A/N: I will try and update as much as I can but comic con is in two weeks!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Attack on Titan.

Knife's Edge

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.

Levi sat back in his desk chair, fingers resting on his lips as he stared at his PC monitor.

He'd read Eren's email two or three times by this point. In his lap he held a grip-weight, having slowly squeezed it over as he read the words before him. Now it just lie limply against his thigh as he mulled over what to do next. He didn't know what to think of the email the kid had sent him. He couldn't tear his eyes away from it, though. There was a lot of emotion and confusion wrapped up in that message and even Levi couldn't deny he felt an uncomfortable stirring deep inside.

It looked as though the kid was giving him an ultimatum.

Levi would scoff and laugh at him, however doing that would only throw shade on the fact that he, himself, had gotten used to Eren's presence. He liked having someone coming over to his house. Whilst most others had enjoyed a shag or two and gone on their way, barely pausing to exchange numbers, Eren hadn't wanted that. He was frail, untainted, and he was still young enough to appreciate the simpler gestures of affection and arousal.

It was so endearing and naïve. Easily manipulated to do with as he pleased.

And yet, he hadn't wanted to.

The question of why that was, was the reason he was still awake at 1am.

He could just delete the email, he'd reasoned to himself. No one else but he and Eren would know of its existence, and then Levi could move on to the next pretty mouth that pleaded for his dick.

Guilt knotted his stomach.

He tossed his grip on the desk. It clattered, making a loud noise. He let out a sigh and arched back in his chair, wincing as muscles clicked and cracked in his back. He really needed to head to bed, but he couldn't get those words out of his mind. The kid had feelings for him. The question was, did Levi enjoy his time with Eren enough to want to slow his own life down? To engage with someone who was barely sexual enough to wank on his own? The idea of having someone so innocent and wide-eyed about everything was somewhat of a turn-on.

That wasn't what Eren was after though.

The damn snot-head wanted something more, something real, with Levi. He doubted he could deliver on such a thing.

"Ah well," he groaned, clawing his hands through his hair. "That's tomorrow's problem."

He stood up and peeled his vest off over his head and crawled into bed, not even caring that he hadn't completely scrubbed off all his make-up. Another problem best left for the morning.

.

Taking a swig from his to-go coffee cup, Levi glowered as someone clumsily nudged his arm as he made his way to the music studios. He didn't have any lessons until 12pm, but Hange had asked him and Mike to come in and go over their last recording. He'd been awake anyway, so her request hadn't pissed him off like it usually did.

Pushing the door open, he slipped his hat off and tossed it on the desk. Mike was lounging in a chain, his mousy brown hair falling into his eyes. His feet were up on the desk and he was tapping a rhythm on his knees. Levi swiped his feet off the table and sneered.

"Tables aren't for feet!" he snapped.

Mike rolled his eyes under his floppy fringe, but didn't say anything.

Levi drained the last of his coffee and grimaced, "Where's Hange? I don't have all day to sit here and piss around."

The door crashed open to reveal Hange, her eyes unsettlingly wide behind her obnoxious glasses. She grinned and bolted across the room to hug him, crushing his ribs in the process. "LEVI-I-I! I feel like it's been forever since I've seen you!"

"Goddamnit four-eyes what did I say about touching me!"

Hange released him with a grin. "Are we going to get to record your solo today, Oh wondrous one?!"

"If you'd gotten here on time, I'd have fucking finished it by now!" he snapped, already taking his guitar out of its case and adjusting the strap over his shoulder. Once he'd gotten the guitar tuned to his liking, he shoved past Hange and kicked the recording booth's door shut.

"Okay Levi, take it from the top!" Hange called through the intercom. It was a wonder the girl had so much energy at such an early hour.

Levi rolled his eyes and placed the headphones over his ears.

.

By the time Hange let him out of the booth, it was nearly 11am. He still had another hour before his first lesson of the day, but he'd kill for a coffee, a doughnut and a cigarette right about now. Zipping his guitar case up, he slung the bulky thing over his back and tucked a cigarette behind his ear for later on. Hange and Mike were murmuring over the recordings on the laptop and barely glanced up as he shouted a 'see yah!' over his shoulder.

