difficult times. I don't think she knew how important she was. We could be glad to have her.
As so often, Elena was one of the first to be found in the kitchen. She had always been an early riser. Curious that Jeremy also arrived in the kitchen before me. My brother actually loved sleeping as long as I did. Even the smell of food could not wake him if he didn't want to wake up. Was it also a sign that things were about to change?
While Jenna was cramming in her bag, I started filling my morning coffee into my favorite cup. Eyes slightly closed and with a slight sigh, I inhaled the first dose of caffeine of today. I would need it. It was, after all, the first day of school after the summer holidays.
Jenna had found some cash by now. Elena and I declined. Jeremy, on the other hand, reached out. It was immediately clear to me what he needed the money for.
Each of us had our own method of dealing with the grief we felt. Elena wrote down her frustration, dreams and desires in a diary. Jeremy turned to consumption. And I? I started reading. To bury myself in the world of Jane Austen and JKR. To imagine meeting Mr. Darcy or fighting Voldemort by Harry's side. I often delved so deeply into fantasy matter that I forgot everything and everyone around me. Books were a retreat for me. Nothing and no one could hurt me. I could be whoever or whatever I wanted. But I cannot live forever in Hogwarts, Westeros or Middle Earth. The real world was waiting for me. And I was ready to rejoin her.
In the time my thoughts were scattered, I hadn't seen Jenna and Jeremy leave the kitchen. I just came to me to see how my sister sighed and tried to prepare herself for this trying day. With a nod in her direction, I said goodbye until we meet later and made my way to my car.
Arriving at school just in time, I saw Caroline hugging Elena tightly and asking her how she was doing. Luckily, I could at least get around another demand for how I am. It wasn't that I didn't like Caroline. I was just tired of the constant attention. I just wanted to forget. And Caroline could be great. She really could be, when she wasn't a hurricane of gossip, glamour and all around queen bee. Her soft side is the thing that made her great. The way she could understand your pain when she wanted to, the way she could care made me adore her.
With a little smile on my face that seemed somewhat forced and with a hey upon my lips I faced Caroline, Bonnie and my sister. Asking if Elena had already seen Matt, Caroline raised a topic that was obviously uncomfortable for my sister. Matt was one of the good ones. He didn't deserve to be abandoned by Elena like that. But I also understood why she did it. To show the ugly moments in one's life to a loved one is hard. To let them in is even harder. There is so much more to it than you think. And Elena couldn't do this with Matt.
One speaks of the devil and he shall appear. With a "Hey, guys ..." Matt came round the corner and threw an awkward nod Elena's way. It was immediately clear to me that Matt was still not over Elena. He knew and loved my sister for so long. The feelings for her wouldn't go away so easily. Even if she hurt him. And as it should be, the all tragic teenage highschool love story takes its course. Shakespeare would be proud.
To save myself from the somewhat awkward situation, I turned to the three girls. "Well, I should go get my books." I said, shrugged my shoulders and hurried to get as far away as I could.
Sometime later I watched from my locker as my brother, who was clearly stoned, strolled past me into the men's toilet. Several feet away from me, I heard the loud banging of a locker door and saw from the corner of my eye Elena hurrying behind Jeremy. It was clear to me that she would give him a lecture. Again. She would try to talk to him and try to appeal to his conscience. And as it is so often the case, Jeremy would shrug her concerns off. Elena only wanted the best for us, but she didn't understand that we had to make our own decisions and learn from them. That meant leaving Jeremy alone to make mistakes and to catch him as soon as he falls. I had already grasped this concept. But Elena can been difficult in such situations. She had her mind made up and everything else was a minor matter.
Just as I had predicted, which wasn't particularly hard, Jeremy marched furiously out of the toilet. When he wanted to walk past me again, instead of letting him storm off, I stood in his way. I grabbed his hand, squeezed briefly and stepped aside again. With a little nod, my brother showed that he had understood. He then strolled along the hallway with a less hasty step. I knew when my brother wanted to talk and when he didn't. Now wasn't such a time. Maybe I should try to talk with Elena. I made the decision and turned back to the toilets. Just to see that my sister was already busy with something else. Or should I say someone.
She had seemingly stumbled into the school's new addition. A new pupil about whom I had already heard a lot on the way to my locker. As soon as there was something new and exciting, the school's rumor mill was working fast. A young attractive stranger was an easy target. I was felt already sorry for him.
