A/N: WARNING: Homophobic language in this chapter. Also suicidal thoughts, drug use and depression.

Hollow

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'FAGGOT!'

'LITTLE GAY PRICK! WHY NOT JUST F-OFF AND DIE!'

'COCK SLUT! No wonder no one wants to play sports with you!'

There were over two hundred similar comments, and all in the space of the weekend. It was sickening how quick shit happened, especially now that his generation lived on the internet. Yet, a 'kill yourself' page getting over 400 likes in just a few days as well as all those comments -seriously, why did this shit not get flagged up? It honestly didn't help that some of the fight had been filmed on a crappy phone and very small clips uploaded, so out of context it looked as though Levi just went for the jocks. Logically, no sane person would have done that without good reason, but these were not sane or logical people, clearly.

Then of course there were the arseholes that had a basic grasp of photoshop, editing his face onto Hitler's body complete with a moustache, which didn't even make sense since Hitler did NOT like homosexuals.

Clearly several hundred people failed history.

Pulling at his bottom lip thoughtfully, Levi scrolled through the facebook page on his phone, barely paying attention to the comings and goings of the library around him. He had a Chemistry exam in two weeks and needed to know the information like the back of his hand -not that he was far off from that, but it was always good to make sure. Yet, he had gotten distracted when he'd seen the group pop-up as a suggestion to be liked. It turned his stomach.

A pair of footsteps approached and for one second, Levi feared it was those gym jocks coming to accost him unawares. However, when a soft hand squeezed his shoulder, he flinched so hard he nearly fell out of his chair. Spinning in his seat, he glared up at the person behind him.

"Jesus, Eren, don't sneak up on me like that!" he hissed, turning back in his seat. As Eren chuckled and slid into the neighbouring chair, Levi closed the facebook app on his phone and turned it face down. Sighing, Levi reclined back in the chair, tilting his head to the side to stare up at his boyfriend. "What brings you here? I didn't think you had a free period now."

"I don't," Eren shrugged. "I was in here grabbing some books for class and I saw you and just … well …" he ducked his head with a bashful smile.

Levi felt the ugly weight on his chest shifting. He quirked a small smile as Eren, jostling the teen lightly with his shoulder. "So, you missed me, huh?"

Another shrug. "If you want to call it that."

"I think it's pretty obvious."

"If you say so."

"I do say so."

Eren chuckled, turning those brilliant green eyes to Levi. Reaching out, he laced his fingers through Levi's and squeezed, the cool metal of his rings sending a pleasant shiver running up Eren's arm. "I did miss you," he murmured quietly. "Even though I spent the whole weekend at yours."

Levi smiled at the memory; waking up lazily on Sunday with Eren snuggled into his chest had almost sent him panicking enough to leap out of bed just to put some distance between them, until Eren had sighed sleeping, the softness of his features making the fear and panic melt away. They'd cuddled in bed for most of the morning, not even the temptation of a cigarette was able to coax Levi away.

"I missed you too, kid." Eren wrinkled his nose and Levi chuckled. "Felt nice to want to wake up in the mornings. Especially knowing that you were there."

Eren's expression softened as he rubbed his thumb over Levi's knuckles. "I wish we could do it again."

"Sadly, my parents are keeping sociable hours again. Arseholes," Levi rolled his eyes. "They think they need to be around more now that I have an actual injury."

Eren tutted. "Your parents suck. Honestly, if you'd let her, my mum would adopt you in a heartbeat."

"Ew, gross, incest much? Ow!" he groused when Eren smacked him on the thigh. "Okay, okay, I surrender."

"I should probably get going," Eren drooped his head, looking miserable at the books he had stacked in front of him. "Otherwise, I'll get in shit for taking too long."

"I'll probably still be here when you're done," Levi gave a charming smile. Eren didn't even meet his gaze. Reaching out, the goth ran his fingertips up the base of Eren's neck before tangling into his hair and gripping lightly, making Eren arch into the touch with a gasp. "Go on, brat, I'm not going anywhere."

There was something in his tone, almost affection, and the way his stormy grey eyes softened when Eren met his gaze was enough to make his stomach flip. Leaning over in his chair, he pressed a gentle kiss to Eren's lips, feeling the calm shudder through him. It always felt surreal, kissing Eren.