The coffee and doughnut was demolished before he'd even left the South building. Swallowing the last bite, he dug around in his pocket for his lighter, pressed the cigarette butt behind his lips and tried to strike a flame. After a few unsuccessful attempts and a string of muttered curses, he finally got the tip alight. Taking a long drag, he held the smoke in his lungs before exhaling. It burned on the way down, and the way up.

As he took another drag, he found his mind drifting to Eren. He sighed, letting the smoke plume out into the air. What was he going to do about that kid?

He missed the brat hanging around, no word of a lie.

However, he was a virgin. A virgin! Being two years older and a bit of a slut, had jaded Levi's opinion on sex, emotions and anything else remotely physical. He liked sex, he liked the roughness of it all, he liked the aggression and the pleasure that burned inside his veins. If he could get that level of pleasure from wanking, he'd happily just stick with that. Unfortunately that was not the case. He didn't like people, he didn't like touching people.

Eren wanted all of that.

Levi wasn't even sure he could, or wanted to offer that.

What they'd had going had been a pretty good deal. Being physical with Eren was easy. He could always be the best in the kid's eyes, even if he just bit his nipple, the brat would probably come in his pants.

The thoughts chased one another around his head.

He heard the crunch of gravel under thick soles. He let out another, long sigh before he heard the voice.

"You'd better have one of those for me, dickhead."

Glancing sideways, he didn't say a word as he offered Isabel his pack of cigarettes. There were only two left. She slid one out and then whipped a lighter out of her coat pocket. She lit the tip and blew out a long breath, the smoke blooming like a stain in the air.

"Thought I'd find you out here," she said.

"Whoop-di-doo, you found me," he drawled.

"You look like shit by the way."

"Didn't sleep much."

"Like you ever do." She took another drag and exhaled. "So, what's crawled up your arse and died?"

"The fuck's it to you?" he sneered.

Isabel shrugged. "You've been a miserable git all day. I can tell something's bothering you. So what is it?" Levi shot her a look but didn't bother replying. A light of understanding entered her eyes. "Oh, I see."

"What?" he snapped. "What do you see?"

"You're pining for that kid, aren't you?"

Levi clenched his jaw but otherwise didn't react. He kept his gaze fixed straight ahead as he took another drag of his cigarette and blew the smoke out. "Don't fucking think so."

"I think you are."

"Well good for you," he said. "Didn't realise you were never wrong about your assumptions."

"Don't be an arse to me, Levi. I know you well enough to know that something's up, and the only thing that's changed is that you're not doing who-knows-what with that kid."

Levi shrugged, "So what? Like you said, whatever it was, we're not doing it anymore. Case closed."

"Okay," Isabel said slowly as she ground out the last bit of her cigarette under her boot. She came to lean against the brick wall, the dreary background making her dark red hair stand-out like blood. "So are you going to tell me why you've had a face like thunder all day?"

"No."

"Levi –"

"Look, it's none of your business, Is, okay? So just back-off will you?"

If Isabel was offended by Levi's aggressive tone, she didn't show it. The truth was, she had known Levi longer than most people and knew where most of his anger was directed towards. Namely, not her. Sure, she pushed his buttons, but if she didn't she'd never understand what went on in his head.

Sighing, Isabel bowed her head in defeat. "Okay, I'm sorry, alright?"

He nodded.

"Want to grab a pizza at mine after college?"

Levi deliberated it for a moment. His parents were still coming home early these days and it was off-putting to say the least. Grimacing slightly he said, "Sure. I'll meet you there."

"Good. I'll text Farlan and let him know."

"Sounds good," was all Levi said as he ground the butt under his boot and turned his back on Isabel.

He made his way back into the building just as the five-minute warning bell chimed. He watched everyone around him rush and panic to get to their lesson on time, but Levi didn't care. He only had chemistry with Mr. Smith anyway. Kicking the door open, he didn't even glance around the room before he dropped down into the vacant chair in front of the teachers' desk and tossed his back on the floor. He smirked up at the blonde giant in front of him.

"Hey Eyebrows."

