Chapter 7
- Professor Stark? Are you OK?
- … I am sorry. I am a bit tired and there is something else in my mind… Hi.
Catherine smiled. Alexandra look at her like she was scanning her to understand what is in her mind.
- If you had rough a day, maybe we should postpone the meeting to some other day, until you feel better.
- No, no. It is OK.
- Then let us order coffee. What would you like?
They made their orders and sat down sipping their coffees. Catherine rushed to start the conversation not to look suspicious.
- This is a nice place. Are you a regular here?
- Yes, I am. I usually buy coffee here and take it with me. On rare occasions, when I have meetings like this, I invite people here.
- Isn't it hard to have a take away coffee with yourself on a motorcycle?
Alexandra laughed.
- I am not sure. I think it might be. I have never tried it before.
- Aa… You walk after buying coffee, right.
- Sometimes yes but most of the time I buy coffee and drive to a class. I also have a car. You see, I had a motorcycle, you might call it a phase, and I could not sell it because of too many memories. Therefore, I still own it and drive on it sometimes.
- What kind of memories?
Catherine asked immediately without thinking.
- I prefer to hush about it. It is very personal.
- I am sorry. It is none of my business anyway.
- It is OK. Human nature is curious. For example, I am curious about why a brilliant Stanford alumnus would move to Indiana.
- I did not know what I wanted back then. I was very young, younger than you are. I owned a house in Indiana so I thought it would be easier to move to Indiana rather to another city.
- You probably disliked it there if you moved to New York.
- I got bored. Therefore, I left.
- Boredom is the reason why we all change the course of our lives. Hope this change would be great for you.
- Thank you. May I ask, was boredom a reason for you to leave your home country?
Alexandra looked at Catherine with a curious and a smiling face.
- I also did my homework.
Catherine smiled.
- It was not boredom. It was a dream.
- Dream?
- Yes. For me, the US was always a magical land with lots of opportunities and interesting lifestyle. It might be banal but I was born in Reagan era and TV helped a lot to shape my mind.
- Apparently, TV is not so useless if it helped you become what you are now.
- It is not so simple. I loved watching TV and playing on game console. Nevertheless, there was a problem. My mother was a typical Jewish mother. In the US, they call mothers like her as a tiger mother. Since the first day I was born, all the plans and schedules regarding my life were designed. Besides standard school hours, I had to visit music school where I learned to play piano, a tutor who taught me English and German, and a tennis coach with whom I practiced three times a week. Moreover, I had to finish reading at least two classical literature books per months. Only if I could accomplish all the tasks, my mother would let me watch TV.
- Wow. That is impressive but at the same time awful. For a child.
- That is how I decided to leave Russia, to get rid of my mother's attention. It was not due to boredom. I never had time to be bored. Besides all the difficulties of my childhood, I love St. Petersburg. It is a beautiful city and have great museums.
- I understand.
Catherine started to think that after all, both Jackie and Alexandra were alike. Apparently, they both had problems getting along with their mothers and both disliked crowds. She wondered whether there were other similarities.
- Probably, you love the USA since you did not leave after the graduation.
- I like the US though I had lots of disappointments.
- What kind of disappointments?
- I told you before coming here I thought of the US as a magical land with abundance of opportunities and freedom. I was right about those but everything comes within its price. As Ginsberg said, "America I've given you all and now I'm nothing."
- You underestimate yourself, I think. Everyone around is sure that you will be greatest scholar in the field of Sociology.
- Everyone might be sure but they do not know what it is in my head.
- What is it in your head?
Alexandra fell silent and looked at Catherine.
- I am sorry. Again, it is not my business. May I ask, why Sociology?
Alexandra thought a bit, smiled sadly and continued;
- My mother hated the idea of me studying social sciences. She wanted me to be surgeon or an engineer at least. I even applied to a Medical faculty in Germany to please her and was admitted. My obsession was social sciences. Since I was a teenager, I read books by Camus and Kafka. I was interested in how the world around us works. How societies we live in make us who we are although we think that we are distinct and only we decide on who we are or what we want. That is how I applied for Sociology.