"Go on. Text me when you're done."

Eren had a dopey look on his face as he smiled and stood up from his seat, not breaking eye-contact. "I'll see you soon," he grinned, gathering his books in his arms and making his way for the exit.

Levi watched him go, feeling a small smile grace his lips. As soon as Eren was out of sight, he flexed his shoulders and refocused his attentions on his chemistry revision, the facebook group pushed from his mind, at least, for the time being.

~0~

Chemistry.

The last class of the day.

Usually, despite despising Mr. Smith, Levi loved the subject. However, for the last few lessons, his brain had been accosted elsewhere. This time he couldn't even blame it on snatching kisses with Eren in a stairwell or pressing the young man up against a bookshelf in the library. A coldness was seeping through his veins, chiselling away at anything warm and nurturing inside. His mind was unfocused, and his pen was tapping rhythms against his notebook without any of the equations being written down and solved. All the formulas seemed to rebound off his skull, nothing whatsoever sinking in.

Hange nudged him several times in the ribs, but he didn't even snap at her today. That made the wild-haired girl frowned down at him, he could see it out of the corner of his eye. He wanted to be angry -knew that he should be snapping and biting her head off -yet the reaction didn't come. Instead of being perturbed by this, he remained stoic, staring blankly into the middle distance.

He just wanted the day to be over with.

"CLASS DISMISSED!"

'Thank fuck!' Levi thought as he forced himself to his feet and started to stack his books into his messenger bag. Even his Doc Martens felt ridiculously heavy today. He slung the bag over his shoulder and waited for a few others to race on ahead of him.

"Levi, a moment."

He barely suppressed the growl as he stopped dead just in front of the door. Gripping the handle of his bag tighter, he spun on his heel, narrowing his eyes down as Mr. Smith reclined in his desk chair. He was glad he'd worn even more black eyeshadow than normal today for the extra level of 'FUCK YOU!' is screamed to anyone he glared at. Which was everyone, all day.

"Yes?" he ground out.

"Is there something the matter at home, Levi?"

He immediately bristled at Mr. Smith's blunt tone. "What's it to you?" he sneered, though his voice was devoid of emotion.

"That, for starters. Not to mention I've noticed that you've not been participating in my class of the last week or so."

Levi shrugged, trying to school his features into one of disinterest. "What of it?"

"I want to know if everything is alright?"

"Other than having to wear this goddamn boot for another week and that my crutch has mysteriously vanished, yes, I'm having a spiffing time."

"Sarcasm isn't helping you here, Levi," Mr. Smith stated calmly.

"And talking to you about my problems will, will it?"

"It might."

"I doubt it, thanks." He turned on his heel, ready to hobble out again.

"Levi, instead of storming off in a pissy mood, why don't you tell me what the problem is? You might be surprised that I can help after all."

Clicking his tongue in annoyance, because something was started to flash angrily in his brain, Levi turned to glare down at his teacher. "Fine," he sneered, shutting the door loudly. Mr. Smith didn't even flinch, he merely cocked one of his thick eyebrows. Levi leaned back against the wall, mainly to take the weight off his leg, but also so he could cross his arms and give off the nonchalant vibe he knew irked his teacher. "If you really want to know what's crawled up my arse, I suggest you look on facebook."

"The school blocks the use of facebook on their computers, you know that."

Levi rolled his eyes before fishing his phone out of his pocket. His fingers were hesitant as he scrolled through his apps and pulled up the facebook page. He'd bookmarked it, because he was a masochist. Grinding his teeth together he slammed the phone down on Mr. Smith's desk, silently grateful he'd invested in a 'bullet proof' cover.

Shooting Levi a sardonic look, Mr. Smith picked up the phone and furrowed his brow. Levi felt air dry up in his lungs as he watched his teacher slowly scrolling through the messages and comments that had been spiraling out of control. There had been a new edited photo that morning and it made him feel physically sick. There were now over five hundred likes on this one page.

Taking his glasses off, Mr. Smith pinned Levi with his glass-blue eyes. "I can have this taken care of and shut down, if that's what you want."

Levi shrugged, the words ringing out through his hollow chest. "Is there a point? They'll just make a new page."

"We can notify the police on your behalf."

"They'll file it as a petty schoolyard dispute."