Mr. Smith glowered down at him, dismissing the comment with a minute shake of his head before turning to address the rest of the class. "Now that everyone is present, please turn your attention to the whiteboard!"

~0~

Farlan stepped into the bedroom with a large pizza box and three small side boxes. A bottle of coke swung in the plastic bag at his elbow. Isabel jumped up and lightened his load, spreading the boxes out on the floor between their beanbags. There was a fight scene from a game, paused by Isabel when the pizza-guy had rung the doorbell.

Opening the boxes, Levi couldn't deny how hungry he'd been. He'd survived all day on half a sandwich, a doughnut and a shitty cup of coffee. Farlan poured the drinks and started tearing into the pizza.

"So," Isabel said, holding a slice aloft. "What's going on with that kid who was stalking you?"

Farlan cocked a pierced eyebrow but didn't comment. Levi mirrored the expression, his grey eyes trained on Isabel. "We've been over this. Drop it."

Farlan frowned, "What's that?"

"You remember that kid in the year below us? The tall one who fell over in the gym?"

"He's friends with the little blonde one?" Farlan asked. Isabel nodded. "Sure, what about him?"

"Well, he and Levi don't hang out anymore and it's pissed our little princess right off."

"Is that so?"

Levi glared between the two of them. "Surely there's something else interesting to talk about."

Farlan shrugged, "I don't know, mate, you seemed keen to spend time with that kid."

"So what?"

"Doesn't it bug you?"

Levi shrugged, picking at the potato wedges. "I tried to talk to him, but we ended up fighting. Literally. Still have a bruise."

"Sexy," Isabel smirked.

Levi rolled his eyes. "He e-mailed me, too. Some long, lovey-dovey bullshit. I'm better off just moving-on from it."

Isabel frowned. "Oh … I didn't know he e-mailed you. What did it say?"

"If I was going to tell you, I'd have done it," Levi deadpanned.

"Summarise," Farlan said.

Letting out a long sigh, Levi focused his attention back on the food in his lap. "He said that he didn't want to muck around anymore, that he had feelings for me and wanted to try something more. Said that he didn't just want to be another notch on my bedpost and that he needs to move-on and be better. Says I shattered his confidence."

There was silence in the room, only broken by Isabel giving a contemplative 'hmm'.

"What?" Levi snapped.

Isabel glanced at him briefly, before setting her cup down. "Well, I looked out for him today in between lessons," she shifted awkwardly as Levi's gaze hardened on her. "He looked like shit, Levi. Red-eyes, hair messed and I'm pretty sure he hadn't showered in the last day or so."

"That's my problem because?"

She sighed. "He clearly liked you a lot. Don't you want to talk to him?"

"Like I said, we tried that. It didn't work."

"So try again."

"No, Isabel. Just drop it."

"What is your problem?" she snapped, a fiery heat exploding inside her. "Look, I'm not exactly the kids' biggest fan, Levi, for fucks sake! I definitely think you should go for someone more your speed, not a nerdy little virgin but hey! You do you and all that. So, tell me why the fuck you're ostracising someone you clearly like?"

Levi bristled but didn't say anything. His fingers dug through his jeans and into his flesh.

Oddly enough, Farlan chose that moment to chime in.

"She's right, mate," he said. Sweeping his blonde hair out of his eyes, he looked directly into Levi's own. One of the things Levi had always respected about Farlan, was that he could make direct eye-contact. Not many people seemed to have the stomach for it. "You've been fairly chilled the last month or so. It's nice not having you pining for a shag."

"You realise, I'd still be pining for a shag regardless if I let that snot-bucket back into my life, right? Remember; virgin?"

"So?" Farlan shrugged. "We were all virgins once and quite frankly, no one's a sex god at the age of eighteen. Does it matter if you cooled your jets once in a while?"

Levi ground his teeth together.

"Look, we're not ganging up on you," Isabel placated, reaching over to place a hand on his shoulder. He jerked out of reach, avoiding eye contact. She sighed softly and leaned away. "It's just been a while since anyone really made you 'react', you know? We've missed it."

