Chapter 15
Alexandra stopped the car next to Catherine's. There was a silence. Catherine gazed at Alexandra. Her hands were on the wheel. She was holding it tight with both hands. Catherine did not know what to say and Alexandra apparently wanted her to speak. After all, she did most of the talking that day.
Without saying anything, Catherine opened the door and left the car. However, she went back again and closed the door.
-You are right. We were flirtatious. I can disagree all I want but it will not be right. I kind of think of you as an attractive woman but part of me going through stuff says to me to stay away from you. Therefore, I may flirt with you or be extra friendly but I do not want anything to happen that might lead us to weird places where we will not be comfortable around each other. I don't know what to do. It is very difficult.
Alexandra looked at her.
-The same is with me.
-Then why the hell did you... You know. The first time, it was our mutual mistake but today.
-I have urges.
Alexandra explained briefly. Catherine laughed at her with a nervous tone.
-What?! That's it?! Is that your explanation?
-You are a psychologist. You should understand me. I find you attractive and sometimes... Actually, most of the time I find you irresistible. I don't know whether it is due to me being lonely for a long time or it is you seducing me professionally.
Alexandra smiled sadly. Catherine laughed again and shook her head.
-I never tried to seduce you.
Silence emerged again.
-Is she the one you devoted your book to?
Catherine looked at her left. Alexandra's head was down. She did not answer but nodded.
-What happened?
After a short pause, Alexandra said with a breaking voice.
-She died. A few years ago.
Catherine did not expect it coming.
-I'm sorry.
This time pause lasted longer. Alexandra kept quiet. Catherine nervously scratched her coat.
She did not know what to say or do. The silence felt like an eternity to her and she decided to break it.
-You said we could hang out sometimes. Can I ask you what did you mean by that?
Alexandra was surprised by this question. She looked at Catherine with a puzzled face.
-I am not sure you are going to like it.
-Share with me your thoughts and I will decide whether they are OK or not.
-Well, since we are friendly and we have already slept together, I thought we might do it again sometimes.
While saying it, Alexandra avoided eye contact with Catherine. After saying it, she turned her face to Catherine and saw a mixture of intimidating smile and insult.
-You had a great plan there. The only problem is why you would think that I would say yes to it.
-I never thought of you being OK with it. I thought you might be interested. That is the reason I never dared to ask you about it.
-OK. Where did you come up with the idea that I might be interested?
-You said you are going through a breakup. I thought it has been a while since you had an action. This led me to the opinion that you are also looking for calming your urges. I also noticed that you are interested in spending more time with me, which also means you might like me. Thinking about it all, I thought you might be interested.
Alexandra said it all fast and as she planned this talk beforehand.
Catherine looked at her with an astonished face. She did not rush to respond. It was as if Alexandra gave it lots of thoughts and there was no other argument against it.
-You are asking me to be your fuck buddy.
-No, I am not. I just thought about us being friends with benefits. I never asked and I hate that "fuck buddy" thing.
Alexandra looked irritated.
Catherine turned her face away. She liked Alexandra and she needed someone by her side to calm her basic needs. At the same time, she did not want to have awkward scenes at the university.
-OK, smarty-pants. What if it gets awkward? How will you manage it?
-There is nothing to manage, Catherine. We are two mature adults. We could stop it and end it. Plus, no awkward situations if there is no relationship. This is strictly business.
Alexandra responding so quick and with confidence, made Catherine seriously interested in the issue.
-You are thinking about it.
Catherine looked at Alexandra and saw her smiling.
-I need more to agree on that.
Catherine said with a brief smile. She wanted to play hard to get. Alexandra's response did not make itself wait for long.
-I am a tender lover.
After a short pause, they both burst into laughter.