"Levi, they are actively calling for your suicide!" Mr. Smith snapped, his voice like a boom of thunder. Levi ground his teeth, fighting off the flinch that threatened to take hold. Clearing his throat, Mr. Smith lowered his voice. "Regardless of what actions you wish to take, Levi, I will be reporting this and having any of the students who attend this school suspended. I will also be reporting it to the police."

Levi glared up at the man. "This isn't why I showed you. They'll target me even worse now."

"Not if they're sensible they won't."

"Social media is inclined to disagree with you on their functioning braincells."

Mr. Smith's eyes looked amused, though he schooled his features to remain stern and as neutral as possible. His body was tense, though, and Levi knew he was rattled by some of those comments he'd seen. "Levi, you can tell me 'no' and I won't go to the police or even the headmaster. However," he continued, his voice vibrating in the room. "I think it would be wise to consider taking some action against these people. You're young adults now, this sort of behaviour is unacceptable for anyone ever, regardless of their age. They need to be taught that bad actions have bad consequences."

Levi debated on it, his muscles tense as he stared at an ugly ink stain on the carpet. It had been there for years, since he first started taking Mr. Smith's class. Had probably been there since before Mr. Smith had taken the job, himself. "Would it mess up their Uni applications and things like that?" he asked, keeping his voice low and emotionless.

"It would have an impact, yes."

"Good." Levi snatched his phone back and hoisted his back onto his shoulder. "I'm not going to say anything against what you decide to do. If you want to report it, go ahead. Do what you think is right."

Without another word, he stomped his way out of the room, the weight of the boot making it difficult.

.

After stuffing his books and bag into his locker, he decided that he had damn well earned a cigarette or two around the back of the South building. Patting his pockets to make sure he had a pack and his lighter, he turned and started to hobble his way down the corridor. Even with his clear disadvantage of having a huge blue medical boot strapped around his ankle, people still shied away from him as though he were the Grim Reaper.

Not that he cared. All he cared about, in that moment, was that next hit of nicotine in his lungs.

He was just passing through the long corridor that connected the North and South buildings. The Bridge was what everyone referred to it as, due to the elevated runway for the second floor to connect both buildings together. As he passed through, he spied a few meatheads through the smoked glass windows. He quickened his step just a little. Keeping his head bowed he was almost clear, until someone slammed hard into his side. Grunting, he sagged against a locker, the metallic clang ringing in his ears. He'd barely muttered a curse before rough hands grabbed him and dragged him down a side-corridor.

"Get off me!" he yelled as he was flung onto the bathroom floor. It was damp, the reek of urine assaulting his nose. He grimaced, not wanting to brace his hands on the rough floor. Pens and his headphones had skittered out of his bag, dangerously close to a suspicious looking puddle. Forcing himself upright, he glared as one of the hulking guys leaned back against the door, barricading them in. "What the fuck do you think you're playing at?" he snarled.

A hard whack across the face sent him sprawling.

"Fuck!" he spat onto the floor, tasting metal.

"You think you can get our mate's suspended and walk around here like your shit don't stink?" one of them sneered.

Levi rolled his eyes as he pushed himself upright again. A sharp pain shot up from his ankle. Hissing he tried to shy away from the pain, only to find that his leg was pinned down with a pair of holey trainers. He tried to jerk his leg out from under his assailant, but they only increased the pressure on his healing ankle.

"What do you want?" he snarled.

"Don't you look on social media?" another jeered down at him, his mouth twisted into a smirk. "Seems it's pretty obvious what people want you to do."

Levi smirked up at them. "You know, if I were a bunch of gossiping little tarts, I'd say it's more suspicious if a bunch of guys comes out of the men's bathroom looking pleased with themselves, leaving behind a known fag with some odd bruises and a sore throat. Wouldn't you say?"

"We ain't fags like you!"

Levi shrugged, "Says you. But they don't know that."

"And you think people would believe you?"

"Oh, it'd be so easy," Levi smirked up at them, enjoying how they shifted uncomfortably, eyeing each other. "You had me on my knees, I'm completely soaked through, you pinned me down on the floor and each took a turn with me. See how easy it could sound like we were fucking?"

"Shut up!"

"Having an orgy."

"I said shut up!"