"Yeah well sorry to disappoint." He stood up and brushed his jeans down. Grabbing his bag from the floor, he swung it over his shoulder. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Levi, wait!"

He ignored Isabel's pleas.

He took the stairs two at a time, grabbed his coat and boots from the rack by the door and walked out, barely pausing to tie up his laces.

He walked home from Isabel's in about twenty minutes. He usually did, but the weather was still bitter and he hadn't taken a hat with him that morning. Shoving his hands deep into his pockets, he stomped all the way home.

Once home, warmed up and changed into loose clothes, he sat at his desk in the darkness, only the eerie glow from his PC monitor illuminating the room. He had a glass of vodka in one hand, a secret stash he kept down the side of his bed. They'd used it at one of his parties in the last year, and hadn't been finished. He often had a glass in his hand when his mind was troubled.

He was reading the e-mail from Eren again.

It had felt like an eternity since their fight in the park, but the bruises were a keen reminder of how recent it was. He did miss Eren, truly, but he was eighteen for fucks sake. He liked sex, and parties, didn't give a shit about rules and he had his own driving license and car. Eren didn't seem like the sort to like the loud parties, or to experiment much outside of his comfort zone.

He was a virgin.

It could be years before he even wanted to fuck.

Why should he wait around for Eren, for him to one day decide that he'd rather go and bang some other bloke?

Nah, it wasn't worth the trouble.

'Does he really seem like that sort of person, though?' his brain supplied through the vodka haze.

No, he had to admit, Eren really didn't seem like the callous type. He was emotional; that alone was an issue for Levi. He didn't do emotional things, he didn't do relationships. He barely did friendships, and Farlan and Isabel could attest to the trial of it all.

Running a hand down his face, he downed the last of his vodka and winced at the sharp taste.

He needed to put Eren out of his mind.

.

As it turned out, that was easier said than done.

He found himself keeping a keen eye out for anyone remotely tall in the suffocating crowds in between lessons. He was sure he'd spotted the younger teen at some points, but his back had been turned or he'd just been walking into a classroom, his head bowed.

Levi cursed himself for not being better at spying and then cursed himself again for even giving a shit.

Still, he continued to watch.

He even stopped going for smoke-breaks during lunch, in order to catch a glimpse of the green-eyed boy in the cafeteria. He'd spotted him in there, slouching alongside his sister and the tiny blonde boy. He didn't engage in conversations, only nodding along as he forced himself to chew his food.

A large portion of it got tossed away.

Isabel had been right about one thing at least; Eren had clearly stopped taking proper care of himself. He seemed to wear the one outfit all week and his hair got progressively greasier as the days worse on. The one time he came in looking cleaner, at least, was on the Thursday afternoon. Perhaps his sister had nagged him into taking a shower?

Something niggled at the back of his mind, accusing him; he'd done this, he'd made Eren's brain shut down.

Were a few measly hook-ups with mediocre bi-curious boys really worth giving up on a kid who was genuinely interesting and seemed to like Levi's company?

He'd squirmed when the thought had entered his mind.

In the end, he'd stalked out of the cafeteria. He really needed a cigarette.

As he smoked, he thought about Eren's e-mail. He'd said to the kid that their stolen afternoons together had been good for him too, he'd enjoyed himself and liked the kid's company. It was all true. Eren didn't mind a good verbal sparring, and he definitely didn't mind when Levi took control of the situation and started to kiss him.

It had been interesting, taking things slow after all this time of jumping right to the blow-jobs and sex. Eren had needed the time to let his brain catch up with it all. Levi had allowed it. The truth was, it had been a long time since he'd appreciated the way it felt to be touched and to touch someone. He couldn't remember the last time he'd appreciated the sensation of just having someone's arms wrapped around him, or their hands stroking over his skin.

He wasn't sure he really missed it, mostly because he hadn't really had it before. Not really. A handsy grope in the boys' toilets didn't really count, afterall.

However, did he like it enough to give things with Eren another go?

The thought made his skin prickle.

A surge of adrenaline shot through his body.

He swiped up his phone and sent a text to Eren, knowing full-well that he'd regret it by the morning, when the vodka had run out of his system. With humiliation already burning in his belly, he shut down his PC and stumbled through the darkness and fell face-down in his bed.