Not wanting to pursue the situation, I headed towards the classroom of my first lesson.
From the front row, I listened carefully as Mr. Tanner began talking about our town. Mystic Falls. Mr. Tanner may not have been on my list of the best teachers of all time and he could probably burn in hell for all I cared. But I loved history. From an early age, I was interested in the crusades of the Knights. I loved the stories around Julius Cesar and Cleopatra and was fascinated by the French Revolution. So I didn't really care what kind of teacher Mr. Tanner was.
I felt eyes on my back. With a slight look over my shoulder, I saw the new student mustering me. After a while, he turned his eyes away from me and set them upon my sister. There they lingered longer. Hook, line and sinker.
This situation was not uncommon. I could admit without regret that my sister was incredibly attractive. She had the look of an ancient beauty. With her dark long hair, hazel eyes and slightly olive brown complexion, she could be a modern Andromache. Hopefully her fate would be different.
I was the big opposite to my sister. Day and night you could say. Where Elena was tall, I was rather small and petite. With my long light blonde hair, bright green eyes and almost parchment colored complexion, I was the sun to her moon. Or I was the moon and she the solar eclipse.
It was also our whole appearance that fascinated many the first time they saw us. Many thought that we couldn't possibly be sisters. That, of course, was not the case. We just had our looks from different sides of the family. It was a good thing, too. After all, I didn't want to be compared to Elena in every situation. I was her little sister, but I was still my own person.
Sure I loved Elena, but it was more or less difficult to not slightly hate her. It was after all her fault for Jeremys, Jenna's and my pain. I know, I should not think that way, should not have such dark thoughts. Sometimes I just can not help myself and the resentment rears its head. Had it not been for Elena's stubbornness to go to that damned party, we would still have our parents. Our joy. And this whole mess that was about to crash on our heads would not have started. Or would it have?
Starring out of the window while closing my book, I began to wonder. 'I can't go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.' How fitting to read this quote on a day like this. A day were everything seemed to change. Or well, it felt like it did. Something was different. I was different. And the whole back to school experience showed that to me. Yeah, I was still the introvert I became over summer. I didn't want to say much. Was often lost in my own thoughts and wanted to have some time to myself. But I understood now, human interaction was a necessity. Something that I needed to force my head out of the clouds. To feel normal.
While I couldn't go back to that self-assured person that was always nice and smiling. I also couldn't stay in my self-imposed exile from the world. I had to force myself to crawl out of my shell. I refused to be Alice anymore. I did not want to be lost in Wonderland. I wanted to return to reality.
Nodding to myself, I laid the book down and made my way out of my room to go and find Elena. My sister had told me that she wanted to go and meet Bonnie at the grill. I would have to tell her, that I wanted to join her. It would be a good opportunity, beside school, to reconnect and try to find some new pieces of my new self.
Hearing the front door being opened, I rushed down the stairs to get to my sister before she leaves. I was in luck, Elena was standing in the door frame and talking to someone. I did not want to interrupt, so I was leaning against the wall behind her and trying to look over her shoulder. I wanted to see with whom she was talking.
Craning my neck, I caught the eyes of the new guy from school. I really should have been paying attention in class, when he introduced himself. "Hey." He said. Unsure, I gave a crooked smile and was greeting him back. In that moment Elena turned around to look who was standing behind her. As she saw me she smiled and gestured to the guy with still no name.
"This is Stefan Salvatore." Introducing us. Salvatore. Could he be related to Zach Salvatore? If so, I could only hope that he was not as weird as his family member. I couldn't put my finger on it, but something was wrong with Zach. Since a while.
Back in the days, while my parents lived, I was maybe ten or a bit older. Dad used to bring me over to Zach's and get him to look after me when he had to work and Mom was out doing girly stuff with Elena. (You could say I was a kind of tomboy back then. Climbing on trees, running around etc.) They were some kind of friends slash acquaintances.
I liked Zach. He was always nice to me and tried to teach me new things. He would go fishing with me at the local lake, showing me to carve wood or explaining to me the differences of certain plants. He would always stress on the importance of the use of vervain. How I should put it in my tea or body lotion because it would be good for my health and his state of mind. I still did it. Even if I did not talk to Zach anymore since he changed and my parents died. I did it for him and the good memories I had.