"Having me sucking each of your cocks until you come over and over because you're all a bunch of fucking closet cases!"

"SHUT YOUR GODDAMN MOUTH YOU MOTHERFUCKER!"

The impact of the punch sent Levi sprawling hard, his head banging against the floor and blood rushing from his mouth and nose. The pain didn't smack into him until the ringing in his ears subsided ever so slightly. It was only just fading as he heard yelling, the bathroom door slamming open, footsteps. He didn't know what was happening. All he could focus on was the ringing in his skull, the pain and the fact that it felt as though his face was swelling.

He had fragmented memories of what happened after.

His black boots shuffled like lead weights as he was taken to the nurse's office.

Ice was pressed to his face.

Someone had to hold him upright so that he could drink some water.

It was all dark until he vaguely remembered shuffling up the stairs to his own bedroom. Someone must have brought him home. Not his parents, definitely not. Was it Eren? Or Farlan? He honestly couldn't tell. He wanted to say sorry -he hoped he'd been able to physically say so -but as soon as he slumped towards his bed, he blacked out.

~0~

For the rest of the week his parents attended to him. That was to say that before she left for work, his mum would bring him up a mug of coffee and a plate of toast and leave him to his own devices. They didn't keep strict office hours and so it would usually be up to Levi to get his own food and help himself around the house for the rest of the day until one, or both, of his parents came home. On one of the days, he slid down the stairs on his way to the bathroom and had landed rather heavily against the bannister. He'd stayed there, slumped on the stairs, for about forty-five minutes before he'd gathered the energy to make it to the bathroom.

He took all the painkillers he could to his bedroom to save him on repeated trips down the stairs.

For most of his days he zoned in and out watching reruns on NETFLIX or Sky. He couldn't remember half of what he watched. He also couldn't keep up with the barrage of texts coming his way from his Eren and his friends at school. He wanted to feel guilt, remorse or even anger at his sudden absence from college, but nothing seemed to stick. He knew what he should be feeling, but he didn't feel anything at all.

Eren did try and distract him. Sometimes the jokes, concern and memes filtered through the fog in his head. Majority of the time, though, it missed the mark for some reason. Even when his parents told him they would be home a little later than usual on the Friday, he hadn't given Eren the go ahead to come on over and keep him company for a few hours. It would have been perfect, on paper. However, Levi knew that he would go vacant and that would make Eren feel restless, like he should do everything in his power to keep Levi in the present moment instead of vanishing inside his own head.

He turned on another show on NETFLIX -something he'd seen before so he wouldn't have to focus too hard -and deflated against his pillows. He didn't even have the itch to smoke, not really.

.

The sound of the front door slamming shut jerked him awake. His room was dark now and a cursory glance at his clock showed it was almost 9PM. He frowned; is parents had been out late. A lot later than he'd thought. Rolling up against his pillows, it took several attempts to reach out for his medication. He grimaced as he popped a few pills into his mouth and washed it down with the stale water on his bedside table. A shudder ran through him.

"Levi, we're home!" his mum called upstairs.

'Yeah, no fucking shit,' he scowled across his dark room. 'You two make enough noise the whole street would hear.'

About ten minutes later his mum came up into his room to check on him. He noted that she was wearing soft trousers and slippers with a loose jumper. She'd stopped off in her own room to change before coming to check on him? He shouldn't have felt surprised at not being a priority in her mind, but it still felt like another part of him was cut away.

Smiling down at him she asked, "Are you hungry? Your dad and I have eaten, but I can get you something."

They'd eaten without him?

Another piece of him chipped away.

"Not hungry," he grunted, ignoring the tightness of his empty stomach. He hadn't eaten since earlier that morning. He shifted a little so that he was leaning away from her.

"Levi," she tutted. "You need to eat something."

"If my eating something was a concern, you would've come home for dinner."

"Is that what this is about? That we went out for a meal? Honestly, Levi, sometimes you can be such a child." He didn't reply. "Do you want something to eat or not?"

"No one's here to hear you," Levi groused. "You don't have to act like you give a shit."

Silence.

In that moment, time seemed to stretch on forever between them. He refused to turn over and look up at her. By the time that teeny voice at the back of his mind was considering that maybe he had crossed a line with that remark, his mum spoke again.