~0~

Levi was in his usualy spot during the lunch period, smoking as leisurely as he could. He had a dull headache from the vodka the previous evening, and the painkillers hadn't done shit to help it, but he only had one more lesson so who cared?

He was already on his third cigarette. He couldn't help chain-smoking. Although his expression was unreadable, there was a slight tremor in his hand as he put the cigarette to his lips and took another drag.

A door creaked somewhere behind him.

The crunch of soles on the gravel.

Eren came into his peripheral vision, his face was expressionless as Levi's own. The older teen would have been impressed, if his insides were knotting around so much he was sure to vomit.

"What the hell is this?" Eren snapped, flashing his phone screen into Levi's face.

He barely recognised his name and the message he'd sent, but he didn't let it phase him. He merely cocked an eyebrow and said, "A text."

"What did you mean by sending it? After the e-mail I sent you …"

"I think it's pretty obvious, kid," he deadpanned. He winced a little, but kept his gaze fixed ahead.

"'I want to give this another go'," Eren read aloud. "What the hell does that even mean?"

"It means what it says."

"So … What? You want to be boyfriends?"

"No."

"Fuck buddies?"

A dry laugh. "Yeah, right."

"Penpals?"

A snort.

"Then what the fuck, Levi? What the hell do you want from me?"

"Like fuck if I know, Eren!" Levi finally snapped. Eren blinked, taken aback by the sudden outburst. Levi ground his teeth together and felt every muscle tense. He didn't like this feeling. He didn't like feeling out of control. "All I know is that I miss you lurking around and I want to see you again."

Eren raised a wry eyebrow. "That's all you've got? After the shut you've pulled?"

Levi glared up at him. "And what? I'm willing to put up with a little cock-tease like you, if it means I get you all to myself again."

Eren blinked in surprise.

Truthfully, Levi was just as shocked as he was. He just had a better time of hiding it.

"So … This wouldn't be a relationship, would it?"

Levi shot him an affronted look. "Don't be absurd! Nothing's changed in that regard."

"Then what are you asking of me?"

"I … I don't know."

Eren frowned down at him before raking a hand through his greasy brown hair. Levi grimaced but didn't comment. "Look, Levi. I miss you too. I get it, I'm asking a lot of you. You don't do this sort of thing."

Levi scoffed.

"All I want to do is try," he continued. "If we try and it fucks up, then fine, but at least I wouldn't be wondering 'what if', you know? I'm not saying we need to shout it from the rooftops or any of that cheesy shit, but dear God, Levi you have got to start letting me in a little. Whatever this is, isn't going to work if you keep trying to push me away."

Levi drew in a deep breath and chanced a glance at Eren. His breath hitched. They were so close. It had felt like forever since they'd been so close. He could count the freckles on Eren's skin, he could see the golden ring around his eyes.

Beautiful.

He grimaced and looked away, shaking the thought from his head.

Eren was closer now, the heat from his body creating a barrier between Levi and the sharp, cold wind. A hand reached up to his cheek. The wool glove was cold and damp, but the heat pressing through it was almost worth the discomfort. He swallowed thickly.

"Levi …"

He barely had a chance to blink before Eren had pressed him up against the brick wall, his hands on either side of Levi's head. His lips found Levi's and they kissed, tentatively at first, and then the dam broke, releasing all the pent-up frustration. Levi practically growled when he realised what was happening, his bare hands finding their way under Eren's coat and against his warm skin.

The younger boy grunted and hissed, breaking the kiss and batting awkwardly at Levi's hands.

Levi swallowed, breathing deeply. His eyes locked onto Eren's. "So, we're really doing this then?"

Eren wanted to be petulant and define what 'this' was –but that kiss had muddied up his thinking. "On one condition," he said.

Grey eyes narrowed. "What?"

"You have to be open with me."

Levi cocked an eyebrow. "That's all you want from me?"

"For now, I think it's all you can handle."

Well, he wasn't wrong there.

"Fine brat," Levi grunted, tugging Eren closer and smirking up at him. "It's a deal."

A/N: Progress!