Nowadays, Zach seems paranoid at everything and everyone when he goes out. Which he doesn't much. I only see him strolling through the park where I like to go and read. But this doesn't happen that often. Sometimes, I think about going up to him, talking like we used to and asking him what changed. What made him this way. Especially when he walks past the playground and gets this look in his eyes. Like he is trying to remember something important but cannot put his finger on it. And then there is this whole aura of sadness that is trying to swallow him whole.
Maybe next time I should go over?
"Stefan, this is my sister Cassandra." Said Elena, while turning her head to me and interrupting my inner musings. "I was just asking Stefan if he wanted to go to the grill and meet Bonnie." Ah yes, the grill. Right. That was why I was down here. Clearing my throat I said. "Then I am right on time. I just wanted to tell you, that I am also joining you at the grill. I thought some time away from the books would be good for me." Smiling I turned to Stefan and reached out to offer my hand. While doing so, Elena had this proud look on her face. Either because I was trying to make an afford to get to know Stefan and was being nice or because I was leaving my books behind. It did not matter, Elena probably thought that it was her credit that I was acting this way. Dream on.
"By the way, nice to meet you Stefan." Shaking my offered hand he said. "You too."
Well, so far nothing weird in remembrance of his uncle. One point for Stefan. And he would need those points with the way he was looking at Elena. I was sure Matt would not be happy, when he sees how these two are throwing glances at each other. I wasn't sure what I should make of this situation. But it was Elena. If she wanted the new guy she would get him. Probably not caring if she hurt her ex-boyfriend ever more with her actions. Maybe Stefan would be good for her. Change her in some way. Maybe. We shall see.
Entering the grill behind Elena and Stefan, I saw Matt walking over. And the Shakespearean drama commences. As it looks like the second act is about to start. Or is it just the intermezzo?
Meanwhile Matt is greeting Stefan like a normal human being and not like the jealous ex waiting to embarrass the new infatuation. Clearly Tyler didn't get to Matt yet. His best friend would have pushed him to let out his anger. Well, doesn't matter. I'm proud of you Matty. Biting my lip, trying to keep the smile from my lips, I shuffle around those three. Seeing Bonnie and Caroline waiting at a table, I make my way over. Greeting them, I sit down and was waiting for the others to join us.
As soon as they sat down the inquisition of one Stefan Salvatore started. Caroline was of course the first who had to get her questions of her chest. She could not sit still with the excitement she was feeling of getting to know the fresh meat. But that is Caroline for you. Always trying to one up Elena. When you think about it, Caroline and I aren't so different. The younger sister and the second best friend always lost in the long shadow of perfect Elena.
While listening, I learned that Stefan was born in Mystic Falls. That his parents passed away a long while ago. That he had siblings he did not talk to and that he lived with his uncle. Huh. Could it be? But he never talked about having a nephew. Strained relationship probably. "Zach Salvatore?" I asked.
"Yeah, he is my uncle." He nodded. "Do you know him personally?" I thought about what I should say. I knew, I could not talk about the paranoia I saw in his uncle. That would only betray the respect and trust I had for Zach. And it would not be polite to talk about such things in this open round. "Sometimes I see him at the park when I decide to go and read outside." Pausing, I think about adding a little piece of information. Maybe Stefan would get what I was meaning to say. "He looks really sad when he thinks no one is looking." He looked like he did not know what to say at first. Had I overestimated his intelligence?
"My uncle has many hardships adding wait to his soul. I think he doesn't want to show this just to anyone." He tried to explain while not looking me in the eyes. It seemed like the nephew knew more about his uncles condition then he was letting on. And was that guilt I saw in his eyes? Curious.
Leaning my head to the said I looked at Elena as she said. "Well, my sister isn't just anyone. Your uncle practically raised her for some time. Our dad and he were pretty good friends back in the days. Cassandra even used to call him Uncle Z." Pursing my lips, I did not want her to reveal that. It was private. If Stefan did not know that, then Zach probably did not trust him enough to share that information. Another hint that they weren't that close.
Throwing a glance at me while frowning Stefan admitted. "Oh, I didn't know that. He never said anything." Duh.
Turning my head away, I listened as Caroline began to talk about the party tomorrow. Sometimes she could be really emotionally intelligent if she wanted to be. This was such a situation. So thank you Caroline.