"Fix your own food then," she bit out. "You useless excuse for a son."

He tensed. Holding his resolve, he tightened his fist into the bedsheets, warm and grubby from his feverish sleep, and waited until he heard her slippers padding down the stairs. His jaw ached from where he was clenching it so tightly. Hot tears spilled down his face and a headache cracked through his skull like the blow of an axe. Crying should have helped to ease the pressure from his head, but if anything, it made the pains worse.

He was so fucking done with this.

He didn't deserve to be resented by his own flesh and blood and he sure as Hell didn't deserve to matter only when it was convenient for someone else.

For a brief moment, he considered calling Eren; he could use the kid as a perfect distraction and wouldn't even need to talk all that much. Eren was considerate, he wouldn't make Levi do anything he didn't want to do. The kid always treated him with respect, which honestly still surprised him given their history. Eren made sure to let Levi know that he mattered.

He also knew that he'd taken quite the beating in the bathroom. Swallowing, his throat sore, he reached under his pillow for his phone and pulled up Eren's number. He was just about to press 'CALL' when he froze.

'I can't dump all this emotional drama onto the poor kid,' he frowned at the phone, still having the urge to call his boyfriend. In the end, he let the weight of the phone drag his hand down onto the mattress. He sighed, knowing he wasn't about to muster the energy to pick it up and dial. 'I'll feel better in the morning. No use making him worry over nothing.'

For the briefest of moments, he allowed himself to believe his own lie, before his eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped against his pillows.

~0~

It would be so easy.

No one would even notice, not until it was too late to stop it.

I could do it tonight. All my friends are out partying or studying, and my parents are fucking off again. Out to dinner with some friends. Like that's more important than their own son.

I want to run a nice hot bath -hot enough that I can feel my skin prickle and crack -take a load of my painkillers just so that my mind was blissfully empty.

I want my favourite song to play on a loop. That way the chords can fill my empty head, around and around.

To drift off in a haze would feel almost elegant in its simplicity. Slipping under the hot water, letting it close over my mouth and nose.

Forgetting to take a deep breath in …

As much as I adore the chaos and loud noise from every aspect of my life, I just want something in my life to be peaceful.

No one would know.

Not until it was over and done with, no going back.

But then there's Eren …

~0~

Eren tried his best to end his week on a high note. It was especially difficult as he had agreed to a gym session with Armin and Farlan. He had been distracted due to Levi's absence, so the two blondes were doing their best to offer him some physical redemption. Armin had asked, in the locker room, what exactly had happened to Levi. Farlan had thankfully been one of the two guys who had stepped in to help.

Farlan explained how he was meant to meet Levi for a smoke break before their lesson, but the guy hadn't shown up. He'd gone through the bridge to try and find him and heard a commotion from the men's toilets down the narrow corridor that led to the chapel. Another guy seemed to have heard the noise, too, and stepped in alongside Farlan to help. At least four jocks had Levi pinned down to the floor, his crutches dented and tossed to one side. There was blood everywhere, all over his face and the floor, and his fractured ankle looked twisted.

Farlan and the stranger had managed to subdue two of the jocks before a teacher came in to help with security.

Farlan said he'd almost gotten suspended for physical violence, especially since their incident at the gym. However, two of those jocks had been involved in the gym incident but had snuck out before the security guard and teacher had arrived.

Eren had only half-listened, his mind flooded with the images of Levi, beaten and bloodied, lying helplessly on the bathroom floor. It was enough to make his eyes burn. Why hadn't he been with him? Why hadn't he insisted on following Levi around?

He blamed himself, even though numerous people had told him that it wasn't.

It just felt hard to come to any other type of conclusion.

A clap on the shoulder jerked him out of his misery.

"Eren, you coming?" Armin smiled encouragingly down at his friend. Eren appreciated the effort.

"Yeah, sure, let's go."

.

He loathed to admit it, but cardio and then boxing was actually doing something to clear his head. All he could think about was what his feet should be doing, to always keep his hands up near his head to guard himself. He barely had a chance to think of anything aside from when Farlan was about to punch him.

Not that he was about to admit any of that.

When it was Eren's turn to take a breather, get some water and watch as Armin tried to spar with Farlan, he couldn't help but laugh. Seeing the height difference alone was comical, but then to see Farlan landing on his arse and Armin apologising profusely like a scared bunny, was the icing on the cake.