- Did it help you to find answers to your questions?
- Partially. I still look for answers.
Alexandra smiled sadly again.
- Enough about me. How did you decide to go on with Psychology? Although curiosity?
- Nope. Mine was a planned action. My parents were psychologists. I was surrounded by psychology since childhood and it went like it.
- Is this where did you get the idea to write about Reversal of Self-denial?
- Well, if you have seen it before and you probably have seen it. Some people who would not react silently on certain actions, reactions or talks in a normal situation, would do so in a situation where they are not allowed to do so. For examples, students laughing during the class…
- I understand the reasons why you wrote about it. You did not answer where did you get the idea.
- It is personal.
Alexandra looked at her and blurted out:
- Oh my god! It is something related to sex, isn't it?
She nickered like a teenager whereas Catherine was lost. She hissed at her.
- Why would you think so?
- The way you smirked and blushed at the same time gave you away.
- Don't you think it is inappropriate to make this conversation with someone you barely know?
- I'm really sorry but please put yourself into my shoes. If it would be you, you'd also find it amusing.
Catherine looked at her and imagined how she would feel. She'd probably laugh at it but would not throw it into someone's face. Overall, Catherine did not feel angry with Alexandra. She discovered a new side of her she did not observed before. She is still a child deep in her heard. At this moment, Catherine considered her being adorable.
- OK. Stop it. I feel ridiculous right now.
- I am sorry. I really should not have laughed but this is funny as hell.
Alexandra calmed down and looked at Catherine with innocent eyes of a child who behaved herself bad. Catherine did not know how to support the talk.
- Do you feel OK now? Happy?
- I am sorry Professor Stark.
- You know, I really thought you are a mature person though you are young.
- Hey, stop throwing it in my face. You are older than me for 6-7 years. You are not so old.
- 8 years, actually.
- Whatever. Plus, we all have immaturity deep in our souls.
- If you are done with your teasing, I would like to go on with discussion of the article.
- OK. I liked your article. But I hate the part where you analyze and destroy my assumptions.
- Your assumptions are good but you are so sure that every behavior we have is shaped by society that you do not have a space other alternatives.
- You think our consciousness is not shaped by the society?
- Of course not, if it were like that there would not be psychology.
- Psychology is there to understand what happens to people after they are being under influence of the society. You see the way I see it is we come to the world as authentic human beings. The society we live in kills all the authenticity in us. You, I or anyone else can say we are different. We are distinct. However, we are not. We are all alike accordingly with the community we belong to. There are only a few people on earth who might be different and the reason for them to be different is them rebelling against already established regulations and ethics.
- You think you are not distinct?
- No, I am not. I do not have guts to rebel.
- And you think psychology is there to assist sociology?
- Not at all. Psychology is there to understand how people react to all the limitations put on them. People's reaction and perception are different. Therefore, some might get those limitations normal whereas some might fell in depression. Some might get suicidal but some might look for help. For example, have you ever read Emile Durkheim's Suicide? He analyzed the suicide rates in the late 19th century France and …
Catherine listened to Alexandra carefully. She was well read, smart and self-confident. Those qualities were making her more attractive. Catherine also observed one interesting fact about her. It was so easy and interesting to communicate with her.
- I have this feeling that my talking bores you.
- No, not at all. On the contrary, you talk so easy and informative that I wondered about your lectures.
- You are always welcomed to see me during the classes.
- I should spare time and pay a visit to one of your courses.
- The next semester will start soon. You can visit me then. Plus, it will be easier for you.
- I will definitely do that.
They continued talking about the classes they teach and which scholars they prefer to include in reading list.
In the evening, when Catherine just came home from her meeting she received a text message, "It was great talking to you. Should do it sometime again. Alexandra" Catherine smiled and responded, " Definitely. Thank you for the coffee. Goodnight.". "Goodnight, Professor Stark".
After checking on Ethan and changing her closes, Catherine lay down on her bed. Thinking about her life in New York, her job, Jackie and then Alexandra. She thought about everything happening in her life until both her eyes closed.