Tomorrow would be the first big gathering of students after the summer break. Many would come. I was not sure if I should. If it would be good for me to socialize some more or if I would be standing in a corner and feeling sorry for myself. I simply did not know. Maybe I would have a good time. Reconnect with some old friends and taking more steps to a better shade of myself. Or the thoughts of that night would begin to haunt me again. It was after all a party like this, that had cost me my parents. But if I used this excuse – and that was what it is – I would never have the courage to fully move on. And I needed to do this. No excuses more. Going to this party would be a welcome game changer. It had to be.
The next day I was sitting in my favorite class. History. Mr. Tanner was doing what he did best. Trying to embarrass us students. Today's question was of how many casualties resulted in the battle of Willow Creek. I knew the answer. I mean, hello, history geek here. And I knew that Mr. Tanner was aware of this fact and would not call on me. He could not get one over me after all. Even if he tried. And boy, did he try last year. He nearly got me one time. But who could blame me with the things that happened to our family. This year I was back with my A Game. A fact that he knew. I think the score by now is 44-0 for me.
So the only options to save those poor fellow students was to speak up and let Tanner be a bit more pissed off. Gathering my courage, I was about to relieve the others of their torture as another voice beat me to answering. Immediately I knew who it was. Stefan Salvatore. The knight with the shining hair was here to save my sister form the wrath of our dragon of a history teacher. Joy.
"There were 346 casualties." He said in a challenging voice. I could not stop myself and add to it. "Well, not when you are counting the local civilians." Stefan raised an impressed and somewhat shocked eyebrow and nodded in my direction.
Mr. Tanner agreed with the number of soldiers that fell in this battle. But he saw an opening to finally get one over me and stated that there were no civilian casualties. Ha, this would finally be embarrassing for Tanner. I was lying in wait for such an opportunity. Stefan was again the first to speak. Throwing me a quick grin he told Mr. Tanner what I already knew. 27 civilians were killed that night. One could read all about it in the founders archives. With glee, I saw how Mr. Tanner was left speechless and continued his lesson without any baiting. 45-0 for me. And probably Stefan. Nice.
Arriving at the party in the woods, I joined Elena and Bonnie. Both gave me a hug in greeting and went back to their conversation. As you could have guessed, one Stefan Salvatore was the main topic. How couldn't he be with Elena's obvious interest in him. Bonnie was just mentioning his alleged romance novel stare. Really? Had they ever even seen Sebastian Stan and the looks he could throw at his female acting partner? Snorting I commented. "For me it looks more like he is brooding. That is hardly romance noteworthy. Or he could be thinking about what he should eat next. Maybe a nice roasted rabbit. Guys do that a lot. Look at our brother. Could probably also be both. Brooding and thinking about food, I mean." Blinking Bonnie stared at me, shook her head and started laughing. I joined in. Meanwhile Elena was giving us an exasperated look. If she was going to start a relationship with Stefan she would have to get used to me teasing her about him. After all, I was still angry on behalf of Matt. Someone had to be.
Having stopped laughing Bonnie looks around, probably trying to spot the mentioned man, while asking where he is. Shrugging, I let my gaze drift over some people to see if there were others I knew. It would be nice to reconnect with some old friends. If they would have me.
The only one I was seeing was my brother. Jeremy was following an up to no good Tyler with a giddy looking Vicky o his arm. I sighed. When would my brother learn that that girl was only playing him for a fool. Vicky Donovan was out to break my brothers heart. She had him already turned into her lapdog the heartbreak wouldn't be far in the future. When it happened, my only option would be to catch him before he hit the ground and shattered into hundred pieces. He did not deserve this. No one did. But that is love to you. It hurts.
I did not know if I should be glad that I did not know how it felt to be in love. I only know the love for a friend or family member. But the deep, all-consuming love for another human hadn't hit me yet. Because of this I never had a relationship. What would be the point when I did not feel the same thing for that person. Yeah, I had kissed some boys before the drama in our family. But it never felt right before. With the way my siblings and even aunt Jenna were handling the topic of being in love, I wasn't even sure if it was worth it. I didn't want to have my heart broken. Left in the dust to build myself anew.