"I really appreciate you guys doing this for me," Eren sighed as he swiped his sweaty fringe out of his eyes. "It's been a bit of a rough week."

Farlan clapped him on the shoulder as they made their way to their lockers. "I get it, man. Issy's beside herself with worry. And when she worries, her potty-mouth comes out a lot more. It's been a bit of a trial to hide that from my mum."

"Surely your mum knows you swear?" Armin frowned.

"Well yeah," Farlan frowned, tugging on his padlock until it jiggled loose. "Swearing is one thing, but the way Isabel can go on, you'd think she was possessed or something."

Eren smiled a little as he unpacked his own belongings from his locker. The changing rooms were empty, so it was the perfect time to rinse himself of the sweat before everyone else finished up for the evening. Dumping his bag on the benches, he went into the shower, wriggled out of his boxers and stepped into one of the cubicles and turned on the hot water.

Finally, he felt as though he could just be.

The water hissed from the shower next to him. He cracked open an eyelid to see Farlan dunking his ash-blonde hair under the water and sighing. The tension seemed to shift from his shoulders. Eren grabbed the shower gel. He didn't want Farlan to think he was being a perv or anything. He focused on giving himself a quick scrub down, running a soapy hand through his hair for extra measure, before washing the suds away.

Shutting the water off, he grabbed his towel from the side, ruffled his hair a little before wrapping the towel around his waist. The rest of the changing room was chilly as he made his way back to his bench where his bag and clothes were. Armin was already half-dressed. He never really liked showering in public places, not even when they'd gone to swimming lessons during primary school. He always waited until he got home.

Eren hurriedly dug his own clothes out, dried himself off a little more, and then dressed in his clean underwear and socks. He'd just fastened his jeans when he felt an itch in his fingers to check his phone. Digging the device out of the side pocket of his bag, he sunk down onto the bench and unlocked the screen.

14 unread messages.

7 missed calls.

3 voice messages.

"Fuck …" he hissed.

Armin looked up with a frown. "What's wrong?"

"I … I don't know." Eren pressed the voicemail number and held the phone to his ear. His stomach dropped at the sound of his dad's voice.

"Eren, it's your dad. Call me."

"Eren, Levi has been rushed into hospital. Paramedics said it looked like a suicide attempt. Get to the hospital as soon as you can."

His stomach dropped as the last message came up.

"Eren, it's your dad. Don't panic. We've got Levi stabilised and he's resting now. I'll keep checking in on him until you can get here."

Eren nearly dropped his phone. His entire body felt like a husk as his arm dropped into his lap. He stared straight ahead, Armin's voice a dull drone in his ears. He was dimly aware of his friend taking his phone and scanning through the messages. Did he listen to the voice messages too? Like it mattered.

"Hey," Farlan appeared in his line of vision, frowning heavily. He was half dressed in tracksuit bottoms and a hoodie; his feet were still bare against the rough tiled floor. "What's going on?"

Eren tried to speak but the words got lodged in his throat. He just shook his head.

"Eren's dad's been trying to call him all evening," Armin said, his voice quavering. "Levi's been rushed to hospital. He said it looked like a suicide attempt."

Farlan scoffed, "Levi would never do such a thing."

"Either way, I think we should grab our shit and make our way to the hospital." Armin stated, getting to his feet. "I'll ring for an Uber outside. Will you be able to get Eren sorted before it arrives?"

"Sure thing, you go on," Farlan shooed the petite blonde away. Turning his attention to the brunette slumped on the bench, Farlan gripped his shoulder and shoved a balled up pair of socks into his friend's hand. "Come on, Eren. You need to get dressed. Armin's ordering a cab outside."

Eren felt fuzzy. "What're we doing?"

"We're going to the hospital," Farlan said patiently. "We're going to see Levi."

A/N: I would like to say that the italics section near the end, is something I have personally experienced. I paraphrased something I'd written in one of my own diaries about 4 years ago. It was a really difficult time and, thankfully, I am in a much better headspace now. So, please, do not trash that section with flames or how 'that's not what people think when they do stuff like this'. Please, be respectful. People suffer with suicidal thoughts, many of them in silence.

Please feel free to leave a review!