Turning back into the conversation with Bonnie and Elena, I saw my sister giving our friend a glass bottle. Both were joking about Bonnie using it as a crystal ball. Apparently Bonnie should use her 'psychic' powers and try to look for Stefan. Of course Bonnie didn't want to believe anything about being psychic or have something to do with the witchy stuff that her grams was preaching to her. I was more open minded. Sure, I did not believe in witches and the like. But I knew there were things out there no one could explain. Not with science and not with a rationally working mind. So yeah, maybe there is something special about Bonnie. She just doesn't know it yet.
Proving my theory, Bonnie abruptly lets go of the bottle she grabbed from Elena. "That was weird. When I touched you, I saw a crow." She said. If I remembered correctly then I read somewhere that a crow was a messenger for misery. That the one who is followed by such a bird will befall a great tragedy. They stand as an ill omen. But that is not completely true. The crow also stands for prophecy, insight and that one's destiny awaits. So either the next big tragedy was waiting to happen to my family or Elena would fulfill her destiny. Maybe even both.
Shivering slightly I listened as Elena asked what Bonnie meant. I was now more curious than ever. "A crow. There was fog, a man. I'm drunk. It's the drinking. There's nothing psychic about it. Yeah? OK, I'm gonna get a refill." Stated Bonnie and was making her way to the next table with drinks on it. Not wanting to end the conversation just yet, I turned to Elena and said that I would go after Bonnie.
Having reached Bonnie, I took a bottle and turned to look her in the eyes. "It's ok when you don't want to have to do anything with this psychic stuff. I wouldn't either if it happened to me." Bonnie raised an eyebrow so I hastily said what I came here for. "Just, maybe talk to your grandmother. She has more knowledge about these things. Even if it sounds crazy. At least you have someone that you can really talk to and that will listen to what you say. Just get it of your chest before it consumes you." Nodding I turned around to leave her alone and think about what I said. I had just taken some steps as Bonnie called. "Cassandra. I will think about it." Smiling to myself and I made my way to go and find my little brother.
Not finding Jeremy but seeing Elena storming off with that look of worry meets pissed-off on her face, I began to follow. I knew that look. Following her into the woods would lead me straight to my lost little brother. It wouldn't be pretty when Elena reached Jeremy.
Nearing the two raised voices of my siblings, I reached them just in time to see Jeremy tripping over something. Wanting to diffuse the situation between those two, I stepped up beside Jeremy. In that moment my brother and I realized what caused him to trip. It was a badly wounded Vicky with a still bleeding bite on her neck. The breath caught in my throat while I staggered a few steps back and bumped into Elena. Both Jeremy and Elena exclaimed out of shock as I turned tail and was running to go get help. Vicky was still alive. She could make it. Not like those other poor victims found in the woods.
I couldn't believe that something like this happened to a person I know. That it even happened in such close proximity to the party. How had no one heard anything? And where was Tyler? Shouldn't he have been with Vicky? So many questions and no answers.
For sure I wasn't Alice anymore. This world had suddenly turned around and made me into the Mad Hatter.
Having reached the party with Elena and Jeremy carrying the hurt Vicky not far behind, I shouted for help. Immediately Tyler (there you are) and Matt came running. As soon as they saw their girlfriend and sister in this state they were shook. Oh Matt. You really didn't deserve what life was throwing at you. Looking around if someone had already called the ambulance, I saw Steffan making a hasty retreat to exit the party. How curious. What was going on there. Shaking my head, there was more important stuff happening right now.
Watching the ambulance leave, I looked at my brother drinking the shocking discovery of Vicky away. Elea wouldn't like this. She wouldn't understand that Jeremy would feel the need to just forget about what happened tonight. He wouldn't want to have memories about finding his love in such a condition. It would even drive the strongest man on his knees. And Jeremy was only just a boy, not really a man jet. Even if the loss of our parents seemed to have matures him somewhat deep down.
Apparently I was right. As soon as Elena walked over, she began to lay into Jeremy. She told him how disappointed our parents would be if they could see. Really low blow. Not wanting to hear anymore I interrupted her mid word. "Stop, Elena. Can't you see that he had enough. Jeremy doesn't need this now." Giving me a disapproving look, she turned to Jeremy. But my brother was also tired of listening to Elena go on. He called her out on her bullshit and asked if writing in her diary in the cemetery was her way of moving on. Smiling slightly, I watched as Elena could only repeat herself, how our parents would not have wanted this. Well sister, you should really put your own house in order first. It would do you some good.